What's your dream wedding look like?

[gemma.in.waiting]

I know most little women have fantasies of what their wedding will look like one day, from the venue (church, meadow, beach, etc.), what you'll wear, how big it will be, and so on. So, what's yours look like in your head?

My SO and I have always disagreed on how it will all go down. HE is very traditional, religious in his own way, and has always wanted a decent sized wedding in a church. I, on the other hand, am not so traditional, not religious (spiritual yes, but religious no), and I would prefer either a destination wedding OR a small ceremony (only close friends and IMMEDIATE family) in a place that holds sentimental value for us. When I picture the destination wedding, I picture just SO, myself, and our best friends in attendance. My justification for the destination wedding is that if we aren't going to have a traditional wedding, why not spend the wedding budget on a kickass wedding-honeymoon?

I think the reason I don't want to have a big wedding is that I have no attachment to any larger venue, so I'm afraid that I will not feel any connection to the place on the big day. I will feel stressed and out of place because I am not familiar with my surroundings. So, I think I'll look back on it and regret it, when I could have chosen an option where I felt relaxed and comforted.

I know once we get engaged his family and mine will be on our cases about it, and I am afraid that they will all think that I am being selfish (furthermore, I'm afraid my future family-in-law will think I am forcing him into not having a traditional wedding ).

My SO and I already live together, so it's really important to us that our wedding feels like a unification where we are focused on each other, rather than just a big social event for everyone else.

What do you guys think?

 

[UnluckyTwin]

I'll play. (Though the idea that all little girls dream about their wedding is incorrect and leads to all sorts of terrible stereotyping.) I don't have a "dream" wedding but obviously SO and I have been thinking about it for the last few months. I'm also embarking on some wedding research for a term paper (I'm in a sociology graduate program) so I've been reading tons of articles about weddings and watching all those reality TV shows, so even though I only attended one wedding this summer I've seen a million lately and that leaves lots of room for "I like that"s and "I don't like that"s.

I don't want a big wedding. I don't think SO does either. Neither he nor I have many friends-- we each have a few close ones, but we are not the type to have a big singles crowd that we party with or whatever. We're older in spirit and homebodies so a lifestyle of being social with other 20-somethings isn't appealing to us. If we each invite our parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and close friends, I think it would amount to about 50-60 people. Neither of us have expressed any desire to invite people other than that (like my mom's longtime friends or something). However, we live in NC (as do his parents/sister), but my whole family lives in LA and TX and the rest of his family lives in AZ, PA, and CA, so it's likely that everyone would have to travel and that might cut down the guest list a bit.

We are not religious, so certainly no church. We'd probably like for his aunt to marry us (she is a judge) if we go the legal marriage route, but mostly we would be trying to create an environment where our families could meet and where we could finally really blend our lives together. We live together and I have met all of his family and he has met all of mine, but it feels like until they all meet each other at a ceremony-like location, our families won't recognize us as committed as much as they potentially could.

So, we'd like a small, intimate location, preferably one that's connected to our past. We talk sometimes of renting the Thai place where we had our first date. I'm sure everyone would fit (it's one medium-sized room), and we could have delicious food and there's a bar for wine and drinks, and it's beautifully decorated. (Assuming I could get my side of the family to be excited about Thai food...) Food and wine (and cake!) are the most important to me, after having our families meet in a place where we'd all have a chance to mingle because there aren't 250 guests. I imagine it to be a nice dinner, but nothing too fancy or formal. I'd probably wear a nice dress (not white, definitely not wedding-dress-looking) and SO would probably wear a nice, comfortable suit, and we'd probably do a short vow and ring exchange, but that would be pretty much it.

