Will they know?

[Ame Thyst]

Hi all! I've been lurking for queite some time, and now I have a question:

My boyfriend and I started talking about engagement recently. I want an amethyst e-ring. Actually we purchased the whole kit and kaboodle this past weekend. What started out as a trip to get ideas turned into a purchase, due to the fantastic deal we got and the fit of an amethyst ring with an anniversary band as a wedding band.

I do want to be different...and have a different, non-diamond e-ring. However, I'm "afraid" people won't view it as an engagement ring. It's a emerald cut, deep purple amethyst set in east-west and has two tiny diamonds of to the side and set a little lower. I love it because it's pretty and because it's not set high where it could get in the way of my job as a nurse. The anniversary band is a row of diamonds that cradles the ring perfectly...almost like they were made for each other. Future fiance has a gorgeous band...but it definitely doesn't "go" with my band. I feel kinda "weird" that the wedding bands don't match...but I can live with it

So....as much as I like to buck "tradition", it's still a little awkward.

My question is this: If you see a woman with a non-diamond ring on her left ring finger...do you assume that it is an e-ring? I think the ring is lovely...and people will definitely see my enthusiasm for it when they ask. I just want people to know that is what it is without me having to say 'No, it's not a "regular" ring; it's an engagement ring."

Would love to hear everyone's two cents. And of course I can post pics when he asks (he said he knows when...but he won't give any clues...could be a year, could be a month ; )

Thanks all...sorry for the long post!

 

[StephCrowley]

Hi Ame Thyst!

I think you should do what YOU like and what is true to you. Since you''ll be wearing 2 rings (e-ring + wedding band) on your left ring finger, I think people will easily put 2 and 2 together and appreciate your unique jewelry tastes. I think it''s just important to get a ring set that you will love.

My hubby and I, our wedding bands don''t match, but we don''t mind at all. We think it symbolizes that we ARE two different people, with different tastes & personalities, who choose to be married and love one another.

I too went a relatively untraditional route with my e-ring/wedding band. My fiance bought me a diamond solitaire as an e-ring, but since I wanted something a little different and not being one to turn down a diamond

, we turned the diamond solitaire into a diamond and sapphire ring as my wedding band (i.e. just 1 ring, no e-ring). So I wore just the 1 ring for 5 years. I LOVE it! The only thing was, people recognized my wedding ring as a special ring (as an e-ring) and not as a wedding ring. People kept asking me WHEN I was going to get married even though I''d been married 4+ years. I just recently ordered a pave diamond band as a 5 year anniversary gift (so it will be an anniversary ring) to wear with my true wedding ring - and am really excited because it should add a lot of sparkle to my wedding ring. Should be pretty!

All this said, in my opinion, get what you love. Especially since you''ll be wearing the 2 rings together on your left hand, I think people will recognize the rings for what they are. Enjoy!

 

[ma re]

Personally, I don''t think there''s a chance to know whether a ring is "the ring" regardless of how it looks or how it''s worn. I know girls that wear colored stone or diamond rings on their left ring fingers, but aren''t married. So I don''t think that should be something to worry about. Those who know you will know what it is, and the rest really aren''t all that important

 

[laurel25]

I think that it depends on a) where you live and how common non-diamond e-rings are where you live and b) the person who sees it. BUT having said that, ultimately, if it''s what you like and you''re happy with it, then it doesn''t matter what anyone else thinks. When you choose to have something other than the traditional diamond e-ring, with that comes the possibility that people won''t understand your choice or won''t get what it''s significance is, but who cares? I''m in the process of putting together my e-ring which has a sapphire for a center stone and I could care less if anyone thinks it''s strange or won''t know immediately that it''s an e-ring because it''s what I wanted and what I love. Plus, I think that ultimately a lot of colored stone e-rings get more attention then diamonds because they are so unique and beautiful. I know that where I live (in the boonies!) no one has EVER seen a concave cut stone and my sapphire is going to be 1000 times more interesting that all of the plain-jane e-rings most people have around here.

 

[geckodani]

First of all - your ring sounds lovely - I want to see pics! LOL.

Secondly, my sister has a sapphire ering, and when she was first engaged, she got a lot of questions about it. Once she added the wedding band though, people stopped asking. So, you might get some initial confusion, but people will get over it.

The important thing is the YOU be happy.

As for the non-matchy bands, my husband has a dark, dark tungsten band and I have a Palladium Solitaire. *shrug* My mom has yellow gold and my Step-Tom has white. You''re different people, and therefore the different bands are fitting, IMO.

 

[neatfreak]

Pictures please!!!!!


And whether I think it''s an ering, honestly, I don''t give it much thought! If it''s beautiful, I think it''s a beautiful ring! I don''t really question whether it''s an ering or not I guess...if it''s important that I know whether they are engaged or married I might ask in a roundabout way. If it''s a girl at Target, it doesn''t really matter!


