What does financially ready mean?

[sunnyd]

Just curious, because my BF and I got into a small spat last night during which he said he wants to be financially ready before he can be engaged, and I''ve seen it on here countless times. I don''t get it, because we''re on our own, with good jobs, saving skills could be better, but...I don''t get it!

What does it really MEAN?!

You don''t have to answer to my situation, just wanna see what people think in general.

 

[ang3199]

I would consider financially ready to mean that you would not be sacrificing some other need to buy an engagement ring. Example: Sacrificing heating oil for a diamond. Hehe. I personally feel that if people charge an E-ring they are not financially ready.

Just my two cents!

 

[bee*]

I would tend to agree with the post above. Financially ready to me means that you work, don''t depend on parents for anything, live away from home and don''t have to buy your e-ring on credit. Also while you may have the funds to purchase the e-ring outright you''re not using all your savings to buy it.

 

[idreamofice]

Date: 1/24/2008 4:26:44 PM
Author: bee*
I would tend to agree with the post above. Financially ready to me means that you work, don''t depend on parents for anything, live away from home and don''t have to buy your e-ring on credit. Also while you may have the funds to purchase the e-ring outright you''re not using all your savings to buy it.

Exactly my thought!

I agree with the ladies...

 

[Pandora II]

I would define it as:

- Having a stable job.
- No debts (except a mortgage and possibly college debts (US only not in UK - where college is much cheaper)).
- A mortgage on a property.
- Have enough money to pay all your bills and credit cards off every month.
- Enough savings to support yourself for 3 months should you lose your job etc
- Ability to pay for an e-ring without going into debt or maxing out your savings.

And obviously to be entirely independent from your parents.

These are the criteria my friends and peer group here would consider 'financially ready' to be.

It was an absolute condition of both FI and I that we could both tick all the above boxes before thinking of marriage.

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 1/24/2008 4:26:44 PM
Author: bee*
I would tend to agree with the post above. Financially ready to me means that you work, don''t depend on parents for anything, live away from home and don''t have to buy your e-ring on credit. Also while you may have the funds to purchase the e-ring outright you''re not using all your savings to buy it.

Ditto.

 

[diamondfan]

To me, it is about independence. Being able to pay your bills, being gainfully employed, living on your own, not requiring help from others for day to day stuff. Of course you can get gifts or help for large things, but should be able to manage. I am not sure how much I think is reasonable to have in the bank, but certainly having some savings and plans for future expenditures would seem fair. There is a maturity level in being self sufficient.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 1/24/2008 6:48:49 PM
Author: diamondfan
To me, it is about independence. Being able to pay your bills, being gainfully employed, living on your own, not requiring help from others for day to day stuff. Of course you can get gifts or help for large things, but should be able to manage. I am not sure how much I think is reasonable to have in the bank, but certainly having some savings and plans for future expenditures would seem fair. There is a maturity level in being self sufficient.

Ditto. I also think sometimes the "financially ready" thing is used as an excuse/stalling tactic, since a guy may not want to admit to his girlfriend that he''s not emotionally ready.

 

[Deelight]

Date: 1/24/2008 6:04:34 PM
Author: Pandora II
I would define it as:


- Having a stable job.

- No debts (except a mortgage and possibly college debts (US only not in UK - where college is much cheaper)).

- A mortgage on a property.

- Have enough money to pay all your bills and credit cards off every month.

- Enough savings to support yourself for 3 months should you lose your job etc

- Ability to pay for an e-ring without going into debt or maxing out your savings.


And obviously to be entirely independent from your parents.


These are the criteria my friends and peer group here would consider ''financially ready'' to be.


It was an absolute condition of both FI and I that we could both tick all the above boxes before thinking of marriage.

