Would I be stealing her thunder?!

[nessvan12]

Ok, so some of you may know that my BF of 7 yrs is committed to propose before year''s end with hints about a VERY special Christmas. So it''s safe to say Christmas Eve/Day will likely be the day we get engaged, which is great because both of our families will be in town and we can celebrate!

Only problem is I just found out from BF''s aunt (who is my best friend), that BF''s cousin is pregnant. That is fine except she hasn''t told anyone except BF''s aunt and says that she is going to announce it on Christmas to the family and we (BF & I) better not steal her thunder and get engaged this Christmas. (She along with most of the family know a proposal is coming but don''t know any specific details since BF is Very private.) I don''t care about her announcing her pregnancy and stealing our "engagement" thunder. My thinking is Great, more to celebrate! But she is being very ugly about all this already mentioning it several times. What should I do? I am NOT postponing my engagement because she wants me to, but I don''t want a tension filled Christmas either...I guess this is her problem? What do you guys think?

 

[Sizzle]

Girl please. Life is too short to be wrapped up in what others are doing! Perhaps her hormones are kicking in but she''s gonna have to put on her big girl panties and suck it up! There''s NEVER too many good things going on at once.. especially in todays world! I do not believe in thunder stealing. Do your thang and make sure you take pictures!!!! And if it''s that big of a deal, perhaps your boyfriend should propose on Christmas EVE

 

[MoonWater]

I think she''s just going to have to suck it up. I think it''s absurd that she''s even talking about stealing someones thunder. It''s not a competition. I''m sure people are capable of being happy for all of you at the same time. Geez. People are weird.

 

[sweetjettagirl04]

You shouldn''t worry about "stealing her thunder" - you''ve got two very different kinds of "storms" brewing

. She should understand that the family is capable of celebrating both wonderful events equally.

 

[meresal]

Coming from a huge family... we are contanstly stepping on each others "Congratulations" toes.

I think the more to celebrate the better as well. If it is going to be a big deal (ie, lots of drama), then I think that your BF should be the one dealing with his cousin, not you. It''s supposed to be exciting for you to be proposed to... why is she saying the "you" better not do it??? I find that odd.

 

[musey]

Should she be more grown up about it? Of course.

But since she isn't, you have to weigh your options carefully. Is this someone who would be catty enough to ruin the happy celebration for you two? If you announce your engagement, will she make snide comments under her breath and be grumpy the whole holiday? Those are the things I'd think about.

Not that you should necessarily consider pushing back your engagement! I just know that I am someone who struggles with "brushing it off" when people are being meanies.


Major bummer about this situation! I'm sorry you're having to deal with it.

 

[nebe]

Bleh, you''ve been waiting a whole lot longer than her. Just make sure she doesn''t go into labor on your wedding.

 

[TravelingGal]

If you can do it without betraying your BF''s aunt''s confidence, maybe you can call the cousin and tell her you see a big a** storm coming her way.

If you''re not supposed to know she''s pregnant (since she hasn''t announced it yet), how the heck are you supposed to avoid stealing her thunder?

How does Christmas work in your family? Do you get together for xmas eve or day? I''m thinking you should have the ring ON your finger before you see all of them, and not after she makes her announcement. Then it''s not like he asked you after she''s made an announcement just you you could trump her. Don''t make a big deal out of the engagement when you get to the family GTG. Just walk around with your hand flittering about above your head, (and invest in one of those bright headlamps miners wear) and when someone asks about your fireball of a ring, just smile demurely and say "Oh yes, he asked, but shhh...I dont want to steal psycho cousin''s thunder...I hear pregnant women are crazy."

 

[sunnyd]

i agree with meresa, why is she telling YOU not to get proposed to instead of her telling her nephew about the situation? either way, i don''t agree with the aunt at all. this is a moment of happiness for all, right? good luck.

 

[mimzy]

is it the aunt or the cousin that is being the pissy baby???

i''m confused!

 

[nessvan12]

Date: 11/28/2007 1:56:27 PM
Author: TravelingGal
If you can do it without betraying your BF''s aunt''s confidence, maybe you can call the cousin and tell her you see a big a** storm coming her way.

