prettylnpink419
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Oct 17, 2008
- Messages
- 165
Okay, so last night the BF and I had a convo that resulted in me crying (probably being overly emotional) and me not really sure of where things are going. I just really need to get it all down to really help me process I think so this is more or less a rant or vent session than anything but I'd love some honest feedback. I just not sure if I'm PMSing and extremely emotional or am just making a mountain out of a mole hill. So here goes...
First off, the last few days with the BF have been incredible...as they usually are! Tuesday night I had to work really late and he went to our favorite italian place and picked up dinner with the intent of surprising me at work with it...so sweet! He never really does much like that, not b/c he doesn't care but moreorless b/c he isn't a planner. Then last night he came over after work and I cooked us dinner and we were sitting around watching the Phillies game. (I live in Delaware so we are very close to Philadelphia and pretty much everyone is a Phillies fan around here!) He discovered my new obsession with PS and online ring shopping in general a few days ago. As he's gotten more comfortable talking about our future recently I've gotten more and more excited and for the first time, finally felt like it was my time to be in the spotlight. Growing up I've always just wanted to grow up, get married, and start a family. I just never felt like that time would really come. I've been through bad relationship after bad relationship and was starting to become pretty skeptical that I'd find "the one". Then I found him, and he's more than anything I could have ever asked for. He loves me in a way that no one else has ever loved me. So anyways, I think I've just gotten kind of carried away at looking at rings and thinking that it could happen soon.
So back to my story...I was sitting on my couch with my laptop, reading the forum last night as we watched the game together and he asked me what I was looking at and we talked about it and I just so happened to be looked at the "Dream Ring" thread. It came up a few days ago that the rings I liked were nothing like what he would have expected me to like so last night I started asking him what he thought I'd like then and showing him different pictures. He wouldn't really answer and I think he just kind of got overwhelmed...well I don't think...I know...he said he was feeling overwhelmed. So anyways, I let it go and we went up to bed and were just kind of laying there and started talking as we were falling asleep. I don't even remember how it came up again but suddenly we were talking about it again. He said that he really liked having a timeline and that he appreciates it b/c I know he's not a planner so it kind of pusheS him to do things he'd normally not do, and blah blah blah. Well when you are talking about asking someone to marry you...I'm sorry, but I don't want to set a timeline that is going to push him to do something he normally wouldn't do. Then he started saying things like "we've been together a year and a half, and I want to give you what you deserve. I want you to be happy and I know that commitment would make you happy and that you deserve it." So basically all I was hearing about was what he thinks I want and what would make me happy. But what about him? I told him I don't want him to do something b/c he thinks it'll make me happy, only if it would make him happy too and that it isn't all about me, it's about a partnership and something that big needs to happen when we are both ready for it and I'd never want to rush him if he wasn't ready. I also told him that having a timeline really is starting to make me nervous. The more I think about it....what if he doesn't meet the timeline I expect based on our conversations (which according to earlier conversations was looking like it was by March). Then I'm just left disappointed and I'm afraid of resenting him for that, which I don't want to do. We also talked about moving in together in March, which is where the original timeline first popped up. He always told me he wanted to be married or at least engaged before moving in with someone, well we are neither. So earlier this week he made the comment that he'd still like to be engaged before we move in together in March so I got excited...further fueling my interest in this forum and ring shopping, etc. Well living together came up again last night and now I'm starting to get nervous about that too. Based on what he was saying last night, I don't think he plans on getting engaged before moving in together, he all of a sudden doesn't view it as such a big deal. What scares me about it now though is that he is talking about buying a house and me living with him. (My credit is not so great.) I wouldn't really have a problem with this if we were engaged and planning a wedding, but the thought of losing my independence and taking that risk of moving in with someone without my name on a lease or a mortgage, etc makes me extremely vulnerable. I never in a million years would expect him to hurt me, and I know he has the very best of intentions but what if? Ya know? What if it just doesn't work? The other part too is that he's never lived on his own, even with roommates so he was saying last night that when we move in together he needs me to understand that this is his first time in a place of his own and that it's going to be a different experience for him than for me, etc. So I keep telling him that's okay, if he wants to live on his own first, that's fine....no biggie, just tell me. I'd hate to have my friend who I currently live with find another living situation and then have the BF back out of living together or have it not work out, ya know? Then I'd be stuck. I keep telling him it would be fine if my friend and I renewed our lease for another year and it would give him the chance to live on his own. He said he really likes the idea of waking up with me and going to sleep with me every night. That it would be a lot of fun and that he wants to cook dinner with me, and go grocery shopping with me. He wants to do laundry with me, etc. All very sweet, but for some reason our conversation last night has me incredibly freaked out. I'm suddenly very scared.
