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When to upgrade?

B

BlingBlingLova

Shiny_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 14, 2018
Messages
192
Hello fellow PSers! I have a question. Recently, I bought and designed a gorgeous wedding set: 1.8 carat oval with a pave halo eternity setting and 2 matching eternity pave rings. I’m head over heels in love! BUT my dream has always been to have a 5 carat . I am married, work FT, have 2 small kids, in debt (student loan, cars, mortgage). The hubs and I are saving to pay off debts and for our kids education and retirement, you know, the usual boring adult stuff! So it’s not like I can upgrade overnight. I was scoping diamonds already and there is no way (plus I don’t have the heart) to plop $70,000 overnight . I was thinking of upgrading in stages. For example, the place I bought my stone has the classic upgrade policy where the new stone has to be double the price of the old stone. Is it worth it to drop $15,000 to acquire a $25,000 stone (we paid $10,000 for the current stone) in 5 years or should I wait longer to upgrade? I can buy a 2.8 carat oval with the same specs as my current oval with that price. Or should I wait until I can afford at least a 3.5 carat and above? Also keep in mind that the setting would have to go as well. I would have to start from scratch with a setting. But with a 2.8 carat oval, I would probably nix the halo and just leave it as a classic solitaire with the 2 bands. Thoughts please?
 
Hi! You will not like my answer, but you should be happy with what you have now, enjoy it, and think about an upgrade later. My opinion is that a diamond ring is never big enough especially if you read PS. Also, anyone who has student loan debt should not be spending money to upgrade. A big diamond is not a necessity.

Your ring sounds gorgeous and you should enjoy it. 1.8 ct is a large diamond by most standards. Enjoy your beautiful ring. Spend time with your kids and invest in their future.

Then you can think about upgrading later if that still matters to you. Life is much more than having the big fat diamond.

If you do decide to upgrade, I would wait. Going from a 1.8ct to a 2.8ct is not a significant change in bling factor and you will waste a lot of money with your new setting. Plus, you will probably still not be happy. So my suggestion is enjoy your ring now and wait for the bigger upgrade. Definitely not now. Pay off that student loan with your extra cash.

Good luck to you.
 
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Dreaming is fun. I would definitely recommend coming back to this idea after the student debts have been paid off and you’ve got about $250k in each of your two kids’ 529 plans. In he mean time, get a lotto ticket once a week and keep perusing diamond sites. Have fun!!
 
Miki Moto said:
Hi! You will not like my answer, but you should be happy with what you have now, enjoy it, and think about an upgrade later. My opinion is that a diamond ring is never big enough especially if you read PS. Also, anyone who has student loan debt should not be spending money to upgrade. A big diamond is not a necessity.

Your ring sounds gorgeous and you should enjoy it. 1.8 ct is a large diamond by most standards. Enjoy your beautiful ring. Spend time with your kids and invest in their future.

Then you can think about upgrading later if that still matters to you. Life is much more than having the big fat diamond.

If you do decide to upgrade, I would wait. Going from a 1.8ct to a 2.8ct is not a significant change in bling factor and you will waste a lot of money with your new setting. Plus, you will probably still not be happy. So my suggestion is enjoy your ring now and wait for the bigger upgrade. Definitely not now. Pay off that student loan with your extra cash.

Good luck to you.
Click to expand...
LLJsmom said:
Dreaming is fun. I would definitely recommend coming back to this idea after the student debts have been paid off and you’ve got about $250k in each of your two kids’ 529 plans. In he mean time, get a lotto ticket once a week and keep perusing diamond sites. Have fun!!
Click to expand...

You've received excellent advice from these two ladies. There will always be bigger diamond. There will always be a clearer diamond. And there will always be a better cut diamond then the one you have. Especially here on PS. Most of the ladies (and gentlemen) you see on this forum with large (3+) diamonds are well advanced in their careers and lives and have liquid assets to spend on those treasures that they're always wanted. And most did not start out with such diamonds when they were just starting a family and still in the red.

