What now...

[taovandel]

FF just got home after quitting his job. He was high up in our department and was making a nice living and now he''s unemployed.

I''m supportive as all get out over the situation. I work at the same company and I saw how unhappy and stressed out he was. I saw how our boss treated him and talked down to him. So I''m actually kinda proud of him for standing up to his boss and just quitting.

Now, though, the worry sets in.

Will he be able to get another job the way the economy is right now? Will it pay at least close to what he was earning before? Will we be able to afford the plans we have in place for our future together? Is my current boss going to turn on me next just because of our relationship?

 

[Lauren8211]

Wow. That''s really tough. I''m sorry to hear that.

Good for him for standing up for himself though! It takes a lot to do that, and from the sounds of it, he made a good decision. It''s not worth it to be in a job that makes you miserable.

I wouldn''t start to worry too much about the future quite yet. Just have FF start updating his resume, and getting it out there ASAP. No use in worrying over that kind of stuff - it will only upset you, and it''s not going to make anything happen any faster. Cross that bridge when you come to it.

Not too sure how you''re boss will react, but again, not worth worrying about.

Just try and stay positive, and hopefully you''ll be back on track before you know it.

Good Luck!

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 7/15/2008 10:33:56 AM
Author:taovandel

Will he be able to get another job the way the economy is right now? Will it pay at least close to what he was earning before? Will we be able to afford the plans we have in place for our future together? Is my current boss going to turn on me next just because of our relationship?

Did he plan on quitting or was it spontaneous, I can't take it any more, I quit kinda thing? And if he planned it, did he think any of the above through prior to quitting?

 

[Bia]

Staying in a job where you're truly miserable is never a good idea. It can lead to major stress and that can have detrimental effects on one's health...severe effects. So its good that he removed himself from a bad situation.

Now, you two will have to figure out how you're going to get by on one salary. Make the necessary adjustments so you can afford to live comfortably, if frugally. Its not the end of the world, but yes, things will have to change until he starts working again. To answer some of your questions: It is very possible that it might take weeks, even several months, for him to find a new job--but he will eventually. Because he quit without having a Plan B (it doesn't sound like he has a concrete plan--based on your post) then he might have to take a pay cut in his new job, unfortunately. Although, who knows?! He might find something better than he ever dreamed of. It really depends on where you live, how much effort he puts into the job hunt, what you're working with in terms of savings, and countless other factors.

Be there to support him emotionally and help him find leads if you can. Also, try to cut back on things you don't need. I am sure everything will work out, so don't get sick about it, that certainly won't help your situation.

Good luck!

 

[decodelighted]

Uh boy. Mid-twenties? I think many people do what your FI did at least *once* ... usually early in their careers, before they realize its much better to suffer through some discomfort and search for a new job WHILE you have a job. (Especially in times of economic downturn, i.e.: NOW).

Can he get the job BACK? I am not kidding you. If it was a temper flare-up on your FI''s part, maybe he could offer to go to counseling or make some kind of amends & then get super busy looking for his NEW job while still on the payroll. This involves EATING CROW. But sometimes its better than eating *nothing*.

Without knowing your industry its hard to predict how difficult a new job search is going to be. Hope he''s been saving emergency cushion $$.

 

[fieryred33143]

Well all of those questions are really only going to be answered in time.

While I applaud your boyfriend for taking control of his life and his happiness, the worrisome part of me would have asked that he do that only after finding another job. Granted life is too short to sit around feeling miserable, but you can’t pay bills with happy kisses.

That said, chin up. He will get another job because he’s smart and motivated. Even if he gets a slight cut in salary, he’ll be able to move up just as he was able to in his old job. You guys will be able to go through with your plans because its important to the both of you. And finally, if your boss gives you a hard time I have two words for you: Human Resources.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Is he going to be living off of savings until he finds a job? Do you have a domestic partner insurance policy where he can be added?

D recently decided he was unhappy in his career and is taking a year off (more if he goes back for his PhD) to figure out what he would like to do. Granted, this is something we discussed for months and I urged him to go for it, but I still think I can understand your ambivalence between wanting to be supportive and also being scared. My issue with this is that it sounds like his decision was a very emotional one without any forethough (for instance the insurance issue) and he may have burned some bridges in the process, but if he's decided this is what he wants and you support it, then I guess there is nowhere to look but forward.

