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Where to marry?

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Ideal_Rock
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Aug 31, 2005
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Hello, lovely ladies and gentlemen of Pricescope!

My fiance and I were discussing the location of our wedding (which won't be until 2007) and we got into a bit of a disagreement about where it would be held. I need feedback from the outside, and was hoping I'd get some honest opinions.

The facts: My fiance and I live in California. I've only lived here for a year, he, a year and a half. We're both originally from Dallas, TX. My entire family (and I'm talking ENTIRE family...Mom, Dad, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins) and his immediate family live in Dallas. Our friends are from Dallas and are now dispersed throughout the country.

Our options: California, Dallas, Cabo San Lucas

The argument: We'd both like to have our wedding on the beach. Cabo and California are both great places to have a wedding. However, I feel that it might be a good idea to have our wedding in Dallas. It's where we grew up, both our families live there, and everyone would be able to come without worrying about travel costs. Not to mention everything would be cheaper (place of reception, cake, details..things are expensive over here in Los Angeles). Since we've lived in CA, FI has developed a weird attitude towards Dallas. He calls it "lame" and "uninteresting". He doesn't want to be married in Dallas.

Dallas wouldn't be my first choice either, but I'd be happy marrying him there. I feel comfortable there. Plus, I can't help but feel it'd be rude to ask all of our friends and family fly to California/Cabo just because we want a "beach wedding". I know, it's our wedding, but I don't play the selfish bride well. I'd like to know that everyone we know and love can come and celebrate with us without having to worry about airfare and hotel costs. Even if my Dad were to take care of it all, that's asking him to spend a lot of money unnecessarily.

FI feels that it's OUR wedding and if people want to come, they'll come. I feel that our wedding isn't just about US, it's about our family. It's about the people who got us here, to this point.

So...your thoughts? Please be honest!
 
My situation is kind of similar. FI and I live in NC (where no family is). All of his friends and family are in Ohio. My family is in WI. I did not feel comfortable asking my parents to pay for our wedding (yes I am a spoiled brat) anywhere but WI. I felt that was ruder than expecting all of our friends and his family to travel. Plus it is great having my mom there to help with the planning. FI felt very guilty having people travel (7.5 hr by car 1 hr by plane) but surprisingly everyone we have talked to so far are excited to travel somewhere new. Maybe even said they are going to make a vacation out of it and spend the rest of the time in Chicago (1.5 hr car ride).

Basically what I think is that you should do what feel right to you. If you both hate the idea of a wedding in Dallas and you are okay that it will in turn be a smaller wedding than go for it. Don''t settle. However if you are in a similar situation as I am in than I would make sure you have your parent''s blessing to have the wedding elsewhere. HTH. Good luck!
 
Dallas Dallas Dallas!

Mr Spock says it's the logical choice!

Listen, this guy is marrying the girl of his dreams....so tell him not to get in a froth over the venue!

Yeah...I know, It's just so easy to resolve other peoples problems. But when it's happening to you, its different. (we all know that)

But I'm still not changing my mind....Dallas is the obvious choice!


Blod
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I think you really should do it in Dallas. Although in your minds it''s not ideal, you really want people to attend your wedding and if it''s easier for them to get to it, they''ll most likely show up! Also as you mentioned, the differences in cost between Dallas and LA are huge. You can definitely save money and have a big, beautiful wedding in Dallas and then go to Cabo for your honeymoon! I agree with blodthecat (once again!), it just seems like the logical choice and the important thing is that you''re getting married!!! Keep us posted and know that we''re here for you if you need advice!
 
Thank you for your opinions!

As of now, he''s "changed his mind". He says he doesn''t care where we get married, as long as I''m happy. I think he''s being a bit passive aggressive, because he really wants the beach wedding. I just don''t know.
 
Hi Ebree.

I''m going to break from the pack and say I think Cabo is the best choice. Let me explain.

