what should i do? DELAYED ENGAGEMENT!!!

[Nitza1124]

My boyfriend and I have known eachother for three years. So, for the past two months we were looking at some rings. We found the perfect one, not too long ago, maybe about a month or so. So my FF put a down payment on it, and everything was fine. But not for long!!! The jewelry place called him and told him that he recieved the center stone, and asked if we wanted to go and see it, with our setting. Of course i said yes, but when i saw the stone it was NOT love at first sight, the stone wasnt sparkly, and wasnt the size we wanted. When I told the jeweler i didnt like it he got really mad AT ME like if i was supposed to just say ok and buy it. He started telling me that the stone was fine, and that i was just too picky!!! Can you believe that??? anyway, i immediately told my FF that i didnt want to purchase my ring from that place.

I was pretty bummed because i thought that would be the ring, and that we didnt have to search anymore. So my FF and i spoke about just taking our time, and trying to find a reputable jeweler so that we would be completely satisfied with our purchase. So today he shows up at my door with an adorable teacup yorkie that he bought for me!!! He''s sooooooo cute, and small, and btw i named him Armani. But he spent $2,000 on him, and i know that now he wont have enough money for my ring. Then when i asked him why he made such a big purchase, knowing that we were trying to buy a ring, he said the when he saw the dog he just had to get him for me, and he knew that i would be ok with our engagement being delayed. I just looked at him, and kissed him, because i do love my dog, and i didnt want to ruin his moment, and seem unappreciative.

But i am a little upset about our engagement being put off for while, (because he also bought himself a 2006 nissan about 6months ago, and he''s still making payments, and he has school loans, and so many other things!) so my question to you ladies is Should i tell him that im upset? or should i just let it go, and just wait for the engagement(which probably wont be until november 2008?

 

[bubbly1126]

Aww. I know that''s got to be a huge bummer for you!

I think it was totally adorable what he did, getting you a puppy and all, but I think you should sit him down and tell him how you feel. You don''t have to be mean about it or anything. Just say how you love the puppy but that putting off your engagement (by buying the dog, or anything else for that matter) is something that he should have discussed with you beforehand. After all, when you are married, you''re going to have to consult with each other before any big purchase is done, right?

Some might say just to wait for the engagement and not say anything, but in my opinion, he should know how you feel about this... even if you do love the puppy and would never consider giving him/her up for a ring, he should know. After all, communication is key is every relationship.

But for now, just be happy that he was sweet enough to think of you when he saw this puppy and just wanted so badly for you to have it. Sounds like you got a good guy!

 

[Steel]

Nitza,

I thought you came across as very sweet in your post

. Contrats on holding your tongue when your fella gave you your pup, it took me a long time to learn how to do that. Well done. Good job on the ring also, it shows to me that you are not ''desperate'' for just ''any'' ring. Well done for standing up for both you and your prospective FI against that silly jeweller.

Hmm, about the engagement. You will have to think about what you want before you say how you feel. You really feel that he shouldn''t have really spent that much money when there is a ring out there needing to be bought. But as you have the puppy and as he feels he did the right thing getting the dog (perhaps esp. after the disappointment with that jeweller) you can''t tell him off! So what do you want. Do you want to "moan"? Do that here, we will listen and understand

. Don’t tell your boyfriend. He thinks he did the right thing. He can''t undo it and you wouldn’t want to lose the puppy. Let it rest.

But, about the engagement....

Two options, get engaged sooner with a symbolic ring/ no ring/ cheaper version. Or, wait.

You seem to have a keeper. It doesn’t really matter when you get engaged. Go give him a cuddle! Then cuddle that cute puppy, PICS please!

 

[iheartscience]

Personally, I''d have a really hard time keeping it a secret for over a YEAR that I wanted to be engaged right now. Why in God''s name would he think you''d rather have a puppy and wait to get engaged for a year instead of getting engaged NOW?