Date: 7/15/2008 10:33:56 AM
Author:taovandel

Will he be able to get another job the way the economy is right now? Will it pay at least close to what he was earning before? Will we be able to afford the plans we have in place for our future together? Is my current boss going to turn on me next just because of our relationship?

How are you going to handle the finances from this point on? I mean, are you okay with paying more while he's jobless? I only ask because we created a new savings/spending plan on my salary alone, but I wouldn't have been willing to do this if we were dating. If we were dating, I woud have outlined a plan where we adjusted our lifestyle based on how much he would have to take out of his savings every month. Or, if there was no savings, I would agree to cover all the bills for xx number of months, then when he was working again he would cover the bills for the same number of months. I think it's important that no matter what you decide, you still live beneath your means so that if it does take him a little while to find another job, you aren't struggling to make ends meet every month. Our mentality about the job market is sort of to expect the worst, then if something comes along that he loves and pays as well as his old job, we'll be pleasantly surprised.

Good luck! Sounds like a stressful time and I hope it works out!

 

[peridot83]

Make sure he gets on a health insurance plan fast - even just an emergency/catastrophe plan. I imagine it will suck, but you both will be able to struggle through on one salary. However, without health insurance, if he has a major accident or health scare, it could set him or you both back for a v. long time.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

*Raising hand in response to Deco’s post*

I quit a job I had been at for 5 years without any real forethought. Sure, I had thought about leaving the position many times prior to Q-Day but I had never been very diligent in my search.

I did not find a job immediately. I spent my days looking every place I could have imagined. A month went by and I had no leads, no job, no health insurance and felt that I had tapped out of the game a little too early. Despite the situation, I kept at my search and held the belief I would indeed find a job. At the month and a half mark, I did find a position at a company I love. The salary was not on par with what I had originally thought I could go for but I felt I had to take the position just to have something. Fortunately it has worked out for me and although I do have my feelers out for a higher paying job, I do not regret my decision.

You have to tackle the very big aspects of the situation: can your FFI obtain health insurance? What is the cost of obtaining health insurance? In your state can he apply for an unemployment claim even at the risk of the claim being denied by your former employer? Does he have any viable connections to rely upon when looking for a job? Will his previous employer be willing to give him a recommendation or has he completely burned that bridge? Does he have savings to fall back on and if so, how long can you live off of those savings?
Like NEL said, you have to come up with a budget plan immediately. It’s better to be prepared for a few months of a single income than to think he will have a job within a few weeks and not be prepared at all. I also caution you against withdrawing any funds from retirement accounts without real reason to do so. I opted to cash out my profit sharing account when I left my previous job and let’s just say it was not worth the tax penalties at the end of the year!

 

[purrfectpear]

He broke rule #1. No quitting until you have the next job lined up. Unless your employer is doing something illegal, or putting you in physical danger, it''s best to interview on the nasty employers dime.
Not only is it better financially, but it''s MUCH easier to line up a new job while you are still employed. When the interviewer asks why you are looking to change you can tell them you are looking for more growth, etc. They respect that and think they are "stealing you away".

Almost every employer is going to wonder about a voluntary quit. It''s not a smart thing to do and they know it. Now they''ll wonder why he left. It''s a catch 22, he can''t give many details without looking like a whiner, and if he doesn''t give details they''ll wonder.

 

[dreaming of the day]

My BF did the same thing, he quit his job about a month ago and has yet to find new employment. He had some savings though, mostly for my ring...but I am so proud of him for standing up for himself. He finished school almost a year ago, but stayed in the same job. He asked for a raise because he was now more educated and he hadn''t had a raise (even cost of living raise) in about seven years. This was a family business and he felt very disrespected, so he quit and I couldn''t be happier. This is a time in our lives where he is able to this, and he wouldn''t have switched jobs unless he quit his old one. The only problem is that our economy has slowed and his experience is in a different filed than he wants to get into - but we can make it at least until September very comfortably it just means our engagement is going to be prolonged quite a bit. Plus we are in Canada, and health insurance is automatic which is a big stress reliever.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

The original poster did not ask whether we think her SO should have quit or what our opinions are on finding a job when employed vs. finding a job when unemployed.

