Why can''t I just be happy for them?

[JenStone]

A quick update before I delve into the topic: I''ve been very busy with work and personal stuff, and I haven''t posted in a while. But I admit that I still read every week....I know, I should post more! But in terms of ring-progress, I''ve just been patiently waiting and waiting like the rest of the LIW''s.

The reason I''m writing is because of my FSIL. Yes, they had gotten engaged before us although my BF''s brother is 2 years younger than him and they''ve been together a year less than us. (It shouldn''t matter, but it really does bug me!) Now, they are in full wedding-planning mode and I just can''t stop hearing about the wedding!

I tried to be happy and supportive in the beginning. I still am on the outside, but inside, I just can''t stop boiling in jealousy! Is this normal? Am I a horrible person?

To make matters worse, I had written in my first post that she had chosen the exact ring I had wanted since I was a child. The just yesterday, she announced that she chose the main flowers - my absolute favorite flowers! All my friends (and even people at work) know they are my favorite and they always tell me they associate those flowers with me, because I have pictures of them everywhere. My FSIL''s favorite flowers are tulips, but she chose my favorite because she didn''t feel tulips were wedding-y enough.

So first the ring, then the flowers...

I know she''s a good person and I know she didn''t do these intentionally. That''s why I feel so horrible for feeling like this. Help!

Does anyone else have similar experiences? How did you handle it?

...or am I just a horrible person?

 

[Erin]

I don''t have much to say except I''m sorry you''re dealing with this. Those were your choices and she obviously doesn''t have enough confidence in her own choices so she''s stealing yours because she admires your taste. Still, she''s doing it before you have a chance to. That''s not fair. Hugs!

I really wanted to say I miss that damn pancake on your rabbit''s head!

 

[JenStone]

Thanks, Starset!

She didn''t know about the ring - it was completely coincidental. When my boyfriend mentioned it to her, she said, "Oh no! You can still get the same thing!".....but I didn''t want to, because while I don''t mind having the same ring as others, I don''t want to get the same thing as someone I would be so close to (future family). The funny thing is, I''m kinda glad it worked out this way, because the ring situation is what led me to PS and now, what I want is completely different from what I originally wanted.

But the flowers.....she definitely knew about them. It shouldn''t matter, but it does to me, because many of the people attending her wedding will be attending mine, you know? It''s similar to the ring...I wouldn''t mind attending a wedding that featured my favorite flowers, but I do mind it when it''s the wedding of my boyfriend''s only brother.

 

[JenStone]

I just wanted to add....I guess it''s good that we have similar tastes - maybe we''ll become good friends in the future. I''m just keeping my fingers crossed that this is all due to her being able to do all this before me....just the ugly green monster rearing its head, and my being selfish and irrational at the heat of the moment.

 

[decodelighted]

Respectfully ... I don''t think this actually has to do with rings or flowers. It''s just the overall jealousy and that''s FINE! Normal even. You''ll find something *else* to be jealous of in regards to their wedding even if it''s stuff you never knew you wanted.

LISTEN: Even if there will be duplication of people between your brother''s wedding and yours.. THESE PEOPLE HAVE OTHER LIVES ... they will have been to DOZENS of other weddings you don''t even know about. EVERY type of flower has been "done". Nothing''s as unique and kicky and special as WE think it is. Ya know? And when they''re at your wedding ... unless it''s like a month later ... they won''t be comparing the flowers, or the rings, or anything else. I SWEAR.

On the ring front - I know you like other stuff now so it''s not an issue ... but think of how many girls in families have ROUND stones in simple solitaire settings. It''s not such a big deal to have something similar to another person.

Also, as you''ve found, "stuff you''ve always dreamed of" can CHANGE overnight. I "always wanted" a sapphire ... then "an E/W set emerald" ... then an Asscher ....then a Cushion .. then an Asscher again. What you end up with is usually determined by where you are mentally AT THE TIME stuff happens ya know?

A month from now, you might see a bouquet or arrangement that you like BETTER than your old fave flower. ESPECIALLY when you start planning. Geez - it''s inspiration overload out there.

Hang in there!!!

 

[anchor31]

Yuck, I''m sorry to hear you''re in this situation... I don''t think you''re a bad person for being jealous, I think the best of us would be! Hang in there, I hope it''s coming soon for you!

