What would you consider your official wedding date?

[fieryred33143]

If you have a civil ceremony and then a more traditional ceremony a couple of months later, what is officially your wedding date? What would you consider your wedding date?

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Whatever day is more special to you and your husband

 

[Bia]

Date: 4/28/2009 10:17:45 AM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
Whatever day is more special to you and your husband

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 4/28/2009 10:32:44 AM
Author: Bia

Date: 4/28/2009 10:17:45 AM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
Whatever day is more special to you and your husband

Ok! I didn''t know if there was some special marriage rule that says the first wedding is the official date

 

[sctsbride09]

My DH and I did this..well kinda. We eloped, and had every intention of having the wedding a few months later for our family..Anyhow, long story short we ended up quite attached to our wedding date as opposed to the date we had previously decided to have the BIG wedding. So I guess what Im saying is, while you think you might consider the 2nd date your wedding date now, that might change when you say I Do. It did for me. Maybe celebrate one of them privately?

 

[Octavia]

Well, for legal purposes the first one would be the "official" wedding -- that''s the date you become eligible for spousal benefits, the day the length of your marriage would be calculated from, etc. But for celebratory purposes, you can use whichever you want -- no rules about that!

 

[LadyBlue]

We consider the first one, even tought the first one was a personal one just friends and family and the second one the big party with the with dress and a lot of guests, we still consider the first one the real day

 

[EmptyLeftHand]

My sister had a civil ceremony and the blessing service (done by my mum) was the next day, followed by the party. I know that she considers the civil ceremony as her "official" anniversary as that was when she said "I do". Even though she said "I do" again the very next day in a much more public setting, the first one is the one she counts.

No right or wrong though.

Unless in my family if we send the card on the wrong anniversary!

 

[musey]

The first date

I would think of the second sort of along the same lines as a post-elopement reception. That first one would hold more meaning for me, personally.

There are no rules, though!

 

[Elmorton]

We had two "weddings" - one with a bunch of people where we said our vows had a big reception, dancing, etc, and the other was a church blessing two weeks later that was more intimate, and we renewed the vows followed by cake and champagne.

The first date is our anniversary that we celebrate. Last year was our first anniversary and it seemed kinda strange not to celebrate the church wedding also, so we decided sometime during this year that on our next anniversary, we''re going to make a tradition of doing some sort of service together (plant a tree, volunteer, etc) to commemorate our "other" anniversary as well.

So - my answer to your situation - whichever wedding made you feel married in your heart is probably the anniversary to celebrate outwardly, but I don''t think it''s wrong at all to have a special anniversary tradition for both.

 

[bee*]

Date: 4/28/2009 1:31:04 PM
Author: musey
The first date

I would think of the second sort of along the same lines as a post-elopement reception. That first one would hold more meaning for me, personally.


There are no rules, though!

Yeah that''s how I feel too.

 

[Diamond Confused]

both so that I get two anniversary presents every year!

Seriously though... which ever one means more to you. If it were me I''d count the wedding with the party. THat''s the one that every one will remember and it''s the one you shared with the people you love.

 

[Kelli]

Probably the day I ACTUALLY got married. I''d consider the second one as the celebration of my wedding!

 

[Winslet]

I''d be inclined to say the first one, because it seems more romantic, intimate, and meaningful. Almost makes me want to run off and elope before our big September wedding!

 

[missjaxon]

I was about to make a similar post earlier tonight, because we are going to be having 2 ceremonies and only 1 reception. Our dream venue is not working out for our wedding date and since we still want the date, we are having a private ceremony on our preferred date (which is the night before the actual big wedding). I was wondering if anybody else is doing or has done a similar thing. Sorry if this was a kind of thread-jack.

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 4/29/2009 2:34:40 AM
Author: missjaxon
I was about to make a similar post earlier tonight, because we are going to be having 2 ceremonies and only 1 reception. Our dream venue is not working out for our wedding date and since we still want the date, we are having a private ceremony on our preferred date (which is the night before the actual big wedding). I was wondering if anybody else is doing or has done a similar thing. Sorry if this was a kind of thread-jack.

No threadjack.

We are actually considering getting married next week but the second ceremony won''t be until December. The second ceremony, however, will still be an intimate ceremony with only our immediate family and no reception after (although we are taking them out to dinner). So for me its two private ceremonies. I''m more inclined to just say lets wait until December. We''ll see...

 

[VRBeauty]

The first one, since -- well -- you''ll be married after that one!

I think the important thing is to pick one an stick to it. For years, for *ahem* strategic reasons, someone *ahem* close to me lied about their wedding date to their kids, moving it up by one year. It was easy to keep up the pretense since the family did not live near any of the extended family. Then one year, the eldest daughter visited an auntie while travelling abroad. Said auntie entertained her by letting her look through a box of family photos and keepsakes... which included an invitation to the parents'' wedding. It was one of those OMG moments for the daughter, but she decided to go along with the ruse, only to be very embarrassed a few years later when her parents'' real 25th anni came around, and congratulations rolled in from family and friend, and dear daughter and her siblings looked like ungrateful ingrates because they had not planned any sort of celebration!

 

[tlh]

It is up to you and your FDH!

Legally the counter starts on the first, but if the second one has more meaning for you... then by all means!

A GF of mine got married for bennies (health insurance) - she was laid off, and they were planning their wedding. She needed medical insurance, so they court housed it... but the wedding in the church, is when she feels "their love was ordained by God who holds a higher power than the state of XX." She celebrates the 2nd date, because in her eyes, it is the only one that counts, the first was just paperwork... she views it like I view picking up the license BEFORE the ceremony.

best wishes!

 

[katamari]

I strongly think you can choose which ever, but I do think you might have to control circumstances to have that outcome actualized. For instance, if you decide to make the second one the wedding, I suggest convince yourselves now that the first ceremony is just a paperwork thing. I probably wouldn''t even call it a ceremony or a wedding to get my mind comfortable with the idea that is isn''t. If you view it as a "marriage ceremony" my guess is it would be harder to not feel married until the second ceremony.

Do people know about the first ceremony? If so, they might start referring to you as married and so you might want to hype that up as "the" event, which I, at least, would want to control if I was trying to see the second event as my wedding.



ETA: As I typed this, though, I saw myself thinking about the first as your "marriage" and the second your "wedding" (and eliminating the thought of ceremony from it completely, if that makes sense); no reason why those two have to go together. That might be what I would do, but I also think you are totally free to decide either way.