Plus, $2000 for a puppy? Yikes. The SPCA charges around a $100 adoption fee, I think...if he wanted to get you a puppy he could have gone there. Do you think he spent that much to delay the engagement on purpose?

This just seems very strange to me. Maybe I''m jumping to conclusions, but I can''t say I''ve ever heard of a guy delaying an engagement for over a year so he could buy his girlfriend a puppy.

 

[BELLA9280]

that is soo sweet!! i look at it as ur bf figured it was going to take awhile to find "the ring" so why not show his love to you threw the puppy!! it symbolizes you guys starting your family together, i think its great!! enjoy it and vent on here thats what we are here for!! bring up the engagement to him in a month or so, by suggesting to go see a new jewler that a "friend" recommended! when the time is right it will happen and its going to all work out!! Congrats on the new puppy Pic please!!

 

[diamondfan]

First, good for you not taking a stone you do not like. You would always question it.

Second, why can''t you get engaged with some other ring in the meantime, something with a colored stone perhaps, that is not too pricey? The ring is the least of it, it is your desire to be together, and the ring symbolizes that. You can certainly be engaged without a ring or with a ring that will do the trick for now...

Cute puppy is wonderful, but do not let that derail your timeline!

 

[Nitza1124]

AWWW thanks, you girls made me feel soo much better

i agree with all of you, and like steel said i wont tell him anything for now, because its already done, and he thinks that he did the right thing, and like bella said a puppy can symbolize us starting a family together. However, in the future when he decides to make another purchase we''ll consult eachother like bubbly said.

o0o and diamondfan that a great idea, we dont have to buy such a pricey ring right now, after all i want to be with him more than anything...so ill definitely think about that!!!

Thanks ladies

Oo0o0 and im going to try my best to get pics of the pup as soon as i can!!!!!!!!

 

[bee*]

Date: 9/30/2007 9:58:51 AM
Author: thing2of2
Personally, I''d have a really hard time keeping it a secret for over a YEAR that I wanted to be engaged right now. Why in God''s name would he think you''d rather have a puppy and wait to get engaged for a year instead of getting engaged NOW?


Plus, $2000 for a puppy? Yikes. The SPCA charges around a $100 adoption fee, I think...if he wanted to get you a puppy he could have gone there. Do you think he spent that much to delay the engagement on purpose?


This just seems very strange to me. Maybe I''m jumping to conclusions, but I can''t say I''ve ever heard of a guy delaying an engagement for over a year so he could buy his girlfriend a puppy.

This is exactly what I was going to post. I would definitely have a chat with him and see where he stands. I just think that it''s strange that he spent so much on a puppy when you guys are trying to find your stone and get your ring.

 

[Delster]

Can I say that I admire you for not dampening your BF''s enthusiasm when he gave you the gift. I recently discovered this is something I need to work on and I''m feeling very ashamed of myself for not having your grace. So well done you!

At the same time, I agree with bubbly1126 where she said this:

Date: 9/30/2007 12:33:53 AM
Author: bubbly1126
Aww. I know that''s got to be a huge bummer for you!

I think it was totally adorable what he did, getting you a puppy and all, but I think you should sit him down and tell him how you feel. You don''t have to be mean about it or anything. Just say how you love the puppy but that putting off your engagement (by buying the dog, or anything else for that matter) is something that he should have discussed with you beforehand. After all, when you are married, you''re going to have to consult with each other before any big purchase is done, right?


Some might say just to wait for the engagement and not say anything, but in my opinion, he should know how you feel about this... even if you do love the puppy and would never consider giving him/her up for a ring, he should know. After all, communication is key is every relationship.


But for now, just be happy that he was sweet enough to think of you when he saw this puppy and just wanted so badly for you to have it. Sounds like you got a good guy!

Do take the time at some point soon to have a gentle discussion with your BF about how big financial decisions will be taken when you''re married.

Now, how about some pictures of this beautiful puppy?