Will you have an engagement party?

[NakedFinger]

My mom keeps talking about throwing an engagement party when I become engaged (she doesnt know that will be in within the next month)

I told my bf about having an engagement party and he thinks its unecessary. I think after 8 1/2 years, EVERYONE will want to celebrate lol. He said "isnt that what the wedding is for?" haha boys

I said "the engagement party is to celebrate the engagement, the wedding is to celebrate the marriage.

Do you plan on having one? I am looking forward to all the "wasting more money" parties associated with weddings

:

-parents meeting dinner
-engagement party
-dinner to introduce the moh/bridesmaids/etc
-bridal shower
-bachelorette party (not a crazy one, maybe a spa day or something)
-bridesmaid''s luncheon (which is done at the end to thank them for their help)
-rehearsal dinner
-wedding
-post-wedding brunch

LOL

 

[LabRatPhD]

We are planning on having one -- primarily because we are currently in TX but the wedding will be in PA. We have friends in TX who probably will not have the means to travel to PA (they are poor grad students like me!) or we aren''t THAT close to. We just want to have a small get together with our friends down here so they don''t feel pressured to travel for the wedding!

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 2/17/2009 3:21:15 PM
Author:NakedFinger
-parents meeting dinner

Wait a minute. 8.5 years...your parents haven''t met his? Or am I reading this wrong?

 

[Dreamgirl]

I don't think I'll have one because most of my family and all of his live out of state and I don't really see the point of it. But, I'll probably celebrate with my parents, my THEN FI and brother (only ones who live in state) by having some pizza or something like that which is special enough for me.

I will surely have a bridal shower, maybe something with the bridesmade's and my Mom like a luncheon, and a rehersal dinner though...

 

[trillionaire]

I would rather have an engagement party than a ''wedding''. Engagement is exciting and something to share, where as marriage, ie, the committing of two people to one another, is very intimate and personal to me. I don''t care for all of the hoopla and expense of weddings, but I do see some of the parties as ways to include people in your celebration who might not otherwise get to participate.

It''s going to be hard for us because I live in NC, SO lives in VA, my parents are in KS and his are in CA. And my brother is in MA. I would like to be able to have ONE party in CA, probably (since most of our friends are there), to celebrate our wedding/engagement, and then elope. I know SO kind of wants a party and to celebrate with people, I personally could do without it, and the idea of being the center of attention is NOT appealing to me. I do enjoy going to other people''s wedding and parties, and I always have the best time seeing old friends, but for some reason, I just can''t get behind it personally.

Oh well, one thing at a time, since I am not engaged...

 

[NakedFinger]

Date: 2/17/2009 3:31:08 PM
Author: Dreamgirl

Date: 2/17/2009 3:21:15 PM
Author:NakedFinger
-parents meeting dinner

Wait a minute. 8.5 years...your parents haven't met his? Or am I reading this wrong?

Yes, sorry I'll clarify.

My bf's mom died when he was 5 from breast cancer. So back when we first started dating my parents just met his dad, and its been only him for most almost all of our relationship. However, a few years ago he started dating someone, and they just got married this past summer. So now that she is "officially" going to be my mother in law (step), this will be the first time all the inlaws are meeting.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 2/17/2009 3:31:08 PM
Author: Dreamgirl

Date: 2/17/2009 3:21:15 PM

Author:NakedFinger

-parents meeting dinner

Wait a minute. 8.5 years...your parents haven''t met his? Or am I reading this wrong?

ditto, was wondering the same thing, though, My parents only were introduced to SO''s briefly in undergrad at our graduation because they didn''t know we had gotten back together at the time. Last Thanksgiving, we had the families come together for the Holiday, and we had been dating for 4 years at that point! It was the first time they were ''really'' meeting, but I hated the idea of them ''meeting'' at wedding related events, and we all live in different states so there was no reason for it to happen naturally unless we decided to vacation together. Anyway, we had a FABULOUS time, the families really hit it off, and everyone was really relieved! It was one of my all time favorite Thanksgivings!