Her SO has already quit the job, so some of these comments are not really helpful to her.


OP, would your SO be able to get a favorable reference if new employers call the previous employer? I think that is on every single job application I''ve ever filled out. "May we contact this employer? If no, please explain." He should be ready with a good response if he doesn''t feel comfortable referring the interviewers to his old boss!


Good luck with the boss not taking it out on you. My advoce there is to just make sure you dot your i''s and cross your t''s while the situation settles. Good luck to you! I know it can be stressful, but when we''re young and unmarried, we can afford to search for our niche and live on ramen for a while. You can do it!!!

 

[decodelighted]

There have been a couple of mentions of "standing up for" yourself or "standing up to" a boss. Sure, there are times when a boss is truly abusive & you have to remove yourself from the situation immediately -- but that's EXTREME. Its hard to know what to expect in the workplace (a lot of grief) without having that experience *elsewhere*. Really, EVERYWHERE is gonna require some degree of swallowing less-than-ideal treatment. You can keep "standing up" for yourself but that's how many people end up in poverty. Their ego gets in the way. They expect too much. They let their pride get in the way of common sense.

"Looking out" for yourself is finding the new job first. Like I said, its not unusual for this to happen ONCE. If it becomes a pattern, though, the common denominator is *them* -- not the workplaces.


ETA: @Guilty Pleasure ... my advice is to see if he can get the job BACK. And I explain why in my first post. Not too late to *try* - if one has some humility.

 

[Bia]

Date: 7/15/2008 2:00:36 PM
Author: decodelighted
There have been a couple of mentions of 'standing up for' yourself or 'standing up to' a boss. Sure, there are times when a boss is truly abusive & you have to remove yourself from the situation immediately -- but that's EXTREME. Its hard to know what to expect in the workplace (a lot of grief) without having that experience *elsewhere*. Really, EVERYWHERE is gonna require some degree of swallowing less-than-ideal treatment. You can keep 'standing up' for yourself but that's how many people end up in poverty. Their ego gets in the way. They expect too much. They let their pride get in the way of common sense.

'Looking out' for yourself is finding the new job first. Like I said, its not unusual for this to happen ONCE. If it becomes a pattern, though, the common denominator is *them* -- not the workplaces.

Not necessarily. I definitely agree that, yes, there are times you have suck it up with a boss...they are the boss for a reason afterall, but sometimes you can only swallow so much s**t.

Personally, I have been in a job that wasn't extreme or abusive but it was making me sick with stress. When you're leaving work on Friday, dreading going back on Monday so much so that you can't enjoy your time off (not to mention losing your hair--yes, I did and it was not cool--don't worry, I'm not bald, I have a full healthy head of hair

), that's not the job for you. I was lucky that I had parents to fall back on at the time (I was an undergrad and parents were helping me out financially quite a bit) but even if I hadn't I would have taken appropriate measures to leave.

In this case, the OP's BF was with the company for a significant amount of time. Whatever his reasons for wanting to leave, I am sure they are valid. OP said he left a "high-up" position, where the pay was really good--most people don't give up that sort unless its to move on to something better OR they're very unhappy. Also, while it makes sense to find the NEXT job before you leave the current, finding that next job can take so much longer than you originially anticipated...the stress in the interim might just not be worth it.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 7/15/2008 2:18:32 PM
Author: Bia
Also, while it makes sense to find the NEXT job before you leave the current, finding that next job can take so much longer than you originially anticipated...the stress in the interim might just not be worth it.

