What to wear?

[museikchik]

This is going to sound really dumb. My FI and I are going on Saturday to look at one of our venue choices and meet with the catering manager. I was telling my FI that we should go somewhat business casual so that the people take us seriously (I don''t want to come off as being totally clueless, even though we are). My FI doesn''t think its a big deal and wants to go in jeans. He says that we are the ones giving them our money so it shouldn''t matter but I don''t see it that way at all. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 4/7/2008 7:19:46 PM
Author:museikchik
This is going to sound really dumb. My FI and I are going on Saturday to look at one of our venue choices and meet with the catering manager. I was telling my FI that we should go somewhat business casual so that the people take us seriously (I don't want to come off as being totally clueless, even though we are). My FI doesn't think its a big deal and wants to go in jeans. He says that we are the ones giving them our money so it shouldn't matter but I don't see it that way at all. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

I don't think there is a good answer. It seems to be a Mars Venus thing (as in Men are from and Women are from). I had almost this identical conversation with John, my fiance.

He did say, in defense of his 'theory,' that if they AREN'T going to treat us well, and ARE going to be snobby or difficult, then its better that we find out before we book them. So he was like, "we'll show up a little late, look totally casual, and just see what happens."

Actually I thought it was a good point and went along with it. We showed up 5-10 minutes late, dressed DOWN instead of up, and were very nice-- but threw them some loops with the questions we asked just to see how they'd react. It helped us make the decision on which vendor to pick.

You WANT them to treat you bad, or be snobby or show you their dark side NOW, before you book. You don't want to find out after they have your deposit.

 

[Independent Gal]

The biggest most important ingredient to not looking clueless is.... not BEING clueless! Arm yourself with a tonne of information... costs elsewhere, questions to ask, etc. If you do a search on here you''ll find lots of threads to help you. If you''re armed with lots of info and ask smart questions, it won''t matter whether you''re wearing jeans or not (although, like any public business meeting, being at least clean and somewhat tidy can''t hurt!)

 

[Dreamgirl]

If it''s important to you, just ask him to throw on a pair of khakis instead of jeans and that will work........

 

[cara]

I don''t think you want to look too scruffy/slobby. You do want them to actually want your business, and you might end up negotiating in some regard.

Yes it would be nice if all people in different clothes got the same treatment, but they don''t. Even if the venue rep isn''t intentionally discriminating, it is impossible not to have some kind of first impression and adjust yourself accordingly.

That said, I don''t think you necessarily want to dress up too much. But neater weekend wear/low end of business casual seems appropriate.

 

[Gypsy]

ARGH. It deleted what I wrote.

What I forgot to add to my post is I don't do scruffy. What I meant by dress down is nice dark wash jeans, a cute top like a cashmere sweater, heeled boots, and a dressier (business) overcoat. John wore dark wash jeans and a nice sweater, nice leather lace up casual shoes and his nicer (business) coat. I carried my coach bag, wore my reset ering, and my watch. This was dressing down from my original plan of nice overcoat (it was winter), dressier top, slacks and nicer shoes for both of us.

I'm not a very casual dresser so even my casual is usually a bit dressy.

John can do scruffy, but doesn't when he knows it's important to me. And this was. So we compromised.

 

[monarch64]

DH and I are both pretty casual dressers outside of work...when we were wedding-planning and went to see vendors, we did make sure to look polished and put-together even if we were wearing jeans. There is quite a difference between the typical weekend "sweatshirt and jeans and ballcap" and "sweater, nice jeans, and shoes that can''t be worn on a gym floor."

If you can''t talk your FI out of jeans, then compromise with him on a nicer shirt/sweater/jacket and shoes. Make sure to flatter him as much as possible, tell him you love how he looks in (whatever you really want him to wear), and maybe bribe him with a "favor" after the vendor meeting is over?!

 

[calidaisy]

i kind of agree with your fi. you''re the one who''s spending your money and in the current economic state, your vendors should be the ones who should go the extra mile to impress you, not the other way around. i personally think that it''s not the physical appearance but your level of confidence that will determine their first impression of you.

i almost purposefully underdress and act more clueless when i meet the vendors so that they''ll have their guards down and i''d have more of a haggling edge. i also give vague details if possible (i.e. tell vendors that it''s a church wedding but don''t tell them which church until after i get my quote) so that they cannot guess my budget/ spending power.

what really matters to me is to work with people who can treat us with respect before knowing anything about us ... and all i really want is to have the best deal possible.

 

[museikchik]

Thank you ladies for all of your suggestions. I am soo excited about seeing the place tomorrow.

 

[miraclesrule]

I can''t believe you didn''t ask me about this today. Anyway, I think you should go on the business casual side. I''ve seen it, it works better. You want them to take you seriously. Just don''t let him talk you into wearing the paint ball outfits.

 

[museikchik]

We went sort of business casual. It was really hot yesterday. I would have asked you miraclesrule but our day was insane on Friday and to be honest I totally forgot about it. We''ll save the paintball outfits for the wedding.

 

[miraclesrule]

Yeah, talk about an insane day!!

How did it go yesterday?? Did you like the venue?