 

[robbie3982]

I definitely don''t think you''re a bad person for feeling jealous, but I also don''t think the flower thing is such a big deal. I''m probably going to use roses at mine and just about a billion other people have done that before me and will do it after me also. I don''t think anyone would think you were copying or anything.

 

[FireGoddess]

Date: 9/14/2006 6:00:13 PM
Author: decodelighted
Respectfully ... I don''t think this actually has to do with rings or flowers. It''s just the overall jealousy and that''s FINE! Normal even. You''ll find something *else* to be jealous of in regards to their wedding even if it''s stuff you never knew you wanted.

Actually, I disagree with Deco here. Sure, you could be jealous overall, but honestly, I''d be pissed about the ring and the flowers, particularly in this situation.

My very good friend was dating her boyfriend for years...and they hadn''t gotten engaged. I met someone and we were engaged after 7 months. I set my wedding date for the following September. All of a sudden, 3 months after my engagement, not only did my friend get engaged, she actually set the wedding two months before mine. I was pretty mad because I had already asked her to be in my wedding, and we live in the same area, and would invite many of the same people, most of whom would have to fly to be here. I thought that was not cool because most of them would have to choose to go to one wedding or the other, and they might choose hers cuz it was first. Thankfully, a lot of them chose to go to mine instead because I set my date (and sent out my STDs) before she set her date. But most of them could not afford and did not attend both. I was mad because I thought it was insensitive. Sure, it''s her life and her wedding and all, but I thought it was kinda insensitive, as I do think you feel about your FSIL. It''s one thing if you''re just so alike and she''s always wanted it this way, but I can see how you might feel she''s upstaging you before you''re in this position.

 

[Mara]

Deco's advice is spot on for me...

Of course you could be upset about the ring and flowers but really if you truly love something, then the fact that someone else is doing it shouldn't matter or diminish the pleasure you will feel when it happens to you. Be flattered by the imitation.

I agree that you are probably just feeling kind of overall jealous as well about why they are going first AND to top it off she's using your ring, your flowers etc. It's like mental insult to original injury. But maybe she is just NOT creative on her own, and sometimes people who imitate you honestly do not even realize what they are doing. It's mind-boggling to think that, but I have run across it. And then it's really not intentional, it just is.

Just keep your cool and know that when your time comes, you will know all the right ways to make it unique and special for YOU.

 

[RoseAngel04]

Ugh...I can only imagine what kind of jealousy you must be feeling to have a FSIL with your "dream" ring/flowers and that she''s engaged before you etc...

I agree with the others that if these flowers are the ones you want for your wedding by all means still plan on using them! They don''t have to be the same color/arrangement!!! And you can incorporate other flowers to change the overall look etc..

*HUGS* hope you feel better....and remember your time will also come!!

 

[monarch64]

I agree with Deco...and I''m sorry to hear you''re going through some angst over this, but I totally understand your feelings. DH and I have some neighbors who are contiuously "checking out" whatever we do with out house, cars, whatnot, and buying the same things we discuss in our weekly convo''s. It sucks, but there isn''t any law that says you can force someone to not make the same moves as you, unfortunately.

If I were in your position, I think I''d search very deeply within my heart and try to figure out what matters to you most. Can you still use you absolute favorite flowers but do a different take on them than your FSIL did?

Just had a thought: this could quite possibly turn into an OPPORTUNITY for you and your wedding. Look at it this way, (if you will), your FSIL just did a "mock" wedding of your dream wedding, kinda like a dress rehearsal. What ways can you find to make it even better? In so many ways, she has taken your "chosen theme" and run with it, while in all actuality she has given you the opportunity to see in real life what will and what won''t actually work! I think this may be a blessing in disguise, if you are willing to look at it that way.

Jenstone, by no means am I trying to make light of your situation, or say that your FSIL was right to kinda take away your thunder/glory. BUT, I''m trying to tell you that you may be able to make the best of it if you are willing and have an open mind.

The ring thing might stick in your craw IF YOU LET IT, but the flowers can be remedied. Just do a whole different take on the same main flowers and I bet your FSIL (now, not that it matters what she thinks, lol) will be dumbfounded. Tell your florist the story and see if she/he doesn''t come up with something that will make your wedding one to remember while outdoing your FSIL at the same time!

Best of luck to you, keep us updated!

