when did you know the date??

[rainbowtrout]

So, I only got engaged a week ago, and everyone that I have told in person has been asking me if we''ve set a date yet. Even the people I literally called an hour after were saying "Oh, when will you get married"

Honestly, I have no idea...when do people normally decide this? For that matter, how the heck do you plan a wedding? Is there a Wedding Planning For Dummies book? I''ve never even been to a wedding, much less planned one.

 

[Tybee]

Enjoy your engagement.

You don''t have to set a date for a while. It''s really up to you! When people used to ask me I''d just tell them that we were busy enjoying our engagement, and we would eventually set the date when we were ready. You really don''t need to suddenly go into planning mode.
Don''t do that until you are ready.

We got engaged in November of 2004. We enjoyed our time, and spent evenings over wine discussing possible dates and venues. As far as picking a date, ours just came naturally to us. I was in graduate school at the time, and teaching full time. I wanted to be done with my masters program, so that meant waiting a while, and I wanted to do it when I didn''t have to work, so summer 2006 was a natural decision. We''re having a destination wedding as well, so we decided that it might be easier for some people to get the time off in the summer.

Also, my mother passed away while I was in college, I keep feeling that I need to honor her in this wedding because she used to dream about my weddinig when I was a little girl. We are getting married the week of her birthday in her favorite place in the world (St. John, USVI!)

Congratulations to you. I panicked immediately as well, but reading the forum here really helped me a lot. I learned tons from these wonderful women (and some men) here on pricescope.

Tybee

 

[jcrow]

this is how it worked for us:

we got engaged in nov of last year. i knew we wanted a year to plan. i was hoping for oct. 28. it''s a saturday and my lucky number (i know, weird), but that date didn''t work with the photographer, the cake lady, church, and reception place. so we moved it to oct 14, which is the date we met. we planned to marry on the date we met at the place we met (reception place). well the photographer booked someone for that date the day before we met with her. so we scratched that date. they we made a list of all the openings for the church, reception place, cake lady, florist, band and photographer. oct was out qucik. that left nov. and the date they all had in common was the 18. that became our date. it was really frustrating. if we would have wanted to budge a bit we could have held onto a date and stood our ground, but some of the vendors we just were set on.

 

[XChick03]

We got engaged on Valentine''s Day, but we didn''t plan on getting married for over a year and half. We were originally thinking Oct or Sep of next year. This month I finally came up with a date, June 2, 2006. So, it took me about 2 months to decide on a date. But since we''re planning an outdoor (maybe beach) wedding, I had to factor in average temps and rainfall.

 

[glaucomflecken]

congratulations RT on your engagement! this is such an exciting and surreal time for you and your FI so definitely take some time to revel in your new found relationship status!

As far as setting a date, is there a certain time of year you have always dreamed of getting married in? I had always wanted to get married in September for several reasons. first because its usually a good weather time, and second (you jewelry lovers will understand this) since I wanted sapphire blue dresses for my girls, it seemed fitting since sapphire is the birthstone of September!

It also depends on I think where you live and where you want to get married/what venue you are looking at. i had always heard to give it at least a year in advance to book, but even in the small ohio town we were in things were booking up 18 months ahead! we got engaged july of 2004, so we planned to make our date Sept of 05. I contacted my church first, and they had Sep 24th open.

My next project was locating the venue. I traveled to many places and met with many halls/hotels etc to explore my options, and then when we made our decision, THEY BOOKED SEPT 24th AN HOUR BEFORE I CALLED! I was like, what are the chances!

So I called back my church and their next date was Oct 15th, which was even more perfect because its still a good weather season, more fall colors and it was 5 days before the aniversary of our first date, and sweetest day! We ended up changing our colors too

Once I got those two things in order, things started to fall into place and it was really a lot of fun. sometimes stressful but it was one of the few things in life where you can totally make it YOUR OWN. I also booked my DJ and photographer a year in advance, and then took a few months off before tackling the little details.

I found theknot.com to be very helpful, as well as this forum! the knot gives timelines and guidelines and the local boards are invaluable for finding local resources.

