Will it EVER happen???

[Melibk]

So this is the story. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 1/2 years. He has been hesitant for so long, but finally one day said lets go look at rings. This was about a month ago. So we began looking and he seemed into it, but then freaked out and said he wasnt ready again. So disappointing. So I decided to let it go again...kinda . I tried anyway. About a week later, he said he wanted to look again. We went to a ton of stores, but were having a hard time finding exactly what we wanted. Well the other day we finally found a diamond we liked and he said " do you want this one?" I was in shock, and I loved it, so he bought it!!! He said he was going to surprise me in awhile. Then we looked at the diamond outside and it turned a weird blue purple color in the sun..... SIGH. We were not happy with this and realized we had been misled by the jeweler. We took the diamond back to replace it but the jeweler had nothing similar. So now I am ringless AGAIN, and we have to start over completely... Anyone else completely frustrated..... ???

 

[always.waiting]

Well, you can see my "story" on my other thread, and yes, I am very frustrated, but for other reasons (I''m waiting and waiting for a proposal after 3 yrs). At least you guys are shopping for rings, so it just seems a matter of time before you find the right one (how old are you and your bf?). Ideally, the guy takes care of this on his own, but I guess these days people go shopping together. Anyway, hang in there, just wanted to say that I feel for you. I am so frustrated too, some days I contain it and go about my life (errands, job), but other days, something will set me off and I''ll crumble (a friend asks a question about "ring progress", I hear someone is engaged, a wedding program, milestones, etc. etc.). Sometimes I crumble alone, sometimes I take it out on my bf. Highs and lows!! On low days (today), I feel like an engagement/wedding is this impossible dream that I keep reaching for on my tippy toes, but have no control over. And yet for others it comes so easily. I know for me, it''s not that my bf is uncertain, it''s just his personality--kinda gets frozen in inaction sometimes and then just decides to not think about it. Most the times I can live with this trait, but when it comes to my life''s progress--it''s not so easy. Anyway, I''m rambling. For you, why not go ring shopping solo and when you find something you love, coincidentally go there with your bf one wkend. Maybe that''ll take out some of the hours of searching and false finds. Good luck

 

[Melibk]

WOW Your feelings sound just like mine. WE are 27 years old so it is time. I know usually couples don''t go together, but we jsut did for some reason. Now after all this and me crying all day today, he said he is handing it all on his own now. He knows what I like and doesnt want to drag me around to stores because it gets tiring for me. My boyfriend also gets frozen and doesnt think about it. I think it just overwhelms him. I know what you mean about taking it out on your boyfriend. I try not to but it ishard that he has all this control over something I want so badly!!! I hope it happens soon. I want to get married next Summer, and I am afraid everyhting will be booked....sigh

Date: 8/29/2006 8:09:48 PM
Author: always.waiting
Well, you can see my ''story'' on my other thread, and yes, I am very frustrated, but for other reasons (I''m waiting and waiting for a proposal after 3 yrs). At least you guys are shopping for rings, so it just seems a matter of time before you find the right one (how old are you and your bf?). Ideally, the guy takes care of this on his own, but I guess these days people go shopping together. Anyway, hang in there, just wanted to say that I feel for you. I am so frustrated too, some days I contain it and go about my life (errands, job), but other days, something will set me off and I''ll crumble (a friend asks a question about ''ring progress'', I hear someone is engaged, a wedding program, milestones, etc. etc.). Sometimes I crumble alone, sometimes I take it out on my bf. Highs and lows!! On low days (today), I feel like an engagement/wedding is this impossible dream that I keep reaching for on my tippy toes, but have no control over. And yet for others it comes so easily. I know for me, it''s not that my bf is uncertain, it''s just his personality--kinda gets frozen in inaction sometimes and then just decides to not think about it. Most the times I can live with this trait, but when it comes to my life''s progress--it''s not so easy. Anyway, I''m rambling. For you, why not go ring shopping solo and when you find something you love, coincidentally go there with your bf one wkend. Maybe that''ll take out some of the hours of searching and false finds. Good luck

 

[robbie3982]

Hi Meli

Before getting engaged a couple weeks ago I was soooo frustrated. We''d picked out the ring together and he was waiting to enact his plan. I HATED the plan until it actually happened. I was so frustrated all the time. I think I cried at least a few times a week and brought up getting engaged to FI (bf at the time) at least once a day. I''m really not sure how he dealt with me being so completely insane.

