Why do [some] women get so dumb when it comes to men & money???

[rockzilla]

Okay, this is a major pet peeve of mine, but I really just don''t get it...

Why do women makedumb money decisions for guys? I posted in an earlier thread about the friend who bought a house with her boyfriend (who later became her fiance), only to break up with him a few months later because he reverted to old habits of betrayal. Now she''s moved out, he''s living in the house, paying the mortgage with the help of his "roommate" (aka girl he''s sleeping with), and she has to worry about it getting foreclosed on because his money skills suck.

Now, another friend of mine just traded in her car so her live-in boyfriend can get a brand new car! How dumb can you get? He just got a new job that he needs a car for, but WHY did she have to get rid of hers? I know she''ll rationalize it (oh, the car was expensive, gas has gone up, etc.) but in the end I know that it was his idea. He could have afforded a new car on his own, I''m sure, and if he didn''t want to pay that much, he should have gotten a cheaper or older car.

Isn''t this how like 75% of those stupid Judge Judy cases start?????

Luckily they are in the bay area so she can take public transit, but it is really going to limit her independence =( They will have to get a new place, hopefully closer to the public transit lines, but in the meantime where they live she can''t get anywhere easily.

Not to mention I am not 100% sold on this guy...

 

[Shoopy]

Well in all fairness, when you are dating someone you don’t generally think “I’m going to make this financial transaction with this guy even though I know its not going to last.”

It’s hard not to get wrapped up in playing house when you are in love and think everything will last forever.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Haha, emotions and financial decisions should never reside in the same sentence.

I have no idea why women make financial sacrifices in the name of a relationship. And it''s not just in dating relationships, but it can happen in marriage, too. You occasionally see those women on TV (or hear them calling into financial radio shows) who say "I thought he was saving for our retirement, but now we''re 55 and in debt. What do I do?" WTF?!

 

[choro72]

To be fair, sometimes it the guys that get suckered. FI allowed his ex free access to his credit card. She used it to study cosmetics, to buy cosmetics, to try to get into the business of cosmetics, gym memberships, clothing, shoes, various weight loss products, etc.
He traveled from CA to FL to buy her a car (Ebay. Don''t ask me why he didn''t at least do it at a used car dealer...). He bought her and her family airplane tickets to Korea so that she can visit her family, and he wasn''t invited.
Of course she milked him all she could and took off. Thankfully, FI took on his friend as his financial adviser. He helped him manage his money, refinance his house and pay off his debt. When I met him he was back on track, but it took him a while to trust me money wise.

 

[swingirl]

Our society has taught women in very subtle ways that men know about money matters and women don''t. So women often don''t trust themselves and willingly give over financial decisions to a man who "knows best". Too many women claim be be bad at math and want nothing to do with finances.

 

[sunnyd]

I''ll admit to being dumb!

My ex and I thought we were going to get married (which I''ll attribute to being young and dumb

). We bought new appliances and bedroom furniture for his house (thank god I didn''t go on the mortgage too!). They''re now being used by him and his new GF.

Oh well. Lessons learned.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Sometimes people can give you all the advise in the world, and even though a woman is intelligent, love can make your reasoning not so logical. For some of these people, they can only learn from experience. Some people never seem to learn.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

There are certain things, law, medicine and finaces, that everyone should know about but very few do because it seems to complicated or something so they don''t really understand they are making bad decisions.

It has been my experience that people who are bad with money in relationships weren''t great with them when they were single and having another person who isn''t great just makes it worse, sort of an enabling thing.

Some in our society, especially with wealthy parents who are never around, equate spending money on someone with love. So if the relationship is not solid, you throw lots of money at to show your love and make it better. I know a lot of otherwise intellegent people of both sexes who have done this.

I am good with money, but my personal philosophy in situations like that is "when you find yourself in a hole, the first thing you do is stop digging."

 

[Dancing Fire]

it happens thee other way too...
a friend of mine owns a home before marrying his second wife. wife #2 said ....lets sell this home for 250k and i'll put up the money to buy us a 500k home. he sells HIS home then she convinces him to buy back a home of equal value,buttt now her name is also on this new home. they're now divorce, tricky !!!

