When should the freakin out stop?

[cute330xigrl]

Hi ladies!

This is my very very first post about myself as a B2B. I have absolutely NOTHING accomplished. I tried, but I also tried too late. I didnt know where to begin and when I finally started I found that ALL the halls are booked for the evening on the date we''d like to get married (6/17/06). I found a golf course that I''m absolutely in love w/ called "Carlyle on the Green". The have afternoon available only! The next evening opening is in Nov.

The Ceremony Room

The Conservatory Ballroom

After meeting w/ the ppl, falling in love w/ the place... my honey admits that we should just go all out on our backyard and host everything at our home. Ok fine. But now we''re talking landscaping, outdoor kitchen, tents and watnot. I found one place that''s a 1stop shop and have been biting my nails waiting on the quote for over a week now.

I CAN NOT wait to find out exactly what we''re doing. I''ve literally driven myself crazy inside. Last nite I read the post about renting a house in the Hamptons and hosting the wedding there. That sounds absolutely FAB! But now we''re talking a WHOOLLLLEEEE different ball game. Unless ofcos the catering hall thats quoting me can go all the way out there, then I think I''m all set. With my luck that will be a no. lol!

I look forward to the day I start a thread about picking invitations or shoes. :sigh:

I really just needed to come out of the closet and express my dilema.

So Hi Everyone ! My name is Chris and I have a problem committing to a venue for our wedding.

 

[BrightSpot]

Hi Chris,

Wow--I literally gasped when I saw the pics of the proposed hall. It''s just stunning! Doing the party in your backyard could be amazing too, but it might be more difficult to find a one-stop-shop for this.

I totally empathize with your dilemma, btw. I''ve been freaking out myself a bit over the choice of venue.

My FI & I really want a destination wedding for its simplicity of planning & cost effectiveness, but I''m afraid my family will freak out so I haven''t told them yet. Also, I''m daunted by the task of choosing the locale (we''re thinking perhaps Jamaica, but which resort?), especially since so much of the dest. wedding experience seems to ride on the resort choice. So, instead, I''ve been obsessing over the little choices (ring, dress, shoes, etc.) which seem easier to make, but really aren''t necessary to make yet.

Good luck to you! I''m sure you''ll feel much better once you''ve nailed down the location & date. Let us know what you think when you receive the quote for the one-stop-shop--that sounds quite appealing!

 

[selflove]

Hi Chris!

The pictures of the site you want are really fabulous--I can understand how frustrating it is not getting it for the date/time you want. Getting organized is the hardest part and then once you do, you find out that all the good venues are booked! (Yes, since April I''ve been dinking around with the reception venue issue, I can''t commit either!)

Good luck and keep looking b/c maybe another fabulous place is out there, you just haven''t found it yet!!

 

[elephant]

I totally know how you feel. Granted, I''m not getting married until 6/07, but I feel this overwhelming need to get my major vendors booked! And I can''t do that until I move to DC -- where the wedding will take place. I just feel like I''m spinning my wheels here and that everything will be booked by the time I get around to booking! I''m suer something will work out! My aunt had her wedding at their house with a catered dinner and a tent, etc. and it was gorgeous -- no matter what you do, I''m sure it will work out!!! Plus, all that REALLY matters is that you get to marry your man, right?

Good luck!

 

[gingerBcookie]

Hi Chris! Wow woman, that place is GOR - juss! I can see why you loved it. Your two back up plans both sound like great ideas! Don''t worry, I went through the same anxiety when I couldn''t get a place booked for my original date. As soon as you can secure a venue, the ball will start rolling. The waiting for an answer is the worst part -- no worries, I am a strong believer that things will work out.

I happen to LOVE tent weddings - to me they''re a clean blank slate that you can just go wild with! House in the HAmptons -- very elegant. No matter what you end up choosing you know its going to be fab cuz you have a FAB sense of style! I can''t wait to see what you choose!

 

[ame]

Id say you stop freaking out about 2 months after the wedding

 

[kanne]

the freaking out does not stop until the honeymoon. or at least I hope it stops then!!! we just booked our honeymoon yesterday - and we're getting married in a month..so as far as I'm concerned, you are WAY ahead of the game!!

A-ha, you're a LI girl! The Carlye is a great venue. Very pretty. Good food.

How about a vineyard? So many nice ones out east...could be aa vacation weekend for your guests... Palmer Vineyard is very nice... backyard wedding is lovely, but depending on how many guests you have it may be a huge project. There is an incredible vineyard..think on the North Fork..that also has a lovely beach on the peconic. It was booked solid for 2005 so we could not get in but it was incredible. Can't remember the name tho...I'm no help!