 

[mrscushion]

We just had a small family gathering to celebrate our engagement here with my folks and then back in the States I think we''ll just throw a little get together at a bar to celebrate with drinks, very informal.

 

[kittybean]

Some of my bridesmaids threw us an engagement party a couple months after our engagement (several of them were taking the bar exam with me soon after our engagement). There were probably about 40 people, and appetizers and drinks were provided. We went out to the bars after, and everyone had an amazing time! We also had a brunch party with FI''s family when we were visiting them shortly after we got engaged.

 

[SailorsSweet<3]

Our families met for the first time this weekend (minus my sailor

) which is about 2years and 7months since we started dating. It wasnt SO's entire family and my one cousin was working but it went very well.

I hope we have an engagement party just because I'd love the idea of a party to celebrate our relationship prior to our actual marriage. Come this summer I plan on having our families get together more often (esp because SO's mom has a great pool on her land) so everyone is acquainted before we get married - maybe even before we get engaged. Its really important to me and SO that we celebrate on a personal level with our close family before we start doing all the showers and bachelor/bachelorette parties.

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 2/17/2009 3:47:25 PM
Author: trillionaire

Date: 2/17/2009 3:31:08 PM
Author: Dreamgirl

Date: 2/17/2009 3:21:15 PM

Author:NakedFinger

-parents meeting dinner

Wait a minute. 8.5 years...your parents haven't met his? Or am I reading this wrong?

ditto, was wondering the same thing, though, My parents only were introduced to SO's briefly in undergrad at our graduation because they didn't know we had gotten back together at the time. Last Thanksgiving, we had the families come together for the Holiday, and we had been dating for 4 years at that point! It was the first time they were 'really' meeting, but I hated the idea of them 'meeting' at wedding related events, and we all live in different states so there was no reason for it to happen naturally unless we decided to vacation together. Anyway, we had a FABULOUS time, the families really hit it off, and everyone was really relieved! It was one of my all time favorite Thanksgivings!

For me, when SO moved out here from out of state, his parents came with him and they actually called my house and wanted to meet my parents so they just came on over without telling FF!! Which was ok I guess but rather strange because it was the first time I met them myself and he wasn't there to introduce me to them. FF wasn't incredibly happy that they did that without him but we got over it. No big deal. They just wanted to meet us I guess. lol And we've all seen them a few times since then.

Since then, his father has passed away...

Oh, and his Grandparents we've gotten together with several times as well. Wonderful people. His family tries to be friends with my family. And so fourth...lol But sometimes his Grandma gives too much info to my Mom. Stupid LITTLE things like how he got in trouble as a little kid once- to which then I hear about it from Mom...lol

and it's like..he was a little kid. Who cares? Apparently his Grandma and my Mom. lol

ETA- I should say that he was a very good kid but you know boys from time to time... and his Grandma tends to be a 'talker' of sorts meaning she probably exaggerates things. lol

Sorry to threadjack....lol

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 2/17/2009 3:43:01 PM
Author: NakedFinger
Yes, sorry I'll clarify.

My bf's mom died when he was 5 from breast cancer. So back when we first started dating my parents just met his dad, and its been only him for most almost all of our relationship. However, a few years ago he started dating someone, and they just got married this past summer. So now that she is 'officially' going to be my mother in law (step), this will be the first time all the inlaws are meeting.

OOOOOH....ok that makes sense!

 

[nail_polish]

Good question.. my boyfriend and I often talk about this.

My parents threw my sister (who is getting married this year) a full-out party but if we don''t want one, we still get that money (about $7,000) to use in our own way.. So, I think we''ll go for that instead.

I personally, don''t think a full-out party is necessary; however, I anticipate having everyone over for a backyard bbq type thing. I guess in a way that is an engagement party, but I don''t want to call it that becuase then it will be blown out of proportion (how European families tend to make everything massive )!

 

[NakedFinger]

Date: 2/17/2009 4:36:01 PM
Author: nail_polish

Good question.. my boyfriend and I often talk about this.

