What should I do to get my stolen engagement ring back?

[spntoriams]

I have a heartbreaking story to tell you. My fiance''s house was broken into about three weeks ago in Queens, NY. There has been a rash of robberies in the neighborhood and none of us expected this to happen. There were two robbers that were spotted, but since they were dressed in suits and did not cause a commotion, we had no idea, until we opened the house and saw everything ransacked.

The items that were stolen were my fiance''s entire jewelry collection, her laptop, and most importantly the engagement ring I gave to her back in mid May. I had saved up almost all of the money that I had put away, meticulously planned how I was going to propose to her and everything. She loved that ring (1.82 carats, F color, SI clarify, GIA) and we even had our names and the date I proposed to her engraved on the platinum setting.

I am here posting this because it seems we have a dead end in the investigation. My fiance''s mother thought it was the roofing company that came over to her house to fix the roof and we told the detective assigened to our case all the reasons why we suspected them. When the mother had a second chance to look at the employees faces, she saw it was not the same people and now the only lead we had seems to be gone.

I tried calling a local TV news station, but the person told me we need the police to ask them to get involved. I have not contacted any newspapers yet, but I am thinking of writing them and even writing a letter to Oprah Winfrey even though the chances of one of her producers calling me to come on the show is almost slim to none.

We were even thinking of going to some local pawn shops and the jewelry districts (Diamond District, Chinatown) and offering a reward if anyone has seen the engagement ring (both diamond and setting intact).

Before I even go on, no I did not get jewelry insurance. People mentioned this to me in the past, but I spent so much money on the ring and I guess since the both of us were still in 7th heaven talking and telling everyone about our happiness, it was put into the back burner until this happened.

The other problem is this: when I tried to tell my fiance about being proactive and helping me to do these things, she is hopeless and gets depressed and tells me to not mention or bring this up because it is painful enough. Everybody tells me I should forget it, move on, and concentrate on our wedding next year, the honeymoon, etc.

What do you guys think I should do?
Should I just forget this ever happened and move on and save up for the more important things?
Should I be proactive, continue calling the detective, go down to as many pawn shops and jewelry stores and see what I can sniff around?

One last thing to-to get your opinion-her mom gave her-her own engagement ring when she was proposed to years ago-my fiance is wearing that now along with the original setting I gave to her back in May (I went in June ''06 to exchange the 18k white gold for platinum) but her new thoughts are to save up a little money and in a few months, trade in her mom''s engagement diamond (not setting) and to pay a few thousand dollars for a ring close to the one I gave to her. I told her that is wrong and she cannot do that since that is a family heirloom.

I also don''t know if I should feel obligated to save up again all of this year and next year and give her a similar engagement ring with the same specs/characteristics or even a better one, or do you feel I should just get a much smaller ring and not feel guilty for using the money to spend instead on our future wedding next year?

Thanks for reading guys! All of your comments will be read by me!

 

[Mara]

you may have some luck checking pawn shops and similar, i would definitely do that, pass around pictures, offer a reward maybe...did you ask the police what their suggestions are as well?

as for what to do re: the lost ring or the heirloom, that''s totally up to you and your fiance and her family. you are asking us what we think you should do but you should sit down and talk to your fiance about it. the two of you should figure out what is an appropriate thing to do. you were foolish to not get insurance on it, but that''s water under the bridge now. i don''t think you are ''obligated'' to save up again to get a replacement...do you have other priorities like the wedding and similar to plan and save for?

it''s sad this happened, but i''d look towards the future. a ring is a ring and it does not represent your relationship or love or future marriage. but again, the best advice on what to do can only come from you and her...the two people involved.

 

[decodelighted]

First of all -- so sorry this happened! Completely AWFUL!

Couple things ...

1) At the residence where the items were stolen ... is there any homeowners or renters insurence? If so investigate if there''s anyway for SOME of the value to be recouped that way?? Laptop? Other items at least?

2) IMO the "jewelry insurence" is both parties responsibility -- not yours, not hers but both of yours. I actually have the policy on my e-ring as I''m now the "owner". I pay for it too! Got it from the same company I have homeowners insurence through ... but even before I owned a home I had renter''s insurence (in case anything happened to the gorgeous multi-million dollar brownstone I was living in - that turned out to be MY fault)

3) If continuing to pursue the "cops" angle helps YOU emotionally - sounds fine to me ... but if she''s not able to be, as you put it "proactive" in this way - I''d try to understand. People deal with loss in different ways -- her lack of participation isn''t lack of CARING or "You deal with it." necesarily.

