What is (was) the most difficult aspect of planning?

[princessplease]

I am wondering what has been the most difficult part of wedding planning for you ladies.

For me, it's definitely been the entire ceremony. We're not using an officiant (a friend is officiating), so I'm having the hardest time getting the whole ceremony figured out. I haven't even delved into the ceremony yet because I'm just completely clueless on where to start, structure, etc.
I'm also having somewhat of a difficult time planning the decor for the reception site. I want it to have some personal touches with decor, but I'm worried I'll overdo it.

 

[marlie]

for me the hardest part was choosing the band! i felt so nervous deciding on that for some reason. I think it''s because the music really makes the party and I wanted it to be perfect.

other than that, everythings been kinda fun!

 

[Diva0413]

The hardest part for me is the reception. I''m very nervous at the idea that people won''t get up to dance and just sit there. So I originally was going to have other forms of entertainment there, like a caricature artist and photobooth, but changed my mind. I''m also having difficulty with decorating the venue itself. It doesn''t require much as it''s already beautiful, but I wanted to add a personal touch to our event. But I don''t have an ounce of creativitiy in me so I''m stuck.

 

[merrymunky]

For me? The seting arrangements for the wedding breakfast. We''re in a unique situation as we have two long tables rather than the usual round tables. Due to the type of vene, round tables are not really do-able.

The seating arrangement for this is awkward because there are 2 and a half sets of parents to seat near the top table (which only sits 4 people, myself and FI, bestman and Maid of Honour.) So it''s hard to place the parents. My Mum and Step dad, FI''s Mum and Dad, then my Dad and his "lady friend." I want my Mum, Step Dad, and FI''s parents to be immediately closest to us, which means they will have their backs to each other. Then my Dad will feel ignored too...gah...tricky one!haha

 

[zipzapgirl]

For us it was getting my family on board with having a wedding in Europe. My Mom was so set on having it in my hometown and was upset when we decided it didn''t fit us at all. (We would have needed to do premarital counseling with my old uptight church, sign something saying we wouldn''t serve alcohol, and invite a bazillion people because it''s a small town and everyone seems to be invited to everyone''s kids'' weddings

). My brother played the "I''m broke" card even though he had a year to save, tickets fell to less than $500 and my parents paid for his hotel. So getting everyone there and on board was challenging.

Btw, my brother made it to the wedding and my mother agreed later that the wedding was the most amazing day she could ever have imagined--and finally agreed with me about the ballooning guest list when she planned a post-honeymoon reception for us. So all''s well that ends well

princessplease, I wrote our ceremony and used this book. It has lots of great ideas, religious, secular, spiritual, etc. Also, some gals have posted their entire ceremonies on PS, so do a search to get ideas. Once you get rolling, it''s a lot easier than you think!

http://www.amazon.com/Wedding-Ceremony-Planner-Essential-Important/dp/1402203438/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1250086951&sr=8-2

 

[princessplease]

Thanks zipzap!!! I''ll definitely have to order that book!

 

[rhbgirl24]

Paying for it.

 

[Amanda.Rx]

Budgeting without knowing how much stuff will cost. Then, staying within that budget when I find something I like more.

 

[ficklefaye]

the GUEST LIST without a doubt! everything else has been a cake walk compared to that. to this day, our rsvps are due in less than two weeks and we still have stranglers. ugh!

 

[FrekeChild]

Guest list. And deciding on a reception venue. And trying to make everyone else happy.

 

[sba771]

parent/in-law relations. I am actually considering canceling the wedding because of this, I am taking the week to think about it. I am fuming at the moment based on disrespect issues.

 

[trillionaire]

Guestlist and budget so far. But they are intertwined, so yeah...

 

[emeraldlover1]

Hardest part: not taking it personally that people can''t come. I''ve taken the regrets so seriously, its rediculous. Some of my really close friends aren''t coming, didn''t give a reason, and said all along they were coming. Granted all of these people are OOT''ers not within driving distance so it should be understandable. However, I would have invited more people had I known they weren''t planning to come in the first place.

 

[Lilac]

Date: 8/12/2009 1:18:28 PM
Author: sba771
parent/in-law relations. I am actually considering canceling the wedding because of this, I am taking the week to think about it. I am fuming at the moment based on disrespect issues.