I would not EVER want to push him for something he didn't want and I don't think I have but I feel like somehow he has still gotten caught up in what he thinks I want, instead of what he wants too...and let's face it...no one wants to move in with someone or get engaged to someone who doesn't want it just as badly, ya know? So anyway, I started to cry when we were talking about the moving part and how I'd be afraid of losing my independence without any real commitment, etc. And he said he felt really bad and that he hates when I cry and that he's sorry, blah blah blah. I just don't know what to do or say anymore. I'm just all over the place emotionally. I want to be with him so badly...all the time.
He left before me this morning and I was feeling really crappy about our talk last night so I sent him a text saying,
"Hey babe, I love you! I'm sorry about last night, I know all this talk is too much for you so I'll stop it for awhile. I just got carried away. Have a good day!"
His reply: "It's ok! Don't apologize. Love you too!"
Which I guess I just wanted more from his reply so I sent another saying:
"I am sorry, I should have waited until we were both ready to discuss rings. I don't want to mess up what we have by asking or expecting too much too soon."
His response: "It's okay! Chill out, I am fine and I love you even more today! Ask me again in an hour and I bet it's even more then!"
I am just feeling kind of lost. The other part too is that my cousin just moved home from Alaska with her husband. She is pregnant. This kind of bothers me b/c I am the oldest of the cousins (7 girls) and I guess I just always imagined me getting married and having kids first b/c of it but it just didn't work out like that. Her husband was in the military and they eloped without telling anyone for a while until he moved to Alaska and she went with. There has always been an unspoken competition between us for the families attention I feel like. While she was away it was like for the first time ever they really cared about what I was up to and how things were going for me and I felt like I finally had somewhat of a spotlight...now with her back, and expecting, I feel like I don't stand a chance. Maybe subconsciencely I felt like if I was to get engaged and start planning a wedding then I wouldn't be completely forgotten about! Stupid, I know. Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy she's having the baby, and it's the first baby in our family in 18 years so it's a big deal. I guess I'm just a little jealous b/c she seems to have everything I've always wanted and it just never seems to happen for me. I feel like no matter how great of a relationship I'm in and how I really, truly feel like this one is "the one", they just never seem to feel the same about me. I guess I'm just afraid of getting caught up in the same thing with my BF. He told me last night that he almost feels like I love him more than he loves me sometimes, that he never thought someone would love him as much as I do. Great for him, but what about me?
He said that came out wrong and that he loves me as much, if not more than I love him but at that point, I already heard "You love me more than I love you". That really hurt and just added to my confusion. I just have no doubt in my mind that he is the one I want to spend my life with so I just want the rest of my life to start already!!
I am so sick of waiting, not that I've been waiting long with him...just waiting in general for it to be my turn, for someone to love me as much as I love them and wanting the whole world to know it by proposing to me and showing everyone that our love is real and we are committed.
I think it might be best if I stop coming to this forum...at least for awhile b/c it just seems to fuel my anxiety over getting engaged. Makes me want to look for rings and although I love hearing all of the proposal stories, I just don't see it happening for me for awhile still and that makes it hard.
I just don't understand what is so scary to men about getting engaged/married. I feel like so many of them "talk the talk" but don't "walk the walk". They can openly discuss marriage and plans for the future but can't make the darn commitment. Why? Why are men so scared? If you know you want to spend your life with someone and you can openly tell them that, why do you have to wait to share that commitment with everyone else? I don't get it.
