francesfarmer
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- Apr 26, 2008
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- 97
When/How did you become a LIW
- Thread starter francesfarmer
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gwendolyn
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2007
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- 6,770
Hmm, that''s an interesting question, since people can make it as complicated or not, as they see fit.
I''m probably not the right person to start this off, since I''m an LIW because of me--J is ready to get married, tomorrow, if I said ok. But we''ve been international long distance for ages and have only lived in the same country for 9 months now, and even at that, we''re still 200 miles apart. So, once we live together, I think that last smidge of doubt that says, "But you only have vacation-like visits together! You don''t live in the real world when you''re together!" will go away.
I guess when I first started feeling like an LIW was when I realized I''d live in another country and put my career advancement on hold for a year to live with this guy in England to see if it will work out. That was about a year ago. When I finish grad school in a month and a half, we''ll be moving in together (once we find jobs and stuff).
I''m probably not the right person to start this off, since I''m an LIW because of me--J is ready to get married, tomorrow, if I said ok. But we''ve been international long distance for ages and have only lived in the same country for 9 months now, and even at that, we''re still 200 miles apart. So, once we live together, I think that last smidge of doubt that says, "But you only have vacation-like visits together! You don''t live in the real world when you''re together!" will go away.
I guess when I first started feeling like an LIW was when I realized I''d live in another country and put my career advancement on hold for a year to live with this guy in England to see if it will work out. That was about a year ago. When I finish grad school in a month and a half, we''ll be moving in together (once we find jobs and stuff).
J and I started dating in high school and never discussed marriage future stuff until last summer when we broke up for a few weeks because we needed some time to ourselves to figure out the whos,whats,whys,where,hows etc.. of ourselves. we needed to make sure we were in this for the right reasons and not because it was easier. It got to the point of it being time to either end it on a good note or move forward into a more mature relationship. When I realized I could really see myself with this guy but felt that even though we were/are years from engagement/marriage, we needed to have conversations covering all the important topics of life before I was willing to get into that type of relationship I realized I needed somewhere to share and listen to others in similar situations.
I am not actually on the LIW list yet because this is all still far away for us since we are still young but as everyone here knows its hard to stop thinking/talking engagement/marriage once you start so this is my outlet! As to when, this all happen last August/September...
I am not actually on the LIW list yet because this is all still far away for us since we are still young but as everyone here knows its hard to stop thinking/talking engagement/marriage once you start so this is my outlet! As to when, this all happen last August/September...
sunnyd
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Nov 5, 2007
- Messages
- 7,353
Blair138
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2008
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- 1,207
Bia
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Mar 28, 2008
- Messages
- 6,181
Told you I''d be back!!! Hehehe. Actually waiting for BF to get home so we can leave...not going to enjoy all the NYC traffic though
As for the LIW question:
I joined in late April? Lurked for maybe a few months prior. I didn''t start thinking of myself as "waiting" until probably around Valentine''s Day, when we talked about seriously-seriously making moves--he was always a "You''re my wife" kind of guy but we had issues to straighten out first. So, yea, we have kind of known for awhile, but we were waiting for it to feel just right...now we are ready.
and now, I wait...
As for the LIW question:
I joined in late April? Lurked for maybe a few months prior. I didn''t start thinking of myself as "waiting" until probably around Valentine''s Day, when we talked about seriously-seriously making moves--he was always a "You''re my wife" kind of guy but we had issues to straighten out first. So, yea, we have kind of known for awhile, but we were waiting for it to feel just right...now we are ready.
and now, I wait...
bobbin
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2008
- Messages
- 473
I went to Indonesia for a month in January this year and just before I went away my manager at work said, "you never know he may miss you so much he will propose". At the time I didn''t want him to, and I ket thinking that I hoped he didn''t, but secretly I was thinking that I wanted him too. And after spending the whole month wishing that I had gone with him instead of my friend and missing him like crazy, that little voice became stronger. when I gt back I got quite obsessed about it. Now, I believe I am ready to get engagesd, but because I was always a believer in long relationships before getting engaged/married and because I am qute young, I am happy to wait, even more so now that he has told me he does think about when he will propose and that he has some idea about when it will be.
anchor31
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2005
- Messages
- 7,074
On our two-year anniversary, my then-BF asked me if I would be willing to move in with him the next summer. I wasn''t comfortable with moving in with someone without a commitment to marriage, so we started talking about where our relationship was going and where we wanted it to go. Two months after the initial "Talk" we agreed that we would get married within the next 2 or 3 years and that we would get engaged before moving in together. So I became a LIW! I was off the list 9 months later, and now, almost 2 years after my engagement, I''m two months away from finally becoming his wife.