If you''re not supposed to know she''s pregnant (since she hasn''t announced it yet), how the heck are you supposed to avoid stealing her thunder?

How does Christmas work in your family? Do you get together for xmas eve or day? I''m thinking you should have the ring ON your finger before you see all of them, and not after she makes her announcement. Then it''s not like he asked you after she''s made an announcement just you you could trump her. Don''t make a big deal out of the engagement when you get to the family GTG. Just walk around with your hand flittering about above your head, (and invest in one of those bright headlamps miners wear) and when someone asks about your fireball of a ring, just smile demurely and say ''Oh yes, he asked, but shhh...I dont want to steal psycho cousin''s thunder...I hear pregnant women are crazy.''

TGal you are too funny...His family gets together on Christmas Day and I was hoping and am pretty sure I will already have the ring on my finger when we arrive. I know he won''t do it in front of them since he is very private.

 

[nessvan12]

Date: 11/28/2007 2:09:00 PM
Author: mimzy
is it the aunt or the cousin that is being the pissy baby???

i''m confused!

It''s the cousin

 

[nessvan12]

Date: 11/28/2007 1:58:37 PM
Author: sunnyd
i agree with meresa, why is she telling YOU not to get proposed to instead of her telling her nephew about the situation? either way, i don''t agree with the aunt at all. this is a moment of happiness for all, right? good luck.

His aunt told me about the whole pregnancy thing because she was upset at how the cousin was acting. His aunt knows we are getting engaged for Christmas and told the cousin that it was unfair for her to have that type of thinking and that we could celebrate everyone''s great news together. She is trying to talk some sense into the cousin, she is not telling me to postpone my engagement.

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 11/28/2007 1:56:27 PM
Author: TravelingGal
If you can do it without betraying your BF''s aunt''s confidence, maybe you can call the cousin and tell her you see a big a** storm coming her way.

If you''re not supposed to know she''s pregnant (since she hasn''t announced it yet), how the heck are you supposed to avoid stealing her thunder?

How does Christmas work in your family? Do you get together for xmas eve or day? I''m thinking you should have the ring ON your finger before you see all of them, and not after she makes her announcement. Then it''s not like he asked you after she''s made an announcement just you you could trump her. Don''t make a big deal out of the engagement when you get to the family GTG. Just walk around with your hand flittering about above your head, (and invest in one of those bright headlamps miners wear) and when someone asks about your fireball of a ring, just smile demurely and say ''Oh yes, he asked, but shhh...I dont want to steal psycho cousin''s thunder...I hear pregnant women are crazy.''

Beautiful post!!!

 

[meresal]

A new fiance and a new baby, all in one family!! What could be better, and at Christmas too!! It sounds like maybe there are some jealously issues on their side of the family?? I''m sorry you are having to put up with this.

 

[Aloros]

I like TGal''s solution! It''s classy, but with a subtle bite.

 

[bee*]

wow-she''s having a baby-she really needs to grow up! If she has a problem with it, then it''s her problem. You guys should get engaged and celebrate all you want. It should be a double celebration!! I really don''t get the whole stealing thunder thing. As soon as I got engaged one of my friends said to me, what if someone gets engaged and married before you. I told her that I didn''t care at all if someone did and I''d be delighted for them. I''m getting my day and that''s all that I want!
Have a great time celebrating your engagement when it happens!!!

 

[aliciagirl]

It makes me sad that another woman would even act like this. An adult woman HAVING A CHILD at that. You are both obviously celebrating two very different things and the family will feel equal excitement for both of you. Stealing someone''s thunder? Psh, ridiculous.

I hope you get the Christmas proposal and I hope you get to celebrate it with your family without her being so childish about it.

 

[FireGoddess]

Is baby Jesus upset because she's stealing the thunder of his birthday?!?!?! I mean, HELLO?!?!!? Last I checked she didn't invent the day. It's her problem, and if she's infantile enough to be POed at you, then that's her issue. Don't let it ruin your holiday, OR engagement.

