when you are about to leave...

[Markie]

if you or your BF has to go on a trip for something or you two have to be separated for a while do you find yourself fighting more the day or two before you have to leave? I always find that BF and I are really on edge before one of us has to take a trip so we end up bickering more than usual. We always make up before we leave and it''s obvious we are just fighting because we hate being separated for each other and it makes us upset, but we are definitely working on being better about it. Does this happen to anyone else?

 

[SarahLovesJS]

I think it''s pretty common. People get upset when the other person is going to be away and pick fights. I know personally I get stressed whenever I am going on a trip so it makes me a bit moody, also.

 

[ImpatientOne]

I haven't had it happen with my hubby, but I have with my son. He is in the military, and when he first joined, every time he came home on leave he would always pick a fight with me and his sisters the day before he was supposed to go back. After he would leave, the girls and I would say, "Man, he's such a jerk, I'm GLAD he's gone". This went on for several years. It finally dawned on me that this was a subconscious effort on his part - that if we were mad at him and he was mad at us, it would be a whole lot easier to say goodbye. Being in the military, every time he left, we never knew when we'd be seeing each other again.

 

[Octavia]

I actually find that I''m crankier when FI gets home after a long absence. He''s often away for a week or more on business, and I don''t tend to sleep very well when he''s not here, so I think sleep-deprivation has a lot to do with it. It''s always terrific when he walks through the door...but the next day, I''m generally pretty irritable and have to try to keep myself in check so he doesn''t think I''m not happy to have him home!

Before he leaves, we''re generally pretty schmoopy for a couple days, in preparation for being apart.

 

[bee*]

D and I haven''t had this problem. We don''t seem to act differently before either of us has to go away-maybe a bit more soppy but that''s about it. I can see why it would happen though.

 

[Markie]

Octavia, I know exactly what you mean. I am grumpy on both ends- before he leaves and when he gets back, it''s lucky we don''t have to be apart very often. I also have trouble sleeping without him there, so I can relate. It''s funny because when he is there I am always annoyed that he is taking up all the room in the bed or that he is too warm or that he steals my pillow or my covers and then when he leaves I feel so lonely with all that room in the bed I just toss and turn all night. I think that could definitely be part of my irritability when he comes back... part of it too is that I just get so keyed up waiting for him that I''m just a big jittery mess when he finally gets home because I have been anticipating it to the point where I can''t calm down!

It''s hard. I always felt like we weren''t TOO codependent because I am perfectly happy to go do my thing all day when he isn''t around, but around bedtime I just start to feel lost without him! (We are apart now for our school''s spring break and I am having a rough time- not a good sign for next year when we will be long distance the entire year... i have a lot of respect for you long distance couples)

 

[Octavia]

Markie, that''s exactly how it is for me, too. In some ways, I look forward to when FI is gone because I get to watch the TV shows I love and he hates (we''ve only got one TV, so when he''s here we always have to compromise

) and it just seems easier to eat junk food for dinner or get all the girls together for a happy hour or whatever. But once it hits 10 pm, the loneliness sets in. I tend to get really run-down when I don''t sleep enough, so it affects me physically and consequently, mentally. I always try so hard to be better about it, but that darn Jessica Fletcher is better at keeping me company at midnight than the empty bed is...