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"Why I Won''t Marry" --- have at it ladies

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decodelighted

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Oh boy. This article is not for the faint of heart.

Witness:

John Amery, who is in his early forties, lays the blame for such orgiastic consumption squarely with the bride. 'I gaze with horror at the way women hold out their hands screeching with excitement about the engagement while everyone gawks at the rock and judges the absent man by the size of the ring, and thus his salary and, by extension, his penis. The three months' salary thing, women selling themselves as chattels... it's all so base.'

and

Quick leaves potential partners in no doubt regarding his position. 'I've found it actually helps narrow the field. There was a time when saying that marriage was off the cards was as bad as saying you didn't want kids, but that's changed once women have got past their Barbie doll stage.'

and there are ladies too

Julia Wright, 42, is a commissioning editor living in Brighton: 'Marriage is an act of faith, and one that belongs to the young. I am not so young any more. I've lost the faith. It means something to stand up and declare your union. And for me, now, that's exactly why I doubt I could do it. I know love is fallible, that it fades, that some relationships have a shelf life. I trust my judgment enough to say no to someone; I don't trust it enough to say yes.

Of course, the pomp gets a mention

This exhibitionism is one of the many aspects of knot-tying that repulses 36-year-old Southampton researcher Tom Richards. 'The spectacle involved in modern marriage is in inverse proportion to its meaning. The more devoid of content the institution becomes, the more a grotesquely postmodern, style-over-substance principle applies. The entire event becomes a swaggering parody of some bygone society wedding.'

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Let 'er rip, Pscopers.
 
Just as atheists and religious folks can never seem to see each others' forests for the tree, married people and committed singles will probably never understand each other either.

The reality is that, though divorce rates and average-age-at-first-marriage flucuate over the decades, very few straight people go through life without being married at least once.
 
Eh, whatevs. They can stay single, leaves more wedding venue openings for the rest of us
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There are always gonna be people who find any given thing annoying or inappropriate. I disagree with these people, but oh well.
 
The words of people who have probably had their hearts irrepairably broken.
 
Everybody is entitled to their opinion (Even if it is wrong
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(Joke)
 
Actually, I see some truths in the article....

The value of a ring, the cost of a wedding.... does not and should not indicate the quality of marriage.

But, overall there is still in my mind a place for marriage. Of course, for some it should not be.

In my case. I''d love to find the right gal... and build a life with her... whether she chose to marry me or not.


Perry
 
Date: 3/7/2008 8:00:31 PM
Author: perry

The value of a ring, the cost of a wedding.... does not and should not indicate the quality of marriage.
Nah, but it''s a two-way street. I don''t think it''s fair to say that a person with a blinged-out ring finger and an extravagant wedding automatically has their priorities mis-aligned. The expenditure of a wedding is not indicative of the quality of marriage, in either direction.
 
Date: 3/7/2008 3:46:57 PM
Author: musey
Eh, whatevs. They can stay single, leaves more wedding venue openings for the rest of us
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There are always gonna be people who find any given thing annoying or inappropriate. I disagree with these people, but oh well.


I like the way you think
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Date: 3/7/2008 9:14:33 PM
Author: Deelight

Date: 3/7/2008 3:46:57 PM
Author: musey
Eh, whatevs. They can stay single, leaves more wedding venue openings for the rest of us
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There are always gonna be people who find any given thing annoying or inappropriate. I disagree with these people, but oh well.


I like the way you think
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ditto!
 
Date: 3/7/2008 9:36:28 PM
Author: LegacyGirl

Date: 3/7/2008 9:14:33 PM
Author: Deelight


Date: 3/7/2008 3:46:57 PM
Author: musey
Eh, whatevs. They can stay single, leaves more wedding venue openings for the rest of us
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There are always gonna be people who find any given thing annoying or inappropriate. I disagree with these people, but oh well.


I like the way you think
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ditto!
LOL...well said, Musey! I agree...shove over and leave room for the rest of us!
 
Funny how the guy describes the proposal and engagement and the girl describes the wedding ceremony...I wonder if either one of them understands the meaning of marriage??? My proposal lasted, oh...10 minutes...our engagement was 15 months...but our marriage has lasted 11 years so far (and three kids), and our relationship is going strong after 16 1/2 years together.
 
Date: 3/7/2008 10:05:25 PM
Author: Diamond*Dana
Funny how the guy describes the proposal and engagement and the girl describes the wedding ceremony...I wonder if either one of them understands the meaning of marriage??? My proposal lasted, oh...10 minutes...our engagement was 15 months...but our marriage has lasted 11 years so far (and three kids), and our relationship is going strong after 16 1/2 years together.

Well said!
 
It''s fine to not marry (my in-laws never married and are still committed after 25 plus years) but the people whose opinions you quoted don''t seem to understand the difference between the commitment (marriage or committed partners) versus just consuming because you feel you should. Marriage and partnership don''t have to mean an extravagant wedding. These people are confusing a wedding, and all that they believe that entails, and commitment. If you don''t want to marry fine, my in-laws never considered it important, but don''t make your reasoning for not marrying because of consumption that you can control...just pick a partner who agrees with you and have a simple wedding if you want.
 
In my opinion, the lady doth protest too much...

I really find it quite bizarre that she equates atheism with not wanting to marry.

As an atheist who can make Richard Dawkins look moderate, I can safely say that marriage has nothing whatsoever to do with religion unless you happen to want it to be that way.

Most atheists I know are married and very happily so.

I kind of see their non-emotional comments a bit like saying you''d rather not have a job contact - well I personally like a little more security in my life. Obviously the "contract" side isn''t what marriage is about at an emotional level, but legally it is exactly that.
 
The solution seems pretty simple: don''t marry. So long as she and her significant other are on the same page about what they want out of their own relationship, then who cares?

