What to put in a ring list?!?!

[sweetpea&babycorn]

Hi everyone. I decided to start a new thread, for a new topic!

But first I wanted to thank everyone for their kind words and positive thoughts. Things are moving forward very well with bf, and there have been some new developments... We got on the topic of marriage again, and he said would be ready to marry me, but is waiting for me to be as well. :O We got to talking about elements that are important for us to include, who would be in our wedding parties, my traditions and his, first dances, what would be in the ceremony, etc it was insane! The conversation was so open, casual, and happy that I was really convinced at this point that he is quite serious about it, which has made me think about it more seriously too. I do love him so much, and whenever we see each other I fall more in love with him. We're definitely out of the honeymoon phase with some conflict that we've dealt with very well. I do feel that I want to spend the rest of my life with him, and I don't really see myself changing my mind unless he did something unthinkable, but it just feels too soon right now. A lot of people say it takes at least six months to REALLY get to know someone, but I feel like we've both been so genuine about who we are and not afraid to say "this is who I am" that we know each other very well at this point. However, I still feel this tug in my heart that says more time is needed, but also that if I can't make up my mind pretty soon about what I want, it'll make him turn in the other direction and misinterpret my uncertainty with disinterest or fear. My best guess is that fear has a lot to do with it, since my sister is currently having a rough time with her husband and they've been married less than a year, and my bf's brother went through an ugly divorce after only being married for 1.5 years.

But all that hasn't stopped me from thinking about the ring! He is still very firm on wanting the proposal to be a complete surprise and letting a small degree of uncertainty about the outcome linger. So, he is not so into ring shopping because he argued then that I would be anticipating a proposal and that's no fun for him. I offered instead to make him a list of the things I would like and wouldn't like and he thought it was a good idea. He recalls a very small amount of information from when his brother shopped for an engagement ring for his now ex-wife (really just the 5Cs, and he could only remember 2). He wouldn't even offer me a price range...

I guess I'll have to go ring shopping by myself to see what I really like, but right now I have fallen madly in love with an OEC diamond on JBEG's website, and I'm pretty sure it'll get swiped up pretty quickly, it's too perfect! He wants me to include things that I don't want as well. I have a feeling this list is going to be quite long. So ladies, I could really use your help in putting a list together! What are the essentials that need to be included? When I'm really ready for us to be engaged, I will give it to him. It needs to be as thorough as possible b/c he's going to be keeping me in the dark for everything else.

Thank you so much!!!!

 

[Rhea]

If you don't get much say in it, then please try not to get too attached to a particular style or design. I always think engagement rings are so tricky and almost a set up for failure for both men and women. The man wants to surprise. The woman has to wear it for the rest of her life. It becomes an odd male pride vs woman taste and ability to wear what she wants thing.

I'd include:
ring size
high or low setting
metal intolerance
preferred shapes
shapes you don't like
flush fit or not
solitaire or sidestones
simple setting or more detailed

A lot of this comes down to his budget though. If he's thinking $3,000 and you like pave and sidestones it's probably not going to happen!

 

[TwistedPrincess]

That's lovely that you're moving forward in your relationship, but if you feel that you're not quite ready remember that getting engaged doesn't mean you're going to get married the next month!! You could have a long engagement if that's something you feel more comfortable with.

Anyway...on to the fun part!

Choosing a ring is pretty much impossible unless you have a budget as for many people, it's a balancing act trying to get as many of the 4C's as high as possible!

For example, you may be more interested in having a massive stone, but at the cost of lower colour or inclusions. That's just personal preference so you need to have a think about what's the most important to you.

Aside from that, you definitely need to tell him your ring size and what material you want it to be. Then you just need to describe the setting as Addy said, and your preference of diamond shape.

Hope that helps!

 

[MayFlowers]

I agree with the above posters and what they said should be on there. I also think you need to keep these in mind:

Definitely preferences when it comes to the 4C's. Since you don't know his budget, you definitely need to decide what you would be willing to give on to get a bigger stone (if that's what your looking for). At one point in time I gave BF a ring list. I had an idea of what he would be spending, but basically I noted how low I was willing to go for the 4C's and that he could go that low no matter his budget to get as big a stone as possible, and still satisfy my preferences. Basically, I left the size of the diamond up to his budget. But I would also note that if he came down to two diamonds, one being a 0.80 J SI1 and a 0.75 H SI1, I would rather have the 0.75 because the size difference wouldn't be too noticeable, but the color difference would be to my eyes.

On my list, I also described some settings I like. So, I love solitaires, but I don't want a plain typical peg head solitaire. I want something with cathedral, preferably interesting profile view like swirls or surprise diamonds, and I want it to be under 2.2mm width. Now that I type that out though, it seems incredibly picky. So, if you think that much information would overwhelm him or wouldn't give him enough freedom in the choice, I would pick the things you want the most. For me it would be thin band and cathedral setting.

If/when you write this list, just try to keep putting yourself in his shoes. Think of what he will think or how he will respond while he's reading it. If he wants some say in the ring, then I would make sure that it is general enough to satisfy your wants, but would also be found in several different ring styles so that he can really choose the ring. If he doesn't want much say and just wants the proposal to be a surprise, then heck I would attach pictures of rings/stones/settings that you like!

 

[Sun-Shine]

A picture is worth a thousand words I'd print something off, label it clearly and give him some options. I'd also include the numbers of vendors, or a friend as sparkle savvy as you who can give some input, if you'd be comfortable. Also include rings in a few budgets for example $1,500; $3,000; $5,000; $7,500 and $10,000. But do some math in your head before giving him the list. How much you think he makes - estimated expenses x the number of months he'll have to save = potential budget then put your ring choices within that guess. To me nothing would be worse then handing over pictures with nothing in his budget. My SO asked for a list (which I have yet to compile), but there is only one ring I really really want so I plan to print it off in a smaller size than I know he can afford (we have joint banking so there are no money secrets) and just write on it "size of stone to fit your chosen budget." Hope that helps, let us know what you put on the list

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

I am in the same boat with you. My SO knows exactly what I like because we've talked about it. In fact, I wrote him a list to include two different shapes and then I advised the different types of settings that I would like, depending on the shape. I am really open to NOT have an engagement ring and just have an eternity wedding band in the 2-3ctw range, but he seems adamant about me having an engagement ring so we'll see. Thankfully, I work for an online jewelry store and have given a more detailed list (colors I would be ok with for each shape, clarity I am good with and general setting information, along with pictures lol) to a favorite co-worker 'just in case' and then I gave SO her email. I have taught SO a TON about diamonds, so I have full confidence that he would do fine on his own, but with the resources of people that I work with he will do better than ever! Have him contact a trusted friend who can help guide him in the right direction and make sure that friend will not peep a word to you. The co-worker that I trusted with helping SO (well maybe, as I have no idea if he's contacted her or not) actually helped me keep a secret like this for another co-worker, so I know that no hints or anything will be given to me. I’m really lucky to be working with awesome people who know a ton about diamonds, so I know I’m in good hands! Good Luck!