Who is helping you plan, and what are they doing?

[gwendolyn]

More than a few times, I've read comments about how people 'find out who their REAL friends are' or something similar when going through the wedding planning process, which always makes me scratch my head a bit. It makes me wonder, who has been helping, and/or who have you asked to help that hasn't? Are there people you expect to help you, who you feel are *supposed* to help you? What sorts of things are they doing for you? Are there things you want people to do for you that they aren't? Have any relationships suffered (temporarily or permanently) from you not receiving the sort of help or support you wanted?



As for me, the only person so far who's helped are my parents, and they helped by going to the food tasting at the venue since we're in another country (a real chore, they said while gleefully licking their chops

). They will also be my middlemen (middlepeople?) whenever I can't pay for things from here. J's parents tried to help by giving us a bunch of ideas, which sort of backfired for a while, but now they're just happy we've got a plan and are being sensible with money, so they're (thankfully) just leaving us to make the arrangements ourselves.

Some of my friends have offered to help with making stuff (like favours and centerpieces), and quite a few have offered to go dress shopping and whatnot, but I don't want to bother them with this stuff, so anything I want for the wedding will be stuff I will make or pay for myself. We also aren't having a wedding party, so there's no differentiated status or roles amongst our friends, and no bridal showers in England, so no one needed to help with that. We're trying to keep this as low-key and user-friendly a wedding as possible, and really just expect everyone to show up on the day and have fun.

 

[stephbolt]

Three of my bridesmaids as well as two other friends, my mom, and FMIL have all gone dress shopping with me. (I did a lot of dress shopping!)

My mom went with FI and I to visit venues (and my dad went to one venue as well).

Other than that, FI and I are doing most of the work ourselves. We do (especially me) bounce a lot of ideas off of friends, and ask those who have gotten married in the same area for vendor recommendations, but for the most part no one is really helping at this point.

That being said, most of the work to this point has been tracking down vendors and coming up with ideas. When it comes to actually getting into a lot of the projects, we may get some more help from friends and family with some of the DIY projects.

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

Unfortunately, because I live in a different city with my husband, no one helped with any wedding planning. I discussed all my decisions with both sets of parents, however, just to share my excitement. At the end of the day though, I pretty much planned the whole wedding on my own with the help of my husband here and there... It was exhausting but also very stress free, as at the end of the day there were no differing opinions or arguments over wedding planning whatsoever. I also loved planning the wedding and I am very detailed oriented - so it was fun!

 

[sba771]

My mom is helping me and she is the only one. I can''t actually do anything and she is local to where the wedding will be. I have not asked anything of anyone and none of my friends have offered to help. I don''t care about that although it would be nice if any of my friends including my BMs acknowledged that I am getting married and asked how planning is going, but oh well. I know they are my friends but after 18 years I know the kind of friendships we have and where they are limited. My mom has been amazing though!

 

[marlie]

So far it''s been mainly me and FI with our moms. They''ve been to the vendor appointments with us and are good to bounce ideas off of. Otherwise, my MOH (sister) and BMs are great to get advice or opinions from but they''re not really helping ''plan'' anything. I get some vendor ideas from them too. And who could forget the help you guys give me!!

 

[Diva0413]

FI is helping out big time. He''s handling the music and entertainment in general. He''s also helped with the invites, helped picked the photographer and keeps all the paperwork organized. My Mom helped out a lot with picking the flowers and listening to my random vents. LOL!

 

[ficklefaye]

my cousin has been helping me the most, she just recently planned my shower, she recommended almost all my vendors, went with me when i found my dress and tried on several bm dresses until we found the right one for her, she also went to the food tasting because she has way better taste than me, i don''t know how i could have done all this without her

 

[gwendolyn]

These are great, ladies! Thanks for the responses!

Out of curiosity, those of you who didn''t get help (like ilovethiswebsite, due to locations and distance), do you wish things had been different, or are you glad things worked out the way they did?

Also, the people you ask for ideas or opinions, would you say that they deliberately sought out people who were married and had already gone through wedding planning, or did you just go to your most trusted friends/family members, regardless of their marital status?

Thanks for indulging my curiosity.

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

Date: 8/12/2009 4:59:50 AM
Author: gwendolyn
These are great, ladies! Thanks for the responses!

Out of curiosity, those of you who didn't get help (like ilovethiswebsite, due to locations and distance), do you wish things had been different, or are you glad things worked out the way they did?

Also, the people you ask for ideas or opinions, would you say that they deliberately sought out people who were married and had already gone through wedding planning, or did you just go to your most trusted friends/family members, regardless of their marital status?

Thanks for indulging my curiosity.

Hi Gwen,

I think at the time, during planning, there were moments when I wished my close friends and mom were around (e.g. like when choosing the wedding dress or picking out flowers), but overall, I am glad things worked out the way they did. My hubby and I were able to throw a wedding the way WE wanted, without any specific input from family or friends. Our wedding turned out to be exactly what we wanted, to the tee. It was a perfect reflection of what we are as a couple, and things that we love. Our wedding was intimate, classy, and had amazing food. We ate the meals we wanted, played the songs we liked to hear, and had the decorations we liked.

I have many friends planning weddings right now, and their families can really create a huge amount of stress on them (e.g. forcing them to increase their guest list, having a say in every detail etc...). Now that the wedding has passed, I am very very happy with the way things turned out, and I am also proud that I was able to do it all on my own. That being said, I am a bit of a control freak and I love to plan parties, so the process wasn't as stressful for me as it might be for others who are planning on their own wedding without any help.

At the end of the day, it is what it is, and there is no point in stressing about it. You live where you are, and you have to make the best of the situation. When you are constantly living in the past, or saying "what if it were that way - or this way" then you loose sight of this very special moment in your life. Try to involve your FI as much as possible, and plan a wedding the two of you want together. At the end of the day, you will be happy you did.