What are things that only brides care about?

[princessplease]

I was assembling invites, and was thinking about this.

For example, I''m sure no one cares that my invitation envelopes are lined....but I do, lol!

Is there anything like this you''ve come across in your tenure as a bride?

 

[zoebartlett]

I think everything detail-related during wedding planning is something that only the bride (and maybe groom) can appreciate. Here''s one example that came to mind:

Invitations:

If you''re having them custom made (as we did), only YOU care about having the design look 100% perfect. We got engaged at one of my favorite places, a lighthouse in Maine. Our invitations had a simply drawn lighthouse on them. When my mom and I got the first proofs, we were thought they looked too much like salt shakers. The designer did an amazing job and in the end, we had the "perfect" design we wanted. Did anyone else care as much as we did? Nope. We did get a lot of great comments though from people who knew we went the custom route, and they were nice to hear.

 

[Rhea]

As a bride I cared a lot about the favours, the invitations, the way the seating chart looked, and the centrepieces. We were on a very small budget so the very small centrepieces and paper products (did it ourselves) meant a lot to me.

I went to a wedding recently and I only noticed the invitations because we were trying to guess dress code and needed to look often for the info for addresses, that the band was good, and that we were fed very well. I didn't notice the chair covers, the car the bride & groom used (think that's the car I got in the way of in my rush to leave the church!), the flowers, or the cake. Things I know that the bride was really stressed about leading up to the event, things we'd discussed together. I couldn't tell you what her colours were or what the centrepieces looked like - only that I loved the midnight cheese platter!

Even though it was 3.5 years after our wedding it was the first wedding we've attended after our own so I thought I'd notice everything more. Honestly, it just made me realise how much money they must have spent and all we and the friends we were there with talked about was the food (3 meals over 12 hours - it was amazing!), the drink, and the band. Oh, and we checked out their rings - the groom's ring was one of the coolest men's bands I've ever seen!

 

[elrohwen]

Pretty much everything involved with weddings from the food, to the dress, to the venue. Everything. Nobody else really cares that much unless they're one of those rare people who's really into weddings (and would make a good wedding planner).

Well, maybe other people care about the food. And the music! But only that it's good, not all the details about it.

 

[ladypirate]

Date: 4/2/2010 11:19:25 AM
Author: elrohwen
Pretty much everything involved with weddings from the food, to the dress, to the venue. Everything. Nobody else really cares that much unless they''re one of those rare people who''s really into weddings (and would make a good wedding planner).


Well, maybe other people care about the food. And the music! But only that it''s good, not all the details about it.

Ditto this! I think the only thing people care about is seeing you get married, the food/booze they eat and drink and the music that you play so that they can dance to it.

Granted, that won''t stop people from commenting if they DON''T like a particular aspect of your wedding.

 

[sunnyd]

Pretty much everything.

I notice because I''m one of those into weddings types, but I''m a rare breed. A few people from my wedding told me that everything seemed to go perfectly, yet I was stressing about speech length.

 

[RaiKai]

Date: 4/2/2010 11:19:25 AM
Author: elrohwen
Pretty much everything involved with weddings from the food, to the dress, to the venue. Everything. Nobody else really cares that much unless they're one of those rare people who's really into weddings (and would make a good wedding planner).


Well, maybe other people care about the food. And the music! But only that it's good, not all the details about it.

Agreed. I will also specifically add no one else cares about monograms either

Which is why when my husband and I planned our wedding (I will admit it...HE did most of the planning) we really were quite laid back about it. We did it as we wanted, but did not obsess over those sorts of things. We also realized many of those things were not important to US either and we were not going to buy into the wedding industry mayhem. We just wanted to be married. All we needed for that was each other and the officiant. Everything else was just extra.

That being said, we did want to have a small wedding, and with that did come the fact we did have to have some "details". We just approached those details in a way that reflected our own individual selves, rather than aimed to imitate some industry-standard or the pages of The Knot magazine. Our "invitations" were actually page-long letters typed up by my husband that just announced we were getting married, and invited them to come join us for a weekend on the West Coast of Canada. We did not have a cake (neither of us like cake so saw no point). There were no monograms in sight! We did not choose a theme or colors. Our dinner after the ceremony was a la carte in the dining room (so everyone ordered whatever they wanted and while the staff arranged a space for us, I chose not to have any say in how they did it). There was a mix up with flowers, so all I had was my bouquet and we had to improvise with the ceremony room (no one else noticed). We added personal details to the room to represent us - such as saying our vows on a carpet my husband bought in the Middle East and that acts as a headrest on our bed, and people noticed them as they asked about them after, but we would not have cared if they didn't. That was for us.

Our ceremony was very unique and we really gave a lot of how it actually went over to our guests...in that we invited them each to share if they chose in our ceremony in a way they wanted. It was a complete surprise until the ceremony what they did. We had a friend do a belly dance, a couple do a guitar/singing duet, slide shows, etc. My husband and I played our didgerideroos at the last minute together as it just felt right to do. It was great, as nobody knew what the expect beforehand - including us. Not trying to control the wedding details for the aim of having the "perfect" wedding was not only huge in removing the stress of it and allowing us to enjoy the day, but also made for something VERY unique and personal that we simply could not have planned or even anticipated. It was a hit. I often said, what matters more to me is that people remembered feeling GOOD at our wedding. I could care less whether they remembered what flowers were there (and which turned out not to be there!). And, by the response we had, everyone had an absolutely wonderful time.

