What is up with the baby questions? we have only been married a month!

[blissfulbride]

We are so annoyed with the question. People can sometimes be so closed minded. Times have changed, and women are waiting longer to have children. I''m 27 he is 28,and we are no where near ready for a baby nor would we want one. We want to save for a sweet house, Buy our dream car, See shanghai, and travel. you know, accomplish all the goals we have set for ourself. We just want to continue having our fun carefree life together. I can''t believe the amount of pressure people are putting on us, like we are 60 years old.

We have decide that the next time someone asks us about kids we are just going to say that we don''t like kids, and don''t plan to ever have any. lol

 

[cocolaw]

good response!! that''s so tacky...i am always shocked that people do that.

 

[Tuckins1]

Lol- I like your planned response!

We had family members asking us when we were going to have kids AT THE WEDDING!!! Sheesh!! At least let us get through the honeymoon people!...

 

[tlh]

My FIL asked me when we''d start making babies during the wedding reception! It was crazy and kept me laughing. But then again, my DH''s dad is my grandma''s age... and he has that worry of whether or not - if we wait, if he''ll be around to see them. So I cut him some slack and just laugh it off. I realize there really isn''t any illwill behind it, whether or not we decide to have kids... I think it is just people think marriage, and the next natural step is babies... no matter how long afterwards. I guess they''ll just be getting my laughs for awhile. I usually laugh and say, OMG HAVE YOU SEEN THE BIRTHING VIDEO?!? They made me watch that in the 4th grade and I''ve been scared ever since!!!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Date: 6/4/2009 4:10:33 PM
Author:blissfulbride
We are so annoyed with the question. People can sometimes be so closed minded. Times have changed, and women are waiting longer to have children. I''m 27 he is 28,and we are no where near ready for a baby nor would we want one. We want to save for a sweet house, Buy our dream car, See shanghai, and travel. you know, accomplish all the goals we have set for ourself. We just want to continue having our fun carefree life together. I can''t believe the amount of pressure people are putting on us, like we are 60 years old.

We have decide that the next time someone asks us about kids we are just going to say that we don''t like kids, and don''t plan to ever have any. lol

Hmm, having kids at 60 would be veeeeery interesting!

I wouldn''t recommend it!

 

[KimberlyH]

I think people like to see love grow and spread, which means marriage and children. It''s the evolution of things. I don''t think anyone asks to be tacky or rude, they are just excited about a new couple starting out on their journey of married life. If you''re not comfortable talking about it a short, polite response such as "We''re not ready yet" or "Who knows?" will do. I''m pretty private and I get where you''re coming from, but I don''t think it should be offensive, just a bit uncomfortable and definitely avoidable.

 

[fieryred33143]

It''s the story of a woman''s life:

When are you getting a boyfriend?
When are you getting engaged?
When''s the wedding?
When are you having baby #1?
When are you having baby #2?
Are you going for a 3rd?

 

[mayachel]

lol. I know...I had to "explain" at a recent family wedding, that the mere fact that my wedding was still a year+ away and regardless of my personal feeling that it is fine to have a baby without the certificate-it was WAY to early for family to start asking those questions. I mean geesh, I could understand if we HADN"t gotten engaged, but now that we have, don''t ya think we might wait at least till after the wedding?

 

[Aloros]

I get this question...and the wedding is a month away!

I just honestly answer that it''s not even under consideration at the moment. Yeesh!

 

[meresal]

I think someone said it best about a year ago one here... some people just don't know what else to ask. Like Fiery said, it's just the next question in the progression.

However, I think family is a different story. The mom of one of my college roomates, offered each sister $20k if they gave her the first grandchild. My friend was dating her husband and he was about to propose, but still, she wasn't even engaged yet.

ETA: Bliss, FI and I are the exact smae way as you and DH. We plan on replying, "We're not ready for a third wheel."

 

[musey]

We haven''t really gotten this much (other than idle "are you guys thinking about kids?" conversation), but we are younger than you are.

It always surprises me when people are so bothered by things like this. Usually people (except for family, who are generally interested in such things) ask such questions only because they''re struggling for topics of conversation.

Unless you genuinely don''t want kids (ever), I probably wouldn''t use your planned "we don''t like kids, and don''t plan to ever have any." It will come back to bite you in the butt - when you do have kids, there will be people who will sincerely question your fitness as parents since you "don''t like kids and didn''t plan to ever have any."

When people do ask us this question, we give them an honest answer (because if you''re married, you probably DO have some sort of consensus on this), even if it''s "we''re not sure yet, not very soon!"

 

[Pandora II]

You always get comments from someone...

I had the whole ''when are you planning on kids'' one and various comments about my age - 36 - and ticking clocks. Then I got PG 6 weeks after the wedding and people were asking if I was KU before or after we got married...

Our daughter isn''t even 3 weeks old and I''m being asked when we are planning the second!

Since I had a really miserable time being pregnant followed by a 54 hour labour, emergency forceps delivery and spent two days in ICU following a nearly fatal haemorrhage, DH and I have decided that we will not be having any more children.

Everyone we have said this to has laughed and said we will change our minds, or acted like having an only child is tantamount to child abuse. The only person who has said he understands our feelings is my father, who is an MD and was on the phone to me a lot during the labour and knew things were going wrong at the time. My mother thinks that HE doesn''t want me having any more babies either!

Oh and both my mother and my MIL have been told they are irresponsible for each having four kids.

So really there is no way out of it. The worst thing must be being in that situation when you have problems getting pregnant and people keep asking. I have pointed this out to a few people and they did say they had never thought of that.

 

[sba771]

I was asked my my FMIL 4 weeks into dating my FI. I told him he better say something should that question come up between now and when I give birth (which is not for several years).