Lovey

 

[appletini]

oh cutie, sounds to me like you a need a wedding coordinator very badly...still makes it a one stop shop b/c she will do all the work for you. However that venue posted is beautiful!

Remember: Its not where you are, its who you''re with.

p.s. I think there are meetings for can''t commit to a wedding venue annonymous a.k.a CCWVA

 

[cute330xigrl]

Feeling better about not being alone. Thanks a lot ladies!!!

So I call the catering hall today and I was not to pleased w/ the girl I spoke to. She asked me how many ppl am I planning for the occassion. I said I didnt know. That will depend on how many ppl she tells me I can comfortably fit in my backyard w/ a tent. So she says "You dont know how many ppl you''re inviting? " I said "Thats correct." Then she says "Wellll, how many invitations have you sent out? Lets start there." I told her "I havent sent out any invitations b/c you havent called me back to let me know the answer to the very question. So I again ask, given the measurements of my backyard how many ppl can I fit...?" This was a 10minute back and forth. She couldnt comprehend why I couldnt answer the question. So what happens next. She gets the owner on the phone. Now I''m getting somewhere. FINALLY an answer. I can fit a 125 ppl tent w/ dance floor. THANKKKK YOOOUUUU! shesh. The tent is $600 , dancefloor $300. Ok cool! Tomorrow we discuss the menu......

I''m happy to be marrying my love and never fear, I havent lost sight of that. In fact the whole switch-a-roo started b/c he expressed wanting to have our ceremony @ home. So I''m just trying to make it as much of our day as possible.

I''ll need to ask him about the wineries. Weird, we''re vaca''ing in Napa in 2wks. Vineyards completely slipped my mind.

Good deal Lovey. I hope you remember the name of the place....

 

[Mara]

Date: 9/1/2005 8:27:41 PM
Author: lovey
the freaking out does not stop until the honeymoon.

I agree. It wasn't until we were on the plane to Tahiti that I felt relaxed.

Until then, sorry to say, get used to the feeling...you will never fully feel in control. The sooner brides-to-be realize that, the easier it is. Also you never feel like you have enough time.

Part of why we did a destination wedding is because when the venue is 2500 miles away and there are 2 florists on the island and 2 caterers and 2 justice of the peaces...it makes it hard to micro-manage. I would have been way more stressed if I had gotten married locally where I could micro-manage til my heart exploded. With a destination it was like...okay we chose the food. Chose the flowers. Got a justice. Paid for the venue. Bought a dress. Guess we're done for 8 months.

 

[MelissaSue]

cute- I really love that first location you posted.. Too bad it prolly won''t work out for ya!

The girl that you spoke to with the catering company sounds like a total MORON. I have a VERY low tolerance for stupidity (my parents tell me I always have.) Why on earth would she ask you how many invitations you''ve sent out? Clearly if you are in the process of booking a caterer and a tent for next spring, you haven''t yet sent out invitations.. And when you say you don''t know how many people you''re inviting that should become even more clear. She may just be an exception with this particular company but I''d be careful with any company who''d hire anyone that stupid to answer their phone calls!

I''ve heard that at home weddings can cost even more than other locations.. so watch your expenses.. $900 for tent and dance floor - Then you need lighting, port-a-potties.. and there are funky rules about caterers and liquor.. I''m not saying its a bad idea.. it can just add up quick!

 

[soontobemarried]

Dear Cute Girl, I was where you were about 2 months ago...choosing the place to hold the wedding is the biggest decision you have to make with your wedding I think. I definately freaked out. I had to decide whether to have our wedding in my home country ( England), my Fiancee''s home country ( Dominican Republic) or our present home ( New York)...beat that on frustration....But needless to say once you make that vital decision, all will start to fall into place....

But believe it will not be the last phone call from a crazy wedding planner, caterer etc.... who will make you feel incompetent, unoragnised and totally freaked out.

I went to a bridal show and gave my number to one too many vendors and that was it. My phone continually rang. Everyone expects you to have booked everything, down to the flowers aq whole year in advance, even if you havent found a venue!!. If there are any vendors or wedding planners reading this, please remember the Brides have enough to deal with planning a wedding, we understand you have a job and sales to make, but this is meant to be a special, sacred time ( we dont need to be highly stressed)...Please help us, not overwhelm us

 

[cute330xigrl]

Mara - I looked into the destination wedding thing and minimum was 20k for the St. Thomas wedding I wanted. The other place was Checca Lodge Resort (Florida Keys) but the date I wanted was already spoken for. So I threw it out the window and decided to just do a home thing.