 

[diamondfan]

One thing I would do is stop discussing your ideas etc with her. I assume that is how she knew the ring and flowers you like. If she asks any direct questions just say you do not have a decision made yet and put her off. You might also confront her, nicely, like, Hey, Susie, I mentioned to you my dream ring and my favorite flowers and I am upset that you are copying those two very specific items. Let her know you do not like it, some people just do not get it or think you will be flattered. For your wedding and your ring, I would not want to be trying to put it together if she keeps stealing your ideas! Just play it off it you would rather not confront her, and just be vague. If she presses, (she might be short on ideas and need some) then just say, we have a couple of ideas but want to keep some things a mystery! And tell your fiance to keep mum, not too hard for most men where wedding details are concerned!!!

 

[~*Alexis*~]

Ok I have a different spin, mostly because I have a few of the same issues. I am not engaged yet, my friend and her boyfirend (Who I introduced) got engaged. One year to the DAY! We have been together longer, been through hell and back and we live together. So yeah I understand. My brother is getting married in June and I have another wedding I am helping with. All the ideas that I had have been used. So yeah. One of them was my own handmade idea and when she saw it was like awww thats cute. 2 weeks later she had them done. So yeah I would be a llittle pissed off.

I would tell your FSIL that these things bother you. She may not have done it intentionally but she needs to know that you are hurt by her choices.

 

[sk8rjen]

I just wanted to let you know I''ve dealt with the family-member getting married jealousy, and yes, it sucks. In my case, it was my fiance''s cousin (like a brother to him) who got engaged 2 months after getting back together with an ex-gfirlfriend. It was SO hard b/c everyone kept expecting that Matt and I would be making the announcement sometime soon, and then like a tornado they got back together, got engaged and started planning a wedding for the same month and year we were! Of course, nobody knew it b/c we were being quiet about details like that until we were "official." It just BURNED me, b/c we are having a destination wedding and their''s will be local, so everybody was already excited about theirs. Things worked out for us ok, though, b/c his cousin decided to change the date to Jan (we are in April), but I''m still jealous that they''re first. I thought I was jealous b/c I wasn''t engaged yet, but I still AM jealous and yes, I feel bad about it. But I was DO looking forward to us making our announcement and when we finally did, we were practically an afterthought. (I suppose it doesn''t help that my FMIL, who I get along well with, is always referencing the other future bride as the epitomy of what every girl should want to be (she''s petite and thin). Anyway, I guess it felt good to vent that to someone who probably understands!

Don''t feel bad about the jealousy b/c when it comes down to it, you will have a wonderful wedding and be marrying the man you want to spend your life with. You and everyone else will not remember the flowers as much as the wonderful feeling you will have on your wedding day!!

((hugs))
jen

 

[JenStone]

Date: 9/15/2006 1:18:48 AM
Author: monarch64
I agree with Deco...and I''m sorry to hear you''re going through some angst over this, but I totally understand your feelings. DH and I have some neighbors who are contiuously ''checking out'' whatever we do with out house, cars, whatnot, and buying the same things we discuss in our weekly convo''s. It sucks, but there isn''t any law that says you can force someone to not make the same moves as you, unfortunately.

If I were in your position, I think I''d search very deeply within my heart and try to figure out what matters to you most. Can you still use you absolute favorite flowers but do a different take on them than your FSIL did?

Just had a thought: this could quite possibly turn into an OPPORTUNITY for you and your wedding. Look at it this way, (if you will), your FSIL just did a ''mock'' wedding of your dream wedding, kinda like a dress rehearsal. What ways can you find to make it even better? In so many ways, she has taken your ''chosen theme'' and run with it, while in all actuality she has given you the opportunity to see in real life what will and what won''t actually work! I think this may be a blessing in disguise, if you are willing to look at it that way.

Jenstone, by no means am I trying to make light of your situation, or say that your FSIL was right to kinda take away your thunder/glory. BUT, I''m trying to tell you that you may be able to make the best of it if you are willing and have an open mind.

The ring thing might stick in your craw IF YOU LET IT, but the flowers can be remedied. Just do a whole different take on the same main flowers and I bet your FSIL (now, not that it matters what she thinks, lol) will be dumbfounded. Tell your florist the story and see if she/he doesn''t come up with something that will make your wedding one to remember while outdoing your FSIL at the same time!

Best of luck to you, keep us updated!

Thank you everyone for your kind words. It really does help me feel better that I''m not the only one who would react this way in this situation. I do admit that I''m jealous, still waiting for the ring while they''re in full wedding-planning swing.