Ugh! Now that I've had my vent for the day, I do feel a little better to get it all out. I think I'm just going to go shopping tonight...that always makes me feel better! More clothes...not that I really need them, lol.
To anyone that reads this: Thanks for listening....I appreciate having this forum available to have my thoughts heard. Your thoughts/advice, etc are welcome. Thanks again!
First off, the last few days with the BF have been incredible...as they usually are! Tuesday night I had to work really late and he went to our favorite italian place and picked up dinner with the intent of surprising me at work with it...so sweet! He never really does much like that, not b/c he doesn't care but moreorless b/c he isn't a planner. Then last night he came over after work and I cooked us dinner and we were sitting around watching the Phillies game. (I live in Delaware so we are very close to Philadelphia and pretty much everyone is a Phillies fan around here!) He discovered my new obsession with PS and online ring shopping in general a few days ago. As he's gotten more comfortable talking about our future recently I've gotten more and more excited and for the first time, finally felt like it was my time to be in the spotlight. Growing up I've always just wanted to grow up, get married, and start a family. I just never felt like that time would really come. I've been through bad relationship after bad relationship and was starting to become pretty skeptical that I'd find "the one". Then I found him, and he's more than anything I could have ever asked for. He loves me in a way that no one else has ever loved me. So anyways, I think I've just gotten kind of carried away at looking at rings and thinking that it could happen soon.
So back to my story...I was sitting on my couch with my laptop, reading the forum last night as we watched the game together and he asked me what I was looking at and we talked about it and I just so happened to be looked at the "Dream Ring" thread. It came up a few days ago that the rings I liked were nothing like what he would have expected me to like so last night I started asking him what he thought I'd like then and showing him different pictures. He wouldn't really answer and I think he just kind of got overwhelmed...well I don't think...I know...he said he was feeling overwhelmed. So anyways, I let it go and we went up to bed and were just kind of laying there and started talking as we were falling asleep. I don't even remember how it came up again but suddenly we were talking about it again. He said that he really liked having a timeline and that he appreciates it b/c I know he's not a planner so it kind of pusheS him to do things he'd normally not do, and blah blah blah. Well when you are talking about asking someone to marry you...I'm sorry, but I don't want to set a timeline that is going to push him to do something he normally wouldn't do. Then he started saying things like "we've been together a year and a half, and I want to give you what you deserve. I want you to be happy and I know that commitment would make you happy and that you deserve it." So basically all I was hearing about was what he thinks I want and what would make me happy. But what about him? I told him I don't want him to do something b/c he thinks it'll make me happy, only if it would make him happy too and that it isn't all about me, it's about a partnership and something that big needs to happen when we are both ready for it and I'd never want to rush him if he wasn't ready. I also told him that having a timeline really is starting to make me nervous. The more I think about it....what if he doesn't meet the timeline I expect based on our conversations (which according to earlier conversations was looking like it was by March). Then I'm just left disappointed and I'm afraid of resenting him for that, which I don't want to do. We also talked about moving in together in March, which is where the original timeline first popped up. He always told me he wanted to be married or at least engaged before moving in with someone, well we are neither. So earlier this week he made the comment that he'd still like to be engaged before we move in together in March so I got excited...further fueling my interest in this forum and ring shopping, etc. Well living together came up again last night and now I'm starting to get nervous about that too. Based on what he was saying last night, I don't think he plans on getting engaged before moving in together, he all of a sudden doesn't view it as such a big deal. What scares me about it now though is that he is talking about buying a house and me living with him. (My credit is not so great.) I wouldn't really have a problem with this if we were engaged and planning a wedding, but the thought of losing my independence and taking that risk of moving in with someone without my name on a lease or a mortgage, etc makes me extremely vulnerable. I never in a million years would expect him to hurt me, and I know he has the very best of intentions but what if? Ya know? What if it just doesn't work? The other part too is that he's never lived on his own, even with roommates so he was saying last night that when we move in together he needs me to understand that this is his first time in a place of his own and that it's going to be a different experience for him than for me, etc. So I keep telling him that's okay, if he wants to live on his own first, that's fine....no biggie, just tell me. I'd hate to have my friend who I currently live with find another living situation and then have the BF back out of living together or have it not work out, ya know? Then I'd be stuck. I keep telling him it would be fine if my friend and I renewed our lease for another year and it would give him the chance to live on his own. He said he really likes the idea of waking up with me and going to sleep with me every night. That it would be a lot of fun and that he wants to cook dinner with me, and go grocery shopping with me. He wants to do laundry with me, etc. All very sweet, but for some reason our conversation last night has me incredibly freaked out. I'm suddenly very scared.