I have been a guest at MANY weddings. I will say this, all I ever remember is whether I had a good time or not. And that has nothing to do with what the invitation looked like, how well the colour scheme was executed or what I had on my table as a wedding favour. I cannot even remember these later on. I had a good time when the atmosphere was fun, the company enjoyable, and it was apparent that the couple enjoyed themselves too (and enjoyed one another...there have been some weddings I went to where no amount of money or detail in the world could make up for the apparent problems between the couple). Nothing kills a wedding like a stressed out bride or groom, or ones obsessing over details or something that seems contrived down to the last detail. I just find that exhausting. I watch those wedding related shows sometimes, and just think how much stress people put on themselves to outdo one another or create a Disney fairytale - even if it puts strain on the relationship or has them arguing like cats and dogs with each other or family members. Or the "control", entitlement and power struggles I see coming out! I think it is possible to get too lost in the details, and forget the spirit of the day, or that the wedding is just ONE day and the marriage is supposed to be forever. Insisting on having the perfect centerpiece is not worth the pain that comes from being disrespectful to your partner.

 

[lulu66]

i was just talking to a friend about this the other day. we have attended many of the same weddings & were trying to remember what food was served. i could only remember food BEING served at two weddings (one was my sister''s, where i helped her pick the menu & the other was a backyard reception with delicious BBQ). i mean, i know there was food at the others (a few of which were very upscale & had to have GREAT food), but i don''t even remember eating. up till that point i''d been stressing about food at my wedding; then i decided as long as i feed people & have some beverages

that''s all most people will remember: they didn''t go hungry at my wedding! there''s lots of other things we care about that [most] guests don''t:

envelope liners, stamps, calligraphy, actually probably the invitation suite can be added here. yea, they''re glad they got invited but beyond that? nada.

floral arrangements, chairs, place settings, favors, all the "signage" at the reception: dinner menu, bar menu, escort cards, etc.

basically any silly little detail we get worked into a tizzy about will probably go unnoticed by 90% of the guests

really, i think for most guests, what they remember is the impression of the wedding. which does have something to do with all of those unnecessary details that we brides fret over, but i think it''s more decided by the people at the event & how much love & fun the guests experience.

honestly, for me the only details i find really necessary when i attend a wedding are: a loving couple, food (of some sort), booze, and darn good entertainment!

 

[GettingDesperate905]

Oh lordy. Too many darling. My fi and i just moved our wedding date up this past week, and kind of had an "OMG" moment when we realized that we meant to be much further into the planning process by the time we were this many months away, as we''re paying everything in cash, and doing it without a coordinator.
So I literally just spent my entire saturday surfing catalogues and asking fi about the shades of pink for certain items. He gave me the "Do I REALLY care if our monogramed napkins match the bridesmaid dress?" look, and has also mastered the "YOU WANT TO SPEND HOW MUCH?!?!?!?!?!" glare quite nicely lol.
THere''s lots of things that when I''m in the moment I''m sooooo concerned about, and then when I look back I''m like "Wow.... did I really just throw a fit over flower petals/ ring pilow/ lanterns/etc?"
Buuuut it happens

 

[caribqueen]

As I tackle a bunch of little projects, I'm thinking that most people won't care that our invitations match our wedding colors exactly, or about the menus that I will affix to colored cardstock, or the escort cards that I ordered and put so much thought into finding the exact green. I'm sure there are loads of other things, but those few things came to mind.

Also, don't you feel like all the details are just for your pictures? Sometimes I wonder that. Am I just doing all of these little projects so that I can see them in pictures later?

 

[LtlFirecracker]

I thought I was not really going to care about invitations....until I started getting samples.

I ended up going with letterpress and designing the invite myself. I think I care more about it than I ever thought I would.

The other thing is colors and how the reception room is decorated. I have been picky about that.

 

[PumpkinPie]

I think the answer is "most everything" more often than people like to admit but I''m a super detail person myself so I understand

 

[MagsyMay]

Date: 4/2/2010 12:45:42 PM
Author: RaiKai

I have been a guest at MANY weddings. I will say this, all I ever remember is whether I had a good time or not. And that has nothing to do with what the invitation looked like, how well the colour scheme was executed or what I had on my table as a wedding favour. I cannot even remember these later on. I had a good time when the atmosphere was fun, the company enjoyable, and it was apparent that the couple enjoyed themselves too (and enjoyed one another...there have been some weddings I went to where no amount of money or detail in the world could make up for the apparent problems between the couple). Nothing kills a wedding like a stressed out bride or groom, or ones obsessing over details or something that seems contrived down to the last detail. I just find that exhausting. I watch those wedding related shows sometimes, and just think how much stress people put on themselves to outdo one another or create a Disney fairytale - even if it puts strain on the relationship or has them arguing like cats and dogs with each other or family members. Or the ''control'', entitlement and power struggles I see coming out! I think it is possible to get too lost in the details, and forget the spirit of the day, or that the wedding is just ONE day and the marriage is supposed to be forever. Insisting on having the perfect centerpiece is not worth the pain that comes from being disrespectful to your partner.

RaiKai, thank you so much for this!! This is exactly what I needed to read in the midst of being too caught up in the details myself