4) This isn''t a national news story. It''s huge to you - but I wouldn''t get your hopes up about Oprah or Larry King or anything. Robberies sadly happen everyday -- sometimes with violent results. THANK GOODNESS no one was PHYSICALLY INJURED in this case.

5) Re: the new ring ... maybe you can discuss getting a gorgeous eternity band "wedding ring". Blingy & solo for the time being, until you''ve paid for & gotten past the wedding & honeymoon & first house & maybe baby expenses ... all the while saving up for the ring of both of your dreams -- on a special anniversary maybe.

 

[devientdrow]

Oh my God. Let me just say I am SOOO very sorry for you and your fiancee. I just read this out loud to my husband and he remarked on how devastated we both would be. As far as my opinion on stuff, i''d say be proactive, just don''t tell your fiancee unless it''s good news. I''m sure when the pain subsides a little she will be grateful for all the effort you put in. Checking pawn shops are an EXCELLENT idea or anywhere else where they would accept jewlery for sale. Thats a WONDERFUL idea. I mean I doubt these guys are going to wear it or give it away to someone. Heck even check ebay. Robbers have done dumber things in the past. Even if you have to go to some neighboring areas, check those pawn shops too.

I hope she doesn''t sell that family heirloom right away. I know right now she probably is really upset and desperate to have back something like her original ring but she might really regret selling it. I''d try to advise her to give it some time and see how she still feels about selling it.

I just got married too so I understand how pricey weddings can be and only you know your budget. If you think you can stand to save up some extra cash and get her another stone (to perhaps pop in the white gold setting) then go for it. Maybe you could even have it re-engraved and do a whole other romantic night, re propose and let her know how much you love her, just to make the "new" ring special. Or if she will continue wearing her moms it doesn''t hurt to do something romantic with it! If you feel like you don''t have the cash for that maybe you could splurge on the wedding ring? Or just wear what she has now and save up after the wedding for a new ring close to what she had. Nothing will ever replace that original ring and she will constantly be reminded of it''s absence with the wedding plans and all but hopefully you''ll get some ideas from on here!

 

[codex57]

I agree. I'd be proactive. Just don't drag your fiancee into it. Guys tend to want to fix things. Girls... err, they're different from guys. If she doesn't want to talk about it, then don't.

I like checking into pawn shops and stuff. If you find it, let the cops know. Call on a cell phone and stuff. You do have a police report, right? Having your names engraved on the ring is really helpful, altho I suspect that any experienced pawn shop owner may have chucked the setting. But ya never know. An offer for a reward might be enough for them to "find" that setting.

 

[february2003bride]

I''m so sorry!

Don''t forget to check Ebay or CraigsList! You''d be surprised what you''d find on there.

 

[fire&ice]

I''m confused. Why was she not wearing it?

Yes, any insurance will cover up to a certain amount in jewelry loss (around 1500.00). If you own, your mortgagee requires insurance. If you rent, you may have renters. If not, maybe ask your landlord.

It can''t hurt to do your own investigating. But, as noted above, I wouldn''t get her involved.

 

[ephemery1]

Date: 8/29/2006 9:40:44 AM
Author: fire&ice
I'm confused. Why was she not wearing it?

Yes, any insurance will cover up to a certain amount in jewelry loss (around 1500.00). If you own, your mortgagee requires insurance. If you rent, you may have renters. If not, maybe ask your landlord.

I wondered that too? But yes, I was under the impression your homeowners insurance would cover jewelry loss up to a certain point, even if you didn't have the ring specifically insured. I know when my cousin had jewelry stolen from their NYC home last year, the police were extremely helpful and I believe actually suggested the pawn shops where stolen jewelry is most likely to turn up... and maybe even checked the shops out themselves?

It is definitely a sad, sad story, but unfortunately I can't imagine Oprah or a major news story being overly sympathetic, given that you chose not to purchase insurance... although, maybe they would do a show on why insurance IS so important, and use you guys as an example? That honestly might be worth suggesting!

How unfortunate for you guys... keep looking but remember that the ring isn't everything, your marriage is what's truly important. Someday this will be nothing but an unhappy memory, and I LOVE the idea of getting a bling-y eternity band as a wedding band in the meantime. Good luck to you!!!