Ditto to all of the above

 

[ktdid]

I''m going to be the dissenting opinion and say that it''s a stall tactic a lot of the time. I''m not saying it''s a lie that they''re not financially stable, just that it''s an easy out. Be honest, if everyone waited till they were "stable" i.e. mortgage, no debt, etc, no one would get married

A wedding is expensive, but being married isn''t a bank breaker (however, divorce is, believe me!).
There''s nothing wrong with wanting all of those things first but I think instead of saying "I want to be financially stable first" they should say "I want a house first" or "I want to pay off my CC debt" or "I want to pay cash for the ring". Plus, they should have a plan in place to elevate them to a financially stable status. I''m single with 2 kids, no child support, a mortgage, a full time job and a lease on my SUV. In my eyes I''m "stable" though I don''t have much savings to draw from (see above mentioned divorce...).
Just my rambling $.02

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 1/24/2008 9:09:54 PM
Author: ktdid
I''m going to be the dissenting opinion and say that it''s a stall tactic a lot of the time. I''m not saying it''s a lie that they''re not financially stable, just that it''s an easy out. Be honest, if everyone waited till they were ''stable'' i.e. mortgage, no debt, etc, no one would get married

kt, I don''t think anyone who responded meant to imply that "financially stable" was never used by a man or woman as a stall tactic, we were all just defining what it means to us. You''re absolutely correct, if everyone waited until they were in the perfect financial position before they got married there would be far fewer weddings, but there are some basics such as a stable job/steady income, housing that isn''t provided by parents, a savings account, etc. that are reasonable and logical expectations for anyone who is engaged/planning to be married.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Wanting to be "financially stable" is a valid goal before getting engaged. I think that in most relationships, both parties want to be financially stable before moving to the next chapter of their lives. That being said, as ktdid pointed out, it is often used as an excuse. If the man wants to be financially secure and that's the major road block, then he should be able to share his plan of action with his future wife. I don't just mean a goal, but how he's going to do it.

A man who's not ready will make excuses, a man who's ready will do something about it. So if he's talking about financial stability, but buying himself a Playstation 3 (or whatever) instead of saving, you probably know where he falls.

ETA: I just saw Kimberly's response and didn't mean to harp on the "financial stability as an excuse" thing! Sorry! Um, I know that financially stable to my DH meant no debt (he never had any--paid his way through school), lived well beneath his means and had enough to pay for the ring, wedding, etc. without wiping out savings. To be honest, he set personal goals for himself financially as a litmus test for marriage. He didn't share this with me until after we were engaged, but apparently he'd set a goals for himself to reach a certain point in savings and then see how he felt about marriage. Clearly a man who wasn't ready for marriage! Naturally, when he realized he wanted marriage, none of that mattered because he knew we were both financially independent and he was more interested in us saving together toward a common goal.

 

[Anna0499]

While I do agree with most of what has been said, I don''t think "financially stable" necessarily means paying for the ring with cash or without using credit. Many places have very feasible credit options for rings and if the ring-buyer wants to put down a large down payments and make payments the rest of the way I don''t see a problem. Alot of people get married when they are in their mid-20s or early 30s and I don''t know many people who have $20k laying around in the bank to spend on a nice ring. I think as long as the person has some savings, doesn''t have the creditors harping on them everyday, and wouldn''t be destitute if he/she lost his/her job I would consider that stable. Anyway, I think some people DO use that as a stall tactic but there usually is at least *some* truth to it. Just my opinion.

 

[Patiently_Waiting]

Date: 1/24/2008 7:41:40 PM
Author: thing2of2

Date: 1/24/2008 6:48:49 PM
Author: diamondfan
To me, it is about independence. Being able to pay your bills, being gainfully employed, living on your own, not requiring help from others for day to day stuff. Of course you can get gifts or help for large things, but should be able to manage. I am not sure how much I think is reasonable to have in the bank, but certainly having some savings and plans for future expenditures would seem fair. There is a maturity level in being self sufficient.

Ditto. I also think sometimes the ''financially ready'' thing is used as an excuse/stalling tactic, since a guy may not want to admit to his girlfriend that he''s not emotionally ready.

