What are you thoughts ???

[Ranger]

Hi. I have been dating my S.O. for a very, very long time,...and well, he''s not the best at picking out gifts for me, etc. We were talking one day about rings (we have never looked together) and I was explaining my feelings on the matter...how some of my friends would not have choosen the ring that they received, etc. I told him that if I was going to be given a ring, I would want a lot of thought put into it, something that I liked because I would be wearing it forever. To me, I would rather have a ring that I really liked than a big wedding, because when the wedding is over,...each day you look at your rings. Anyway, he thinks that it should be a suprise, and that HE should be the one to decide because he is purchasing it, etc. I asked him what kind of rings he liked (cut), and ...well,...I told him what I liked (which was nothing like what he wanted to get). Love is most important, I know,..but I feel like,..if I was buying him a ring, I would want to get want he liked. His gift history with me has not been the best,..he has good intentions, but I can see him coming in one day with a crazy ring (in which I''d rather just get a plain solid band). So, it just kills me that there are so many men on this site, so excited about getting the ring that thier girl will go nuts over. Thoughts anyone? Is anyone going thru this? Thanks!

 

[MissAva]

I think you need to walk a fine line here, if you push him it could really hurt his feelings. Perhaps you could go on your own and pick out a few things in a vareity of price ranges that you would be happy with. Put them in a folder with all the relevent information and then leave him to it. It is his gift to you, if he wants to be the one to choose it I think you ought to respect his feelings.

 

[Ranger]

Date: 11/5/2005 2:29:23 AM
Author: Matatora
I think you need to walk a fine line here, if you push him it could really hurt his feelings. Perhaps you could go on your own and pick out a few things in a vareity of price ranges that you would be happy with. Put them in a folder with all the relevent information and then leave him to it. It is his gift to you, if he wants to be the one to choose it I think you ought to respect his feelings.

Thanks for your thoughts. I feel the same way,...I know it''s his decision. What kills me is that it''s not really the price, size,....I guess I wish he would inquire about the things I liked more. I think I''ll leave him a little clue like you advised. Thanks!

 

[appletini]

I recommend giving him pictures of styles you like and then he can choose from that. Remind him that *you* will be wearing the ring, not him.

 

[perry]

Here is another idea you might broach when the time is right.... as just a light suggestion.

He picks out the diamond (and try to get him here to learn) - and you pick out the ring.

Perry

 

[Caribou]

I worried about this too. I can see where he would want everything to be a surprise but as far as his ''HE should be the one to decide because he is purchasing it, etc'' comment. Although I agree, he is purchasing it..it isn''t just about him..it''s about both of you. I''m even surprised that he wouldn''t want some input just to relieve some stress of wondering if you are going to like it.

My boyfriend and I went ring shopping together so that he could get an idea of what we both liked. Fortunately, we were too far off...however, the one ring that I really like in the begiinning (Ritani halo ring) he thought was nice but not for an engagment ring. So we finally got are ducks in a row and both agree on what the important points of the ring. Unless he completely changes it, I should be pleasantly surprised.

An engagment ring is suppose to be a ''forever'' thing and although we should be happy with what we are given....there are possiblities that could be something that is the exact opposite of what we like. I''d rather look down at my ring and it make me smile, than look down on it and think ''what the h*ll was he thinking?!?!''

I think you should either send him ''hints'' in the form of pictures or next time you both go shopping just wonder into a jewerly store.

 

[alyson423]

Hi,
I realize I''m coming a little late to this post, but in the off-chance that you might be checking in:

I wondered about this as well. My now-husband had strong feelings about choosing the ring he gave me, and I, of course, had strong feelings about the ring I would wear every day for the rest of my life! Here''s what worked for us...

Choose the factors that really matter to you. Are there stone shapes you just don''t like? What about metal color? I got hung up on very specific styles browsing jewelry websites. But when I took a step back and looked at the 100s of beautiful stone and setting possibilities, I realized that, objectively speaking, there was a lot more I liked vs. didn''t like. I would have been happy with a stone in almost any shape, and I preferred white metal. Maybe, rather than saying to your BF something like, "I want a round diamond in a platinum cathedral setting," you could say, "There are a million combinations I''d be happy with. My preference, though, is ___ metal, with anything but ___-shaped stones. Other than that, it''s your call." It comes across as a lot more open-minded, and I bet your BF, who''ll have a bewildering number of decisions to make when it comes time, will take your most important "likes" to heart. The catch to this approach, though, is that it really does become his "call." Still, you know your BF best- if he is really dead-set on choosing the ring, this is one way to make sure your most important factors are considered.

Also, see if your BF will go with you to try on rings. He will see 1st hand (no pun intended) the styles and stones that look best on you, and he will remember your reactions (good and bad) to different styles. Good luck!

 

[larussel03]

When we first started talking about getting engaged I''d show him pics online of rings that I liked, just in case he decides to suprise me, it''s not like "ooooooooooooooooooooh, eeeeeeek" like on Sex and the City.