Monarch - your comment above is what I''ve been telling myself every day. My boyfriend and I are observing their wedding planning, discussing what we like and what we would do differently, and most importantly, learning from their mistakes.

But on a brighter note, I''m happy to say that I practically feel engaged already - my boyfriend always says things like, "When we get married...." and we''re forever discussing our future together.

A few weeks ago, I took him to my cousin''s wedding where the poor thing was drilled by my overprotective guy friends (some of them are worse than my dad!). He did a great job, and even made an announcement to all my friends that he loved me and he was planning on marrying me.

 

[sumbride]

I get where you''re coming from on the "people will have seen it before" thing even if it isn''t that big a deal in the long run. I adored my sister''s groom''s cake. It''s exactly like what I want. But I''m hesitant to ask for it because many of the same people that came to her wedding will be at mine. I haven''t quite gotten it through to myself that the 17 years between her wedding and mine will PROBABLY be long enough that people won''t remember it''s just like her cake... I still think some people will remember.

On the FSIL front, if this is becoming a pattern, don''t ever ever ever mention what you might want to name your future babies!!! She''ll get pregnant first and "steal" your names... and since I''m guessing you''ll have the same surname, that could be disastrous!

 

[JenStone]

Date: 9/15/2006 12:28:37 PM
Author: sumbride
I get where you''re coming from on the ''people will have seen it before'' thing even if it isn''t that big a deal in the long run. I adored my sister''s groom''s cake. It''s exactly like what I want. But I''m hesitant to ask for it because many of the same people that came to her wedding will be at mine. I haven''t quite gotten it through to myself that the 17 years between her wedding and mine will PROBABLY be long enough that people won''t remember it''s just like her cake... I still think some people will remember.

On the FSIL front, if this is becoming a pattern, don''t ever ever ever mention what you might want to name your future babies!!! She''ll get pregnant first and ''steal'' your names... and since I''m guessing you''ll have the same surname, that could be disastrous!

Haha, that''s exactly like that SATC episode when Charlotte''s baby name is stolen. I love it!

I never really thought about baby names, so that''s not a problem for me. But if I do start thinking of them, I already promised myself that I wouldn''t tell anyone. Especially after watching that SATC episode.

 

[sumbride]

Date: 9/15/2006 12:33:00 PM
Author: JenStone

Date: 9/15/2006 12:28:37 PM
Author: sumbride
I get where you''re coming from on the ''people will have seen it before'' thing even if it isn''t that big a deal in the long run. I adored my sister''s groom''s cake. It''s exactly like what I want. But I''m hesitant to ask for it because many of the same people that came to her wedding will be at mine. I haven''t quite gotten it through to myself that the 17 years between her wedding and mine will PROBABLY be long enough that people won''t remember it''s just like her cake... I still think some people will remember.

On the FSIL front, if this is becoming a pattern, don''t ever ever ever mention what you might want to name your future babies!!! She''ll get pregnant first and ''steal'' your names... and since I''m guessing you''ll have the same surname, that could be disastrous!

Haha, that''s exactly like that SATC episode when Charlotte''s baby name is stolen. I love it!

I never really thought about baby names, so that''s not a problem for me. But if I do start thinking of them, I already promised myself that I wouldn''t tell anyone. Especially after watching that SATC episode.

My FSIL had a baby two years ago. When she was floating names around, her top choice was the name I really wanted, but since I was just M''s girlfriend at that point, I really couldn''t say anything. But I complained, LOUDLY, to M. He didn''t really get it but luckily FSIL went with a different name. I never mentioned to her that she ALMOST stole my name but I''m just hoping she doesn''t have another child soon. I don''t even know if I want kids, but the idea that my name wouldn''t be available, ARGH! It really upset me!

 

[LauraLoo]

Hi Ladies, I''m seminew....Haven''t really posted but I''m seriously a lurking fiend....And I love following all of your stories.....