I agree with the above. It is about independence and being able to be self-sufficient financially. It doesn''t necessarily always mean zero debt, as many people may have a mortgage and/or student loans and/or other debts, but these debts should be manageable so that you are not looking to outside help. You should also (ideally) establish a mechanism for putting money aside each pay period for an emergency savings account (not enough people do that these days...).

I agree with thing2of2 - many times this verbage can be a stall tactic used by the guy if he is not completely ready for marriage. I would definitely recommend talking with him more about specifics and laying out a plan to make your financial goals and future goals (i.e. marriage) work together. Find out what goals he has for getting "financially stable" - get specifics. Only that way can you tell if he is just trying to get his ducks in a row or if he is stalling for time. Good luck with the chat!

 

[sunnyd]

Thanks everyone for the responses! I guess I should answer my own question, now that I''ve thought about it and talked to BF. I have no problem with credit. Use it responsibly and it''s fine. It would be awesome to own a house right now, but at 23, in Seattle, there''s no way unless I procure a sugardaddy.

So that comes down to savings, which we do need. We each have some, but not enough. He also wanted to be able to provide for and support me when baby time comes (which will not be for awhile, so that I don''t quite understand). Coming from families with stay at home moms, I think he has that engrained, which I find adorable.

So basically, we''re not quite there yet. But we made a joint conscious decision to put away money from every paycheck (especially since I just got a raise, woohoo!!) to build up a good fund.

 

[sred2]

Date: 1/25/2008 11:55:24 AM
Author: sunnyd
Thanks everyone for the responses! I guess I should answer my own question, now that I've thought about it and talked to BF. I have no problem with credit. Use it responsibly and it's fine. It would be awesome to own a house right now, but at 23, in Seattle, there's no way unless I procure a sugardaddy.

So that comes down to savings, which we do need. We each have some, but not enough. He also wanted to be able to provide for and support me when baby time comes (which will not be for awhile, so that I don't quite understand). Coming from families with stay at home moms, I think he has that engrained, which I find adorable.

So basically, we're not quite there yet. But we made a joint conscious decision to put away money from every paycheck (especially since I just got a raise, woohoo!!) to build up a good fund.

Hey sunnyd... I'm 22 and in Seattle as well.. My BF and I have been setting aside $2k each month to save for our downpayment and by October of this year we will be purchasing a home. We know that we want to buy our place BEFORE we get engaged because we'd rather spend the money on having a house as opposed to spending it on my ring!! ... After we buy a place we've decided that we'll save a little bit and pay for half of my ring in cash and charge the rest of it. We've discussed this plan indepth many, many times and we know we're making responsible choices financially. I say financially ready means doing what you and your BF are comfortable with... everyones version of financially stable is different.

 

[Patchee]

It means I don''t want to marry you right now so i will throw the ''i need to be financially ok'' before I ask you to marry me. That''s bull to me...

Like I''ve said before if someone wants to truly be with you in that level, they will ask you regardless of their f-state.

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 1/25/2008 12:46:27 PM
Author: Patchee
It means I don''t want to marry you right now so i will throw the ''i need to be financially ok'' before I ask you to marry me. That''s bull to me...

Like I''ve said before if someone wants to truly be with you in that level, they will ask you regardless of their f-state.

I wouldn''t go that far...I agree that it can be used as an excuse like NEL said if he''s spending money like crazy on himself then playing the ''not financially ready'' card.

But I wouldn''t really want to marry someone who didn''t have his financial shite together either.

 

[absolut_blonde]

To me, it means: gainfully employed, not in heaps of debt (student loans and mortgage not included-- I''m referring more to massive credit card debt, etc), able to budget properly and live within your means, etc. Basically, self-sufficient, supporting yourself, and able to make responsible financial decisions.

I personally don''t think owning a home is a necessity. Here, it''s nearly impossible for a single person to afford to buy any sort of property. I could afford a small one-bedroom condo but given the real estate market (it''s still high here), it would not be a sound investment. Plus, in places like LA and NYC, some people never can afford to purchase a home. I know that for myself, it would be years til I could purchase anything substantial without a significant other. It really depends on the cost of living in an area, I think.