What are you skipping?

[zoebartlett]

Mandarine mentioned in another thread that she is skipping some things and I''m assuming there are others who have chosen not to have or do particular things for various reasons. I didn''t want to threadjack but I was curious what type of things people may not include as part of their RD, ceremony, reception, etc.


I''ll start: we won''t be doing a bouquet toss or the garter thing. We also won''t be doing a dollar dance. We''re skipping those things just because we don''t feel that they''d add to our wedding day.

 

[akw94]

We''re not doing the bouquet or garter toss either. Not even sure what a dollar dance is so that''s out! We''re only doing the 1st dance and the dad/daughter dance and that''s it for the traditional dances.
We''re also not having a dj, using my brother and his computer for music.
Hmmm, what else. My FI is choosing not to walk down the aisle and just sort of appear (not sure if this is common or not.. I''ve heard both ways). He also may not have a Best Man b/c his closest friend is out of the country and probably can''t come and he doesn''t want a substitute.

Will keep thinking...

Off to work

 

[janinegirly]

we are also skipping garter and bouquet toss.

fi wasn''t too excited about cake cutting but not sure how to not include that. what exactly goes on in the cake cutting, can we just cut, feed each other and be done? we''re not into the cheesy stuff..

 

[sumbride]

Also not doing the bouquet or garter toss. When my florist asked me why I said "all my single friends know they are single and don''t need it brought to their attention". He laughed. And I think the garter thing is just icky.

Also not doing the dollar dance. no way no how.

We''ve also decided not to do any kind of "unity ritual" within the ceremony, i.e. no unity candle or sand ceremony or whatever. We don''t feel it''s necessary. The only idea I liked was the wine ceremony but as I''m a klutz wearing a light-colored dress... well, I just don''t think it would be a good idea.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 7/20/2007 9:22:58 AM
Author: sumbride
Also not doing the bouquet or garter toss. When my florist asked me why I said ''all my single friends know they are single and don''t need it brought to their attention''. He laughed. And I think the garter thing is just icky.

Also not doing the dollar dance. no way no how.

We''ve also decided not to do any kind of ''unity ritual'' within the ceremony, i.e. no unity candle or sand ceremony or whatever. We don''t feel it''s necessary. The only idea I liked was the wine ceremony but as I''m a klutz wearing a light-colored dress... well, I just don''t think it would be a good idea.

Yeah, we''re not going to do any kind of unity ritual either. To go off on a tangent: Our officiant just e-mailed us her packet with the whole ceremony laid out. Under each heading (welcome greeting, blessing of the rings, vows, etc.), she has at least 10 different suggestions of how things could be worded. She also included various readings in case we wanted to use any during our ceremony. At first I thought it was like ordering off of a menu ("I''ll have one of these and one of those, oh and that one in too...") and it didn''t seem natural to have our ceremony pieces checked off like that. It seemed a little impersonal at first. Once I read through it a few times though it flowed nicely and we found some things we want to incorporate and some things we want to find on our own. I have to say, it ended up being a great way for us to do it. I know that we''ll say a lot of how we feel about each other later in private, as we''re pretty nervous about saying such personal vows, etc. in front of 100 of our closest family and friends.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 7/20/2007 9:22:58 AM
Author: sumbride
Also not doing the bouquet or garter toss. When my florist asked me why I said ''all my single friends know they are single and don''t need it brought to their attention''. He laughed. And I think the garter thing is just icky.

Also not doing the dollar dance. no way no how.

We''ve also decided not to do any kind of ''unity ritual'' within the ceremony, i.e. no unity candle or sand ceremony or whatever. We don''t feel it''s necessary. The only idea I liked was the wine ceremony but as I''m a klutz wearing a light-colored dress... well, I just don''t think it would be a good idea.