I''m from California and have been to Cabo several times. Some of my best friends got married there 2 years ago -- and it was the most beautiful, fun wedding I''ve ever been to. And it wasn''t a small wedding either -- there was about 120 people there! They sent out save-the-dates far in advance so people could think about saving money for the trip and making vacation plans, etc. In the end, almost everyone who was invited came (except for about 10 people).

Since most of our friends and their families were in California, the trip was affordable. Plane tickets from CA to Cabo were about $300 and up, depending on depature airport, etc. But most were cheaper or the same price as a cross-country ticket or a regular plane ticket people would buy to fly to a non-destination wedding. Also, my friend (the bride) told me that the wedding cost HALF of what it would have in LA. Everything was beautiful and elegant but they didn''t have to buy tons of flowers and typical decorations because all of the activities were outside -- ceremony, then outdoor reception, dinner and dancing under the stars, etc. They even had fireworks! It was a beautiful wedding with tons of details and extras but it ended up being very affordable for the bride and groom, and it was a great mini vacation for the guests.
All of the guests were invited to the rehersal dinner on Friday night before the wedding, which I thought was great. It would have been fine for those of us not in the wedding to go into town and have dinner on our own, but it really felt special that the bride and groom appreciated our attending their wedding so they hosted a beautiful dinner and open bar that night (as well as a beautiful reception).

You definitely can go to Cabo and have an extremely expensive wedding (like choosing a hotel that''s $600/night+). But you also definitely can go to Cabo and have a beautiful wedding that is affordable. And much much more affordable than LA -- I''m not sure about Dallas because I''ve never been there -- but I bet you''d be surprised how affordable a Cabo wedding could be.

As most of your family is in Texas, plane tickets to Cabo are pretty cheap. I bet they can get tickets to Cabo for about the same price as they would have to pay to fly to LA if you got married there (maybe a little more but not much). So I don''t think you should have the wedding in Dallas just because you feel bad about having family members and friends spending money on getting to your wedding. People expect they will have to spend money when they are invited to a wedding. At least in my experience, all of the weddings I''ve been to in the past 5 years have required me to fly and get a hotel, or at the very least drive 6+ hours and get a hotel room for the weekend.

I mean you shouldn''t be selfish of course, and I think it''s great that you''re trying to be considerate to your families and friends in terms of the travel expense to your wedding. But there''s a fine line between wanting to have a beach wedding in CA or Cabo (which are a couple hours from Dallas by plane) and then wanting a beach wedding across the world like in Fiji where it''s very very unlikely many guests will be able to afford it.

If your family is going to pay for some or all of the wedding, you might be more inclined to have the wedding in Dallas -- if that is their preference. Have you talked to your family about it? But I think you should have your wedding where you and your fiance want to have it the most. It sounds like you guys have a new life in LA, and your fiance really doesn''t want to go back to Dallas for his wedding. So I don''t think you should feel forced into going back to Dallas for the wedding.

I know you should both just be happy to marry each other that the location doesn''t matter, but in this case it sounds like your fiance really doesn''t want to get married in Dallas. It sounds like he feels strongly about it, so you guys should find a way to try and accomodate what he wants too. In the end it''s about you and him -- and not anybody else.

Sorry to be such a "Cabo pusher."
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If you can''t tell, I''m planning on getting married there. Or perhaps somewhere else in Mexico....but I know Cabo the best and it has some special memories for my BF and I so I think it''s the perfect spot.
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Imagine yourself and your fiance 20 years from now, looking back on your wedding. Which memory do you want? If he actually has an opinion (most men aren''t that involved - just want to show up), then I think you should give it serious thought. If he wants a beach wedding, then I think he should get it. I vote for Cabo. We are getting married in Hawaii and all of our family lives on the East coast. Not convenient for ANY of our family members. My fiance chose Hawaii because that is the memory he wants us to have and I agree. People can either come, or not come. Everyone (including our familes on the east coast - his in Massachussettes, Florida, NY and Connecticut and mine in West Virginia) is very excited to make the trip to Hawaii, even though it is very inconvenient for all of them. Also, Hawaii is way less expensive than Los Angeles and we are paying for the wedding ourselves.
 