Pandora II
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Aug 3, 2006
- Messages
- 9,613
I joined in August 2006. I''d been with FI for nearly 2 years and I''d started thing about engagement in a big way around the 18 months mark.
I had a problem in that my FI didn''t ''believe'' in marriage, so it wasn''t as if I knew a proposal was in the pipeline. I knew that we were in a potentially permanent relationship and that he was 100% committed to me, just didn''t see the point of the who marriage malarky.
For me it was very important, and when I found PS it seemed like the right place to be able to air my worries and thoughts in a neutral place. Otherwise I had my relatives and friends doubting my relationship and doing the ''maybe he''s just not that into you'' thing.
On PS, I got a chance to really think about how much of a deal breaker marriage was for me and the courage to have The Talk. He started planning the proposal the next day - took him 6 months (no ring in the proposal, so no hints it was coming at all) to plan and he blew me away on Christmas Eve.
We get married 8 weeks today (aaaaaaaaarrrrggggggh - so little time, so much to do!)
I had a problem in that my FI didn''t ''believe'' in marriage, so it wasn''t as if I knew a proposal was in the pipeline. I knew that we were in a potentially permanent relationship and that he was 100% committed to me, just didn''t see the point of the who marriage malarky.
For me it was very important, and when I found PS it seemed like the right place to be able to air my worries and thoughts in a neutral place. Otherwise I had my relatives and friends doubting my relationship and doing the ''maybe he''s just not that into you'' thing.
On PS, I got a chance to really think about how much of a deal breaker marriage was for me and the courage to have The Talk. He started planning the proposal the next day - took him 6 months (no ring in the proposal, so no hints it was coming at all) to plan and he blew me away on Christmas Eve.
We get married 8 weeks today (aaaaaaaaarrrrggggggh - so little time, so much to do!)
LaurenThePartier
Super_Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Mar 2, 2004
- Messages
- 10,100
I''ve been an actual LIW since Irina decided to give us our own forum.
If you look at the Introduce Yourself thread, I was about the second or third post.
But, W and I had been togther since 2002, and after about a year together, we had lived together, traveled together, gone through some rough times, and I knew he was the right person for me. It took him until January 1st, 2006, to really be ready, and we were engaged on February 12th of that year, married on March 9th of 2006.
When he was ready, he was READY!
But, W and I had been togther since 2002, and after about a year together, we had lived together, traveled together, gone through some rough times, and I knew he was the right person for me. It took him until January 1st, 2006, to really be ready, and we were engaged on February 12th of that year, married on March 9th of 2006.
When he was ready, he was READY!
StarvingMusician
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- May 19, 2008
- Messages
- 30
I''d been looking for pictures of diamond/colored stone wedding rings, and I googled something that made this site come up.
I''ve been a LIW for about 6 months...boyfriend and I have been dating for a couple of years, and after talking about it about 6 months ago, we''ve been planning on getting married. We are eloping this summer, neither of us wanted a wedding. We are forgoing an engagement ring since we are both poor grad students, but we will still have a short engagement, just so our friends and family know. I know that he talked to my parents about marrying me, I know that the talk went well. We also need to pick a day to get married, so I''m hoping for a proposal soon...hopefully!
I''ve been a LIW for about 6 months...boyfriend and I have been dating for a couple of years, and after talking about it about 6 months ago, we''ve been planning on getting married. We are eloping this summer, neither of us wanted a wedding. We are forgoing an engagement ring since we are both poor grad students, but we will still have a short engagement, just so our friends and family know. I know that he talked to my parents about marrying me, I know that the talk went well. We also need to pick a day to get married, so I''m hoping for a proposal soon...hopefully!
kittybean
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- May 2, 2008
- Messages
- 4,125
After almost a year and a half with my BF, I began developing LIW symptoms around October 2007, and I found this forum in November. After some Christmas and birthday disappointments, I began lurking more often, and finally joined at the beginning of last month when the wait was killing me. BF and I have been talking about marriage a LOT lately, and I know that a proposal is coming sometime soon. I''m hoping to be off the list within the next month or so!
aliciagirl
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Nov 9, 2007
- Messages
- 416
I''m not sure exactly when I joined. Maybe Nov ''07? But it was because SO and I finally decided that I would get an engagement ring (I had feminist issues with the ring, but we worked them out) so I found this site through a search. I loved browsing rings, looking at vendors and trying to get an idea of what I would like, but I didn''t feel like I had anywhere to post. I noticed the LIW section and joined because I felt like I had a lot in common with the ladies on this board.