One thing i am sure you will find too is that you will change you mind and ideas on so many things during the course of planning! there were things I knew I wanted and things we ended up doing that I was like no way! at first. And thats part of the fun part (sometimes didnt seem fun but now in hindsight i wanna do it again!)

 

[rainbowtrout]

well, I know next year is out because I''m so not planning from abroad. The next year he will either be working or in med school. If he''s in med school we''ll have to do it around winter or summer break...if not, whenever I imagine. I''ve never really thought about a certain time of year, although I would rather not do summer bc I hate being hot...

Basically when I come back from Morocco next May we''ll start planning for about a year from then. I also have to find a rabbi who will marry us as an interfaith couple (seems a bit silly to say "interfaith" given as I don''t have one though). That''s going to be the tricky part.

 

[InLuvWithMrH]

We were driving in the car last April when we realized that 7-7-7 was on a Saturday! We actually picked the date before he asked me to marry him! Kinda backwards I know, but he had always told me he he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Last June he "unofficially" asked me to marry him. We had already told so many people of our fun idea for a wedding day that he felt it was just right to ask me, although with no ring in hand. Since then, we have planned many wedding details and designed my ring, which I just got, along with another proposal last week!

I also have to find a rabbi who will marry us as an interfaith couple (seems a bit silly to say "interfaith" given as I don't have one though). That's going to be the tricky part.

When I first got married, we were interfaith, also, although neither of us were practicing anything. I wanted a justice of the peace and my mom got a Jewish one!

 

[curlygirl]

We got engaged last April and I just wanted to get married right away because I knew the longer I waited, the more I would stress out over details! So we tried to book a date in November but our reception place was all booked up. My next date was December 3 because it was a week after Thanksgiving and right before the holidays. I was really stuck on that date but once again, the prices were super high and not all of the vendors we wanted were available. Finally, we thought about February. We had other friends who had gotten married in February and we loved their weddings--and also, it''s much less expensive to do it in an off month like February, as long as you don''t pick Valentine''s Day because flowers get really pricey. We also had our first date in February of 1994 so we liked the month! Then we thought 2/4/06--it''s like 2, 4, 6 and kinda flows nicely. So we did it! Everyone was available and we got a great deal on prices. And we got spring-like weather so it all worked out!!!

Just take your time and enjoy your engagement as long as you can without stressing about the planning! It sounds like there''s no sense of urgency since you''ll be away all next year so just have fun!!

 

[lilmaria]

Well, I''m in the same boat you are, as we were engaged last week as well. He wants a wedding asap, but financially I think it will take more time that he anticipates. Since I''m teaching too, it will probably be next summer in June or July. I''m into numbers too and love the 7-7-7 but its a saturday, which means prime $$$$, so that will be out. We are thinking about June 1st which is a friday night, still nice weather in NY and one of our various anniversaries - we celebrate the little things...hehehehe

anyway, from what I understand you have to look at your budget, see if there are any special times of year that you would prefer and then, if your psychotic like me, look at the numbers in your anniversary to see if they will be okay with you.

Once you''ve decided on the type of wedding you want, you should start contacting venues as others have stated to make sure the date is available.

I want to enjoy our engaged time together, but if we don''t act soon many of the reasonable places will be booked and we''ll be s.ol.

good luck with your search!!!!!

 

[Blenheim]

Here you go

:

Actually, I just wanted to commment on people asking you when you''re getting married. Some of it might be that they want to say something past "Congratulations!" Some of it might be that they want to know if you''re planning on having an engagement that''s closer to 6 months or 3 years. Are you getting married before you go abroad, or after you come back?

It sounds like you can answer about the general range of possible dates, even if you don''t know when it is. In your case, you could say that you''re just enjoying being engaged and haven''t set a date yet, but you know that you can''t really plan until after I get back from Morocco.

And I wouldn''t worry about not knowing anything about weddings or wedding planning. Your mom and FMIL obviously have been to at least one wedding, so they may be able to give you some advice. There''s a whole group of girls here more than willing to help you. If you want more help, I''m sure that they''ll be able to recommend their favorite wedding planning books or sites.