I agree with the parent/in-law relations being the hardest part. That definitely was the worst part.

sba771 - I''m so sorry things are so difficult for you right now - I really hope it gets better soon

 

[sba771]

Date: 8/12/2009 3:38:20 PM
Author: Lilac

Date: 8/12/2009 1:18:28 PM

Author: sba771

parent/in-law relations. I am actually considering canceling the wedding because of this, I am taking the week to think about it. I am fuming at the moment based on disrespect issues.

I agree with the parent/in-law relations being the hardest part. That definitely was the worst part.


sba771 - I''m so sorry things are so difficult for you right now - I really hope it gets better soon

Thank you- we would still get married, but elope. I am sick of being belittled and put down because my mother who keeps kosher and is paying for the whole wedding by herself wants a kosher wedding and apparently this is wrong somehow? Big eye roll from me! I just keep reminding my mother while its great if in-laws are friends, in the long run they don''t have to be and I will not let my mom be walked all over. Lilac, I think you and I have certain familial similarities that I wish, for both our sakes, we didn''t have!

 

[musey]

Whatever I was planning at any given moment

The thing that really caused the most speed bumps was the guest list. I wish I''d been a little more lax about it, but my husband and I were very serious about keeping things small and intimate as possible. That was a concept that was lost on my in-laws, who for a very long time (and they did end up winning a few in the end) insisted upon inviting family friends either just because they invited my in-laws to THEIR kids'' weddings (as much as I kept saying "no backsies!!") or just plain because. We didn''t want anyone there who wasn''t specifically important to us... we didn''t want the wedding becoming an excuse for reunions.

In the end, we had a whole table of those "backsies" guests. Oh well, I tried.

They also decided to invite un-met members of my FIL''s birth family, but only after they saw how much more family my side had - and MIL thought that the "sides should be even."

Oh, that guest list was a headache-and-a-half. Pretty much everything was easy in comparison.

 

[musey]

Date: 8/12/2009 12:54:41 PM
Author: ficklefaye
to this day, our rsvps are due in less than two weeks and we still have stranglers. ugh!

Oh that''s nothing! Don''t be surprised to have stragglers after your ''due date.'' Almost everyone does. We have a few people that NEVER RSVP''d. NEVER. I never got their RSVP cards so I emailed, then called... no response. I assumed they were coming to be on the safe side, paid for their plates (a grand total of $360 for the no-shows), made them little escort cards. I still have not heard anything from them in relation to our wedding.

One of those people was at a wedding I attended recently, and she was complaining about one of our mutual friends "inexcusable rudeness" at never sending in her RSVP. It was a struggle to keep my lips zipped when she neglected to RSVP for herself or her boyfriend to my wedding.

Grrr makes me mad thinking about it. That''s one of those "you learn a lot about people through wedding planning" things.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 8/12/2009 4:42:22 PM
Author: musey

Date: 8/12/2009 12:54:41 PM
Author: ficklefaye
to this day, our rsvps are due in less than two weeks and we still have stranglers. ugh!

Oh that's nothing! Don't be surprised to have stragglers after your 'due date.' Almost everyone does. We have a few people that NEVER RSVP'd. NEVER. I never got their RSVP cards so I emailed, then called... no response. I assumed they were coming to be on the safe side, paid for their plates (a grand total of $360 for the no-shows), made them little escort cards. I still have not heard anything from them in relation to our wedding.

One of those people was at a wedding I attended recently, and she was complaining about one of our mutual friends 'inexcusable rudeness' at never sending in her RSVP. It was a struggle to keep my lips zipped when she neglected to RSVP for herself or her boyfriend to my wedding.

Grrr makes me mad thinking about it. That's one of those 'you learn a lot about people through wedding planning' things.

I'm glad I read this. As a Bride to be, and a person who is TERRIBLE about sending RSVP's, I will be 100% better! I haven't been invited to many weddings (maybe 3 or 4), but I usually phone my RSVP, if at all.

I WILL BE BETTER!

See, this is why I love PS! LOL

It's hard though... I've been a student pretty much all my life, and a plane ticket takes serious planning... I've wanted to go to weddings, and looked for tickets on priceline up to the weekend of the wedding, because it was important to me. I'll do better though, so that the couple getting married does not go nuts!

 

[Lilac]

Date: 8/12/2009 3:45:10 PM
Author: sba771

Date: 8/12/2009 3:38:20 PM

Author: Lilac

Date: 8/12/2009 1:18:28 PM

Author: sba771

parent/in-law relations. I am actually considering canceling the wedding because of this, I am taking the week to think about it. I am fuming at the moment based on disrespect issues.