I''m not necessarily antsy or otherwise crazy waiting for an engagement, but I do think there are issues that come up when a woman is a LIW that aren''t easily discussed with friends and family. This is a great place for that!
Hopefully I''ll be off the list by late-September if all goes well!
I''m not necessarily antsy or otherwise crazy waiting for an engagement, but I do think there are issues that come up when a woman is a LIW that aren''t easily discussed with friends and family. This is a great place for that!
Hopefully I''ll be off the list by late-September if all goes well!
Lauren8211
Super_Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Apr 25, 2008
- Messages
- 11,073
The BF and I have been taking marriage for about 8-9 months now. We had the first initial "Holy crap -- I think we want to get married! This is scary! Lets not talk about this again for a bit!" Then in the past 3-4 months we''ve been talking about it more seriously and eventually getting to a timeline that works for us.
I lurked here about 2 months ago, and joined about 1 month ago. Ever since we had serious talks about it, I''m getting antsy!
But, of course, I already told him I''d like to wait until after I graduate in April 09. So I''m expecting a proposal by the end of next year.
So that''s... A year and a half of LIW-itis! Yikes!
I lurked here about 2 months ago, and joined about 1 month ago. Ever since we had serious talks about it, I''m getting antsy!
But, of course, I already told him I''d like to wait until after I graduate in April 09. So I''m expecting a proposal by the end of next year.
So that''s... A year and a half of LIW-itis! Yikes!
bobbin
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2008
- Messages
- 473
fieryred33143
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- May 18, 2008
- Messages
- 6,689
We’ve been together for six years. I never thought about marriage or even discussing it with him. We even moved in together without discussing marriage. My mother, who is very traditional (didn’t do ANYTHING before marriage), didn’t even ask us if we were planning to get married. It’s like everyone, including the both of us, knew that we are each other’s forever.
Then last October, my best friend moved in with us for a month because she and her boyfriend were fighting. One night she went and had dinner with him to talk about everything and came back engaged! I was very excited for her but at the same time felt this really big void…I realized, it was because I wanted to get married as well. My FF noticed the look on my face and it took about a month (now in December 07) for me to open up and say that I wanted to get married. He agreed and we’ve been working towards that ever since.
aliciagirl
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Nov 9, 2007
- Messages
- 416
I totally missed this for a few days, my apologies. I don''t like that in our society, a woman is supposed to wear a sign that she is taken and the guy isn''t. I think the ring kind of plays up the man as the provider and the woman at the trophy, and that''s not something that I really wanted for myself. I also don''t like how it puts the guys under so much pressure to compete to have a ring that people will look at and say, "Wow, he must really love you." It just always made me uncomfortable that he is supposed to present me with a ring that cost thousands of dollars to show that we are engaged and I don''t have to do anything - I very much think getting engaged is and should be a joint decision. I''ve said this before on this forum, but the notion that men have such control over the engagement implies that all women are walking around in a state of wedding-readiness which isn''t necessarily true again.
I know a few women who have opted for no ring, or a very simple band and they are met with all sorts of other women pretty much feeling sorry for them. It just kind of angers me. No ring is going to make him love me more or treat me better or make our marriage successful. I would be fine with a talk about officially being engaged and be done with it because when my guy says something, he means it. He''s not flaky promising he wants to marry me with no intention of following through and it breaks my heart that some girls on here wonder if he''s just stringing her along.
SO isn''t really a traditionalist, but it was important to him that I have a ring. It''s not because he wants to mark me as his property and he says it''s totally my decision as to whether I wear it everyday, but it''s something he would like to have in our family as an heirloom. I plan to buy him an engagement watch, as well.
Just my thoughts:
"I don''t like that in our society, a woman is supposed to wear a sign that she is taken and the guy isn''t. I think the ring kind of plays up the man as the provider and the woman at the trophy, and that''s not something that I really wanted for myself"
- I agree that it would me more fair for men to wear something as well. Not sure about the provider and trophy thing though - if you are a strong and independent woman you should not be bothered by what other people may, or may not see in the ring. Also, a lot of women I know are really happy to show that they are indeed "taken"; that is a side that is often overlooked by so-called "progressive" or "feminist" women.
"I also don''t like how it puts the guys under so much pressure to compete to have a ring that people will look at and say, "Wow, he must really love you." It just always made me uncomfortable that he is supposed to present me with a ring that cost thousands of dollars to show that we are engaged and I don''t have to do anything - I very much think getting engaged is and should be a joint decision"
- I agree that there is some pressure out there to first of all buy a ring according to traditions as well as women''s expectations that they should get a ring - and the fact that a lot of women really WANT a ring as well. I guess that we are not free of our own culture and of societal expectations, whether we like it or not. At the same time a guy should be smart enough to not put himself under too much pressure and not try to compete with others. Bigger is not always better and a lot of women I know who want an engagement ring really do not like big stones in the first place. Also, a lot of men really do take pleasure in giving a ring - including myself. Now is that driven by societal expectations?