Yeah, we''re not going to do any kind of unity ritual either. To go off on a tangent: Our officiant just e-mailed us her packet with the whole ceremony laid out. Under each heading (welcome greeting, blessing of the rings, vows, etc.), she has at least 10 different suggestions of how things could be worded. She also included various readings in case we wanted to use any during our ceremony. At first I thought it was like ordering off of a menu ("I''ll have one of these and one of those, oh and that one in too...") and it didn''t seem natural to have our ceremony pieces checked off like that. It seemed a little impersonal at first. Once I read through it a few times though it flowed nicely and we found some things we want to incorporate and some things we want to find on our own. I have to say, it ended up being a great way for us to do it. I know that we''ll say a lot of how we feel about each other later in private, as we''re pretty nervous about saying such personal vows, etc. in front of 100 of our closest family and friends.

 

[Dandi]

We aren''t doing the bouquet/garter toss, or bomboniere. Doubt anyone will notice

We aren''t getting a photography package either... Fi''s dad is a professional photographer, and he and a friend of ours (not professional but very talented and precise photographer) will be doing the picture-taking/developing etc. Fi''s dad will be able to frame them for me too, which is nice! He owns a photography/framing shop, he''s handy to be related to!

 

[sumbride]

Oh, and we''re also skipping the videographer. My mom is annoyed by that, but FI refuses to be videotaped, so she''s dealing with it.

Zoe, that''s kind of how I wrote my ceremony. I bought a book with everything broken down and I used a lot of what was in the book and modified some of it to suit us. I showed a few options of vows and such to FI and he picked the one he liked. He didn''t want to deal with the whole ceremony because he said I would be better at writing it, but he read through it. Haven''t sent it to the officiant yet, but she said she would say whatever we wanted her to. I feel kind of weird about handing her a script though.

 

[zoebartlett]

Sorry for the double post. I thought of another thing we''re not having: a wedding cake. We''re doing a dessert buffet instead -- yum!

 

[Mandarine]

I''m skipping lots of things and adding some too hehe

Skipping:
- Rehearsal Dinner
- Bouquet toss or the garter thing either.
- I guess I''m also skipping the dollar dance, I have no clue what that is! hehe
- Skipping the "big annoucenment" when we walk into the room. The "Let''s welcome for the first time ever, Mr and Mrs...". Not doing that...we''ll just come in as everyone else is there. The cocktail hour and reception are in the same place (just using the garden for the cocktail hour) so we''ll just move over to the other area for the reception.
- Will porbbaly comine father-daughter and mother-son with one song. Most likely a Spanish type of Music (Paso Doble) that doesn''t really have lyrics, but it''s a traditional dance to open the dance floor for the guests .
- Hope to skip the cake cutting madness, but this one we will see. I might be in the middle of the party and be dying to cut the cake and do all those silly things...hehe
- No unity ritual either...
- I''m cutting costs in flowers by DIY...and using mostly candles. Will have centerpieces, but it will just be white callas with some curly willow.
- Won''t have a videographer....can''t afford one, so I will have my brother in law do the job



Including (besides the "normal"):
- The cotillon or crazy hour...it''s a Venezuelan thing. Happens at the end of the party and it''s pretty much like a crazy carnival (you get to wear masks, etc and dance away!).
- We''re staying at the hotel where lots of our guests will be staying and celebrating with them the day after. Most likely a brunch or something like that, then cocktails in one of the suites (hopefully with left over alcohol from the wedding!) and then we are getting a limo to go down to South Beach.


I know I''m skipping more things...but I can''t think of any more right now

 

[neatfreak]

Lol, I think we''re skipping everything:

No dollar dance of any kind, no "first dance", dance with dad, etc., no garter at all, no bouquet toss, no announcing us into the room, no throwing anything at us after the ceremony, no videographer, no grand exit after the reception, no attendants....hmmm what else is there to skip?

We ARE having a cake but really only because I live for cake! But I don''t know if we''ll cut it in front of everyone...

 

[Mandarine]

no grand exit for me either

 

[zoebartlett]

Hmmm, we haven''t decided if we want to make a grand exit or not. Our reception will end at 4:30 and I have no idea what we''ll do afterwards -- meet up with family again somewhere or just whisk off to an undisclosed hotel before leaving for our honeymoon. I kind of like the idea of sticking around for a day to catch up more with people. We''ll have to think about this one.

 

[Independent Gal]

We''re skipping just about everything too!