I understand what she''s saying about the big wedding and the what-some-would-consider-sexist tradition of the man buying the woman a ring that should be equivalent to 1/4th annual salary. If it''s not for you, then don''t do it. We knew we wanted a tiny wedding and we had to compromise on the ring thing since I wasn''t okay with a budget I considered too large. So like any other couple, we did what was right for us. If a large ring and a huge wedding is right for another couple, that''s great. If not getting married at all is right for another couple, that''s great, too.

When it comes to marriage, kids, weddings, etc. and whether or not you want them, there is no right or wrong answer.
 
"I''ve found it actually helps narrow the field."

Yeah. Narrows it to zero, and pretty quickly I bet. Has this guy even gotten a second date in his life?
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The fact that some people have over the top weddings is a rationale never to get married?
What does that have to do with the price of tea in China?

It''s a personal decision to decide to join lives with someone; to make a blanket statement/decision based on what OTHER people do in their own relationships seems rather strange and immature.

(Heck, I don''t like over the top weddings either. That''s why I eloped
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you know - i''m sure i''ve read that same article in several other papers over the years... by Hannah Betts.
 
Ah, the wonders of generalization and statistics spouted out of nowhere...

Just because the Christian wedding she attended had the bride "given away" and had "obeying" in her vows... That must mean every Christian wedding is the same, right? And because some people do care more about the wedding than the marriage, it must mean everyone does, right? Right?
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And can I have some references please? Sources? Scientific litterature and method? As I''m currently attending my third statistics class in college, I''m becoming quite a skeptic when it comes to numbers, especially if I have no idea as to where they are coming from and have no way of knowing if the sample is adequate and representative or if the results themselves are significant. Without any of this, the numbers given don''t mean squat.

If she doesn''t want to get married, fine, she doesn''t have to. I don''t see why some people feel the need to try to get everyone to agree with their opinion. It''s funny really, because this woman who find quite a few supporters in Qc. While she gets judged for the fact that she doesn''t want to marry, I get judged because I do. Meh.
 
All I can say about this article, its author, and other contributors, is - - geez, it must suck to be an atheist. To a person they claim to be one, and to a person they seem unhappy, fearful of commitment, apprehensive about others'' motives, unnerved by society''s norms. Poor things. They need to get a grip.

I''ll address the anti-Judeo/Christian mindset: God never intended for women to be "property" of their husbands. He said that "two shall become one" and that the man would "love his wife as Christ loved the church" (in an abbrieviated version: the husband is to put his wife first and be willing to die for her). The women as chattel crap was always governmental nonsense or doctrinal mistakes by the church. Both issues have long ago been addressed and resolved, by both church and state, to the satisfaction of most people.

To the wedding as spectacle argument: Yeah, so what? I didn''t want it, so I didn''t do it. I''ve got enough sense to do my own thing. Doesn''t the author? Oh, I forgot. She''s too scared to do anything.

And to the ring size being a metaphor for his penis size: Oh, for the love of Pete. (pun intended) Someone''s feeling a little inadequate perhaps?
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This article is full of anecdotal evidence and logical fallacies. Somebody is paying this woman a pretty penny for her thoughts, and all you have to do is come to this thread to read intelligent discourse for free!
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Seriously, I am impressed with the many keen minds here.

My sister is a Christian minister, and I''m a former believer turned agnostic, and I''d say that we treat our marriage commitments in the same way (we always laugh about how we''re exactly the same except in this area, and how we should apply for the Amazing Race so they can call us "Sisters: Minister and Atheist" whenever we appear on screen). So there''s my anecdotal evidence as to why we should leave religion out of the "who is right" discussion because I''m ready to defend either side from flip dismissals of their point of view. Plus "discussing religion" is not allowed as per the forum policies.
 
Date: 3/11/2008 6:11:12 PM
Author: HollyS
All I can say about this article, its author, and other contributors, is - - geez, it must suck to be an atheist. To a person they claim to be one, and to a person they seem unhappy, fearful of commitment, apprehensive about others'' motives, unnerved by society''s norms. Poor things. They need to get a grip.
I hope you are referring to the contributors in this article - not atheists in general here!

As I said in my post above, I was pretty offended that they chose to see atheism as a reason against marriage. Atheism is merely no belief in a deity. Period. It has little influence on any other life choices. Morals are morals, values are values - they make for a happier society and aren''t exclusive to people with a religious faith.

Judging by the recruitment drive by the British Humanists Association there is huge demand for non-religious weddings, baby-namings and funerals.
 
Date: 3/11/2008 8:08:22 PM
Author: Pandora II


Date: 3/11/2008 6:11:12 PM
Author: HollyS
All I can say about this article, its author, and other contributors, is - - geez, it must suck to be an atheist. To a person they claim to be one, and to a person they seem unhappy, fearful of commitment, apprehensive about others'' motives, unnerved by society''s norms. Poor things. They need to get a grip.
I hope you are referring to the contributors in this article - not atheists in general here!

As I said in my post above, I was pretty offended that they chose to see atheism as a reason against marriage. Atheism is merely no belief in a deity. Period. It has little influence on any other life choices. Morals are morals, values are values - they make for a happier society and aren''t exclusive to people with a religious faith.

Judging by the recruitment drive by the British Humanists Association there is huge demand for non-religious weddings, baby-namings and funerals.
Pandora, I assumed that my comments would be taken in the spirit intended -- a light hearted poke at those particular people. I mean no offense to anyone here. And the reason for my poke is right in keeping with what you said: atheism should really have no bearing on whether you "believe" in marriage; and certainly marriage should not be frightening to atheists.

I think the article was a diatribe by an unhappy person who wants to validate her angst. I''m pretty sure she would be unhappy no matter what religious bent she had.
 
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