 

[purrfectpear]

Date: 7/17/2008 3:47:03 PM
Author: fieryred33143

Well in all fairness, when you are dating someone you don’t generally think “I’m going to make this financial transaction with this guy even though I know its not going to last.”

It’s hard not to get wrapped up in playing house when you are in love and think everything will last forever.

Love or not, I always thought "I’m going to make this financial transaction with this guy and I''m going to have a legal contract drawn just in case it doesn''t last.”

I never had to resort to litigation, but any live-in or BF that I helped out KNEW that I wouldn''t hesitate if they didn''t settle amicably per the document when we split. Contracts are good. They determine how things get divided or paid for PRIOR to emotions running amok.

 

[Anna0499]

Date: 7/17/2008 3:42:12 PM
Author:rockzilla
Okay, this is a major pet peeve of mine, but I really just don''t get it...

Why do women makedumb money decisions for guys? I posted in an earlier thread about the friend who bought a house with her boyfriend (who later became her fiance), only to break up with him a few months later because he reverted to old habits of betrayal. Now she''s moved out, he''s living in the house, paying the mortgage with the help of his ''roommate'' (aka girl he''s sleeping with), and she has to worry about it getting foreclosed on because his money skills suck.

Now, another friend of mine just traded in her car so her live-in boyfriend can get a brand new car! How dumb can you get? He just got a new job that he needs a car for, but WHY did she have to get rid of hers? I know she''ll rationalize it (oh, the car was expensive, gas has gone up, etc.) but in the end I know that it was his idea. He could have afforded a new car on his own, I''m sure, and if he didn''t want to pay that much, he should have gotten a cheaper or older car.

Isn''t this how like 75% of those stupid Judge Judy cases start?????

Luckily they are in the bay area so she can take public transit, but it is really going to limit her independence =( They will have to get a new place, hopefully closer to the public transit lines, but in the meantime where they live she can''t get anywhere easily.

Not to mention I am not 100% sold on this guy...

Definitely! While I know it happens to men also, my mom commented the other day while we were watching Judge Judy that a lot more women nowadays think it''s their responsibility to take care of their men financially. So many of the cases are about GF/BF moving in together and finances being thrown together and after they break-up they expect the legal system to separate their mess. My mother said that when she was younger there was no way a man would stand for being financially dependent on a woman, but it seems to be more common now. I attribute this shift partly to a desperate need for "love" coupled with manipulation by the man and partly to just plain stupidity! I know everyone falls on hard times and needs help every now and then, but I think every mature adult should be be self-sufficient and plan for emergencies accordingly.

 

[decodelighted]

I don''t watch Judge Judy often but when I do I see a lot of "low-self esteem" cases. And I think that women are sometimes so EAGER for love, so WILLING to bend over backwards for their man to PROVE their love, so CONDITIONED to nurture others over themselves, so hesitant to be thought of as SELFISH that they can get into a big ol'' mess of manipulation & assumptions & throwing $$ at problems rather than dealing with problems and

.

Both sexes can be guilty of trying to buy love or commitment. The question is, why be so desperate? (Or is it naive? Or both?)

 

[luckystar112]

I admit doing stupid stuff like that when I was 18. Thank GOODNESS it happened when I was 18 though. It''s about the only good thing that came out of the relationship I had with who I like to refer to as "the devil".

I can''t imagine being in my mid-30s and not knowing better, although I see it all the time!

 

[Eva17]

well for some of the excuses, you can understand the mistakes made when one is young and naive, but as someone who has been married over 20 years, i can't believe how many women don't have a clue to what their financial situation is. so many say, hubby takes care of everything..... three people i know with marriage woes, and all three women hadn't signed their tax returns in years. hubby takes care of everything.... when i asked are all policy's getting paid, life, health, etc... & retirement funds. not one of then knew the answer.

i don't get that!!!!!


how can one bury their head so far into the sand????

 

[HollyS]

I may be old-fashioned, but it comes down to how we were brought up by our parents. It''s values. Plain and simple. You must value yourself, first, before you can value others and make the right choices for your life.

NO man is wonderful enough to become financially involved with -- until you are married. No exceptions in my book. I know there would have been no exceptions in my parent''s book. It does not mean "we''re engaged, let''s buy a house together". It does not mean "we''ve talked about our future and we going to have one''. Engagements end. Often and unfriendly. Don''t equate breakups with divorce, because your legal rights are not the same at all.