 

[princessv]

I didn''t set a date until recently and have been engaged since November. I really hated the "Why haven''t you set a date yet?" question. It was too complicated to figure out then. I had no idea when my guy was going to graduate or when I''d squeeze the time in to get married. Hopefully, my future employer won''t mind me taking off for a week to get married! Oh well...anyway our date is March 1, 2008 for now.

I''m also stressing over where to have it. I want a destination wedding, but FI and I are afraid because of his parent''s nasty divorce years ago. We started looking at a small wedding and so far I''ve only come up with one or two (mostly one) venue that I would want..and I don''t think the price will be too bad as long as we keep it around 50-80.

Anyway, rainbowtrout...you set a date when you want to

 

[Tacori E-ring]

We talked about getting married August 2006 BEFORE he even proposed

We both have siblings in college and since we are getting married in WI we wanted a summer wedding (warm, nice weather). Both are birthdays are in June and I don''t like to "share" holidays so August seemed perfect. Also my parents were married in Aug and they have been married for over 30 years so that seemed like a sign. We chose the actual date by what our venue had opened. Our engagement will be 14 months which seemed long at first but I kind of like it. This way we have time for engagement party, showers, and all the fun things that come with getting married.

 

[San Diego Bride]

we talked about dates that were meaningful in some way and looked at which ones were on weekends. we knew we wanted a relatively short engagement so we picked an anniversary on a saturday in september. we were worried that if we took too long to plan (who am i kidding, if I took too long to plan), i''d end up getting too bogged down in the details of the actual day rather than being focused on the marriage and the commitment. september gave me about 6 months to work with. we weren''t too picky about details. we wanted a small, outdoor wedding with the reception and ceremony in the same place.

i called more venues than i could count to see which ones were available. i lucked out and found a beautiful venue, la valencia in la jolla, open on that saturday afternoon. the bonus is that an afternoon wedding saves money. after i booked the site the rest sort of fell into place. the food is included there so that was easy. i booked a photographer, florist and wedding planner in the same week. then i picked out my dress and my do-it-yourself invitations and that was pretty much it. i just have to figure out the music and then the big stuff is done.

i imagine wedding planning can be very complicated if you want an elaborate function or if you have very specific ideas of what you want. if you want a small wedding and can go with the flow, it''s not that bad. and you still get to come here and live vicariously through others who are having amazing events!

regardless of what you chose, remember that your biggest commitment is to the person, not to the party.

congratulations!

 

[monarch64]

We discussed some meaningful dates first, and then found a select few locations where we wanted to have both ceremony and reception. Our first choice dates didn''t work out with any of them, and when we found what ended up being our location, we picked a date from there.

We both wanted to get married as soon after the engagement as possible (both of us had graduated college, had jobs, were set on where we wanted to live, etc.), so it wasn''t a tough decision. The only hard thing was choosing a date when the site was available.

 

[peonygirl]

It was pretty easy for us because only two dates w/in the next couple years worked with our school schedules (unless we wanted to postpone our honeymoon). We picked the later date (16 months away) because we wanted more time to plan.

 

[AmantdeChat]

We were engaged for over a year before we set a date (actually I had the ring, with no official proposal for over a year. Long story

). Anyway, my fiance actually picked the month and I picked the day (February 17, 2007). We always go on small trips to warmer climates in the winter because we are not fans of the cold and snow!

So his thought was, why not combine our anniversary celebrations with our yearly winter trips?! He also liked the idea of combining Valentine''s Day and our anniversary. Boys!

Before we set the date, however, I just threw out a date when people asked, just to keep the curiosity and explanations to a minimum.

Have fun picking a date and don''t let people take that joy away from you and your fiance. It is your day!!!

 

[icekid]

well, we''ve been engaged since Sept 05 and still don''t know when we''re getting married due to my school schedule being even more obnoxious than I thought. We were originally planning on Sept 07, but it''s looking like May 08 now. So, I figure- you''ll set a date when you''re good and ready

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 4/15/2006 5:08:37 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
Also my parents were married in Aug and they have been married for over 30 years so that seemed like a sign.