My parents threw my sister (who is getting married this year) a full-out party but if we don''t want one, we still get that money (about $7,000) to use in our own way.. So, I think we''ll go for that instead.

I personally, don''t think a full-out party is necessary; however, I anticipate having everyone over for a backyard bbq type thing. I guess in a way that is an engagement party, but I don''t want to call it that becuase then it will be blown out of proportion (how European families tend to make everything massive )!

Haha, I come from a big Italian family...so I SOO know what you are talking about

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 2/17/2009 4:36:01 PM
Author: nail_polish


Good question.. my boyfriend and I often talk about this.


My parents threw my sister (who is getting married this year) a full-out party but if we don''t want one, we still get that money (about $7,000) to use in our own way.. So, I think we''ll go for that instead.


I personally, don''t think a full-out party is necessary; however, I anticipate having everyone over for a backyard bbq type thing. I guess in a way that is an engagement party, but I don''t want to call it that becuase then it will be blown out of proportion (how European families tend to make everything massive )!

$7000 for just the engagement party?!! Holy crap, that''s probably more money than we''ll have for our wedding itself!

Um, so to answer the OP, no, probably not.

 

[misskitty]

No idea. Most likely, we''ll grab some friends and all go out for a celebratory drink, but probably not a full-out party.

 

[sammyj]

Date: 2/17/2009 4:47:40 PM
Author: misskitty
No idea. Most likely, we''ll grab some friends and all go out for a celebratory drink, but probably not a full-out party.

Same here! I''d love to just go out and celebrate...forget the planning, invitations, decorations, etc.

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 2/17/2009 4:46:17 PM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 2/17/2009 4:36:01 PM
Author: nail_polish

My parents threw my sister (who is getting married this year) a full-out party but if we don''t want one, we still get that money (about $7,000) to use in our own way.. So, I think we''ll go for that instead.

$7000 for just the engagement party?!! Holy crap, that''s probably more money than we''ll have for our wedding itself!

HOLY CRAP is right!!!! Wow, I agree Gwen!!!

 

[NakedFinger]

Date: 2/17/2009 5:00:59 PM
Author: Dreamgirl

Date: 2/17/2009 4:46:17 PM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 2/17/2009 4:36:01 PM
Author: nail_polish

My parents threw my sister (who is getting married this year) a full-out party but if we don't want one, we still get that money (about $7,000) to use in our own way.. So, I think we'll go for that instead.

$7000 for just the engagement party?!! Holy crap, that's probably more money than we'll have for our wedding itself!

HOLY CRAP is right!!!! Wow, I agree Gwen!!!

Haha Gwen & DreamGirl....where are you guys from? Im in nyc, and in a land of 6 figure weddings, and where $40k is considered a "cheap" wedding, $7,000 on an engagement party doesnt seem all that bad to me! LOL

(sad but true)

Nail Polish, are you from this area too?

 

[nail_polish]

Yeah.. It sounds like a lot, but our immediate family alone is like 125ish people..

They had it in a banquet hall at our church, and with everything (cake, flowers, dj, etc.) it was about $7,000!

I have a friend who is having a very ''minimalist'' wedding and it is costing them $15,000 ish... so I envy anyone who can have a half decent wedding for under $7,000!

 

[nail_polish]

Date: 2/17/2009 5:10:31 PM
Author: NakedFinger

Date: 2/17/2009 5:00:59 PM

Nail Polish, are you from this area too?

NakedFinger

I'm actually from Toronto

I, too, was wondering where the other ladies were from as under $7K for a wedding seems impossible here!

But I hear you, six figure weddings in NY seem like normal.

Maybe its the 'big family' thing, but even the 'minimalist' wedding I mentioned in my last post.. it honestly barely meets our definition of a wedding, and as I said.. its $15K ish.

We are not 'well-off' by any stretch, but my parents thought it was quite reasonable to pay $7 for the engagement party and to be honest, they really didn't do anything 'over the top'!

 

[musey]

We didn''t.