No: - "official" dances of any kind
- bouquet / garter toss
- rehearsal dinner
- birdesmaids (well, I''ll have "unofficial bridesmaids"... 5 of my buddies and my sister will help me get ready on the day... but there won''t be a dress or any duties or anything)
- cake cutting (in fact, I don''t think we''ll even have a cake!)
- videographer
- unity ritual

Hopefully, people will still know it''s a wedding from the fact that I''m all in white. teehee.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 7/20/2007 10:50:36 AM
Author: zoebartlett
Hmmm, we haven''t decided if we want to make a grand exit or not. Our reception will end at 4:30 and I have no idea what we''ll do afterwards -- meet up with family again somewhere or just whisk off to an undisclosed hotel before leaving for our honeymoon. I kind of like the idea of sticking around for a day to catch up more with people. We''ll have to think about this one.

Ours ends a bit later because we have an after reception event, BUT we were thinking the same thing too. We have basically everyone coming in from OOT, so all the families are going to go to dinner together that night anyway, so I think we''ll probably join them.

Not to sound morbid, but we have our whole lives to be by ourselves together and it would be great to spend some time with our older relatives while we can.

 

[Nicki]

All of it!

Ahhh...the joys of eloping.

 

[Pandora II]

We''re not having

- Rehearsal Dinner (unusual in UK anyway)

- Bouquet toss or the garter (all our friends are pretty much engaged or lmarried or living together so there''s no-one to catch it!)

- Dollar dance (unusual except in certain ethnic communities here)

- No announcement to reception

- No ''official'' father/daughter dance - I might dance with my dad but along with everyone else.

- No unity ritual

- No ''leaving ritual'' - I asked FI if he wanted to go off with me to some hotel on our own for the wdding night (wedding finishes at midnight) or if he''d rather be in one with all our really good friends so we can stay up with them for a few hours. He said definitely with our friends so we''re doing that. I was hoping he''d go for that option!

I may well not have a white dress. I''m thinking gold or maybe even green at the moment!

 

[surfgirl]

We''re skipping the guests.

 

[Nicki]

Date: 7/20/2007 12:41:26 PM
Author: surfgirl
We''re skipping the guests.

That too...unless you count butterflies and koi fish as guests.

 

[lehcarm]

I don''t mean to thread jack, but I have to ask, sumbride, can you give me the name of the book you used to design your ceremony? I''m having my grandfather preside at the ceremony, but he has never done a wedding before. I think something like this would be very helpful! Thanks!

Now, back to the thread topic. Like I mentioned above, we are having my grapdpa give our ceremony. I guess that after we asked him if he would do it, he started to cry because he was so honored that we wanted him to do it. We are also not doing traditional wedding favors. We''re going to have personalized champagne flute for the toast. Also, our menu is somewhat non-traditional. We are going tp have lasagna (and meatballs for the meat eaters). Hopefully I won''t spill sauce on my dress!

 

[sumbride]

Date: 7/20/2007 1:51:50 PM
Author: lehcarm
I don''t mean to thread jack, but I have to ask, sumbride, can you give me the name of the book you used to design your ceremony? I''m having my grandfather preside at the ceremony, but he has never done a wedding before. I think something like this would be very helpful! Thanks!

Happy to share! It is called "The Wedding Ceremony Planner" by Judith Johnson. It has a good mix of religious and non-religious bits you can use. I really liked it!

 

[lehcarm]

Thanks a lot sumbride! I just ordered it from Amazon! Hopefully it will help us come up with the ceremony!

 

[labbielove]

No traditional bouqet toss, and NO garter toss for us either.

 

[Love in Bloom]

LOL I *wish* I could just skip the guests and the reception, but since that is not an option right now we are skipping:

Videographer
Groom walking in with his parents
Dad giving me away (He is my Man of Honor

)
Readings or singers in the ceremony
Unity stuff (everyone in my family thinks you must have a unity candle at a wedding

)
Receiving line
Dollar dance (what the heck is that anyway? Sounds naughty

)
Garter toss (I get a free toss bouquet; not sure what I will do with it)

 

[zoebartlett]

LiB, you''re reminding me of some things. We''re not going to have my FI''s parents walk in either. We''re not having attendants as of now (although we may end up asking my sister to by my MOH and one of his borthers to be his best man). We''re not doing a receiving line either.