$10000+ (diamond + whatever you paid for the setting) is already a lot for an E-ring, especially for a couple who still has student loan debt and small children. IMO you should only buy an engagement ring once you have paid off all existing debt (other than a mortgage, which can be considered good debt) and you then have enough money to pay cash for the ring.

At this point, I wouldn't even think about upgrading until the kids are out of the house, you have a million or two in the retirement plans, and you have nothing better to do with all of the hundreds of thousands in left over cash you have accumulated over the years (provided life works out that way :mrgreen:). Enjoy what you have now. I'm sure it's beautiful. :)
 
Hmmmm. Well, firstly, let me say - this is really none of our business. When strangers start telling you what you *should* do with your money, you know that - as an adult - you're already receiving more advice than you need. And, of course, it's also asking us to make uneducated guesses about something very important to both you and your husband, which we know nothing about.

We don't know you. Perhaps you want to live a financially conservative life. Perhaps you value wealth. Perhaps you don't. Perhaps you'd prefer your kids to pay their own way through college. And perhaps you want to take some risks and live a less careful life. There are upsides and downsides to all these options, so my best advice would be to speak with a good (and that's the optional word here) financial planner, to whom you can explain your goals and priorities and the things that matter to you.

My advice would be - use your own best judgment and make a well thought out decision that both you and your husband can get behind. So long as you're comfortable with it, it's nobody's business if your decisions are different to ours - or anyone's for that matter.

I started upgrading in my mid 30's and probably haven't finished yet. I keep upgrading because I enjoy it and I've loved this crazy ride. Some of my upgrades have been conservative and 'wise', while some have been more impulsive. So to that end, I TOTALLY agree with @LLJsmom about enjoying it and having fun. If it becomes financially stressful and ceases to be enjoyable, then I'd certainly rethink my priorities. But in the meantime, everyone's financial situation is different and our goals are different also. You're adults, so think it through and do what seems right and smart and fun to both of you.

Good luck - and remember, big diamonds look best on young hands!

ETA I wanted to come back and add - some of my upgrades were done on credit. Those were the ones when I was younger. The upgrades I do now are not. But that's a factor of being older, and would I advise every woman to wait till she was 57 years old before upgrading? No. I definitely wouldn't.

My parents died at 52 and 58 years of age. Sometimes you don't EVER get to do the things you plan and plan and wait and wait for. Sometimes you just have to take an opportunity and run with it and suck the marrow out of life. There's middle ground between being uber careful and conservative - and living life dangling over a precipice. That tends to be the place where enjoyment and interest balances with care and consideration. You want to listen to both the adult and the child in your soul.

Best wishes. :))
 
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mrs-b said:
Hmmmm. Well, firstly, let me say - this is really none of our business. When strangers start telling you what you *should* do with your money, you know that - as an adult - you're already receiving more advice than you need. And, of course, it's also asking us to make uneducated guesses about something very important to both you and your husband, which we know nothing about.

We don't know you. Perhaps you want to live a financially conservative life. Perhaps you value wealth. Perhaps you don't. Perhaps you'd prefer your kids to pay their own way through college. And perhaps you want to take some risks and live a less careful life. There are upsides and downsides to all these options, so my best advice would be to speak with a good (and that's the optional word here) financial planner, to whom you can explain your goals and priorities and the things that matter to you.

My advice would be - use your own best judgment and make a well thought out decision that both you and your husband can get behind. So long as you're comfortable with it, it's nobody's business if your decisions are different to ours - or anyone's for that matter.

I started upgrading in my mid 30's and probably haven't finished yet. I keep upgrading because I enjoy it and I've loved this crazy ride. Some of my upgrades have been conservative and 'wise', while some have been more impulsive. So to that end, I TOTALLY agree with @LLJsmom about enjoying it and having fun. If it becomes financially stressful and ceases to be enjoyable, then I'd certainly rethink my priorities. But in the meantime, everyone's financial situation is different and our goals are different also. You're adults, so think it through and do what seems right and smart and fun to both of you.

Good luck - and remember, big diamonds look best on young hands!