MelissaSue - So far I''m at 15k for services. It''s looking like I''ll be at 30k for everything easy. So now I wonder.... do the @ home , have everything exactly the way I want it or go to that hall and just pick a different date. The nice thing w/ that hall is they''re VERY customizable and would even cook some ethnic dishes for me. I absolutely LOVED the very thought of that. I gave myself a 2 weeks deadline.

Soon2BeMarried - OMG! How do you deal w/ all that spam?! lol! Thats just awful.

 

[allycat0303]

Hey Chris!

You sound stressed!

. That reception hall you posted is SO incredible!! Is the particular date you wanted really special/significant? For me, I was looking at April 27 because it's the day we started going out ten years ago, but April 26/27 on a weekend is in 2008! My crazy boyfriend told me today (we went to this wedding salon thing) that he wants to get married next year in April. I think he's on crack, cause I was looking at a 3-4 year engagement. So back to your thing, if it's a special day cause of the day you guys started dating, then you could always book the closest date, and still celebrate on the day you started dating/met/ etc.

The back yard wedding sounds like a very homey and sweet, but I would worry like crazy about the weather, thunder etc. My boyfriend and I went to a hall/resturant thing and what we really like is that they provided baseline stuff included in the price, like the silverware, table centers (with some floral arrangement), service, etc. Halls also usually have an event coordinator, which I think might diminish the stress slightly (very slightly). They also said we could add whatever flowers/food we wanted, so it seemed pretty flexible. I guess with a home wedding silverware and service would be seperate?

Of course your house is beautiful and getting all the landscaping done for the wedding would mean you would have it done once and for all. Take a deep breath! Hugs!

 

[cute330xigrl]

Date: 9/5/2005 5:31:10 PM
Author: allycat0303
Hey Chris!

You sound stressed!

. That reception hall you posted is SO incredible!! Is the particular date you wanted really special/significant? For me, I was looking at April 27 because it's the day we started going out ten years ago, but April 26/27 on a weekend is in 2008! My crazy boyfriend told me today (we went to this wedding salon thing) that he wants to get married next year in April. I think he's on crack, cause I was looking at a 3-4 year engagement. So back to your thing, if it's a special day cause of the day you guys started dating, then you could always book the closest date, and still celebrate on the day you started dating/met/ etc.

The back yard wedding sounds like a very homey and sweet, but I would worry like crazy about the weather, thunder etc. My boyfriend and I went to a hall/resturant thing and what we really like is that they provided baseline stuff included in the price, like the silverware, table centers (with some floral arrangement), service, etc. Halls also usually have an event coordinator, which I think might diminish the stress slightly (very slightly). They also said we could add whatever flowers/food we wanted, so it seemed pretty flexible. I guess with a home wedding silverware and service would be seperate?

Of course your house is beautiful and getting all the landscaping done for the wedding would mean you would have it done once and for all. Take a deep breath! Hugs!

Yep you guessed it. 10yrs ago on june 17th, we started dating and it just so happened that it falls on a saturday next yr. It just seemed PERFECT!

lol. If we had the wedding at home, tent is a must. Thing about it is the tent would take up the entire yard. We'd have to break out the patio we have now (which is fine cos we dont like it anyways) and just lay down some dirt in preparation for grass once the tent is removed. Our poor poor backyard. Its been HEAVYLY neglected b/c of all the interior renovations.

 

[cute330xigrl]

its so hard to envision 100 ppl back there. but the tent measurements say we can all fit. its like an overgrown jungle back here. lol OMG!

 

[allycat0303]

Hey Chris,

Well if the tent measurements say 100 people can fit, then 100 people can fit. I''m assuming that this tent will be for the reception? Did they factor in tables, chairs and walking space, and dance floor? Well you have a good excuse to dig up the deck/cement structure. I think taking up the entire yard is a good thing because it''s kind of creating your own recpetion hall. I remember seeing this outdoor Oprah/Colin Cowie tent wedding and it was INCREDIBLE! So it can be done. At least you know Dre will never forget your wedding anniversary. I told my boy he could just "pretend" our wedding really did occur on our anniversary, cause you really can''t forget 10 years together. And it''ll make it easier on him. Prevents me from chewing him out for messing up or forgetting one of the dates.

Looks like you''re leaning toward backyard so go for it! You can create your own color theme and everything, so that could be really fun.

