When do you cut people off on a date?

[rainbowtrout]

So I''m trying to finalize my date right now. My question is, when have you ladies drawn the line of, enough already, this is the day, deal with it?


So far FI''s father has said he has call and FMIL has mentionned that FSIL''s last day of school is two days before the wedding. Neither of these seem like move-able issues to me, but I told them I''d wait to see if anyone else had a major conflict and then see.


Our options are either May 25 or June 1, and I''d prefer the date in May. I feel like any given weekend in May/June will have it''s own issues.

 

[Jas12]

I am teacher--My own wedding day was 1-day after the last day of school--as teachers know, the weeks leading up to this final day is busy! My aunt, who is also my godmother and really close to me is a teacher in another province. I gave her tons of notice for my wedding date and she was able to leave work early and fly to the location of my wedding.....So what Iam saying is, where there is a will there is a way. Stick to your date. It''s not something that should be discussed with family IMO--it is something you and your FI decide on and then others need to work around.

 

[Independent Gal]

When you say he 'has call' do you mean he's 'on call' like a doctor is on call? I don't understand! Pity the poor foreigner.

If that's what it is, can't he switch with someone? Seems like it's long enough in advance.

As for two days after the end of school, why is that a problem?

Two of my siblings might have college examinations the morning after my wedding. The chance is slim, and they agreed that they would inform their professors at the start of term that they might need a deferral. And otherwise, as my brother said, he'll just remain more sober than he would have.

I also have a cousin who's supposed to have a big event sometime in April (wedding p.2 is April 13th). But they haven't scheduled it. Our guestlists will only overlap by about 5 people, and no one I would die if they weren't there (and vice versa) so we both just said 'do what's best for you and if worse comes to worse, we'll get together and celebrate each others' events TOGETHER at a later date.'

A friend who is in TOWN said 'pleeeease not April 13th, it's L (her partner's) birthday'. But I can't schedule my wedding around a guest's partner's birthday! We'll just make sure we announce it and maybe order him a cake. They can celebrate the next day privately for heck's sake.

So, yeah, if no one has a MAJOR conflict. Pick the date you want and tell them to suck it up.

 

[AsscherGirl]

You already went further than I did by even asking! Sure, I cleared with my mom/dad, and my fi''s parents, but they are pretty much the only people who got consideration. We were engaged early enough that we knew of no other weddings on or really close to the date we wanted, so we just went with that.

You are far more considerate than I am! I applaud you, but I think if anyone had a real issue (another wedding that day, an already paid for vacation, etc), they would have spoken up. Go with your May date!

 

[rainbowtrout]

IG--I meant like a doctor has/is on call. He works in a very small practice and I understand sometimes switching can be an issue, but he SHOULD be able to do it this far in advance. I also guilted him a little bit, because the May date is the day after our 10th anniversary so it''s important to me for reasons other than a random day! If he doesn''t seem pliable I''ll get FI involved, call is not a reason IMO.


FMIL--well, she wrote me back a little while ago and is pretty understanding. I think she wanted to come up a few days before the wedding so she could be involved, but after I told her there is no rehearsal dinner, etc, she said "well why don''t we just stay a day or two after the wedding," which sounds like it will work out well.

I''m asking my closest friends, parents, and close aunts/uncles if they have serious conflicts (i.e. if his favorite cousin''s HS graduation is that day, etc).

 

[Independent Gal]

Yeah, I think our ''acid test'' was: will our wedding date mean that anyone we''d be crushed not to have there will have to choose between our wedding and a major, once in a lifetime other event (graduation, closer-family-member wedding, etc.). We then took into ACCOUNT our siblings'' school schedules, etc in choosing between dates we were indifferent about.

It just seems like, a full year in advance, for his child''s WEDDING, he could find someone willing to switch his on-call schedule with.

So, go with the date that''s meaningful to you! !

 

[zoebartlett]

We didn''t even think to run the date by anyone. When we announced the date, my parents'' best friends, who are like my second parents, said they couldn''t make our original date. They asked us if we could move it. We thought they were joking but they weren''t. Since we hadn''t actually booked anything at the time and we hadn''t choosen the date for any special reason, we ended up moving the date to the weekend after. It actually works out a little better this way.

 

[Independent Gal]

Ohhhh Lordy! So you know how I posted above that my friend said it was her partner''s birthday and asked that we take THAT into account?:
"A friend who is in TOWN said ''pleeeease not April 13th, it''s L (her partner''s) birthday''. But I can''t schedule my wedding around a guest''s partner''s birthday! We''ll just make sure we announce it and maybe order him a cake. They can celebrate the next day privately for heck''s sake."

Wellll... apparently it''s L''s FOURTIETH BIRTHDAY! Not just any birthday. But she neglected to mention that. Oh maaaaan. We''ve been friends for 26 years and she''s still one of my closest friends. It will really suck if she isn''t at my wedding.

I SUCK!

And I hope L isn''t ticked with me. I told her to tell him that we are throwing the party in his honor!

But I don''t think he''s going to go for that.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 8/9/2007 7:08:35 PM
Author: Independent Gal
Ohhhh Lordy! So you know how I posted above that my friend said it was her partner''s birthday and asked that we take THAT into account?:
''A friend who is in TOWN said ''pleeeease not April 13th, it''s L (her partner''s) birthday''. But I can''t schedule my wedding around a guest''s partner''s birthday! We''ll just make sure we announce it and maybe order him a cake. They can celebrate the next day privately for heck''s sake.''

Wellll... apparently it''s L''s FOURTIETH BIRTHDAY! Not just any birthday. But she neglected to mention that. Oh maaaaan. We''ve been friends for 26 years and she''s still one of my closest friends. It will really suck if she isn''t at my wedding.

I SUCK!

And I hope L isn''t ticked with me. I told her to tell him that we are throwing the party in his honor!

But I don''t think he''s going to go for that.

Indy, I really wouldn''t worry about that. I don''t see why it''s a big deal. Couldn''t your friend and her partner celebrate his birthday early, or even after your wedding, depending on what time the festivities end? It''s true that you only have one 40th birthday but I honestly think a wedding trumps that. If they''re staying at a hotel for the wedding, maybe you could leave a bottle of champagne (or something) in their room with a birthday card? You could still honor his birthday in some way and they wouldn''t have to miss your wedding. Just a thought.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

There are always going to be people that won''t be able to make your wedding, no matter what the date is. Do whatever date works for best for you, FI and close family and friends.

 

[Elmorton]

Agreed. No date will ever be perfect. Ours was the day before father''s day, in the middle of all sorts of family birthdays, (actually, we managed to "ruin" my SIL''s bday twice, once with our wedding, the other with our engagement, but she was very, very nice about it), it was a golf tourney weekend (DH is a sportswriter), so no one from his work could come. Close friends and fam will make arrangements to be with you, other friends will do their best - book something, set it in stone, and I''m sure everyone will make proper plans. If the birthday is someone very close to you, I think it''s more than fine to acknowledge the birthday - we gave eachother''s dads Father''s Day cards at brunch and mentioned my SIL''s birthday in our program (we wrote a note about our friendship with each of our attendants, so at the end of her note we asked our guests to wish her a happy birthday). With other guests, I think simply remembering their special day when you see them in the receiving line or thanking them for being there even though there were other things going on will suffice.