ETA I wanted to come back and add - some of my upgrades were done on credit. Those were the ones when I was younger. The upgrades I do now are not. But that's a factor of being older, and would I advise every woman to wait till she was 57 years old before upgrading? No. I definitely wouldn't.

My parents died at 52 and 58 years of age. Sometimes you don't EVER get to do the things you plan and plan and wait and wait for. Sometimes you just have to take an opportunity and run with it and suck the marrow out of life. There's middle ground between being uber careful and conservative - and living life dangling over a precipice. That tends to be the place where enjoyment and interest balances with care and consideration. You want to listen to both the adult and the child in your soul.

Best wishes. :))
Click to expand...

Mrs. B I don’t know that my husband would find my upgrade as “fun”. More like the 4 letter f word . But I get what you are saying. I do agree that I should wait but I did not mean to imply that it would be now lol. I meant in 5 years, which by then we would have our debt paid off. And keep in mind I am in my mid 40s so I ain’t exactly a spring chicken. But I do agree with the ladies. My rings are gorgeous and I never take it for granted. It’s just that in my world, there is no such thing as a big enough diamond
 
mrs-b said:
ETA I wanted to come back and add - some of my upgrades were done on credit. Those were the ones when I was younger. The upgrades I do now are not. But that's a factor of being older, and would I advise every woman to wait till she was 57 years old before upgrading? No. I definitely wouldn't.

My parents died at 52 and 58 years of age. Sometimes you don't EVER get to do the things you plan and plan and wait and wait for. Sometimes you just have to take an opportunity and run with it and suck the marrow out of life. There's middle ground between being uber careful and conservative - and living life dangling over a precipice. That tends to be the place where enjoyment and interest balances with care and consideration. You want to listen to both the adult and the child in your soul.

Best wishes. :))
Click to expand...

This is how I view things. I plan for the future but also make time/money to play today. If you’re comfortable spending the money and not hurting anyone’s future in the process (and “hurting” is subjectively defined), I say go for it.
 
Isn’t the 2.8 solitaire going to look the same size as your 1.8 halo? I don’t think you will be happy with the size difference.
 
I sympathize, but am slightly puzzled by this forum's fascination with upgrading as soon as you finally finish purchasing something you love. Take some time to enjoy it!
 
Miki Moto said:
Hi! You will not like my answer, but you should be happy with what you have now, enjoy it, and think about an upgrade later. My opinion is that a diamond ring is never big enough especially if you read PS. Also, anyone who has student loan debt should not be spending money to upgrade. A big diamond is not a necessity.

Your ring sounds gorgeous and you should enjoy it. 1.8 ct is a large diamond by most standards. Enjoy your beautiful ring. Spend time with your kids and invest in their future.

Then you can think about upgrading later if that still matters to you. Life is much more than having the big fat diamond.

If you do decide to upgrade, I would wait. Going from a 1.8ct to a 2.8ct is not a significant change in bling factor and you will waste a lot of money with your new setting. Plus, you will probably still not be happy. So my suggestion is enjoy your ring now and wait for the bigger upgrade. Definitely not now. Pay off that student loan with your extra cash.

Good luck to you.
Click to expand...
This is excellent advice. Pay off your debt. You are paying hefty interest on it. You have more immediate budgetary responsibilities. It wouldn’t be financially wise to incur more debt.:wavey: It’s fun to dream though.
 
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AprilBaby said:
Isn’t the 2.8 solitaire going to look the same size as your 1.8 halo? I don’t think you will be happy with the size difference.
Click to expand...

Yes that pretty much seals the deal for me. Plus even if I were to upgrade to a 10 carat (which will never happen), I will still think it’s not big enough :lol:
 

HCA score is >2 though, which means it's practically garbage by PS standards. Might as well put it back in the ground from which it came.