To your list:

-parents meeting dinner Never heard of that being a ''thing,'' but our parents met about two years before we got engaged! Plus it would have been very difficult (if not impossible) to orchestrate, given that our parents live across the country from one another. 4+ hour plane flights just to meet each other? Fuggetaboutit!

-engagement party Didn''t do it, really. Some friends took had a celebratory dinner our with us and called it an engagement party.

-dinner to introduce the moh/bridesmaids/etc This happens too? I''m still learning wedding stuff post-wedding! Again, would have been difficult to orchestrate being that my MOH lives across the country. Good thing I didn''t have other BMs to introduce her to!

-bridal shower Sorta did this, but it was co-ed and there were limited gifts (we said no gifts). It was basically a pre-wedding party in my hometown that we didn''t know what to call, so we called it a shower

-bachelorette party We had a BLAST at our joint bachelor/-ette weekend in Vegas!! All our best friends are best friends with each other, and obviously we have both genders mixed in there, so we went all out all together!

-bridesmaid''s luncheon (which is done at the end to thank them for their help) I didn''t do this but it wasn''t necessary if it''s truly to thank them for help... my MOH didn''t help (I didn''t ask her to). I did give her a gift at the RD just to thank her for being there for me as my MOH.

-rehearsal dinner We had a casual semi-catered picnic by our rented cabins at our venue. It was so fun! Very low-budget and very low-key.

-wedding Yep, did that one!

-post-wedding brunch This happened, but it wasn''t planned or structured... it was just a "hey we''re going to get some breakfast, who wants to join?" thing. It was fun to hang out with everyone the morning after, before we flew off on our honeymoon.

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 2/17/2009 5:10:31 PM
Author: NakedFinger

Haha Gwen & DreamGirl....where are you guys from? Im in nyc, and in a land of 6 figure weddings, and where $40k is considered a ''cheap'' wedding, $7,000 on an engagement party doesnt seem all that bad to me! LOL

(sad but true)

Yeah, I can tell...........

I''m in DENVER. Which is also uber-expensive............

but there is no flipping way I would spend $7,000 for an engagement party. Sorry, but to me...that''s just dumb. I''d rather use that money on something more important than a party.

 

[musey]

Date: 2/17/2009 5:10:31 PM
Author: NakedFinger

Date: 2/17/2009 5:00:59 PM
Author: Dreamgirl

Date: 2/17/2009 4:46:17 PM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 2/17/2009 4:36:01 PM
Author: nail_polish
My parents threw my sister (who is getting married this year) a full-out party but if we don''t want one, we still get that money (about $7,000) to use in our own way.. So, I think we''ll go for that instead.

$7000 for just the engagement party?!! Holy crap, that''s probably more money than we''ll have for our wedding itself!

HOLY CRAP is right!!!! Wow, I agree Gwen!!!

Haha Gwen & DreamGirl....where are you guys from? Im in nyc, and in a land of 6 figure weddings, and where $40k is considered a ''cheap'' wedding, $7,000 on an engagement party doesnt seem all that bad to me! LOL

(sad but true)

Nail Polish, are you from this area too?

Seriously! NYC and the surrounding area is crazy. It''s like it''s own little freak bubble of cash flow! I got married in Malibu, CA on a budget that might pay for just the catering at a NY wedding... maybe.

I can tell you that if I lived in NY, I would have a destination wedding - for SURE.

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 2/17/2009 5:35:52 PM
Author: musey
I can tell you that if I lived in NY, I would have a destination wedding - for SURE.

WORD.

 

[nail_polish]

Date: 2/17/2009 5:34:36 PM
Author: Dreamgirl
Date: 2/17/2009 5:10:31 PM
but there is no flipping way I would spend $7,000 for an engagement party. Sorry, but to me...that''s just dumb. I''d rather use that money on something more important than a party.

It was important to them. I wouldn''t go as far as saying it''s dumb.. Especially since, really, the wedding reception is a party as well.

The engagement party is the party the celebrates the engagement and the wedding reception is a party that celebrates the wedding...

