What do you think?

[chocolatefudge]

Hi Ladies,

Well it''s my birthday Saturday and there''s only one thing I want...... Hee hee Anyway, my SO has always made a big deal of birthdays and Christmas and I''ve always been spoiled with lovely presents.
It''s his day off work today so I wasn''t surprised that he wasn''t home when I got in, I assumed he was out shopping for my birthday present. He just called me to say he was doing some food shopping and I said, "So where have you been today?" He said he''d been shopping and I jokingly said, "Oooooo have you been buying me loads of pressies?" Then he went all serious and said, "I don''t know what you want, I''ve been looking for hours and haven''t got you anything!"
I laughed and said, "Yeah right!" But he was really serious and kept saying he hadn''t got me anything and then he started saying he was really sorry and he sounded upset!

Now before people start judging me as a selfish present obsessed freak I just want to say that I''m not!! If I''m brutally honest, if he bought me NOTHING at all I would be upset as I''m sure there would be something he could have found for me. Then I''m beginning to think, is this all an act and there could be a ring?? Yes I am obsessed!! To my knowledge he hasn''t saved money for a ring, but this doesn''t mean he hasn''t sneakily done this!!

But to be honest deep down I genuinely feel that he doesn''t know what to get and has got nothing. It''s irritating me slightly to think this as I feel he''s put no thought into it, he said on the phone, "You didn''t tell me what you wanted." He NEVER tells me what he wants and he is very awkward to buy for yet I always manage to get him something I know he''ll love.

Don''t really know where this is going now, just wanted to get it off my chest!

 

[goodfun7580]

If you want something for your birthday you better tell him something fast (and don''t say engagement ring). I''m not proud to say this but I''ve put my BF through the same thing for my Bday and Christmas this year. Trust me this doesn''t help you get a ring any faster to deny wanting anything else and not telling your bf what you want so he feels lost and gets frustrated. Maybe you think he deserves it, because he hasn''t proposed, but he doesn''t. Its really not fair to do that to someone, and I''m only now realizing it. Also, don''t get your hopes up I doubt he''s bought you a ring.

 

[chocolatefudge]

I don''t think he''s got me a ring either. I hate having to tell him what I want, he would never tell me. I like it when he surprises me. It frustrates me that he can''t put more thought into my present as I always do with his!

 

[goodfun7580]

I know, its frustrating, but its easier for us to shop for our guys, we''re naturally more intuitive and thoughtful. He was working hard in is own way to find you something, by going and looking and lookng, but he had no clue. Help him out a bit. I go through the same thing with my bf and I''m starting to like it, at least I know I''m not getting snow globes or figurines (things he would probably pick out for me

) for every holiday!

 

[gwendolyn]

Sometimes people just need a little training to learn the sorts of things you like! Maybe it sounds crass, but when I''m out shopping with J, I''ll stop and say, "Oh, I LOVE that! If you ever want ideas for a present, that''d be a great one!" and it pays off--he got me a beautiful EC aquamarine & diamond ring for Christmas, and said he wants to get me a new digital camera for my birthday (mine is crap and he probably is sick of me complaining about it, but still!) Yay!!

Maybe your honey just needs you to frame some options so he doesn''t disappoint you. He might already feel like he''s disappointing you because he knows you want an engagement ring and he''s (probably) not giving you one just yet, so cut him a little slack.

 

[CNOS128]

All the men in my life are notoriously terrible gift givers. They really appreciate (1) wish lists and (2) "hints" [as Gwendolyn does, I point out items I''d like to have and my boyfriend, my brother, my dad all have excellent memories for these things]. And NONE of them has ever told me what to get him. It really is unfair!

Sometimes it''s even more frustrating when the one gift you REALLY want (i.e., the Ring) isn''t the one you''ll be getting. It should be obvious, right?

Some men (and women!) just don''t do well shopping for gifts & need a lot of direction. Or permission to get you gift cards!



BigT

 

[bee*]

D is exactly like that-I have to tell him every year what I want. It bothered me for the first couple of years but then one year when I didn''t tell him what I''d like, he got me a huge simpsons poster, so since then I''ve always been upfront with him. It''s easier for him and it''s better for me! I would tell him what you want (don''t say e-ring though). I know it''s rubbish that he doesn''t do it on his own initiative and I was upset at the start too, however I''ve realised that suprising me with gifts is not D''s forte!

 

[Lane]

One thing I''ve found that is fun is if you pick a category! We do this a lot. For example: "Hey, for valentine''s day, why don''t we each plan a night out (dinner, activity) for next weekend" or how about books/dvd''s, food items, going to see a show/play.... for christmas it could be -- let''s exchange stockings filled with little treats, or let''s pool our money and go away for teh weekend! those things take some pressure off him and you won''t be disappointed

 

[monarch64]

CF, don;t be afraid to ask for what you want!!! Men are notorious for bringing home the "wrong" gifts and then we get upset with them because we don''t get what we want...it''s up to you to put it out there as far as what you want! They are NOT mind readers, ya know?? Happy early Birthday...hope you get what you want!!!

 

[chocolatefudge]

Hi Ladies,

Well turned out he finished work early yesterday to rush out and buy presents! He''s bought me some jeans, chocolates and perfume which were all lovely. And then a mirror for the bathroom! He was so excited about it......... Was a very bizarre gift but we have since realised it has to be wired into electrics as it has a light and as we are renting we can''t do it so it''s got to go back. He was so disappointed and I had to try and explain that I really didn''t mind!
So still no ring (although I wasn''t really expecting one.) But there''s always Valentine''s!!

 

[bee*]

Glad to hear that he got you lot of presents! Happy birthday!

 

[gwendolyn]

Hey, that''s pretty good for a giftophobe! Happy birthday, sounds like you''re having a good one!