I agree with the parent/in-law relations being the hardest part. That definitely was the worst part.

sba771 - I''m so sorry things are so difficult for you right now - I really hope it gets better soon

Thank you- we would still get married, but elope. I am sick of being belittled and put down because my mother who keeps kosher and is paying for the whole wedding by herself wants a kosher wedding and apparently this is wrong somehow? Big eye roll from me! I just keep reminding my mother while its great if in-laws are friends, in the long run they don''t have to be and I will not let my mom be walked all over. Lilac, I think you and I have certain familial similarities that I wish, for both our sakes, we didn''t have!

Your in-laws are belittling you and saying it shouldn''t be a kosher wedding even though your mom is paying for it all and wants it that way? I''m so sorry that''s a really tough situation. I hope it gets worked out, and I really hope you don''t have to deal with this stress for much longer. I know just how stressful it can be with parents and in-laws not getting along. It was the absolute worst part of my engagement. My mom and in-laws live in the same neighborhood and HATE each other, but somehow they have to learn to co-exist because they see each other on a regular basis. It takes a lot of effort for my mom not to speak her mind when she sees them because of things they have done or said to me and my family, but my mom handles it pretty well - she tries her best to keep her mouth shut and be polite. And I give her a lot of credit for it - I don''t think I could do what she does on such a regular basis. I hope for both our sakes that things get better for both of us in the future!

 

[musey]

Date: 8/12/2009 5:12:09 PM
Author: trillionaire

It''s hard though... I''ve been a student pretty much all my life, and a plane ticket takes serious planning... I''ve wanted to go to weddings, and looked for tickets on priceline up to the weekend of the wedding, because it was important to me. I''ll do better though, so that the couple getting married does not go nuts!

I mean, you can always tell them your situation... rather than leave them wondering forever. We had a friend say that she was a yes unless something came up - she''s a model and just starting out, so when a job comes up she HAS to take it, or it might mean letting go a huge career opportunity. Of course I completely understood... and I still kept her as a ''maybe'' in my mind up until the day or two before.

I didn''t mind paying for her plate and having her not show up in that situation... but if she''d never RSVP''d at all, and avoided my emails/calls?? I would (and was... honestly, AM) be a lot less understanding.

 

[luvthemstrawberries]

Choosing the date and location. We had no "dreams" beforehand of places we KNEW we'd want to get married in, or special dates we wanted. So we waited until we found the right place and the date fell into place. We actually took a break in there on our searching just to try to let it come to us.

 

[Lanie]

Tracking down people that didn''t RSVP.

I even had to track down one couple that I work with that didn''t RSVP. She told me, oh yes, we are coming. And then they didn''t show up after all.

The most difficult thing AFTER the wedding is coming to grips with people that RSVP''d that they were coming and then don''t show up. We had about 10, but we had about 2 extras that wandered in. If you RSVP, SHOW UP. Even if it''s just to eat. Someone is paying for that meal people! And ours was a little over 100 a person for the reception alone, so that really adds up!!!

 

[honey22]

The budget! I seems like everything more expensive that I first thought

 

[ilovesparkles]

Date: 8/12/2009 3:45:10 PM
Author: sba771

Date: 8/12/2009 3:38:20 PM

Author: Lilac

Date: 8/12/2009 1:18:28 PM


Author: sba771


parent/in-law relations. I am actually considering canceling the wedding because of this, I am taking the week to think about it. I am fuming at the moment based on disrespect issues.

I agree with the parent/in-law relations being the hardest part. That definitely was the worst part.



sba771 - I''m so sorry things are so difficult for you right now - I really hope it gets better soon

Thank you- we would still get married, but elope. I am sick of being belittled and put down because my mother who keeps kosher and is paying for the whole wedding by herself wants a kosher wedding and apparently this is wrong somehow? Big eye roll from me! I just keep reminding my mother while its great if in-laws are friends, in the long run they don''t have to be and I will not let my mom be walked all over. Lilac, I think you and I have certain familial similarities that I wish, for both our sakes, we didn''t have!

!!!!

My FMIL is pissed with me because I want my wedding to be kosher! And to make it worse, most of my family doesn''t understand either, in fact my aunt is down right being idiotic about it all! (My family isn''t Jewish, his is, and I am and I am more strict than his family is) Did that all make sense? Ugh. FMIL is only contributing to the groom''s dinner and it has been a fight tooth and nail and we are only throwing around ideas at this point! OMG! The latest is that it has to happen before Shabbat begins, well this isn''t good enough. It''s not a real dinner if it starts at 4PM so she has decided to throw a dinner party for her side of the family and OOT guests on Saturday night since Friday''s dinner is too early, and we can''t afford to feed people a proper meal on Sunday. I informed H that I would NOT be present on Saturday night. She can afford to throw a huge dinner on Friday night, she can afford to throw a huge dinner on Saturday night, but won''t give us a dime for our wedding on Sunday! Nothing is ever good enough for her, our ideas are never right, she could always improve everything. It has gotten to the point my own mother asked, jokingly of course, "do we have to invite her?!"