 

[Dandi]

DH and myself have been married for 18 months, and the questions started before the wedding, and sad to say, they have NOT let up!! I just tell them of our plan, that we will think about it in a couple of years, which actually IS our plan! DH is 33 and I am 27, so we certainly have time! Most people stop asking, but then look terribly sad that I don''t want a baby yet

The thing that annoys me is the supposed ''signs of pregnancy'' I get bailed up about at work. I can''t feel tired, unwell or have a headache... that''s morning sickness! Or, I can''t feel great and be bouncing around, because that''s probably ''maternal glow''.

I can''t win!!!!

We use alot of Xray at work though, so when the time comes that I state that I can''t be present in the theatre using Xray, that will most likely give away the ghost!

 

[SapphireLover]

Date: 6/5/2009 8:20:30 AM
Author: Pandora II
You always get comments from someone...


I had the whole ''when are you planning on kids'' one and various comments about my age - 36 - and ticking clocks. Then I got PG 6 weeks after the wedding and people were asking if I was KU before or after we got married...

Since I had a really miserable time being pregnant followed by a 54 hour labour, emergency forceps delivery and spent two days in ICU following a nearly fatal haemorrhage, DH and I have decided that we will not be having any more children.

Wow! That sounds horrific- no wonder you are sticking to one.

Before DF and I got engaged, we were at his sisters wedding and EVERYBODY was asking us when we were getting married. DFs reply was @I''ve just bought her a new boiler, we can''t afford to get married". People soon stopped nagging.

 

[honey22]

It''s so rude of people to ask personal questions like that, but I am sure it''s just a case of curiosity (not that it''s any of their business). Just politely tell them that you have no plans for babies and leave it at that. They will stop asking after a while.

Or you could be a bit more risky and say you are just happy practising for now!

 

[NakedFinger]

Date: 6/4/2009 4:47:39 PM
Author: tlh
My FIL asked me when we'd start making babies during the wedding reception! It was crazy and kept me laughing. But then again, my DH's dad is my grandma's age... and he has that worry of whether or not - if we wait, if he'll be around to see them. So I cut him some slack and just laugh it off. I realize there really isn't any illwill behind it, whether or not we decide to have kids... I think it is just people think marriage, and the next natural step is babies... no matter how long afterwards. I guess they'll just be getting my laughs for awhile. I usually laugh and say, OMG HAVE YOU SEEN THE BIRTHING VIDEO?!? They made me watch that in the 4th grade and I've been scared ever since!!!

LOL tlh- We're in the same situation. My Parents are 46, my SO's day is 63 (same age as my GRANDMA!) LOL. He gives us the whole, "Am I going to be alive to see grandkids!??". Umm 63 isnt that old! I should hope so! LOL I dont get the pressure from my parents. I am one of 6 kids and the youngest is 5, so they dont have baby fever! haha. And I love your response to people! That made my laugh and almost spit coffee on my keyboard!

Bliss- its super annoying, but i think its just what you can expect in life. people have no qualms about asking personal questions for some reason, and regardless of how tactless it is, they will always do it. I tell my mom I cant wait for people to stop asked "So when you getting engaged???", I cant wait to just shut them up! But she always says, "dont get too excited. Once you get engaged, you'll get hounded with 'when you getting married?', then once you get married its, 'when you having a baby?', it just keeps going?". Grrreeeeaaattttt..........

 

[Haven]

I think it''s a terribly invasive and rude question to ask, for more than one reason. I also understand that people probably aren''t trying to be invasive or rude when they ask it, but that doesn''t make it okay. What if a couple is trying and cannot have children? How awful to have to answer the question, then.

Blissful, people have been hounding us to have kids since before we were even engaged. I''m 28, DH is 39, and we just don''t plan on having kids within the next few years. Like you, we''re not ready. We just married. We are enjoying our life together so much that we just don''t want to add a child to the mix yet. And I''m going through a phase where I''m no longer sure I want kids ever, which is strange because I used to feel the urge.

Someone wrote to Miss Manners asking how to respond when people ask her when she''s going to find a boyfriend, which is something she knew people would ask because she was about to be in her younger sister''s wedding. Miss Manners recommended saying "Oh, I don''t know" and then changing the subject. I do that when people ask us about kids. If they hound me on the baby issue, I look them dead in the eye and say "Really, I don''t know. But when I do, I''m sure you''ll understand if I tell my close family and friends, first."

 

[bensbride]

This issue is 100x worse when you work as an OB nurse. I get little teenagers asking me if I have kids, and when I say that I don''t have any yet, they give me this little look of pity. I just laugh it off. When strangers ask, it rubs me the wrong way.

In other situations I like when people ask, especially friends and family. I can tell they are excited for us to be parents. Most of the people I work with and a lot of my friends already have kids. I know its from a genuinely excited spot in their heart that they are asking. I know they don''t expect me to say, "we plan to have one in March 2012," its just their way of letting me know that they are excited for me to be a mother.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Haha, when I first got engaged, my parents started remodeling the new house to include the grandkids'' rooms...

 

[Izzy03]

Haha! Funny topic! Surprisingly, we have really haven''t been asked when we are starting a family, although we have only been married two months!

I found the "when are you two getting married?" questions so annoying though! The sad part is that I really think I used to be one of those people asking these rude questions before I experienced how rude it is to ask them!

I am so careful with these questions now. I will NEVER ask a people when they plan on getting married. When it comes to asking married folks about children I have switched to asking: "Do you plan on having children?" rather than "When are you guys having a baby?"

 

[dani13]

LOL. Be prepared for it- everyone asks!! MH and I are in our 30''s and we are constantly asked this question. I dont let it bother me anymore!!