SO surprised me a little while back by saying he thought he might like to have the ceremony in the mountains. (We hiked up a mountain together once but otherwise we have not vacationed in the mountains or anything so I don't know where that came from.) We live a few hours from Asheville, so that would be do-able, plus there are great vegetarian restaurants there. (Again, my family would probably not be thrilled with the vegetarian stuff, but they'd live.) I think an outside ceremony would make me nervous, though, given that the weather could be awful. But I'm open and flexible, so who knows what we will end up doing. Sometimes we get pulled towards more traditional stuff, like after we went to a traditional wedding this summer and had a TON of fun dancing on the dance floor all night and thought, "Hm, maybe there is something to having a dance floor and DJ at a wedding." Or like when SO thought his grandfather might like to see us married/ceremonied with me in a white dress, and so SO started to want that of me, too. So I'm sure when the time comes we'll consider a lot of options and try to compromise on important things, but hey, it's a while away.

 

[Autumnovember]

I told my wedding planner I want a lot of crystals everywhere. They don't have to be real, just look real. I am in love with SPARKLE and so crystals can bring in that factor. I always imagined my wedding having some amazing lighting that is done by professionals so we hired a lighting company. I picture lots of golds, oranges, bronze colors.

We are not getting married in a church. Instead we are getting married at a "head house" that is right across a cobble stoned street where our venue is. Our cocktail hour will be there too. Here are some pictures. I love the cobble stone streets and the brick buildings...so rustic, I love it!

 

[Autumnovember]

A better picture of venue/ceremony/cocktail hour sites

 

[gemma.in.waiting]

Unluckytwin, I was being just a tad facetious with the opening to my post. I was hoping to convey that in the fact that I don't have a big dream wedding either, just a preference for how it will play out. I'm familiar with the necessity to minimize stereotypes that go along with a gender socialized country.

A.November, that venue looks lovely. I certainly wouldn't mind getting hitched there. I love the historical feel to it all. It's going to make for a beautiful day!

 

[Lislis89]

Well im not 100% sure how I would consider my wedding to go..... It would most likely be similar to Unluckytwin in that it would be small (fewer than 100 people) close friends, family, family friends and we are also very relaxed and being in our early 20s we definately are older souls too!

Definately not in a church, not that either of us are very religious anyway but I want to feel particularly drawn to where I marry my SO, so it would most likely be outside and near the ocean ( as cliche as that might seem) being down under theres no lack of surf or sun, theres just something tranquil about being near something that gives life to so many things and knowing that it is part of your new life! plus we live close to the coast anyway!

And there would be a very faint polynesian/natured theme, nothing extreme probably just based around the flowers, furniture and layout of the ceremony and reception. Heaps of franginpanis, birds of paradise, orchids, hibiscus, straw and woven pieces, shells etc......

And food, well both me and SO are foodies! so I will have to wait till I get the ring to discuss that aspect of it with him! that will be the hardest decision i think!!!!

 

[periwinklegirl]

Definitely destination, small, intimate, immediate family, maybe a few friends if they want. In fact, that's how he talked me into it. The idea of getting married in a church, with a big reception where you don't get to really visit with anyone put me off the whole idea of getting married. So he said, why don't I take you to Cuba and we'll have a fabulous holiday and get married. The hotel will take care of all the arrangements. So that' s what we're doing. Never actually stayed in a five star hotel for two weeks before! And we had a great time picking the hotels. Now I'm taking Spanish lessons instead of stressing over wedding preparations.

 

[UnluckyTwin]

Cuba, how cool! When are you going? You'll have to tell us all about it.

 

[lovetorenovate]

I did a destination wedding the first time I got married and it was great - we were living in an area with no family so it didnt' really make sense to have a wedding there. Now that I've got more roots in one place, I really do want a "real wedding" this time - at a small church near here, and a reception with all our friends and family. We'll be paying for our wedding (mostly me actually) so that will definitely impact what we do and how many people we invite. Probably about 75 guests. I'm hoping to find a great historic restaurant to have the reception in. Not sure when we are getting married - maybe as soon as Feb 2011 - so that only gives me a few months to plan. Between me and my bf, we have 5 kids - so we'll need to find some good ways to include them in the ceremony and reception too. If we wait until the fall to get married, I think an outdoor wedding would be fabulous - and since it's my dream wedding - there's no rain, perfect fall color, mid 70's temps.