Do grooms typcially walk down the aisle??? I''ve never seen this. At weddings I''ve been to, the groom just walks up to the altar from a side room and waits for the bridal party to walk down the aisle.

We''re definitely skipping any organized dances, except the electric slide (my mom said she must have this one cheesy dance). No props from the DJ either.

We finally decided on a photographer (yay!) and since that''s putting us over our estimated budget for a photographer, we''re not going to have a videographer.

 

[kathyinjapan]

We skipped a lot of the traditional things:

- groom saw bride in dress before the wedding day
- no bridal party
- no poofy white dress, veil, something blue/borrowed/etc
- didn't walk down an aisle and get 'given away'
- no professional videographer (MIL set her video camera up on a tripod and it did the job)
- no unity ritual, bouquet toss, garter toss (ugh how tacky)
- no music at the ceremony
- no traditional reception (we had a sit down dinner at a restaurant and ordered a la carte)
- no dancing at the reception
- no freezing of top layer of wedding cake

plus many more

 

[therighttime]

We''re skipping most of the traditional weddingy stuff since we are having a private ceremony. We''ll have vows, and my son is reading a poem, but other than that we are skipping everything else.... no decorations, no music, no flowers, no unity candle, no bride walking down the aisle!!!

I am having a reception but they''ll be no special dances, no garter toss or bouquet toss (of course since we have no garter or bouquet!)

It''d be easier to list the things I am NOT going to skip: invitations, food, a band, and some special touches at the ceremony are about the only traditonal things I''m having.

I''m getting married in less than a week!!!!

 

[jstarfireb]

My wedding is about 2 years away, so I have plenty of time to think about this. But I know I''m not the type of girl to do any of the following:

-Get married in a church (but I don''t want an outdoor wedding either...maybe a hotel or gallery?)
-Anything involving a bouquet, including carrying and throwing it...actually, I may not have flowers at all, since they just seem so short-lived
-Garter stuff...just doesn''t seem classy to me
-Dancing...any of it, unless it''s something cool like Latin dance lessons or something
-Parents "giving me away" (I always hated that phrase)...or if they insist, I want both of them there, not just my dad
-Cake cutting, and maybe a cake altogether (cupcakes anyone?)
-Typical "chicken or fish" dinner choices (it sooooo has to be a buffet, and probably a Chinese or Thai one at that)
-Professional photography (friends with cameras will do the trick, or maybe a glamor shot session in the dress and tux before the wedding)
-Groom not seeing the bride before the wedding (I want his opinion on the dress)
-Videography...oh heck no! That''s just NOT even an option.
-Grand entrance and exit at the reception
-Unity ritual (not even sure what that is!)
-Write our own vows (we''re not that creative)
-Invitations (it would just be a "save the date" card printed from my own printer, pointing people to the Wedding Announcer website we have)
-Toasting (and roasting) the couple

Whew! That''s all I can think of for now. Basically, I just want a small, simple ceremony with no religious ties and nothing embarrassing. Think Phoebe as opposed to Monica...Miranda as opposed to Charlotte...etc! I''m taking a lot of tips from my friend who just got married this year. She''s also a broke med student and didn''t do a lot of the things above to save money (i.e. photography, invitation, cupcakes that her family baked instead of a cake).

The traditional aspects that I do want include the white dress (probably a destination-style dress, as I have a very casual style), procession down the aisle, classical music like the Canon in D (but played on hammered dulcimer so it''s not so traditional), and maaaaaaaaaybe a bridal party (though I just couldn''t pick one to be a maid of honor, just all bridesmaids on equal footing). Also, I just got a thing in the mail about a photo booth, which I think would make a cool activity and could also serve as the favors.

All of this only applies to "my" part of the wedding though. To clarify, my part is the ceremony and reception with friends and family, and his part is the traditional Chinese banquet, where half of Chinatown will be invited, I change into a traditional red dress, and we''ll have to do a tea ceremony and all that good stuff. For his part, anything goes, and I''ll somehow find a way to deal with it!