I do wear my sapphire ring on that finger fairly often with my wedding band. I think once it''s paired with a wedding band it''s much more likely that everyone will know it''s an ering...but I wouldn''t sweat it! Get what you love.

 

[purrfectpear]

You should do what makes you happy as others have said.

That said, I don''t assume that rings on the left hand are engagement/wedding rings unless they are diamonds or sapphire. It''s just an American thing ya know. Other gemstones just aren''t commonly used as erings over here.

 

[Ame Thyst]

Thanks all for the opinons. I have only seen one non-diamond engagment ring (light blue sapphire) in this area...but like 5 years ago. I will enjoy the fact that I will have something no one else does. Boyfriend said he will try to email me a picture sometime so hopefully I will be able to post a pic in the next few days.

UGH! The waiting is the hardest part!

 

[luvthemstrawberries]

Yes pictures!

And I agree that you''ll probably get some initial questions, but it won''t be hard to just say it''s an engagement ring. A lot of people nowadays are starting to use colored stones for e-rings, so depending on where you live, you may not get as many questions as you think. But I''m glad you''re going with what you really loved, and I think it''s beautiful to be different with gemstone rings!

On a different note, I was considering a gemstone for a long time. I think we''re going to end up going with a diamond for my ering but I''d like a gemstone RHR later. Anyway, I don''t know how up to speed you are with gemstone info, and I''m certainly not an expert like many on here, but I was told to most likely go with sapphires because they are next on the hardness scale from diamonds. Not to say that you can''t have WHATEVER you want in your ering, and it sounds like you love the amethyst. BUT a word of caution would be to reconsider wearing it to work every day. If you are a nurse, you are doing a lot with your hands every day. Amethysts are very soft stones and not used in rings a lot. I just don''t want you loving this ring so much then scratching or chipping it. So read up on here and online about amethysts and recommendations for caring for them. Just some advice!

Congratulations on an upcoming engagement!!

 

[jewelerman]

choose what makes you happy...you know what the ring represents....in our modern world today there are no more rules or regulations about engagement rings...In the past ive sold thumb rings,anklets,toe rings,facial jewelry and wrist watches to couples as well as had requests for jewelry that are worn on parts of the body that are covered by clothing as commitment or engagement jewelry

....im just glad that people still consider rings as the best form of jewelry to represent their commitment to each other.

 

[Ame Thyst]

Thanks strawberries. I''m glad you mentioned the softness factor. I do remember reading on here that amethysts aren''t too hard. I did think about sapphires for a bit, but never got a chance to go looking for them.

I could always use the amethyst as a "regular" ring and purchase another, harder ring that can withstand more, as an e-ring

When we walked out of the jewelers with our rings I turned to my boyfriend and asked "what the heck just happened?!"

We were supposed to be getting ideas only...

Oh, what pretty jewelry can make us do

 

[Diamond*Dana]

I don''t know anyone in real life that has a colored stone for an e-ring, but they seem to be quite popular here on PS. I think that they are beautiful and really show personality. You should do whatever makes you happy since this ring is going to hold such great symbolism. For me personally, if I were to see a gorgeous Amethyst ring paired with a diamond band by its side, I would assume that it is a wedding set.

And I want to see pictures, too!

 

[Inanna]

Your ring sounds gorgeous! I'm a huge fan of east/west settings. Also, my FF and my wedding bands will not match. He gets what he wants, I get what I want - they don't have to be the same.

Personally, when I see a ring on a woman's left ring finger, no matter what the stone, I assume it's a e-ring/w-ring. I don't run into many gemstone e-rings in the midwest, but when I do, I take notice! I tend to notice gemstone e-rings more than diamond rings, probably because they're more unique IMO and I simply prefer them.

I'm getting a blue sapphire center stone and diamond sidestone/pave e-ring myself. FF was concerned with my sapphire ring not looking "bridal" enough - we both agree that the diamond accents make its intention quite clear.

As others have said, what is really important is what YOU like. I think everyone at some point, no matter what type or style of ring, have to deal with some tacky questions - questions like "Is it real?" or "How much did it cost?" If you love your e-ring, that will show, and truly that is all that matters.

Congratulations on your upcoming engagement and please post pictures ASAP!

 

[megster84]

I am excited to hear that more people are thinking ''outside the diamond''...don''t get me wrong I love diamonds and my wedding band will be as shiny with them as can be, but I am into an aquamarine ering. I think it is great that you are going with what you love. There will always be people who ask, but it just gives you the opportunity to gush about your pretty purple!

As for different wedding bands I wouldn''t worry, a lot of couples are moving away from the matchy-matchy rings, at least that I have seen. Maybe to tie the two together you could get something sweet engraved on the inside that matches? Just an idea...

I will also add to the chorus of pictures please!