I''m originally from Vegas, currently living in Dallas, and if it was me, I''d pick Cabo. I sadly can relate with your FI''s impressions of Dallas, and have spent the last 5 years here only trying to move to California.

Cabo is easy to get to from California and Dallas . . . check out www.funjet.com for vacation packages to Cabo from Dallas . . .

Good luck!
 
This is a pickle. I live in the same state as my family but I''m not opposed to going having a destination wedding, however, my 88 year old grandma would highly upset with me so we are having it here. I think you should figure out who is the most important person that you want to be at your wedding? Would they come if you had it in California or Cabo? You could also talk to your family and his family and see what they think about having it at your various destination. They may say ''do what you want'' in which case, do what you want.
 
I''m biased, having lived in Dallas from birth to 18, so I think you should have it there- there are actually a lot of beautiful churches and gardens in the area and it would be significantly cheaper than a California wedding.

It really comes down what is the most important to you- if you feel that not having most of your family at the wedding (if they were not able to come) would detract from your day then you should have it where they would all be able to be there.

However, while a wedding is about two families coming together, it''s also about you and your fiance starting a new family together. So ultimately, you should make the right decision for the two of you, regardless of who can or cannot come. Those who are most important to you will probably make the trek anywhere you decide.
 
Thank you, everyone, for your opinions! I really needed to hear different points of view.

I've talked to my fiance about this a couple of times now (over the weekend), and he swears he doesn't care where we have it, as long as he's marrying me (aww). He said that the only reason he was hoping for a beach wedding is because that's what we were planning, and he's not the best at change.

I'd love to have the wedding in CA or Cabo, but one part of one side of my family isn't exactly financially stable. They'd probably be out, or they'd muster cash they didn't have. Another consideration is my 92 year old grandmother, one of the most special people in the world to me. All that traveling back and forth in such short time wouldn't be great for her. Most of my cousins are older and in HS, and they've got hectic school schedules...especially around the time we want to be married (in May!).

While it's not the *beach wedding* we hoped for originally, it looks like the Dallas wedding is the frontrunner. I don't know for sure, as I haven't talked to my father, but I'm getting a bit excited. The place I'd like to have it is so close to home, and it borders the lake I grew up next to. The lake I've known my entire life. Beach or not, it'll be a beautiful wedding.

Well, again, thank you. I'll keep everyone posted as to what happens next.
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I say have the wedding you want. I understand your fiance''s attitude about it being "YOUR" wedding and if people want to come, they''ll come. I feel the same. I''m from NYC and my fiance is from Houston. I now live in Houston and met him in Houston, but I want the wedding in NYC, where I grew up, in my home church. That''s very important to me and he understands that, so that''s where the wedding will be.
 
What if you actually got married in Cabo with your/his immediate family present, then had a big celebration in Dallas at a later date, maybe a few weeks later? We had friends that got married in Canada then had a big reception about a month later. She wore her wedding gown and had a DJ, sit-down dinner, everything as if they had actually been married that day.

One of my girlfriends got married in Hawaii. Her and her now husband always dreamed of having a beach wedding. Well since her (and his) whole family was in the Chicago area, that would have been an expensive trip. She was rather disappointed as how many people were able to come. Most of their friends (including me and my husband) were not able to go either b/c of work constraints (for us it was during the school year) or because of cost. Her own elderly grandmother didn''t go.

I guess you have to decide what is most important to you -- the memory of the marriage ceremony itself, or all the hoopla that goes along with it. For us, we would have liked to have a destination wedding. But we had elderly grandparents that would not be able to go so that solidified our decision to have it local. I am so glad we did. Now that most of our grandparents have passed away
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, we have the memory that they were all there at our wedding. For us, having the family there was more important than what "we wanted".
 
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