Sure. At the same time you can also reframe it as an "excuse" to make a great gidt to someone you love. Of course there are many ways to do that, and less expensive ones as well.
"I''ve said this before on this forum, but the notion that men have such control over the engagement implies that all women are walking around in a state of wedding-readiness which isn''t necessarily true again"
- Well, given all the control that women seem to have over their engagement (what ring, stone, time frame etc - just check the ladies in waiting forum )I do not get the impression that women are helpless victims waiting for a proposal.
"I know a few women who have opted for no ring, or a very simple band and they are met with all sorts of other women pretty much feeling sorry for them. It just kind of angers me. No ring is going to make him love me more or treat me better or make our marriage successful"
- I think that every couple should decide whether or not they want to follow this tradition and in what form. Feeling sorry for another person because of the size/type or absence of a ring is indeed extremely shallow. I am afraid these women have to take the high road. The ring is not going to make or build a relationship, it is not an insurance of any kind. It is just a ring. Unfortunately a lot of women seem to think that getting the ring will somehow change "everything", including the stability and quality of their relationship, their man''s bad habits etc. NOW you can move in together, get married, have kids and buy the house. I often feel that this attitude is a bit naive to say the least, IMHO.
"I would be fine with a talk about officially being engaged and be done with it because when my guy says something, he means it. He''s not flaky promising he wants to marry me with no intention of following through and it breaks my heart that some girls on here wonder if he''s just stringing her along"
- In Europe and many other countries/regions it is mostly talk in the first place and everybody seems to be doing just fine, or at least not worse. Again, it really is up to you to do whatever you feel comfortable with.
"SO isn''t really a traditionalist, but it was important to him that I have a ring. It''s not because he wants to mark me as his property and he says it''s totally my decision as to whether I wear it everyday, but it''s something he would like to have in our family as an heirloom. I plan to buy him an engagement watch, as well"
- Glad you are not marked as property! LOL Hey, if you do decide to wear the ring it is out of your own free will and with the meaning that you associate with it. I think I need to ask my gf for a watch as well. Maybe with a wristband that says "Taken - but not property".
Cheers,
Rob
"I don''t like that in our society, a woman is supposed to wear a sign that she is taken and the guy isn''t. I think the ring kind of plays up the man as the provider and the woman at the trophy, and that''s not something that I really wanted for myself"
- I agree that it would me more fair for men to wear something as well. Not sure about the provider and trophy thing though - if you are a strong and independent woman you should not be bothered by what other people may, or may not see in the ring. Also, a lot of women I know are really happy to show that they are indeed "taken"; that is a side that is often overlooked by so-called "progressive" or "feminist" women.
"I also don''t like how it puts the guys under so much pressure to compete to have a ring that people will look at and say, "Wow, he must really love you." It just always made me uncomfortable that he is supposed to present me with a ring that cost thousands of dollars to show that we are engaged and I don''t have to do anything - I very much think getting engaged is and should be a joint decision"
- I agree that there is some pressure out there to first of all buy a ring according to traditions as well as women''s expectations that they should get a ring - and the fact that a lot of women really WANT a ring as well. I guess that we are not free of our own culture and of societal expectations, whether we like it or not. At the same time a guy should be smart enough to not put himself under too much pressure and not try to compete with others. Bigger is not always better and a lot of women I know who want an engagement ring really do not like big stones in the first place. Also, a lot of men really do take pleasure in giving a ring - including myself. Now is that driven by societal expectations?
Sure. At the same time you can also reframe it as an "excuse" to make a great gidt to someone you love. Of course there are many ways to do that, and less expensive ones as well.
"I''ve said this before on this forum, but the notion that men have such control over the engagement implies that all women are walking around in a state of wedding-readiness which isn''t necessarily true again"
- Well, given all the control that women seem to have over their engagement (what ring, stone, time frame etc - just check the ladies in waiting forum )I do not get the impression that women are helpless victims waiting for a proposal.
"I know a few women who have opted for no ring, or a very simple band and they are met with all sorts of other women pretty much feeling sorry for them. It just kind of angers me. No ring is going to make him love me more or treat me better or make our marriage successful"
- I think that every couple should decide whether or not they want to follow this tradition and in what form. Feeling sorry for another person because of the size/type or absence of a ring is indeed extremely shallow. I am afraid these women have to take the high road. The ring is not going to make or build a relationship, it is not an insurance of any kind. It is just a ring. Unfortunately a lot of women seem to think that getting the ring will somehow change "everything", including the stability and quality of their relationship, their man''s bad habits etc. NOW you can move in together, get married, have kids and buy the house. I often feel that this attitude is a bit naive to say the least, IMHO.