Sorry about your FSIL hijacking your likings. I would definitely be a little heated. But I love Monarchs idea about looking at it as a mock......You''ll see everytihng she does and will have the oppotunity to out do.....not in such a vicious way of course....Though she may slightly deserve it, not because of the ring so much, but definitely the flowers....(what''s wrong with tulips for a wedding anyway?) Just out of curiosity, if you don''t mind my asking, what kind of flower is it that is your fave? You could tell her they are predicting a horrible crop of them around the time the of her wedding! Kidding

I hope you don''t really feel like a horrible person....you definitely shouldn''t. I''m pretty sure jealousy comes along with this territory, and all the stories you LIWs have shared have helped me realize that and make me feel alot more normal about it.
My brother just yesterday actually headed off to Italy with his girlfriend of 1 year and 3.5 months. (What? Who''s counting? *Everybody* thinks they will come back engaged. It is driving me crazy. And I feel terrible about it! I just wanna scream Get in line dear!! I want to be thrilled for them, and I am....ok maybe not thrilled, but only because it reminds me that much more of my un-engaged status. I have been with my guy for just shy of 5 years and have been gracefully dealing with those lovely questions, from relatives and everyone else who thinks it''s their business, for some time now, all the while just waiting patiently for something nice & sparkly to find it''s way on to my finger.....
Anyway, it''s just a rotten feeling that I''m sure just about every LIW has felt, is feeling or willl feel at some point or another. Just put a gracious face on and hang in there!

 

[flopkins]

just out of curiosity what flowers are your fav?

I agree it''s irritating, but I think it''s just not a huge deal, probably you are just a little jealous, like you said, and you just need to be patient, it sounds like your BF is very understanding and supportive.

Copycat brides are everywhere, everyone gets their ideas from *somewhere*!! Besides, IMO if everyone knows that this flower is your fav, ppl will only think it''s weird that FSIL is copying you... if that is indeed the case. Unless it is some unique kind of flower, I don''t think it''s a big deal... tulips are pretty but not very hardy, and aren''t used too much for weddings bc they don''t hold up well.

Besides, you will probably have a totally different dress, venue, colors, etc...

 

[DecoArtist]

JenStone, I am totally there with you. It''s such a rough spot to be in -- on the one hand, you want to be excited for and supportive of your FSIL & FBIL, but on the other, you want a wedding that will feel like YOUR OWN, not a copy of someone else''s. My BF''s sister has decided to incorporate a couple of key elements into her wedding that I was really hoping to do for mine (whenever that will be

) such as the same church, flowers, almost the same favors, etc... all innocently on her own, but still, I know how you feel. I agree with the others, you''re definitely not a bad person for feeling this way.

I also think that monarch64 is right, this could be a good way to "test out" your ideas for your own wedding. And as much as I hate to say it (because I''m just starting to warm up to the idea as well), but despite the potential for and occurrence of some overlaps in the wedding details, your wedding will definitely have its own unique look and feel that''s different from your FSIL & FBIL''s. While it sounds like you and your FSIL share some similar tastes, I wonder if you and your boyfriend''s "presence" as a couple is all that similar to your FSIL and FBIL -- it could be that each pair is quite different (maybe more/less low-key, more classic vs. modern, etc). I think that the personal mark that the wedded couple makes on the spirit of the wedding day is just as special and unique as the ideas that go into planning the event. So hang in there -- I am sure that your wedding day will still feel like your own.

 

[JenStone]

My favorite flowers are calla lilies. I realize some people might be thinking, "Puh-leaze! Everyone uses those!" But I have loved them ever since I was a little girl and dreamed of having these simple blooms at my wedding - this was back in the eighties when cascading, ornate bouquets full of roses were all the rage. I was so happy when calla lilies started to become popular because they became more accessible and less expensive. I know they are commonplace at weddings these days, but I've never personally been to a wedding that had them (and I've been to 6 this year alone!).

Random bit of trivia: did you know calla lilies are not technically flowers, but bulbs?

Anyway, when I first found out that my FSIL decided on calla lilies as her bouquet, I was a bit disappointed. Then she went on to say that the bridal party would have them, and that they would be used in the decorations as well. There would be many different types of calla lilies used throughout her wedding.

Again, thank you to everyone for listening. Just writing about this is helping me feel better. I think every women get emotional and even psychotic to some extent when it comes to their weddings. Even when you're not engaged, as is the case with me. But in this case, it's HER day and she should be able to do what makes her the happiest, right? And I'll have MY day when the time comes.

 

[firebirdgold]

Oh god, I totally understand! I''ve been consumed with jealous so many times and my family and fi totally didn''t get it. In fact I was really critized when I tried to mention certain things!