Originally, FI was very anti going shopping together for the ring. I went by myself lots of times to figure out exactly what I wanted and would report back to FI what I liked. I went back and forth between princess and round and he really doesn''t have the patience to sit at a jewelry store for hours with me trying to decide. When FI finally said that we could go shopping together I decided I would just go check out one more store by myself. Well, the diamond was at that store, so I told FI about it, brought him back the next day and we got it.

I think looking on your own is a good idea. The blueish purpleish hue that you''re describing sounds like fluoresence. Some people find this to be a very desireable quality in a diamond and it can actually make the diamond look whiter. Mine has just a bit of fluoresence and I love it, but you have to go with what makes you comfortable.

 

[Melibk]

Yes, I really dont know when he will do it now. I hate waiting. I know the girl is supposed to wait and he is supposed to surprise you, but I find myself going insane!! It is all I think about. Now he says he is going to handle it which will be even harder for me. I will have no CLUE what is going on. I just want a ring, so I can get on to the next stage (ie: wedding planning). Do you think I am being ridiculous? I am really not normally like this...

 

[Fancy605]

Date: 8/29/2006 8:26:33 PM
Author: Melibk
WOW Your feelings sound just like mine. WE are 27 years old so it is time. I know usually couples don''t go together, but we jsut did for some reason.

I don''t think it''s outside the norm for couples to go together. Most of the recently married/engaged/or somewhere close to it couples I know have at least looked at rings together. For most of them the guy ended up making the purchase himself, but there was at least a shopping around trip or 5 or 6 involved. I think it''s pretty common now a days for the guy to at least have some inkling. I don''t think there is a norm anymore as far as that goes.

Anyway, I totally feel you. I am in a 4 1/2 year relationship as well, and my b/f has had the same sort of emotions as yours it seems. I used to be frustrated because I don''t like waiting around to take action--once I decide something, I want to get it accomplished as quickly as possible, but after a while you forget about all that and remember that the important thing is being together in the first place. I mean, I DEF. look forward to marriage, but I am having tons of fun being his girlfriend, so that''ll do fine in the mean time. (For me the waiting has to do with him gathering funds for the ring he''s got himself set on)

 

[robbie3982]

I don''t think you''re being ridiculous at all! I HATED that I had to wait. I''m not a patient person and it was soooo stressful! I really wanted to get on with the wedding planning also. Some people plan before the proposal, but FI was completely against it.

You''re in good company at this forum. It seems like all of us have felt like this at one point or another.

I was seriously at the point where I would''ve proposed if he would''ve accepted. He wouldn''t have though, since "it''s the man''s job to ask." I hated feeling so helpless throughout the waiting period.

 

[Melibk]

Well I am hoping to be engaged in the next 2 weeks. I may need to use this site a lot in the meantime, because for some reason 2 weeks seems long right now. I will keep everyone posted!!!!!

 

[shinythings]

I feel your pain. One idea would be to go looking at rings yourself or with a friend, and narrow it down a bit. That way your boyfriend won''t get as frustrated with the shopping thing and it may help ease the process. good luck!

 

[Larissa]

I''m in the minority. Maybe I misread, but I''d be concerned about the fact that he said he was ready and then changed his mind. The ring is a thing, how''s the relationship? Is he for sure ready this time?