(PS. the use of the word infantile was NOT a coincidence.

)

 

[Stephanie]

TGal - you are too much! I had someone peek around the corner because I was laughing so hard!

Ness, I am sorry that she''s acting like this. If you have the ring on your finger Christmas day, people are going to see it. So technically, you won''t be stealing thunder, the people that notice will. You don''t have to say a word, except when you are asked about it. There really seems to be no happy medium for this.

 

[surfgirl]

Date: 11/28/2007 4:32:31 PM
Author: FireGoddess
Is baby Jesus upset because she's stealing the thunder of his birthday?!?!?!

Oh crap, FG, I think I just pee'd on myself after reading that! Brilliant! That? Was the funniest thing I've read in weeks...thank you!

Seriously, I wouldn't say a thing to the FI or anyone else. Let nature take its course and if you arrive at Xmas with a ring, let your man make the announcement and screw the witch. And if the aunt says anything else to you again, I'd stop her before she gets much out, and tell her as nicely as possible, "you know, I know you mean well but I'm just not comfortable discussing this topic. FI will propose in whatever way he decides is best and I certainly will not ask him to arrange his proposal around someone else. I hope you can understand where I'm coming from. Thanks." The aunt should never have mentioned anything to you anyway, she feels like a crap stirrer, if you know what I mean.

ETA: And if the witch makes a comment to you later on, I'd throw it back at her, since she obviously knows a holiday proposal is coming your way, "well, you should have planned your pregnancy a little better since you knew I was getting a Xmas proposal..." I know, it's childish but it felt good to write that out! Heh...

 

[Stephanie]

Date: 11/28/2007 4:32:31 PM
Author: FireGoddess
Is baby Jesus upset because she''s stealing the thunder of his birthday?!?!?! I mean, HELLO?!?!!? Last I checked she didn''t invent the day. It''s her problem, and if she''s infantile enough to be POed at you, then that''s her issue. Don''t let it ruin your holiday, OR engagement.

(PS. the use of the word infantile was NOT a coincidence.

)

I am in tears!! "Dear Lord Baby Jesus..."

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Date: 11/28/2007 1:56:27 PM
Author: TravelingGal
If you can do it without betraying your BF''s aunt''s confidence, maybe you can call the cousin and tell her you see a big a** storm coming her way.

If you''re not supposed to know she''s pregnant (since she hasn''t announced it yet), how the heck are you supposed to avoid stealing her thunder?

How does Christmas work in your family? Do you get together for xmas eve or day? I''m thinking you should have the ring ON your finger before you see all of them, and not after she makes her announcement. Then it''s not like he asked you after she''s made an announcement just you you could trump her. Don''t make a big deal out of the engagement when you get to the family GTG. Just walk around with your hand flittering about above your head, (and invest in one of those bright headlamps miners wear) and when someone asks about your fireball of a ring, just smile demurely and say ''Oh yes, he asked, but shhh...I dont want to steal psycho cousin''s thunder...I hear pregnant women are crazy.''

LMAO as per usual....

 

[princesss]

FG, that killed me. Too funny!

Ness, I''m really sorry this is cropping up. Is the aunt you''re talking too crazy cousin''s mom? Because if so, at least you have somebody in the family who is willing to try to knock some sense into this girl.

I would pay attention to Musey''s post, though. While it''s absolutely true that this girl shouldn''t be acting like this, she is and you need to deal with the situation at hand and not what it "should" be.

Best of luck and congrats on the upcoming engagement!

 

[FireGoddess]

Date: 11/28/2007 4:39:52 PM
Author: surfgirl

Date: 11/28/2007 4:32:31 PM
Author: FireGoddess
Is baby Jesus upset because she''s stealing the thunder of his birthday?!?!?!

Oh crap, FG, I think I just pee''d on myself after reading that! Brilliant! That? Was the funniest thing I''ve read in weeks...thank you!

It was absolutely my snarky pleasure.

