Which would you rather have?

[Clairitek]

I''ll apologize ahead of time for what will most likely be a fairly long and convoluted post.

So I am struggling a little with some choices I have to make regarding my potential e-ring. My FF mentioned the other day that the longer I waited, the bigger the diamond. I know that my ideal ring would cost around 8k and that he has the cash but I don''t want to leave him with nothing (and I doubt that he will want to finance anything) - especially since we just bought a house and are still in the process of replacing all of our crappy 70 year old windows and need to pay for some other expensive things coming up. Most of the financial burden of our home falls on him because he has a "real" job and I am still working on my PhD (have about a year left). I know what money he has left over in his paycheck after paying into our mutual account for shared expenses, taking money for benefits and taxes etc. Its more than enough to live on but I don''t want to be responsible for him not having any savings for his own things (i.e. a new car) just because I have big dreams associated with my ring.

Ideally I would love to get married in late Sept/early Oct of 2009 and FF agrees that this is a great time of year to get married in New England. This would mean a minimal engagement of 7-8 months so I have adequate time to plan our wedding, find a dress, etc. This short engagement also means that we wouldn''t have a whole ton of time to save up for our wedding so the less we spend on a ring the more we will have to spend on getting married in 2009.

We have been to a jeweler once to look at some loose stones and a few settings and get an idea for what we want in an e-ring. He said that he can afford what he has in mind but I can''t help but wonder if I should just tell him that I am fine with a smaller diamond if it means we can get married a little sooner (2009 as opposed to 2010). There is also the fact that we plan on paying for most of the wedding ourselves and since I won''t be making a full income for at least another year we will be having to spend a bunch of his money to pull it off in 2009.

Sorry for rambling... I hope I haven''t been too confusing here.

So my question that I am posing to my fellow LIWs is:

Would you rather wait longer and have a bigger diamond and put off your wedding for a year

OR

would you rather get engaged sooner and be able to get married sooner?

I guess I am just trying to avoid having regrets either way. I know that in the end I will just be so happy to marrying the love of my life no matter how it all happens.

Thanks so much for reading!

 

[radiantquest]

i would rather have a smaller one and get married sooner. you can always upgrade later.

 

[tberube]

Hmmmm. Tough question, and everyone will have a different opinion, I reckon. As for me, it sounds like you have a lot of big responsibilities that are going on right now in your life (the new house, finishing school). And not only does that figure in, but so will the cost of your wedding. One could think of it in two ways:

1. save up for a bigger ring, because you''ll have it every day and it will always remind you of this time in your life. Then have a smaller ''09 wedding, because, essentially, it''s only one day (the first day of the rest of your life).

2. get the ring now ($8k is nothing to sneeze at), and have a bigger ''09 wedding because it''s a big important day for both of you.

Those outcomes only consider the choices you have to make for big ring vs. big wedding, and don''t leave room for taking care of your home, finishing school and getting a job for you, or saving up enough money to have the big wedding AND the big ring, but at a later date.

It''s almost like you need to pick two things: big ring, big wedding, or earlier wedding. Figure out what''s most important to you and then your decision will be easier to make.

 

[purrfectpear]

Bigger diamond, but smaller earlier wedding. The best of both worlds.

The wedding is one day out of thousands. The ring is there every day.

 

[Clairitek]

Thanks for your replies everyone!

To give you a little more info- I would LOVE a 1.1-1.3 carat RB ring solitaire in a pave/bead set band. I am willing to concede platinum for white gold so we can save there. I want a casual, simple wedding- sort of a "classy picnic" at a picnic pavilion on the ocean in my hometown. I''m lucky to have grown up in a gorgeous place that doesn''t require me to pay thousands for a dreamy water''s edge wedding reception. I honestly think that I can pull of my vision for less than 10 grand (including a fabulous dress... silly PS has gotten be addicted to ogling Pronovias, Monique Lhuillier, and other amazing designers) and still make it memorable.

I agree- bigger ring, smaller wedding... best of both worlds. Thanks for confirming my feelings!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I think an engagement ring is very important...but do not lose sight of what is the most important aspect of all...marrying a man you love.

 

[Independent Gal]

Time for a completely open discussion with your guy. Sit down, be honest with each other about a budget for the next two years, and see what you can make work.

You may be surprised at how much you can do with a little, re the wedding.

Also, depending on your local and family culture, you may be surprised at how much money you receive AT the wedding. Gifts of money, in the end, covered 2/3 the cost of our wedding.

 

[absolut_blonde]

Personally, I''d rather have the smaller ring & sooner wedding. I''m not at all opposed to upgrading.

SO, however, wants to wait and get a larger ring. He''s even told a mutual friend that he wants to get a ''big rock''. Which is sweet but at this point I don''t CARE about .75 ct vs 1.2 ct (or whatever the difference may be... anything over 1 ct would be large for our age group & region).

I guess I''m just impatient. I want instant gratification!

 

[fieryred33143]

That''s definitely a hard question.

My FI told me the same, that if I waited then he could save more for a bigger stone. Getting a bigger stone wasn''t his priority (he wasn''t interested in learning about diamonds at all). So, it really came down to me and my preferences.

I knew that for me it wasn''t about the ring. He could have given me a $50 department store ring and it wouldn''t have made a difference. It was about the engagement and marrying the man that I love. So it didn''t make sense to wait for a bigger stone. At the same time, if he is really my forever and there was no one in this world that I rather spend my time with, then why not wait? I want to marry him whether it be tomorrow or 10 years from now.

At the end of the day, I decided that I didn''t care as much about the size of my stone as I did just marrying him so we worked with his $5K budget and got what I felt was the best we could have gotten with that budget. I am insanely in love with my ring

and more importantly incredibly happy to marry my love.

Point of all of this is do what is in your heart.

 

[Haven]

Date: 8/8/2008 8:35:18 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Bigger diamond, but smaller earlier wedding. The best of both worlds.

The wedding is one day out of thousands. The ring is there every day.

Ditto this.

From your last post, it sounds like you might be happy with a smaller ring now, and you can definitely create a gorgeous ring regardless of the size of the center stone.

 

[mrm]

With the way diamond prices keep increasing, you probably will end up spending more money later for the same size you would get now!

 

[Clairitek]

I realized that I asked the PS admins to remove a post that I had in there because I had said a little too much about one thing and didn''t want my friend to discover my post (since if you know me personally my username doesn''t hide my identity). I felt bad for criticizing her even though her behavior is pretty bad at times. Guess I need to watch the amount of details I put in- all part of learning to be a good member of an online community I guess.

So anyways...

The other content of my post had been something to the effect of- I''ve decided that I don''t need a big ring and that I will have a talk with the FF about lowering the budget for the sake of being a little more economical. I had said talk and he thanked me for thinking of his wallet and letting him know what was going through my mind about the ring but that the final choice was his decision and if he wanted to spend more that was his prerogative. Hes aware of when I hope to get married and the estimated cost of the wedding I have in mind. At least I tried.