:P2
 
I'm of the camp that happy wife = happy life. Not saying you should ditch the things that are important to you, like saving for the kids, but if you can afford to upgrade, go for it. I'd do it in increments the way you're thinking. Chances are you'll never have 70k sitting around to upgrade to your dream size without guilt.

that's just me. i realize I'm shallow ;)
 
HappyNewLife said:
I'm of the camp that happy wife = happy life. Not saying you should ditch the things that are important to you, like saving for the kids, but if you can afford to upgrade, go for it. I'd do it in increments the way you're thinking. Chances are you'll never have 70k sitting around to upgrade to your dream size without guilt.

that's just me. i realize I'm shallow ;-)
Click to expand...
Wonder if this happy wife spending $70K on a ring upgrade while still paying college, car, and mortgage loans and having young children will be just as happy when she becomes 60 or over.
In my social group, there are two camps of retirement age people. One group must stay working and pinch to make ends meet. They cannot depend on Medicare to pay all needed medical bills and count on meager social securities payments to put food on the table. They cannot even imagine what they will do when they become very old and physically dependent. The other group is happily traveling, wining, and dining, and (can afford both financially and time-wise) enjoying company of family and friends. The latter group is one who wisely save and invest, and end up having their money work for themselves instead of the other way around.
It is a matter of choice about when to extravagantly enjoy life. Of course, there is a happy and responsible medium. However, I do not see anyone still has car and student loans, in addition to young children, can splurge before all priorities are met. The decision to slurge has nothing to do with guilt, but responsible common sense.
 
In addition to the advice already given, please don't get stuck in the marketing scheme of having to stay with your current jeweler with a double the price upgrade policy. You'll do better in the long run selling the ring you have and then coming here and letting us help you find the best possible deal on a larger and well cut diamond.

I am in the no-major-luxury-expenditures camp until one is debt free, though. I didn't upgrade for the first time until 2 out of three kids were out of college. The last one graduates this Saturday, and none of our children has a single college loan. It took careful spending and saving.
 
I don’t think there’s anything wrong in fantasising/planning for the future! Who isn’t guilty of thinking about their next holiday on the plane home from their most recent one (I certainly am, and doesn’t having something to look forward to make those hard work days just that much more bearable?!).

I would add that vendors will make a profit on each transaction/upgrade. I assume the more transactions, the more profit for the vendor, so the more cost to you overall. There’s also setting costs each time etc.

Yet on the other side of the equation, you get to enjoy your ‘partial’ upgrades earlier, I know for me I’d rather have the money on my finger than in a bank account (if it was eventually being spent on a stone).
 
Your ring sounds beautiful!

As someone who didn’t even have an engagement ring, I’m not in a position to advise. What I would say though, is that we have lived a fairly conservative life. We’ve paid off mortgages as soon as we could, bought bigger houses as homes rather than for any future financial gain (even though we’ve always made money on them), and ensured our son got through university debt free. This enabled us to help him buy an apartment and now house, and also to start a business. We have travelled well and extensively so I don’t think I’ve missed out by not having a huge rock.

This place is dangerous, you see all the gorgeous rings and upgrades that people post, and you start thinking :lol:

This year is our 40th anniversary, and I’m finally getting my dream engagement ring, yes, it’ll be big, but I’ve waited a long time and buying it won’t be stretching us or putting us in to debt.
 
I'm fairly fiscally conservative so I cant imagine upgrading to such a costly item without having all debt paid off and plenty of money in savings/retirement/
college funds. In the mean time I would be throwing money at all these things in stead of a costly upgrade. A lot of people wait 20+ years for an upgrade
(not so much around here). I think you should be thinking of a much longer time frame for upgrading. Take a look at your finances in 10 years, 15 years,
20 years etc. At some point such a luxury item/upgrade will make more sense (or maybe not). I realize these are my standards and may not be yours.
 
It’s really encouraging to hear the voices of common sense here. My husband and I got beautiful trinity bands for our wedding. We spent the money we would have spent on a diamond on a down payment for our house. Many years later we are debt free and modestly secure, which is a great feeling. Jewelry is a luxury and it is great to enjoy it without creating worries for yourself. However, dreaming is free—if you can remember it’s dreaming for now! :wavey:
 
I have been married for almost 15 years but we are late 30s, two small kids, about to take over a family business. I am hoping that I can upgrade at the 20 year mark. My husband is so fiscally conservative. Our only debt is our mortgage, and we save for our kids' education. I am more "you only live once" and "you can't take it with you".

