Will he propose

[maggiemai]

Hi everyone,
I have been reading the ''did you have a say in the ring'' post, and I would like some advice on my situation, my BF and I are both 28 and we have known each other for 11 years and going out for 6, we are currently renovating a house which is due for completion in mid December, but we do not live together at the moment. We have both talked and agreed that we want to spend the rest of our lives together and get married.
He has mentioned getting engaged a few times this year, once a few months ago I was very upset over something and he told me that he was planning to propose when we went on holidays this october as a surprise, but if I didn’t want to wait we could go and get a ring there and then, but I refused because I wanted a proposal to be special and not just to make me feel better because I was upset.
The thing is, we are due to go on holiday next week together and I don’t know what to think… im hoping he will, but I really don’t think that he is planning to propose. I have planned the whole holiday as he has been busy with the house so I don’t think that he has planned to propose in any romantic setting because he doesn’t even know where exactly we are going, and I don’t think he has bought the ring already because he doesn’t even know my ring size, and I definitely have had no tell-tail hints or clues, and we were planning our holiday budget and decided to put most of our holiday expenses on credit card which will not allow for the purchase of an engagement ring when we get there.
I wouldn’t of minded if he didn’t propose on this holiday it’s just the fact that he said he was going to, and I know I will be so worried and disappointed if he doesn’t, and I know I wont be able to hide it.
I would like some advice on how to act if he doesn’tpropose on this holiday like he said he was going to.

 

[Deelight]

I would not want to get your hopes up in case he doesn''t but I would see this situation a few ways from an outsiders point of view of course if i were you I would be completely different.

If he does not propose on this holiday it could be for a variety of reasons he wants to surprise you or in the midst of renovations (which can be mega costly and time consuming) he may want to wait until a little later when he has more free time and cash or he may just propose to you (he could have stolen one of your rings when you were not looking asked a friend for a ring size guessed etc. My BF and I were planning on getting engaged this year on a holiday in Fiji ( we have been going out for 9 years) but with reno''s coming up and me getting braces it was not as a financially viable option as it could be instead we have put it on hold for a little while (the holiday as well as we are going to Europe in May) and when he does it will be perfect but in the mean time I love him he loves me and we know no matter what we will love each other for the rest of our lives.

Your BF sounds as if loves you dearly and wants to get married and spend the rest of his life with you he may not propose on this holiday he may either way enjoy your holiday expect nothing and you will not be disappointed. Love is a many wondrous thing

 

[CrookedRock]

That''s a tough one! Firstly...try not to get your hopes up!
Back in May my BF surprised me with a trip to Argentina. Being that we had dessigned the ring in March, I thought that maybe this was going to be the lucky trip... It wasn''t. I was really bummed, but because we were having such a nice trip I chose not to bring it up while we were there. Instead I waited until we got back and I found a way to bring up the subject so that I could share my dissapointment with him. He explained that he just wasn''t ready to do it yet, and he was sorry that he let me down, but that he really wanted it all to be a surprise...
The thing about your BF is htat he said he was going to do it then, mine did not, I was just hoping! You never know what he might have up his sleeve. There are lots of LIW''s on PS that were completely surprised when their BF''s finally did pop the question. Maybe he is just sneakier than you think...

 

[bee*]

Hopefully he is definitely planning it for your holiday. D and I went to NY in July and prior to that (a good bit prior to it) he said that he would probably do it there as we were planning to buy our ring there. Then when we got nearer to the time, he decided not to do it there as he wanted the usual man thing-for it to be a surprise. I was disappointed at the time and it was so much better when he did it last Sunday. If he doesn''t do it while you''re on holidays, you should bring it up with him when you get back and see what his response is. Hopefully you''ll be engaged next week!

 

[Delster]

Date: 10/10/2007 5:21:50 AM
Author:maggiemai

I wouldn’t of minded if he didn’t propose on this holiday it’s just the fact that he said he was going to, and I know I will be so worried and disappointed if he doesn’t, and I know I wont be able to hide it.

I would like some advice on how to act if he doesn’tpropose on this holiday like he said he was going to.

Aw I can totally understand how you must be on edge wondering if he remembers his promise and will he keep it... but please do try and be philosophical about it, and I'm saying this from personal experience. It was my birthday recently and I asked BF for a very specific gift. I even took him into a shop and showed him the thing. He went off and spent three times the price on something entirely different, that I absolutely hated, and I started crying when I opened the box. I hurt his feelings so badly and I still feel terrible.