 

[luvthemstrawberries]

Haha you crack me up about walking out of the store in a daze - I can see that around so much pretty jewelry though!

I definitely don't think the bands have to match. For one thing, erings tend to be so unique and different today that putting a typical man's band with it just doesn't seem to go with them at all. I do like the idea, but it's the meaning behind the bands that matter. All you'll focus on anyway is the fact that you both have on bands once you're married!!

As far as the softness factor... I had a lot of questions when I first started looking on here, and I didn't even know the difference in various gems. But thorough searching, posting questions I had, and googling about hardness factors and gem quality really taught me a lot. It's also amazing what a good cutter can do for the beauty of a stone - most of what I've seen in my local stores PALE in comparison to most of what I see with the awesome cutters online (won't take you long around here to figure out what those are

). I'm not downing your ring at all though, because I have yet to have ANY ring in my possession hehe, so I have a long way to go.

Anyway, read up A LOT on here and ask any questions you have. I do think your idea to possibly use the amethyst ring as an accent piece instead of everyday wear is a good one, but if that's what you have your heart set on as your engagement ring, don't change it. But you may have to pull in a bit as far as your daily wear of the ring, because it's probably very easy to hurt it. Believe me, I was told by many people on here (Pandora in particular

) MANY TIMES that NO ering should be worn 24-7, but gemstone erings just enhance that fact. If you sat at a computer all day, you might be ok, but nursing is a busy hands-on (therefore rings-on) profession. If you're not into wearing it all the time, the amethyst will probably be ok. But I ended up leaning towards diamonds because I don't want to baby the ring I wear as much as I can/should. I'd rather have a beautiful gemstone ring for accentuating!

And I'm not this far in my process yet, but from what everyone else says... INSURE it, regardless of what it is!

ETA: I just read over this and it sounds like I'm pushing for online stones vs. B&M stores... haha I'm not. Just wanted to clarify, b/c my ering's probably coming from my local jeweler! I was just trying to sell Pricescope and how awesome it is

and saying to use it to research as much as possible.

 

[bugwife]

I''ve loved my ruby ering, which I''ve had for 20 years now. It''s a 30 point marquise ruby in a tiffany setting.

Most people seemed to grasp immediately that it was an engagement ring. However, I had a relatively short engagement (3 months), so maybe I don''t really know. And young women in my community in the 1980s who wanted to get married didn''t wear ANY rings, lest they be mistaken as unavailable.

Worn with a wedding band, it''s very obvious. And much more fun to wear long-term than a diamond for me.

My only caution, which others have already mentioned, is that once you leave diamonds stones get pretty soft. Rubies are only 10% as hard as diamonds. Topaz is 1/100 as hard diamond. Amethyst is a type of quartz, so that''s 1/1000th as hard as diamonds. The Mohs scale is logrhythmic. At least, that''s my understanding. I would definitely find out all I could about protecting that amethyst.

Ah, I love amethysts. Looking forward to a picture of your ering. Sounds beautiful!

My ruby''s gotten scratched up. I''ve had it polished. I don''t wear it everyday anymore. I use my hands too much--I have four kids, I cook and sew and clean and be klutzy.

 

[movie zombie]

there is not doubt that my e-ring is an e-ring as i wear a wedding band with it. i''m not so sure what people would think otherwise. however, it isn''t an issue for me as we were married 1.5 years before i got the e-ring.........!

movie zombie

 

[Kelli]

PICTURES PLEASE!! Your set sounds beautiful! I think an amethyst next to a wedding band on your left hand would look just as much like an engagement ring as any other stone. I have a diamond solitaire myself, which is weird because I''m not usually so traditional. But I totally notice when others have gemstones as their engagement rings, and I really like the look of it. Makes the world more interesting! And I wouldn''t think twice about it matching his. What girl really wants their style to match their guy''s style anyway?

 

[ma re]

Just a few small corrections:

a) amethyst isn''t very soft; it is softer than several other stones, but actually harder than many;
b) "traditional" engagement rings through history were mostly plain metal ones, and colored stones were generally used more for the purpose than diamonds, which actually don''t have much of a history as engagement rings except that of a last few decades.

And another thing. Eventhough amethyst is soft, I think you can have it as an e-ring, cause you can probably "upgrade" it every few years for anniwersaries as it gets scratched (even if it means getting an identical stone). Maybe that''s even better than getting an expensive stone for an e-ring, cause every stone (including diamonds) can get damaged. When that happens, you have to repolish or even recut it, which can be pricey and risky. Not to mention the risk of losing the stone or getting the ring stolen.

But do make sure that you don''t wear much jewellery on the other hand at the same time, cause you might accidentaly damage your amethyst with other stones or metals. Also store it in it''s own box, making sure it''s never mixed with diamonds or even cz''s (both can scratch it).