That is SO funny - same thing here!

We chose to marry in July for several reasons, but it was very significant to me that my parents married in July and they were celebrating their 40th anniversary the week before we married, so it felt like a sign to us too. It''s worked well for them, and it''s kind of cool to share my anniversary month with my parents.

We were planning an outdoor wedding in New England, so we were focused on "when is it least likely to rain?" Ok, first 3 weeks of July. It also worked for us business-wise; we both work for the same company, and it''s slower for me after the fiscal year closes on June 30.

Lastly, we began dating on July 12, so it seemed natural to pick a date around that time so my husband would remember it! LMAO.

 

[FireGoddess]

Don''t feel pressure to set a date right away - people are always asking SOMETHING - first it was ''when are you getting engaged'', next will be ''have you set a date'' and the next will be ''when are you having kids?'' Don''t sweat it - there''s just this human need to ask a question!

We got engaged in the month of November. I don''t even remember when we picked a date. I wanted the most amount of time to plan but not have it rain (rainy season starts in Oct/Nov) so September was the obvious choice. Then we just picked the date based on the venue''s availability.

 

[rainbowtrout]

thanks FG, that makes a lot more sense that people are just looking for something nice to say. I''m not really inclined at all one way or the other except that I do not want to get married in the summer, period. FI isn''t so cool with winter so we compromised on Fall...

 

[FD21Bride]

My FI and I picked May 27th...because my Grandmother once told me you should marry on the day you first met....well we met on May 28th so I guess it''s close enough(we''ll still be partying at midnight I''m sure

)
Also, talk to some of your married friends, coworkers, neighbors, etc.....they are a great resource for planning tips!

 

[snow_happy]

Hello!

We were engaged for almost a year before we really started planning. Right after got engaged we began researching places and after a few months we found a place but they didn''t were booked for all of 2006 and didn''t book 2007 until February so we had to wait. (We also thought about doing a DW for awhile) We had a tenative date in mind so told people spring 2007 but waited until we actually put a deposit down on the place to tell people the final date

 

[laurel_aurelia]

khj

 

[Caribou]

I had always told my FI that it annoys me to no end when a guy proposes but then puts off setting a date for months. This is fine when both people are not ready to set a date but it''s not when the girl wants too but the boy doesn''t and vice versa, which is what happened in my first engaged...just don''t understand that...but I digress. I told him I didn''t want him proposing unless he ready to set a date within a month of getting engaged.

Anywho, we had decided that we wanted to get married on a Sunday, because it''s normally cheaper and we were planning an afternoon shindig anyway. Well I would have loved to have set our date for Oct 29, which was my grandparents (my mom''s side) wedding anniversary...but we decided that that date was too soon and it would be difficult for our out of town guest if they had to work the next day. So a Holiday weekend it was. Originally it was May 27, 07...which was driving me crazy because that is SOOOOOOOOOOOO far away.

Well one day we had gone to his parents to check out a possible ceremony/reception site, while there his mom mentioned that she thought that FI''s cousin graduated on the same day as our date, so we had to think of a new date. Then his parents informed us that they were going to pay for the reception....then we found out that my G''ma would give us a nice chunk of change if we had it this year (long silly story

) on top of what my mom was giving us. So I said, we don''t have to pay for anything why not do it this year. We looked in a calendar and Labor Day weekend was the closet weekend but not too close (planning reasons).... and even though we moved it up 8 months it doesn''t seem any closer.

Oh and turns out September 3, is my other grandparents (dad''s side) wedding anniversary, I wasn''t close to them and they are both deceased now but still that''s cool!

 

[nytemist]

Rainbow-

Could I recommend something to you? It''s called "The Bride''s Book Of Lists: Things To Do and Questions To Ask" by Amy Nebens. They carry it at Barnes & Noble. Someone gave one to me the weekend after I got engaged. Ironically, it''s the same book that my fiance''s sister used.

It has tabs for the different categories- ceremony, reception, fashion, flowers, honeymoon, the works. It''s a little too detailed for me, since our wedding will be so small, but if you''re going to have more than say 75 people and need to interview many vendors, this would be great for you. It has a month-by-month timeline, a budget breakdown, helpful hints- it''s great.