When my fi and I started planning on getting engaged and married, it seemed like everyone else suddenly had to do it before us! His sister got engaged and took the season I had always wanted. Fall''s my favorite time of year and I was soooo pissed off she snarfed it. And that she was getting married first so all the family has gone to her wedding and spent buckets on her presents. Even if we''re happier with a DW, it still pissed me off. It didn''t help that she''s 10 freaking years younger than me!

Then my sister met a guy, got engaged, and got married 9 freaking months after first laying eyes on the guy. In the main I was really happy for her. But I almost had a heart attack when they picked white and green as their wedding colors. Not just any green too! I was with them at the ribbon store picking out ribbon colors for the chuppah, and she picked up ivory ribbon and a forest green which was the exact freaking shade I had always wanted! I litterally stopped breathing and turned a funny color!!

When I mentioned to my mother how I''d felt she got really mad at me, after all I wasn''t even engaged yet! grrr!

The thing is you''re powerless to object until you''re actually engaged! It just makes the jealousy so much worse, because a large part is how jealous you are that they''re engaged and you''re left sitting around stewing in your insecurities and anxieties! Having to watch other people plan their weddings who had less right (in my mind) to get married first, just made me worry that he had changed his mind or was waffling, or it was a bad sign for the future.

The only thing worse than the jealousy and fear is that you feel like a horrible person for ever feeling like that in the first place. And most people don''t understand at all and will blame you for feeling like that! If my sister hadn''t been so far away, I probably would have strangled her for critizing me for getting anxious that I wasn''t engaged yet or that I''d hate the ring he''d pick for me!!

Man this is bringing up ugly memories.

In the end all the things that made me so upset at the time were a good thing. If it wasn''t for both our sisters (and only siblings) getting married before us with all the family, and the other stuff, We might not have thought of doing an immediate family only DW in Hawaii. We couldn''t be happier with the idea, it''s truly perfect for us and I believe that nothing else could bring us as much joy as we''ll have that day!

 

[moremoremore]

You are TOTALLY normal!!! I'm not sure from the post if you're engaged...but your ring will be nicer I'm sure!!!
And you can still have your fav flowers!!! You'll just do it with a twist now!
Look on the bright side, now is your chance to totally show her up with YOUR wedding!

 

[DMBsGirl]

lately lots of friends of ours have been getting engaged or married and while I do feel happy for them, I also can''t helo but feel extremely jealous. i think it''s completely normal! also, i agree with above posts that if those are ur fave flowers, then dont even think twice about using them, dont let her using them deter u from having what u''ve always wanted at ur wedding!!!

 

[ellewoods]

JenStone:

I am very, very sorry you are going through this tough situation. I know EXACTLY how you feel -- see my gigantically long thread on "Brides World Wide" about my fiance''s brother just getting engaged and announcing plans to marry 2 months before us. We have been together for 7 years, they''ve been together for 2.5. And we''ve were engaged first. Just like you -- shouldn''t matter, but it bugs me. I am trying to accept it though.

And the hardest part, I''m finding, is my feelings -- how strong they are and how I just can''t be happy for my fiance''s brother + fiance. You want to be happy for them, and you really would be, if there wasn''t the bit of disapointment there that you feel she has generated. I totally understand, and I agree. You''re definitely not a horrible person.

But in my situation I have gotten a lot of good advice...and I would definitely agree with some of the advice you''ve already gotten. Her wedding is kind of like a dress rehersal for yours -- you can evaluate whether there were too many cala lillies, not enough, wrong color, etc. She might even end up spending a fortune on flowers, and then you realize there are too many, or most aren''t visible, and then you can scale back on yours, ending up saving money and having nicer flowers than hers. You''ll get to see all the little flaws in her wedding and make sure they don''t happen in yours.

Also, I definitely agree that you should not speak with her about your wedding any futher in terms of details. If your boyfriend''s mother or other family often shares details, ask them kindly that they didn''t.

And one other thing you have to look forward to -- your RING!

I think the best "revenge" or jealousy tamer, or whatever you want to call it, is to get the ring of your dreams. And it sounds like your boyfriend will get you a wonderful ring. So when you get engaged, with a beautiful, unique, special, wonderful ring of your dreams, well it''s just going to knock hers out of the water.

(Don''t laugh, really, looking at my ring and remembering my proposal and how much effort my fiance put into designing it and getting me the ring of my dreams....it helps ease some of my bad feelings right now.)