 

[cute330xigrl]

Date: 9/5/2005 8:29:13 PM
Author: allycat0303
Hey Chris,

Well if the tent measurements say 100 people can fit, then 100 people can fit. I''m assuming that this tent will be for the reception? Did they factor in tables, chairs and walking space, and dance floor? Well you have a good excuse to dig up the deck/cement structure. I think taking up the entire yard is a good thing because it''s kind of creating your own recpetion hall. I remember seeing this outdoor Oprah/Colin Cowie tent wedding and it was INCREDIBLE! So it can be done. At least you know Dre will never forget your wedding anniversary. I told my boy he could just ''pretend'' our wedding really did occur on our anniversary, cause you really can''t forget 10 years together. And it''ll make it easier on him. Prevents me from chewing him out for messing up or forgetting one of the dates.

Looks like you''re leaning toward backyard so go for it! You can create your own color theme and everything, so that could be really fun.

Yep, tables and dancing floor all factored in. This past two weekends I had the most incredible experiences! We had a family wedding (FI''s cousin). So his mother and grandmother made a BIG 2 DO about what I would wear to the indian ceremony (saturday) and american reception (sunday). I felt like it was MY big day and in many ways it was. For those of you who have dated "inter-racially" and/or dated an only child know what I mean when I say : I was officially accepted! It was the most beautiful weekend with his family I have EVER had!!!

Saturday I wore a traditional indian outfit that grandma and her sister sewed for me the morning of the hindu ceremony. I offered to have it altered and pay for it but she refused. It had to have her touch and it was ABSOLUTELY AMAZING! I literally felt like a princess after I tried it on. It fit as if they had sewn it while I was wearing it. I came out of the bedroom to show her and she was floored. Not to say that I''m the bomb, but grandma''s compliments sure made me feel like I was. She looked me over again and said "Where are you''re bangles and earrings?" I told her I didnt have any gold. So she went into her jewelry box. Gave me a pair of her own earrings and 2 bangles off her wrists and said "These are for you now. From Grandma" I almost cried. I hugged her and kissed her hand after telling her thank you. That thank you could not have spoken to the volumes of sheer gratitude I felt at that moment. There were just no words to describe it... but I hope she read it thru my eyes. For the remainder of the weekend, the entire family was anxious to hear our wedding plans. What are we having and where? How can they help? etc, etc..... It was just so amazing.

Now as for the FI mom... what a gem! There was a bit of conflict as to which/who''s dress I was wearing for the ceremonies. She wanted me to wear a dress that she was buying me, while Grandma wanted me to wear her dress. It was practically a fight. Now as much as fights arent a good thing, this one was WONDERFUL! Imagine how loved I felt that my fiances family are fighting over me.

So we settled it. Saturday I wore grandmas gift Sunday I wore MIL''s gift. She took me shopping for a dress, shoes and handbag. The full outfit! Again, the compliments took on a whole different and bigger meaning.

After all that love, it doesnt end.... This past weekend, grandma tells me she has a gift for me.

She had ordered a set of earrings 2wks prior but they werent ready in time for the wedding. So she gave them to me this past Saturday. They are gorgeous in soooo many many many ways. I''ve always loved my future family but also always wanted that official "you''ve been accepted by the Head of the Family (aka Grandma)" (grandpa''s deceased). My new life cant get any better.

Just thought I''d start perking up my own thread.

 

[gingerBcookie]

Date: 9/6/2005 2:09:46 PM
Author: cute330xigrl

Yep, tables and dancing floor all factored in. This past two weekends I had the most incredible experiences! We had a family wedding (FI''s cousin). So his mother and grandmother made a BIG 2 DO about what I would wear to the indian ceremony (saturday) and american reception (sunday). I felt like it was MY big day and in many ways it was. For those of you who have dated ''inter-racially'' and/or dated an only child know what I mean when I say : I was officially accepted! It was the most beautiful weekend with his family I have EVER had!!!

Saturday I wore a traditional indian outfit that grandma and her sister sewed for me the morning of the hindu ceremony. I offered to have it altered and pay for it but she refused. It had to have her touch and it was ABSOLUTELY AMAZING! I literally felt like a princess after I tried it on. It fit as if they had sewn it while I was wearing it. I came out of the bedroom to show her and she was floored. Not to say that I''m the bomb, but grandma''s compliments sure made me feel like I was. She looked me over again and said ''Where are you''re bangles and earrings?'' I told her I didnt have any gold. So she went into her jewelry box. Gave me a pair of her own earrings and 2 bangles off her wrists and said ''These are for you now. From Grandma'' I almost cried. I hugged her and kissed her hand after telling her thank you. That thank you could not have spoken to the volumes of sheer gratitude I felt at that moment. There were just no words to describe it... but I hope she read it thru my eyes. For the remainder of the weekend, the entire family was anxious to hear our wedding plans. What are we having and where? How can they help? etc, etc..... It was just so amazing.