He might be throwing you off the scent and he could have an amazing proposal planned. Or, he may not be able to do it at this time, and he's afraid to tell you. Either way, you have been together for so long now, you have bought a house together, you have talked about marriage, it is clear that HE LOVES YOU. If he doesn't propose on this trip, HE STILL LOVES YOU. And you love him. And that won't change whether the proposal comes next week, or next month, or even later...

Take care, come talk to us when you need to vent, that's what this forum is for!!!

BTW - where is the trip to? Sounds like you've been planning for a while, it must be somewhere nice?

 

[louisvgirl]

This is why this forum is so great... you get so many people to give you insight....so let me chime in with what the gir''s have said...You do have a man to does love you and that''s very important, but I''m sure you know that...maybe he does have something up his sleeve or maybe he''ll do it once the house is complete.. I think you should go on holiday, have an amazing time...and just go in not expecting it...but see it as a holiday...this way you won''t be disappointed if it does not happen....and if it does, you were not expecting it...I know it''s easier said than done...Just have a geat time....I hope to see your I''M ENGAGED!,, have fun.. and don''t worry

 

[Independent Gal]

Well, I would definitely psych yourself down, juuuust in case. That way, if he doesn''t propose, you can think ''I knew it!'' and act normal, and if he does, it''s extra great!

But if he doesn''t, you might consider sitting him down when you get back and telling him how you feel and asking for a rough sense of his timeline (so you''ll still be surprised).

In terms of how to act, if you''re really good at convincing yourself in advance that he WON''T do it, it should be mostly OK. Otherwise, try to act normal and keep your feelings under control until you''re home. No sense missing out on a super great holiday! Life''s got few enough of those.

But thiiiiis is why I tell guys on here when they ask ''Should I NOT propose on the holiday because she''s expecting it?'' that this is about the most WRETCHED thing they can do!!!!

 

[musey]

Date: 10/10/2007 4:44:20 PM
Author: Independent Gal

But thiiiiis is why I tell guys on here when they ask ''Should I NOT propose on the holiday because she''s expecting it?'' that this is about the most WRETCHED thing they can do!!!!

I still stand by my statement that any time before "she expects it" is great, but anytime after she expects it will be "FINALLY!" If a guy knows she''s expecting at a certain date, he should propose before. Even if that means only one day before... it should be before.

 

[Pandora II]

Oh gosh - I do feel for you. My FI spent a lot of time explaining how he didn't believe in marriage etc etc and yet I still got my hopes up at various points when he had planned special surprises (which he does often) that this would be it, he'd just been throwing me off the scent.

Then I would feel that horrible knotty feeling inside, where you are so disappointed but don't want to show it.

In the end, he did propose and spent 6 months planning it, and it was a complete surprise. However we got the ring after the proposal so I had no clues to work on at all.

I asked him why he'd compromised his views on marriage and he said it was two things - I was too good to risk losing, and he had seen the look on my face when two of our friends had got engaged and he realised getting married meant more to me than not getting married meant to him and he never wanted me to look so sad again.

Personally, I would probably ask your bf straight out if he has any plans of that sort. If he has - he'll probably reschedule the proposal, if he hasn't at least you won't spend you holiday wondering if today is the day.

I can see why you probably wouldn't want to do that, but if he doesn't propose, you have every right to call him out on his verbal promise.

Sadly most men just don't get the stress and anticipation we suffer!

 

[maggiemai]

Hi Everyone,
Many thanks for all the advice, well im back from my holiday and I m the happiest girl in the world, He proposed and i am now engaged to get married early next year. I just had time to look at your advice before i went and i decided to relax and enjoy the holiday, however i really found it difficult not to think about it. He proposed mid way through the holiday one evening after dinner as we walked in the rain. he was so nervous and it was so sweet and special. he did not have a ring picked out, which explained why i didnt get any hints.. adn why i was so worried, we picked out the ring when we came back and then told all our family and Friends.. im so happy im going to spend the rest of my life with my best friend.

 

[Deelight]

congratulations and awwwwww your proposal sounds beautiful and sincere the best kind

now you must post shots of your new beautiful ring

 

[WeightLifterChick]

Congrats! That''s wonderful news! Sounds like such a beautiful proposal. I can''t wait to see ring pictures

 

[bee*]

Congratulations!! That''s great news!!