(remember that? Carrie got the engagement ring from Aiden and it was something that she didnt like and Charlotte said "ooooooooooooohhhh, eeeeeeeeeeeeeek" and Samantha said "no wonder you threw up" hahaha)

 

[jcrow]

for us- we picked out everything together. of course, my feeligs were very strong on the matter because it''s me wearing it. but we researched & looked at lots of places together. we ended up going with a style we had both agreed on in the beginning, although we checked out everything before going back to the original idea. together we are going through the design process. however- there''ll still be a surprise with the proposal. after i see the waxes of the rings, the plan is to back off and see no more. that way i have no idea when the rings are done and when he''ll propose. it''ll all be in his hands. but for us it was nice to shop/design together for it.

you will find y''all''s middle ground on the situation and it will fit perfectly.

 

[princessv]

Hrm my situation was pretty similar to yours. My boyfriend first picked out a horribly cut Princess that was rectangular and showed lots of color and even a carbon spot (I1)

He didn''t buy it just put a deposit down. I immediately said "Honey you have to get your money back!" LOL Then I started researching ALOT and made a few stores order in well cut diamonds and compare them to stones that were less well cut to which he immediately saw the visual difference. For us it was all a matter of educating him and me explaining what I liked and why. At first he was rather hurt because I didn''t like what he picked but then his mother said "well she is going to wear it for the rest of her life." So now he has taken a great interest (for him) in diamonds and even listens as I rattle on about numbers at times (although his eyes do glaze over from time to time

)

Hope this helps!

 

[SoonIHope]

We went to look at rings together, so I could try some on and he could get a good feel for what I like, but with the knowledge that he wouldn''t let me know hardly anything about which one he would actually pick. So he knew several different styles that I like, a bunch of things I DON''T like, and in the end it will still be a total surprise for me which of the styles he chose, with what type/shape/size stone, etc! But I don''t have to worry because I know it will still be within the limits of what I like.

If only he would GIVE IT TO ME ALREADY!!!!

 

[Erin]

I totally fudged this one. My bf also has a bad rep with gift giving even though his heart is near the right place. I believe he has one romantic bone in his body and it''s probably stuck somewhere near his earlobe. Anyway, I picked the diamond and had is reset into something I''ve always wanted. He was okay with this at the time because he knew zilch about diamonds and admittedly never knows what I want anyway. Fastforward a year later and he has the ring in his possession but still hasn''t proposed. It comes out how he''s slightly resentful that I took that ''experience'' away from him. HE was the one who''s supposed to select what ring he wants to propose with and I understand that. It''s just that at the time I thought I was doing us a favor because I thought selecting the ring was a task he was dreading. Not because he didn''t want to propose but because it was cumbersome research on a topic he doesn''t much care about. He totally would have been one of those fools spending $6000 at Zales for a 3/4 c piece of spit filled glass.

Okay so there are other reasons now why I still don''t have it but I guess at the time I really didn''t completely put myself in his shoes. I simply suggest that you are empathetic to his position and act with caution. Remember how special this is for him and only afterwards remind him how special it is to you.

 

[AlyceC]

Ditto on a better ring than a bigger wedding. I''d rather just elope, but my BF wants close family and friend involved. We''ll likely compromise on a destination wedding. We''re also struggling over the ring selection. He would prefer that I knew nothing about diamonds and would be happy with whatever he chose, but I am very picky so I''m trying to get him to agree to pick out the ring and setting together. He can still surprise me by holding on to the ring until he''s ready and dreaming up a good proposal. Of course, he''d better hide it some place good. One of my friends almost gave her ring away to the Goodwill because her husband had it hidden in an old boot while he figured out how to propose. While she loves her husband to death, she has admitted to me that the custom ring he had made for her isn''t really her style. I''d hate to be stuck with a ring I didn''t like and wasn''t proud to wear.

 

[Kit]

I was in a similar situation, Ranger. When BF and I first started discussing rings, he stated he knew exactly what he wanted: a RB. I on the other hand really loved, and still do, step cuts (asscher, ooh!

). For him it wasn''t about him picking out a ring that he was going to give to me, but rather he feels (in all aspects of life) that his opinion on style and design goes, because he has an MFA and can pick things out that "age well" as he puts it. He''s high maintenance but I love him. Anyway, his feeling was, we need to have a ring that we can enjoy for decades and our grandchildren will like too. Kinda romantic, actually

Anyhow, he demanded an RB. I demanded an asscher. And it went on like this for a while. Finally I gave in because frankly, all diamonds are beautiful to me. And THEN, one day after we''d had brunch with recently engaged friends, he saw the light. This friend''s now-fiance gave her a custom made gorgeous antique looking square blue sapphire set in a square halo setting because it was exactly what he knew she wanted. And she was clearly thrilled. And I think my BF saw that, because afterwards we were talking about how lovely the ring was, and I mentioned how nice square stones are (in a see-what-I''ve-been-talking-about kind of way). And he was like, if that''s what you really want, that''s what we''ll get because it''s going to be your ring and you''ll be wearing it. And I asked him, but what about what you said before? And he said, well I was wrong. What a triumph for me!

Ha ha.

And guess what, now we''re going with an RB because we BOTH love it. Ha!

Point is, perhaps you can teach through example. I find with my BF he really has to experience things I am trying to get through his head in order for him to truly understand them. Maybe this will work with your BF too.