 

[always.waiting]

Believe me, I relate, and you are not crazy. I wish the men in our lives would look at this site, b/c they only have us to go by, and they probably think we are coo-coo because they don''t realize what it''s like on the other side.

i also have only a few wks of patience left in me. I actually thought it''d be by this wkend, but i''m really doubting it now. The weather is awful here and we''re going to his parents for the long wkend (which we do very frequently), so that doesn''t exactly sound like a romantic destination.
I am so frustrated, I don''t know what to do either. I have a new job starting in 3 wks, and this weighs heavily on my conscious. So many people congratulate me on my job, but I can''t feel happy about it b/c it''s not what I wanted to be congratulated on at this point. I can''t understand why my bf is doing this to me, keeping me in the dark, seeming like he''s got it under control, but i see NO action and I have all kinds of other real life issues to deal with that I''m putting on hold since I need this piece of my life resolved. I know if I bring it up, he''ll say "didn''t we already talk about this ? It''s been 3 days since then", but the point is, I''m scared to go into a long wkend at his parents and be let down, and have to hold it all together there. My bf meanwhile owns an apt which is being turned over by sept 1, so he is there a lot doing painting and is exhausted. Sigh...today is not a good day. Anyway, you and I should vent together over the next few wks
My email: [email protected]

 

[Melibk]

Ya I am positive he is ready this time. He is actually super excited and even has been looking at wedding places. I know him really well (since 9th grade), and he has some issues with making big decisions sometimes. I think he really just got nervous and plus I had been talking about it like crazy since we had been looking at rings. I think it was a big step for him to do that, and right away I started talking about the flowers at hte wedding. haha Mistake....

Alwayswaiting - Wow I know how you feel. This experience is something I never thought I would go through. I had never even really heard of it happening. I feel like I am on the right track now, but every once in awhile, I just get impatient. I know it is wrong, but I feel like I want it immediately!!! I am also starting work in about 1 week, and cannot even focus on that. All I can think about is how much better work would be with an engagement!!! Well feel free to vent to me. I will need to also.

MElibk

Date: 8/30/2006 9:56:51 AM
Author: always.waiting
Believe me, I relate, and you are not crazy. I wish the men in our lives would look at this site, b/c they only have us to go by, and they probably think we are coo-coo because they don''t realize what it''s like on the other side.

i also have only a few wks of patience left in me. I actually thought it''d be by this wkend, but i''m really doubting it now. The weather is awful here and we''re going to his parents for the long wkend (which we do very frequently), so that doesn''t exactly sound like a romantic destination.
I am so frustrated, I don''t know what to do either. I have a new job starting in 3 wks, and this weighs heavily on my conscious. So many people congratulate me on my job, but I can''t feel happy about it b/c it''s not what I wanted to be congratulated on at this point. I can''t understand why my bf is doing this to me, keeping me in the dark, seeming like he''s got it under control, but i see NO action and I have all kinds of other real life issues to deal with that I''m putting on hold since I need this piece of my life resolved. I know if I bring it up, he''ll say ''didn''t we already talk about this ? It''s been 3 days since then'', but the point is, I''m scared to go into a long wkend at his parents and be let down, and have to hold it all together there. My bf meanwhile owns an apt which is being turned over by sept 1, so he is there a lot doing painting and is exhausted. Sigh...today is not a good day. Anyway, you and I should vent together over the next few wks
My email: [email protected]

 

[Larissa]

Okay. I get it now. I just didn''t see that addressed in the first post

 

[pinkflamingo]

BTW that "weird purple blue color" is fluorescence, which makes your diamond look whiter. It is considered a positive thing.

Meanwhile, I would suggest you research diamonds on this site a little more, it is such a large purchase and you can''t rely on a salesperson to educate you. Its like walking to a used car lot knowing NOTHING about cars and expecting the salesman to get you the right car.

 

[Melibk]

You are right about it being whiter, but I didnt like how it looked in the sun. Whether it is a good thing or not, I dont think I would be happy wearing a diamond the rest of my life that I dont want to show in the sun. I was sad though cuz the diamond was amazing in other lights. We just ordered another diamond from whiteflash and it is exactly the same as the other diamond, but no fluorescence. Plus it is a G color instead of an H like the fluorescent one, so hopefully it will still look white.

Thanks