Who is the HOST???

[Gwyn]

My parents gave us a sum of money for our egagement/wedding.

We can use the funds to do whatever we please with wether it be putting it towards a wedding or saving it towards a house, anything we deisre.

We decided that we wanted to have a wedding and use the money for that.

His parents are offering some money (not nearly the same amount) and will be hosting the rehersal dinner.

My question is, who is the host.

Technically my parents gave the most amout of money however his parents also contributed and we put money in ourselves (technically all the money my parents gave us is our money which we chose to put towards the wedding and then some extra).

My mother seems to think that his parents should not be on the invitation, is this so?

I dont want to slight their small contribution/rehersal dinner.

I was just planing to put something like our names along with our parents or something like that.

 

[Independent Gal]

Hmmm... well, arguably, if they gave you money as a gift, and you're using it to pay for the wedding, YOU GUYS are the hosts. My dad did this as well by the way, and we are doing our names along with our parents.

Why doesn't your mom want his parents on the invitation? If they are helping to pay, it seems polite, but I'm not an etiquette expert or anything.

 

[janinegirly]

the host is whoever is paying for the majority of the wedding..ie the wedding day/reception. in this case it''s your parents.

his parents are the host of the rehearsal dinner.

these are the traditional roles (I''m saying this b/c i read in an earlier thread saying their FI''s parents only paid for rehearsal dinner...in fact that is traditionally all they are expected to coverO

 

[saltymuffin]

If you are putting one set of parents on the invitation, then both should be there. Anything else WOULD be a slight if they have both made a contribution. The size of the financial contribution has nothing to do with the fact that his parents want to invite their family and friends to their son's wedding. A wedding is the joining of two families, not one being absorbed by the other, or accepted by the other. The families should be seen as equal on the invitations and at the wedding.

Now, if you want to avoid the issue all together, you could make the invitation from yourselves (you have expressed that you really feel like it is your money that is being spent), and leave the parents names out of it. . .

 

[decodelighted]

We did the "along with our parents ... XXX & XXX invite you" -- my parents contributed 10x the amount DH''s did ... but, since we were contributing as well that phrasing seemed the most apt. Luckily my parents were mellow about it ... (3rd wedding for them in the past 10 years .. one more daughter & two sons to go)

 

[saltymuffin]

I have also seen, "the Smith and Jones families invite you to celebrate the wedding of Judy and Jack".

 

[NewEnglandLady]

If there is a separate RD invite, they could be listed as the hosts of that.

I''ve also seen invites where both sets of parents'' names are included, such as...

Mr. and Mrs. BridesParents invite you attend the wedding of
Bride
and
Groom
Son of Mr. and Mrs. GroomsParents

That way it''s evident who is hosting, but the grooms parents have their name on the invite.

 

[Pandora II]

My parents are footing the major part of the bill for our wedding with FI and I doing the rest.

His father gave us a very generous cheque as a wedding present to spend on whatever we want (we''re thinking deposit for larger house, with space for kids).

The cheque was about equal to what my parents are spending, but the invitations are definitely being sent in their name and the wedding is in their village.

 

[aljdewey]

How about:

"Together with our families, we'd like to invite you to share in our celebration as we exchange wedding vows.

Jane Smith, daughter of John and Jill Smith

to

John Doe, son of Tom and Martha Doe".....


etc. etc.

Then, you (the couple) are extending the invitation along with both families, and everyone's name is on the invite.

 

[allycat0303]

Well I would put both names on the invitation, I like adj''s suggestion. I don''t necessarily think it comes down to a doller amount. I assume they contributed what they could, and would have given more if they were comfortable doing so. I would also hate to offend my futur in laws at the starting gate.

 

[KimberlyH]

We included all the parents names on the invite, even DH''s deceased father, using wording similar to alj''s suggestion; I''m really glad we did.

 

[anchor31]

I think it would be rude no to put them on the invites at all (they can be on them without being named as hosts) if they are supportive of your marriage and contributing to your wedding, no matter the amount. We''re not putting my FI''s parents'' names on ours, but that''s because they are neither supportive nor contributing.

 

[jfo]

Gwyn,
My husband and I had the same exact situation that you have. My parents gave us a gift of money when we got engaged and it was for whatever we wanted to do with it. We decided to use a portion of it towards the wedding. My husband''s parents graciously paid for the rehearsal dinner (around 10% of the amount of what my parents gave us). My husband and I contributed a set amount as well.
In the end, my husband and I were the hosts (we planned all the elements of the wedding) and we did a nod to both set of parents:
Bride Name
and
Groom Name
together with their parents
invite you...

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 10/17/2007 8:59:10 AM
Author: allycat0303
Well I would put both names on the invitation, I like adj''s suggestion. I don''t necessarily think it comes down to a doller amount. I assume they contributed what they could, and would have given more if they were comfortable doing so. I would also hate to offend my futur in laws at the starting gate.

I agree.

We''re using "together with their families, Zoe and Her Fiance would like to invite you to share in the celebration..."
We''re older (34 in 2 weeks and 35) and we felt funny saying that my parents are the hosts. My parents are paying the majority of wedding-related things, but my FI''s parents are also contributing some money as well, as are my FI and me.