I would not EVER want to push him for something he didn't want and I don't think I have but I feel like somehow he has still gotten caught up in what he thinks I want, instead of what he wants too...and let's face it...no one wants to move in with someone or get engaged to someone who doesn't want it just as badly, ya know? So anyway, I started to cry when we were talking about the moving part and how I'd be afraid of losing my independence without any real commitment, etc. And he said he felt really bad and that he hates when I cry and that he's sorry, blah blah blah. I just don't know what to do or say anymore. I'm just all over the place emotionally. I want to be with him so badly...all the time.
He left before me this morning and I was feeling really crappy about our talk last night so I sent him a text saying,
"Hey babe, I love you! I'm sorry about last night, I know all this talk is too much for you so I'll stop it for awhile. I just got carried away. Have a good day!"
His reply: "It's ok! Don't apologize. Love you too!"
Which I guess I just wanted more from his reply so I sent another saying:
"I am sorry, I should have waited until we were both ready to discuss rings. I don't want to mess up what we have by asking or expecting too much too soon."
His response: "It's okay! Chill out, I am fine and I love you even more today! Ask me again in an hour and I bet it's even more then!"
I am just feeling kind of lost. The other part too is that my cousin just moved home from Alaska with her husband. She is pregnant. This kind of bothers me b/c I am the oldest of the cousins (7 girls) and I guess I just always imagined me getting married and having kids first b/c of it but it just didn't work out like that. Her husband was in the military and they eloped without telling anyone for a while until he moved to Alaska and she went with. There has always been an unspoken competition between us for the families attention I feel like. While she was away it was like for the first time ever they really cared about what I was up to and how things were going for me and I felt like I finally had somewhat of a spotlight...now with her back, and expecting, I feel like I don't stand a chance. Maybe subconsciencely I felt like if I was to get engaged and start planning a wedding then I wouldn't be completely forgotten about! Stupid, I know. Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy she's having the baby, and it's the first baby in our family in 18 years so it's a big deal. I guess I'm just a little jealous b/c she seems to have everything I've always wanted and it just never seems to happen for me. I feel like no matter how great of a relationship I'm in and how I really, truly feel like this one is "the one", they just never seem to feel the same about me. I guess I'm just afraid of getting caught up in the same thing with my BF. He told me last night that he almost feels like I love him more than he loves me sometimes, that he never thought someone would love him as much as I do. Great for him, but what about me?
I am so sick of waiting, not that I've been waiting long with him...just waiting in general for it to be my turn, for someone to love me as much as I love them and wanting the whole world to know it by proposing to me and showing everyone that our love is real and we are committed.
I think it might be best if I stop coming to this forum...at least for awhile b/c it just seems to fuel my anxiety over getting engaged. Makes me want to look for rings and although I love hearing all of the proposal stories, I just don't see it happening for me for awhile still and that makes it hard.
I just don't understand what is so scary to men about getting engaged/married. I feel like so many of them "talk the talk" but don't "walk the walk". They can openly discuss marriage and plans for the future but can't make the darn commitment. Why? Why are men so scared? If you know you want to spend your life with someone and you can openly tell them that, why do you have to wait to share that commitment with everyone else? I don't get it.
Ugh! Now that I've had my vent for the day, I do feel a little better to get it all out. I think I'm just going to go shopping tonight...that always makes me feel better! More clothes...not that I really need them, lol.
To anyone that reads this: Thanks for listening....I appreciate having this forum available to have my thoughts heard. Your thoughts/advice, etc are welcome. Thanks again!
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