So yeah, in-laws. And I am only into planning 2 months. After that, comes budget.

 

[cocolaw]

DECIDING ON INVITATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[DMBFiredancer]

Date: 8/12/2009 10:50:42 AM
Author: rhbgirl24
Paying for it.

hahahhaha! I agree!

 

[sba771]

Date: 8/13/2009 6:44:29 PM
]




!!!!

My FMIL is pissed with me because I want my wedding to be kosher! And to make it worse, most of my family doesn''t understand either, in fact my aunt is down right being idiotic about it all! (My family isn''t Jewish, his is, and I am and I am more strict than his family is) Did that all make sense? Ugh. FMIL is only contributing to the groom''s dinner and it has been a fight tooth and nail and we are only throwing around ideas at this point! OMG! The latest is that it has to happen before Shabbat begins, well this isn''t good enough. It''s not a real dinner if it starts at 4PM so she has decided to throw a dinner party for her side of the family and OOT guests on Saturday night since Friday''s dinner is too early, and we can''t afford to feed people a proper meal on Sunday. I informed H that I would NOT be present on Saturday night. She can afford to throw a huge dinner on Friday night, she can afford to throw a huge dinner on Saturday night, but won''t give us a dime for our wedding on Sunday! Nothing is ever good enough for her, our ideas are never right, she could always improve everything. It has gotten to the point my own mother asked, jokingly of course, ''do we have to invite her?!''


So yeah, in-laws. And I am only into planning 2 months. After that, comes budget.

Hugs!! It is beyond frustrating especially when people question something that is important and a belief. I get so worked up over it! Now i need to go punch things on my wii.

 

[Delster]

Date: 8/12/2009 3:38:20 PM
Author: Lilac

Date: 8/12/2009 1:18:28 PM

Author: sba771

parent/in-law relations. I am actually considering canceling the wedding because of this, I am taking the week to think about it. I am fuming at the moment based on disrespect issues.

I agree with the parent/in-law relations being the hardest part. That definitely was the worst part.


sba771 - I''m so sorry things are so difficult for you right now - I really hope it gets better soon

+ 1

 

[cleokizzy]

entourage list and FMIL/FSisters-IL relations are the most difficult aspect that i'm experiencing right now.

entourage list: our church only allows 5 BMs (i know, it sucks) and i already know who that would be. the problem is, FI wants BOTH his sisters to be BMs as well but i don't get along with them! i'm like... 4 of my BMs are my really, realllyyyy best friends who are traveling overseas just to attend my wedding and why would i want to kick 2 of my besties just to put 2 women who was never close to me?!?

FMIL: FI's the eldest, the only guy and the 1st in his generation to get married so FMIL is making a HUGE FUSS over the situation. similar to jlo's monster-in-law movie! for her, no one is ever good for her only son. sheesh. believe me, i'm amazed of the extent this lady will do to keep the wedding from happening.

FSistersIL: we've been engaged for how many months now and not one of FI's sisters has called/txt/email congratulating me on our engagement. need i say more?

 

[MonkeyPants]

Date: 8/14/2009 7:22:40 AM
Author: Delster

Date: 8/12/2009 3:38:20 PM

Author: Lilac

Date: 8/12/2009 1:18:28 PM


Author: sba771


parent/in-law relations. I am actually considering canceling the wedding because of this, I am taking the week to think about it. I am fuming at the moment based on disrespect issues.

I agree with the parent/in-law relations being the hardest part. That definitely was the worst part.



sba771 - I''m so sorry things are so difficult for you right now - I really hope it gets better soon

+ 1

+1 for me too...the FIL''s are making me so upset right now. They will not help us financially at all, yet want to invite 100+ of distant relatives and friends (site is 150 max) and also expect their names on the invites as hosts. I''ve thought about postponing/cancelling the wedding, but the large deposit we put down on the site is holding me back...I''m in limbo. FI won''t put his foot down and stand up to his parents...okay can''t talk about this anymore, it only makes me more enraged