When he bought my ring when we got engaged, he planned for it to be my forever stone. I told him I'd like to keep it forever but add another friend. I may just get an upgraded setting. we will see what happens. But it is always fun to dream.
 
I would say love what you have. I lOVE my 1.27 solitaire (although not the setting I haven’t chosen the right one yet!), but I wanted a big diamond as well, and a small collection of other smaller stones. I have a 2.90 OEC that was well under $15,000 and is stunning so that cures my need for a larger white stone that costs a fortune. So if you really have the itch maybe there is a way to find something else that speaks to you that’s large, and not so expensive..in 5-10 years.
 
Upgrade when your debts (aside from mortgage) are paid, and not a minute sooner. Have you priced 5 ct diamonds?

My husband is fiscally conservative and at my age I'm more "use it or lose it". But I don't think splashing out on a diamond is a good idea for you at the moment. Love the one you're with.
 
Austina said:
Your ring sounds beautiful!

As someone who didn’t even have an engagement ring, I’m not in a position to advise. What I would say though, is that we have lived a fairly conservative life. We’ve paid off mortgages as soon as we could, bought bigger houses as homes rather than for any future financial gain (even though we’ve always made money on them), and ensured our son got through university debt free. This enabled us to help him buy an apartment and now house, and also to start a business. We have travelled well and extensively so I don’t think I’ve missed out by not having a huge rock.

This place is dangerous, you see all the gorgeous rings and upgrades that people post, and you start thinking :lol:

This year is our 40th anniversary, and I’m finally getting my dream engagement ring, yes, it’ll be big, but I’ve waited a long time and buying it won’t be stretching us or putting us in to debt.
Click to expand...
Happy 40th Anniversary @Austina!:appl:Enjoy your new ring, you have certainly earned it, but be sure to share lots of pics.:mrgreen2:
 
mrs-b said:
Hmmmm. Well, firstly, let me say - this is really none of our business. When strangers start telling you what you *should* do with your money, you know that - as an adult - you're already receiving more advice than you need. And, of course, it's also asking us to make uneducated guesses about something very important to both you and your husband, which we know nothing about.

We don't know you. Perhaps you want to live a financially conservative life. Perhaps you value wealth. Perhaps you don't. Perhaps you'd prefer your kids to pay their own way through college. And perhaps you want to take some risks and live a less careful life. There are upsides and downsides to all these options, so my best advice would be to speak with a good (and that's the optional word here) financial planner, to whom you can explain your goals and priorities and the things that matter to you.

My advice would be - use your own best judgment and make a well thought out decision that both you and your husband can get behind. So long as you're comfortable with it, it's nobody's business if your decisions are different to ours - or anyone's for that matter.

I started upgrading in my mid 30's and probably haven't finished yet. I keep upgrading because I enjoy it and I've loved this crazy ride. Some of my upgrades have been conservative and 'wise', while some have been more impulsive. So to that end, I TOTALLY agree with @LLJsmom about enjoying it and having fun. If it becomes financially stressful and ceases to be enjoyable, then I'd certainly rethink my priorities. But in the meantime, everyone's financial situation is different and our goals are different also. You're adults, so think it through and do what seems right and smart and fun to both of you.

Good luck - and remember, big diamonds look best on young hands!

ETA I wanted to come back and add - some of my upgrades were done on credit. Those were the ones when I was younger. The upgrades I do now are not. But that's a factor of being older, and would I advise every woman to wait till she was 57 years old before upgrading? No. I definitely wouldn't.

My parents died at 52 and 58 years of age. Sometimes you don't EVER get to do the things you plan and plan and wait and wait for. Sometimes you just have to take an opportunity and run with it and suck the marrow out of life. There's middle ground between being uber careful and conservative - and living life dangling over a precipice. That tends to be the place where enjoyment and interest balances with care and consideration. You want to listen to both the adult and the child in your soul.

Best wishes. :))
Click to expand...

This last paragraph gave me chills. So wise.
 
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