I''ve never been a fan of living together. I have friends who do; I''ve never thought of them as happy and satisfied. Their lives are unsettled ''cause they''re not much more than roomies. (BTW, they''re 51 and 33; not exactly yung''uns.)

Life is choices. Choose well, live well.

 

[LaurenThePartier]

I was also brought up in a home that instilled a sense of independence within me and my sister - or at least they tried to.

I wouldn''t co-sign on so much as a car loan with a boyfreind before I was married, and I would hope many women understand that their credit is just as important as their partner''s. I bought my own home, my own cars, vacation home, all before I was married. I think the more assets you amass on your own, the more likely it is that you''ll have an appropriate outlook on the value of your hard earned dollar.

My sister was brought up in the same household, but has made one major financial purchase after another with her ex-boyfriends, and most recently with her current boyfriend. They built a house they could just barely afford, and found out the month after they closed that they were pregnant. I seriously hope that their relationship doesn''t end like I''ve seen this situation end over and over, but they would defiinitely be a rare exception among the examples I''ve seen.

 

[allycat0303]

Oh I''ve seen this too. I think some girls are in love and don''t think of this in a *rational, this may not last even if he is your HUSBAND* kind of mentality. I have a friend who just took out a student line of credit so her boyfriend could buy a new BMW (he''s a cop, and not making new BMW +house money yet). She bought him a BMW last year too, but then he got sick of it. And now he wants a new one. Oh yeah, and she put his name on the house, her father bought her.

So count. 2 BMW in 2 years, and half of a house. Good work if you can get it. And they''ve been dating for 9 months, and he''s a jerk.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 7/17/2008 7:30:51 PM
Author: HollyS

I may be old-fashioned, but it comes down to how we were brought up by our parents. It''s values. Plain and simple. You must value yourself, first, before you can value others and make the right choices for your life.

NO man is wonderful enough to become financially involved with -- until you are married. No exceptions in my book. I know there would have been no exceptions in my parent''s book. It does not mean ''we''re engaged, let''s buy a house together''. It does not mean ''we''ve talked about our future and we going to have one''. Engagements end. Often and unfriendly. Don''t equate breakups with divorce, because your legal rights are not the same at all.

I agree with this. Whenever I have friends who are not married and buy a house together I think hopefully they don''t break up; I know that sounds harsh but I have seen it too many times.

 

[Miranda]

Date: 7/17/2008 5:37:05 PM
Author: decodelighted
I don''t watch Judge Judy often but when I do I see a lot of ''low-self esteem'' cases. And I think that women are sometimes so EAGER for love, so WILLING to bend over backwards for their man to PROVE their love, so CONDITIONED to nurture others over themselves, so hesitant to be thought of as SELFISH that they can get into a big ol'' mess of manipulation & assumptions & throwing $$ at problems rather than dealing with problems and

.

Both sexes can be guilty of trying to buy love or commitment. The question is, why be so desperate? (Or is it naive? Or both?)

Deco, you just summed up a friend of mine - well we used to be good friends, but, I cannot handle the choices she makes. Her ex husband left her when she was 5 months pregnant and on BED REST for a 21 year old. He was 35.

She went on to deliver the baby 8 weeks early because of the stress. He brought the new GF to the hospital but left the floozy in the car of course. He SHOT someone (by accident supposedly) while they were dating and she paid for his legal fees. She bought him a car. He lied about money during their marriage. Even 3 years after the divorce is final she continues to give him money because he''s constantly broke.

It is disgusting and pathetic.

IMO, these types of women are trying to buy love and stability thinking, "If I buy this he won''t/can''t leave." I flat don''t get it!

 

[Tuckins1]

Your first friend sounds like someone I know... Exactly same situation with the house and everything... I don''t know what goes through people''s heads. Not that i''m so super smart and wonderful or anything, but I have always been adamant about NEVER mixing my credit or finances with anyone until we were married. Even after I got married my husband and I waited a little while to mix our bank accounts and everything. Entangling your finances with someone else who is not "legally" tied to you seems kind of stupid... (Even then it could be a bad idea if he/she is bad with money!)Just my opinion.