"I would be fine with a talk about officially being engaged and be done with it because when my guy says something, he means it. He''s not flaky promising he wants to marry me with no intention of following through and it breaks my heart that some girls on here wonder if he''s just stringing her along"
- In Europe and many other countries/regions it is mostly talk in the first place and everybody seems to be doing just fine, or at least not worse. Again, it really is up to you to do whatever you feel comfortable with.
"SO isn''t really a traditionalist, but it was important to him that I have a ring. It''s not because he wants to mark me as his property and he says it''s totally my decision as to whether I wear it everyday, but it''s something he would like to have in our family as an heirloom. I plan to buy him an engagement watch, as well"
- Glad you are not marked as property! LOL Hey, if you do decide to wear the ring it is out of your own free will and with the meaning that you associate with it. I think I need to ask my gf for a watch as well. Maybe with a wristband that says "Taken - but not property".
Cheers,
Rob
aliciagirl
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Nov 9, 2007
- Messages
- 416
Rob - I definitely understand that a lot of women enjoy being marked as taken. I just don't like the double standard that women are supposed to "look" taken when they are engaged, while men do not have to. The whole point of feminism is to make the choice for yourself... I certainly don't overlook the fact that some women enjoy being marked as taken, that's their thing. My thing is that I don't like being marked as someone else's property, but I certainly don't look down on other women for wanting a ring. They don't share the same opinions as me and that's totally fine.
My guy is thrilled that he gets to give me a ring. I understand that a lot of guys are, I just hate that society has the standard that expensive rings = more love. I know most guys are smart enough not to buy into it but it still exists.
Lots of women, both in the LIW forum and in real life, do not have control over their engagement. Their guy wants the total surprise factor, which is what I was referring to by saying the guy has the control. I'm from a very rural, back woods town and trust me, lots of guys do believe that they are marking women as their property. Maybe a lot of the opinions that I have stem from growing up around so many sexist men that truly still believe that women belong in the kitchen and making babies. My opinions might also stem from hating surprises and being a total control freak over my life, so I may be a bit biased.
I just think open lines of communication about feelings (especially ones of frustration and sadness) should outweigh any surprise factor. No surprise is worth a girl questioning if her guy loves her and if he's just stringing her along, IMO.
I think the "Taken - but not property" would be a great engravement in my ring, haha. My guy is also very patient with my craziness and he deserves for me to wear that ring just for putting up with my "everything has to be equal" attitude.
My guy is thrilled that he gets to give me a ring. I understand that a lot of guys are, I just hate that society has the standard that expensive rings = more love. I know most guys are smart enough not to buy into it but it still exists.
Lots of women, both in the LIW forum and in real life, do not have control over their engagement. Their guy wants the total surprise factor, which is what I was referring to by saying the guy has the control. I'm from a very rural, back woods town and trust me, lots of guys do believe that they are marking women as their property. Maybe a lot of the opinions that I have stem from growing up around so many sexist men that truly still believe that women belong in the kitchen and making babies. My opinions might also stem from hating surprises and being a total control freak over my life, so I may be a bit biased.
I think the "Taken - but not property" would be a great engravement in my ring, haha. My guy is also very patient with my craziness and he deserves for me to wear that ring just for putting up with my "everything has to be equal" attitude.
bobbin
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2008
- Messages
- 473
That makes sense.
I want an engagement ring, but i plan on paying for half of it. I have told my BF that I want him to propose with something, but I want to help choose the actual ring afterwards. So he will probably propose to me with a $2 ring from somewhere ha! I see the engagement ring as being a symbol of our love and commitment, that is a mutual thing and so the cost should be shared between us. But I can totally understand how it can be seen as marking a woman as being taken.
Our engagement ring probably won''t be too expensive anyway, I like engagement rings, but we have much more important things to spend money on!
I want an engagement ring, but i plan on paying for half of it. I have told my BF that I want him to propose with something, but I want to help choose the actual ring afterwards. So he will probably propose to me with a $2 ring from somewhere ha! I see the engagement ring as being a symbol of our love and commitment, that is a mutual thing and so the cost should be shared between us. But I can totally understand how it can be seen as marking a woman as being taken.
Our engagement ring probably won''t be too expensive anyway, I like engagement rings, but we have much more important things to spend money on!
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