Have you experienced the stress of prolonged unemployment? Or worse, prolonged unemployment during an economic downturn with dwindling savings & no parents to "fall back" on? Some of you guys are downplaying the seriousness of the situation with peppy slogans & virtual high-fives. I''m offering the counterbalance to that. Both sides are valuable.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

Date: 7/15/2008 2:00:36 PM
Author: decodelighted
There have been a couple of mentions of ''standing up for'' yourself or ''standing up to'' a boss. Sure, there are times when a boss is truly abusive & you have to remove yourself from the situation immediately -- but that''s EXTREME. Its hard to know what to expect in the workplace (a lot of grief) without having that experience *elsewhere*. Really, EVERYWHERE is gonna require some degree of swallowing less-than-ideal treatment. You can keep ''standing up'' for yourself but that''s how many people end up in poverty. Their ego gets in the way. They expect too much. They let their pride get in the way of common sense.


''Looking out'' for yourself is finding the new job first. Like I said, its not unusual for this to happen ONCE. If it becomes a pattern, though, the common denominator is *them* -- not the workplaces.



ETA: @Guilty Pleasure ... my advice is to see if he can get the job BACK. And I explain why in my first post. Not too late to *try* - if one has some humility.

Your first response is not what prompted me to post. You addressed what he could do at this point (try to get the job back), not what the guy should have done this morning.

 

[Bia]

Date: 7/15/2008 2:46:50 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 7/15/2008 2:18:32 PM
Author: Bia
Also, while it makes sense to find the NEXT job before you leave the current, finding that next job can take so much longer than you originially anticipated...the stress in the interim might just not be worth it.

Have you experienced the stress of prolonged unemployment? Or worse, prolonged unemployment during an economic downturn with dwindling savings & no parents to 'fall back' on? Some of you guys are downplaying the seriousness of the situation with peppy slogans & virtual high-fives. I'm offering the counterbalance to that. Both sides are valuable.

No, I haven't, thankfully.

The stress of losing a job, or leaving one's job, or not finding a job, can be great, but so can staying in one that makes you unhappy--I don't believe I was downplaying with "peppy slogans"(?) or at least I wasn't trying to, not sure who you're referring to. I very much agree that a job (any job) is valuable, especially today. However, in this case, he already left the job, and it doesn't appear he wants to return to it--Showing the OP support by giving her a "what do to now that one of us isn't working" makes more sense to me since she isn't asking IF her man should walk away.

 

[mrs jam]

What a stressful situation. A long time ago, I remember hearing a quote from Drew Carey (at least I think it was him): "So you hate your job? There''s a support group for that.. It''s called EVERYBODY, and we meet at the bar every Fri. night."

While I agree that life is too short to stay in a job you actively despise, I agree with what deco is saying about the stress caused by unemployment. I don''t have any advice on whether or not your boyfriend will be able to quickly find a job with comparable salary/benefits as that depends on his profession and the area, but please PLEASE make sure he maintains some kind of health insurance, even if he has to go the expensive COBRA route. I''ve heard too many nightmarish stories about people who let their insurance lapse in this type of circumstance, and either have to spend a good portion of their lives making medical payments or have had to declare bankruptcy.

As another poster stated, he needs to spend some time thinking about what he will tell his prospective employers about why he quit his last job. Since he spent a long time working there, he can''t just leave it off of his resume.

I know you want to be a supportive girlfriend, but please look out for yourself and your future, also. Do you guys live together? I know that hindsight is 20/20, but he is a big boy, and he made the decision to quit knowing he didn''t have another job lined up. Your main responsibility is to be emotionally supportive, not financially supportive as you''re not married, and your finances are not tied to his.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

i am currently in this boat right now and unfortunately my so is as well. we have no income except what we had saved up and also my second job 2 days a week. my boss was an absolutely horrid woman (keep in mind i was only working at jc pennys for hardly any money) and i finally just didnt come in to work one day and i quit on the spot. i still don''t regret it. yeah i may not have insurance and i may not be able to do fun stuff like i could before but i would rather deal with all this nasty stuff while hunting for a job i love rather than be stuck at one i dreaded going to every day. just my two cents

 

[taovandel]

Thank you everyone for your post.

His boss was emotionally abusive towards him. Talking down to him, belittling him in front of his staff, just everything. My boyfriend would go into work at 4 in the morning til 7:00 p.m. sometimes to get work done because he was worried the boss would flip on him over something tiny (My FF is an Executive Chef). When he first got the position the only day off he had for 4 1/2 months was because my ff got in a car accident on the way to the job.