Now as for the FI mom... what a gem! There was a bit of conflict as to which/who''s dress I was wearing for the ceremonies. She wanted me to wear a dress that she was buying me, while Grandma wanted me to wear her dress. It was practically a fight. Now as much as fights arent a good thing, this one was WONDERFUL! Imagine how loved I felt that my fiances family are fighting over me.

So we settled it. Saturday I wore grandmas gift Sunday I wore MIL''s gift. She took me shopping for a dress, shoes and handbag. The full outfit! Again, the compliments took on a whole different and bigger meaning.

After all that love, it doesnt end.... This past weekend, grandma tells me she has a gift for me.

She had ordered a set of earrings 2wks prior but they werent ready in time for the wedding. So she gave them to me this past Saturday. They are gorgeous in soooo many many many ways. I''ve always loved my future family but also always wanted that official ''you''ve been accepted by the Head of the Family (aka Grandma)'' (grandpa''s deceased). My new life cant get any better.

Just thought I''d start perking up my own thread.

Oh Chris!

I am SOOOOOOO happy for you! I know you are stressing about the reception area but I TOTALLY get what you went through with the family (I''m inter-racially dating also) and I haven''t gottena huge breakthrough momemnt yet, but I know how good it feel each time you get a sign from his or your family that they are accepting you two as a couple.

I think a tent sonds absolutely lovely. I would have loved to have a tenet wedding, I see somemany gorgeous ideas of what you could do with a tenet! It''s exciting for me just to think of what you could do with it!!!

 

[onedrop]

Hi Chris: I have been following your thread for a while. I feel for ya...but breathe....everything will work out fine! I adore the first pics you posted. I just looks so wedding-y. On the other hand, a nice backyard wedding would be great also. I went to my cousin''s wedding a couple of years ago in the back yard of their new home. They had a tent as well, and it was lovely. Although I believe they may have had less than 100 folks. Still it was cozy and elegant at the same time.

On your other developments: I have dated interacially quite a bit and I know exactly what you are talking about. Acceptance and better yet welcoming into the family are very big deals. So much so that I got a little choked up while reading your last post. I don''t know you at all but I understand your situation all to well. I am so happy for you!

 

[jellybean]

I don''t mean to be the one to burst your bubble, but please, please, please have a back up plan if you decide to go with the backyard ceremony. The reason I say this is because you NEVER know the way the weather is going to work out. And do you want to stress yourself about that as well? Could you reasonably fit 100 people in your house if you need to?

A friend of mine''s sister had an outdoor ceremony a few years ago at a golf club. We kept telling her to have a back up plan in case it should rain and the ceremony would need to be moved indoors. She said "I have a tent, if it rains, we''ll just have it under the tent". Well the forcast was for rain that day, and for the two previous days. She was of course freaking out. They did have the ceremony under the tent (much to the dismay of everyone) and the ground was completely drenched. All the ladies heels sunk into the wet grass and the bride''s floor length dress was completely soaked and muddy. She probably had half the people show up to the ceremony than planned b/c of the weather. I didn''t go to the wedding but my friend said her sister was miserable the entire day.

Yeah, it would be nice to have the wedding on your anniversary date. When we were planning, we realized that September 5 was a Saturday, and we met on that date so it would be perfect. However, it was Labor Day weekend and a lot of people close to us have big plans that weekend, plus the reception hall we wanted wasn''t available that weekend so we chose a completely different date. Now, we have two special dates to celebrate.

 

[cute330xigrl]

Ginger: Yeaa, I knew you''d know exactly what I was talking about. Oh, I hope you experience that break thru moment soon! It''s almost like a weight lifted off.

Onedrop: Thanks for the kind words!

Jellybean: I hear you 100%! They claimed the tent wouldnt leak and I''d imagine we''re putting a floor down (not just a tent over grass). It''s ok if the grass dies, since we''ll complete that area of the landscape after the ceremony. The last thought is to go to the hamptons. This way I dont need to fuss over my yard. Still pricing things out. The good news is, both houses I was considering in the hamptons are available.