 

[nessvan12]

Date: 11/28/2007 4:32:31 PM
Author: FireGoddess
Is baby Jesus upset because she's stealing the thunder of his birthday?!?!?! I mean, HELLO?!?!!? Last I checked she didn't invent the day. It's her problem, and if she's infantile enough to be POed at you, then that's her issue. Don't let it ruin your holiday, OR engagement.

(PS. the use of the word infantile was NOT a coincidence.

)

FG you are too much! LMAO!

I am not going to say one word to anyone and just let things happen. I haven't even told my BF about this and I don't want to. My BF along with this cousin are the only adult grandchildren, (BF is older)...if that makes any sense. So this will be the first Great Grandchild for their grandmother who is very elderly and has been suffering from lots of health problems lately, so I know their grandmother along with the rest of us will be very excited. BF and I aren't planning on kids for quite a while and she didn't know if she would live to see any great grandchildren.

I'm going to be the bigger person and not really go on and on about our engagement at Christmas, not that I would anyway, unless I'm asked about it. Especially since the cousin lives in Colorado and we only ever see her at Christmas anyway. Most of BF's family lives here in SA, so we will all have plenty of occasions to talk about it/celebrate/enjoy this period in our lives and plan without her being around or feeling like I'm taking away from her joy somehow.

Thanks for all your responses...I knew I wasn't crazy- she is.

 

[nessvan12]

Date: 11/28/2007 4:49:05 PM
Author: princesss
FG, that killed me. Too funny!

Ness, I''m really sorry this is cropping up. Is the aunt you''re talking too crazy cousin''s mom? Because if so, at least you have somebody in the family who is willing to try to knock some sense into this girl.

I would pay attention to Musey''s post, though. While it''s absolutely true that this girl shouldn''t be acting like this, she is and you need to deal with the situation at hand and not what it ''should'' be.

Best of luck and congrats on the upcoming engagement!

No the aunt isn''t her mother. She is aunt to both my BF and the cousin but is only a few yrs older than we all are.

 

[princesss]

Dangit. That would have made things so much easier.

 

[Sassee]

You poor thing! That''s a terrible situation to be in!

All of those negative vibes rushing around that cousin''s body can''t be good for her baby!!

I just don''t understand why people want to "hog" celebrations to themselves. As others have noted - the more to celebrate, the better! And what better time than at Christmas?!!

Plus, if your future fiance is "in charge" of proposing to you, I don''t see why it should be your responsibility to "warn him" off it (nor would you want to!!). He is a grown man, and can make his own decisions. I''m sure he wouldn''t take kindly to being dictated to by a cousin as to the how/when/wheres of YOUR engagement!

And if she knows that your announcement is impending, why doesn''t she take herself out of the equation and announce her pregnancy prior to or after Christmas??!!

Its hard to believe that there are people in this world that are supposedly functioning as "adults"!!

I think the best approach is just to let him do his own thing. How ridiculous will she end up looking if she screams across the dining table that "you were meant to tell him NOT to propose over Christmas"??!!

Once the deed is done, there isn''t a lot she can do about it. She''ll just have to accept it.

Your role is to act dignified and gracious and take the congratulations with a minimum of fuss. She''ll just end up looking like a spoil sport...

 

[MoonWater]

Date: 11/28/2007 1:56:27 PM
Author: TravelingGal
If you can do it without betraying your BF's aunt's confidence, maybe you can call the cousin and tell her you see a big a** storm coming her way.

If you're not supposed to know she's pregnant (since she hasn't announced it yet), how the heck are you supposed to avoid stealing her thunder?

How does Christmas work in your family? Do you get together for xmas eve or day? I'm thinking you should have the ring ON your finger before you see all of them, and not after she makes her announcement. Then it's not like he asked you after she's made an announcement just you you could trump her. Don't make a big deal out of the engagement when you get to the family GTG. Just walk around with your hand flittering about above your head, (and invest in one of those bright headlamps miners wear) and when someone asks about your fireball of a ring, just smile demurely and say 'Oh yes, he asked, but shhh...I dont want to steal psycho cousin's thunder...I hear pregnant women are crazy.'

Ohmygod, I think I just peed my pants a little.

ETA: I just read FG's post....there is a lot of peeing going on in this thread lol.