My boyfriend technically put his resignation in (two weeks notice) and the boss told him to leave...so I''m assuming he will get some form of severance but I''m not entirely sure...because the boss might say that he never told him to leave. That''s just the kind of person that he is.

I make a decent salary so I''ll be able to support him for a bit, and he will get some assistance from his family. He''s already picked up applications for other jobs. And he had someone try and steal him away from our current company about a month a half ago. So he''s going to call them up to see if the offer is still on the table. I''m crossing my fingers that it will still be available as it was a perfect job with a restaurant he knows all about with a pretty decent salary.

I''m also worried that the boss is going to take his anger out on me now---I have a pretty decent relationship with him currently. I personally have no plans on bringing any personal issues to the job and I don''t plan on getting in the middle of this either.

 

[KimberlyH]

My understanding of the restaurant world (I have a relative who has worked in high end restaurants in a large city) is that his hours and the behavior of your boyfriends'' former boss is not all that uncommon. I hope he finds a place to work where he can be happy, quickly. In the meantime, cut back, cut back, cut back so that you have some cushion if necessary.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 7/15/2008 2:46:50 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 7/15/2008 2:18:32 PM
Author: Bia
Also, while it makes sense to find the NEXT job before you leave the current, finding that next job can take so much longer than you originially anticipated...the stress in the interim might just not be worth it.

Have you experienced the stress of prolonged unemployment? Or worse, prolonged unemployment during an economic downturn with dwindling savings & no parents to ''fall back'' on? Some of you guys are downplaying the seriousness of the situation with peppy slogans & virtual high-fives. I''m offering the counterbalance to that. Both sides are valuable.

Deco my dear...this is where we date ourselves. A lot of it is a GENERATIONAL thing.

There have been quite a few articles out there on newsites about 20 somethings and their outlook on work. Many are more idealistic (wanting to make a difference over making a ton of money), and they are said to job jump more frequently than their 30 something associates. They are also less likely to "eat crow."

I understand what it''s like working for a tough boss. My boss is in his 50''s. Talk about a generational difference. When I first started my current job, I made a serious mistake. I had been so used to working for GenX bosses, that a coworker and I made the error of thinking that Baby Boomers operate the same way. Not so. That led to us almost getting fired and he said something to my coworker that we could have probably reported to HR. I should stress here that what we did wasn''t bad at all...in a GenX company, I doubt anyone would have batted much of an eye.

I really wanted to quit. But I already learned the "don''t quit until you have another job" lesson in my early 20''s when I was unemployed for 6 months with not much saved. So instead, I took it as a challenge and ate some serious humble pie.

It took a month for my boss to cease his cold behavior and probably another couple for him to warm up to me again. Now I can say I really enjoy working for the guy, and he treats me with respect and kindness. I really consider myself fortunate.

To the OP...it sounds like your man was in a tough situation. I do agree that sometimes, you gotta get yourself out of misery...but I still think hunting for a job first is the wisest thing to do, in 99% of circumstances.

 

[allycat0303]

I think you are in a really difficult situation. I honestly believe in respecting yourself, BUT, I really think there is nothing worst then being unemployed if you don''t have sufficient savings. I don''t know if it is a generation-thing (I''m 28 years old) but I do believe that you should (whenever possible) keep a job until you have another one. I think taking poopy is practically a given when it comes to career.

Case in point, my current supervisor has said the most inappropriate things to me. She is so far OFF the SPECTRUM of unprofessional, that I filed a complaint against her. I asked that it not be processed until I done with my rotation, and my official evaluation is done. I still have 2 weeks of sick verbal abuse coming up, but sometimes, I think you have to keep your vision focused on the end goal.

My guy couldn''t quit until he found a new job because he''s the only one working right now. If however, you don''t have a mortgage to pay, or school fees, I think the best thing to do is take a deep breath, drink a glass a wine and look forward to better opportunities. It sounds to me like he was going to quit anyways, so it just happened earlier later then ok. All of this is transitory and you WILL get through it. Best of luck with the job hunt!