ETA -- I cringe a little at the thought of trading in her mom's e-ring, unless her mom is absolutely okay with that arrangement. I think it is a great temporary solution for her to wear that ring, until someday in the future when you guys can afford to buy a new one (together - not solely your responsibility).

 

[portoar]

First, I am so sorry this happened to you. I can imagine how devastating it would be after saving up so much for an important ring for your fiancee.

It''s up to you whether to continue your efforts to recover the ring. I think it will be something like searching for a needle in a haystack, but you never know.

I would not try to replace the ring with something similar or better. It sounds like you have a lot of expenses coming up, and that you''re a young couple starting out.

I would buy a nice wedding ring. Set a goal together with your fiancee to replace the engagement ring say, within 3-5 years. Set up a savings plan, a separate savings account with a commitment to add $xx to it each month/year. Then she will be able to see your commitment to replacing her ring and the progress that''s being made toward the goal. When you''re close to your goal, start shopping together.

And next time get the insurance.

 

[bar01]

Date: 8/28/2006 5:24:53 PM
Author:spntoriams
Before I even go on, no I did not get jewelry insurance. People mentioned this to me in the past, but I spent so much money on the ring and I guess since the both of us were still in 7th heaven talking and telling everyone about our happiness, it was put into the back burner until this happened.

The other problem is this: when I tried to tell my fiance about being proactive and helping me to do these things, she is hopeless and gets depressed and tells me to not mention or bring this up because it is painful enough. Everybody tells me I should forget it, move on, and concentrate on our wedding next year, the honeymoon, etc.

What do you guys think I should do?
Should I just forget this ever happened and move on and save up for the more important things?
Should I be proactive, continue calling the detective, go down to as many pawn shops and jewelry stores and see what I can sniff around?

IMHO - you should let this go. When something bad happens to me, or was "done to me", or I have had a loss - I have a strong tendency to depression or anger, and to obsess that there is something I can "do about it" – some justice or payback I can get - and most times I can't get this - and i just end up more upset in the end – and end up having to let it go anyway - but thats just me.

I think your friends are right – you do need to let it go. You need to treat this as a learning experience as most losses and hard times – and how you will grow from it as individual and a couple.

What can you learn from this? (some ideas)

-Well of course the insurance thing

- Bad things happened to good people

- How as a couple with the two of you deal with loss? With adversity? Many married couples won’t have to face this kind of stuff until much later.

- Have you started premarital counseling? This would be a good time to hear from experienced coaches or leaders on what is important in a marriage – and it isn’t the ring.

There are many options for an in expensive (but special) ring now - and an upgade later.


Best prayers for you.

 

[phoenixgirl]

As they say, you live and learn. I would be terribly upset if this happened to me, but I don''t think there''s much chance of recovering it. In the future I''m sure you''ll get insurance for anything you couldn''t afford to replace on your own.

I''m glad that your fiance has something to wear in the interim. If it sounds like a new ring is important to her, save up and do the best you can.

Barring a miracle, there''s not much you can do. A needle in a haystack is right.

 

[angel_nieves]

I am so sorry about hearing your story I agree with everyone else and check all the pawn shops also send out flyers to all pawn shops in near by cities. Hope you find you ring. I wish you the best.

 

[KristyDarling]

Everyone has given you such good advice. I echo the importance of looking upon this as a hard lesson learned and then just letting it go. I can understand how heartbroken she must be since we all tend to fall in love with our rings, but your relationship should flourish with our without an e-ring. And maybe you can console your lady with a pretty, inexpensive gemstone ring that she can wear on her ring finger (i.e. blue topaz, garnet, or her birthstone set in white gold) until you've saved up the resources for a replacement, or you could save your pennies between now and the wedding for a really beautiful wedding band. It's hard to go from being a fiancee with a diamond ring with nothing at all, but I REALLY hope she doesn't trade in her mom's engagement diamond!!! That would be a crying shame. You will pull through this just fine if you can focus on the "right" things, such as planning your wedding, planning your future together, etc. Think of this as just one of the many curveballs life will throw you as a married couple!

I'm sorry you guys are going through this and I wish you the best! You're asking all the right questions and you have a great attitude....it bodes well for you so for that I'm very glad!

 

[reader]

I would be proactive too. Stranger things have happened, and in fact, its fairly common in my small town to have rings sold a few towns away...at any rate, I would try into NJ and Philly. It will make you feel better.