Oh, and we always knew we wanted to be married in October. I picked Sunday, since there are 5 in Oct this year, and he was thinking night wedding on Halloween, since the day is important to me.

 

[SoonIHope]

We also picked ours before we got engaged!

Because of family politics (the summer house we''re getting married in is co-owned by about 200 members of my family officially, but about 20 have say over when you can reserve the house for yourself without allowing other family in if they feel like it), we have to get married in either June or September (the house is closed from October through May, and July & August it''s open to any family members who want to come). Okay that was long and babbly, but hopefully you get the idea! So June or September, but I had always thought it would be in June and kind of had my heart set on it, so my first instinct was June 2006. (We got engaged Christmas 2005.) So that was a little less time than I wanted for planning, BUT more importantly...about a month before we got engaged my brother called out of the blue to say that HE got engaged! And he was planning to marry his fiancee at OUR SAME SUMMER HOUSE (it is a tradition in our family, so not a random coincidence) on June 3, 2006. AND one of my best friends (who I''m a bridesmaid for) is getting married June 24, 2006. So that leaves only 2 weekends in June 2006 where we could theoretically do it, but both are back to back with one of the weddings, and it would be 100% definite that at least some family and friends wouldn''t be able to come because they had JUST been to the other wedding and couldn''t travel again etc. And also it''s just weird if my brother and I got married in the same place right back to back. So then we started considering September 2006 but that idea kind of made me sad, and then my fiance eventually confessed that he had always imagined a June wedding too and that gave us more time........so June 2007 it is! We picked our actual date by wanting it to be as late as possible (so it wouldn''t be too cold up there) without interfering with the big Fourth of July family meeting where all 200 of us go up there (no we don''t all stay in the same house!

) So there you have it!

But we haven''t booked any vendors yet so it could theoretically change....

 

[laurel_aurelia]

sadf

 

[TravelingGal]

My boyfriend moved around the world to be with me, so we figured marriage would happen sooner or later.

It actually happened because my friend wanted to invite me a VERY chi chi wine dinner they had won at auction. So chi chi, that the editor of Bon Appetit was part of their small party of 8. Due to circumstances beyond her control, she could not invite him, but still wanted me to enjoy it. Her reasoning that it was OK not to invite him? Because we weren't married. She said she would never DREAM of asking just me *if* we were married, and said to be blunt, that I should be OK with going out to this very special event without him.

My boyfriend, rightly so, took affront to this. It wasn't that he cared if I went out alone...I do it all the time. But it was "you're not really a couple because you're not married" attitude that got him. He was hurt because obviously he's not just a "boyfriend"...we live together and he sacrificed living in his most beloved Australia for me. I was put in an awkward position to defend her (I know she loves me and wanted to enjoy this once in a lifetime dinner with her), but I didn't end up going and was fine with that. My other friends said later that it was a very "sex and the city" moment...with my married friend (who has been married since early 20s and has two kids), NEGATING my relationship with my boyfriend simply because we weren't married. I love my best friend, but sometimes...GAH!

After discussing this ordeal that night, my boyfriend said he really DID want to get married to me, but the logistics (bringing his family from Australia) were daunting. I laughed and told him while it was daunting, weddings don't plan themselves. He agreed. We had been playing silly games lately, so he grabbed our yahtzee set and rolled the dice to come up with our wedding day. We knew we wanted it to be a Friday as it would make it easier to plan on a budget.

So October 6, 2006 it is! We're doing everything backwards, but it's been fun. I don't even have the ring yet and he has not proposed. I still joke that I could still say no.

 

[laurel_aurelia]

CUTE STORY, traveling!!

 

[TravelingGal]

Thanks Laurel. Rolling dice may seem silly to some, but hey...our meeting and life seem to be all about chance anyway.

To be honest, October 6, 2006 wasn''t his first roll...it was October 13. Friday the 13th! I''m not superstitious, but we looked at each other and figured we didn''t want to tempt fate.

Although if we had gone with that date, finding vendors would have been easier.