 

[Dreamgirl]

You wouldn't. But I would. Especially with the economy these days. Unless you come from a family where money is not a problem in the least and isn't a worry.

Then all the power to you girl.........

ETA- I would feel incredibly guilty using $7,000 on an ENGAGEMENT party of all things. Even if my parents gave me something like that. No way would I use it on an engagement party. I'd rather bank it and save it for the future....like a honeymoon, or a house. Put it to good use. But on an engagement party......d&mn now that's living large!

 

[musey]

Date: 2/17/2009 5:46:09 PM
Author: Dreamgirl
You wouldn't. But I would. Especially with the economy these days. Unless you come from a family where money is not a problem in the least and isn't a worry.

Then all the power to you girl.........

ETA- I would feel incredibly guilty using $7,000 on an ENGAGEMENT party of all things. Even if my parents gave me something like that. No way would I use it on an engagement party. I'd rather bank it and save it for the future....like a honeymoon, or a house. Put it to good use. But on an engagement party......d&mn now that's living large!

No one can say what is/isn't dumb for anyone in any situation. Not everyone is seeing the effects of the economic downturn in their own finances.

$7,000 is a lot of money for some (I'd venture to say most) people, but it's not for everyone. Even if it is a lot of money for nail polish's family, it obviously was a worthwhile occasion to them. Different celebrations hold different levels of importance for different families. My friend had a $50,000 bar mitzvah... I, as a non-Jewish person (and, to be fair, a non-extremely-wealthy person

lol!), could never fully understand it, but in his family, bar mitzvahs hold even more importance than weddings! Who am I to say that a $50k birthday party is "dumb?"

Maybe for you it would be dumb, but we don't know what nail polish's family's situation is

 

[Dreamgirl]

Well obviously musey I wasn't attacking HER. And sorry if you feel that way nail_polish. I'm saying in general, I truly think it's dumb to use the money like that and I'll stand by it because that's what I think!

 

[nail_polish]

Date: 2/17/2009 5:55:27 PM
Author: musey

Date: 2/17/2009 5:46:09 PM

Author: Dreamgirl

You wouldn''t. But I would. Especially with the economy these days. Unless you come from a family where money is not a problem in the least and isn''t a worry.


Then all the power to you girl.........


ETA- I would feel incredibly guilty using $7,000 on an ENGAGEMENT party of all things. Even if my parents gave me something like that. No way would I use it on an engagement party. I''d rather bank it and save it for the future....like a honeymoon, or a house. Put it to good use. But on an engagement party......d&mn now that''s living large!

No one can say what is/isn''t dumb for anyone in any situation. Not everyone is seeing the effects of the economic downturn in their own finances.


$7,000 is a lot of money for some (I''d venture to say most) people, but it''s not for everyone. Even if it is a lot of money for nail polish''s family, it obviously was a worthwhile occasion to them. Different celebrations hold different levels of importance for different families. My friend had a $50,000 bar mitzvah... I, as a non-Jewish person (and, to be fair, a non-extremely-wealthy person

lol!), could never fully understand it, but in his family, bar mitzvahs hold even more importance than weddings! Who am I to say that a $50k birthday party is ''dumb?''


Maybe for you it would be dumb, but we don''t know what nail polish''s family''s situation is

musey I really appreciate your response.

This is the first time I have ever felt judged on this forum, as my impression was that is not what we are here to do.

I agree - it is not for any one to say what is and what is not dumb.

As I mentioned, my family is not ''well-off'' by any stretch. However, when (as I mentioned) you have 125 in your immediate family alone - - which if you think about it $40/pp at a banquet hall for 125 people is $5000 on its own... you have limited choice. And also, as mentioned, in our large European family, whether you have the money or not - it is expected and it is important to celebrate occasions like this.

As I also mentioned, I do not desire a party like this, and would like to put the money toward something else. However, I would never judge and say it is dumb that this is what we did.

As for the comment about the economy, this party was over a year ago... add in the fact that we are in Canada and thus, not hit nearly as bad - its barely a factor.