Would it look weird if I didnt have my sisters as bridesmaids?

[ozsparkle]

Hi everyone,
I have the task of choosing my BM''s at the moment and am having trouble like a few others here. Heres the short version:

I have two older unmarried sisters who can be quite irrational and unpredictable in their behaviour. One is forever having fights with family members (including my Dad) and also her friends because to put it simply she is a very difficult person to get along with. I have also had a run in with her regarding the wedding where I asked her what role she would like to play in the wedding- either BM or do a reading and she accused me of not being genuine and didnt take my offer seriously, so I feel loathed to beg her to do it. So I wont.

THe other sister is not taking any interest in the day at all- she never answeres anyones calls, and when I did leave a message asking her if she would like to come wedding dress shopping, she never even called me back! I feel hurt by both of them. Everyone around me including close friends and family tell me not to have them in a main role on the day as they might not be reliable.

What do you think? Would guests find it weird if I didnt have them but had my fiance''s sister instead?

I am having my best friend as my MOH, and am considering another close friend to make the munber 3 total.

Thanks in advance

 

[doodle]

Are you close with your FI''s sister? I don''t think it''d be weird, but if they''re kind of a handful, the biggest question is this: will they cause more drama for you if they''re in the wedding or if they''re excluded from it? With them being family, they could stir up just as much trouble without being bridesmaids, if not more. Personally, I think it''d only be weird if you had one of them but not the other.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

If they are already being difficult/unresponsive or if they are unpredictable, do not choose them! It''ll just cause even more heartache and headaches later.

 

[ilovesparkles]

From your description, I wouldn''t choose them. However if you do choose them, I would have to say if you choose one you should probably choose all 3, otherwise that looks like you are playing favorites. And I would only (personally) be comfortable with the groom''s sister as a BM, if my brother or male friend were a groomsman. That way it is reciprocal and not looking as tho you are choosing his sister over your own.Sorry if that was all confusing. And good luck!

 

[Dannielle]

As a guest I would not find it weird at all...

You should have the women who you feel will support you throughout the whole process standing up there with you- not your sisters because you think thats what people will expect

 

[rhbgirl24]

I dont think its strange at all. If they aren''t going to be supportive, they dont need to be in a supportive roll.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Ditto to the others - not strange at all, I think its all about who you feel will really support you and be there for you on a very important day, and these women do not sound like it for you.

 

[Haven]

Date: 6/3/2009 6:24:52 AM
Author: Dannielle
As a guest I would not find it weird at all...

You should have the women who you feel will support you throughout the whole process standing up there with you- not your sisters because you think thats what people will expect

Ditto. I''m sorry your sisters aren''t more supportive.

 

[musey]

Date: 6/3/2009 12:24:18 AM
Author:ozsparkle
What do you think? Would guests find it weird if I didnt have them but had my fiance''s sister instead?

As a guest, I wouldn''t find it weird to not have your sisters as BMs, but I would probably wonder about it if you had your FSIL and NOT your sisters. If I didn''t know any better, I''d probably assume you''d become super close to your FSIL. Though realistically, unless expressly told (on your website or program or something) that your FSIL is your FSIL, I wouldn''t even think to ask what her relation to you was and would therefore think nothing of it

For whatever that''s worth!

 

[katamari]

Are your parents paying for the wedding? What would they think? If they are paying, I am much more inclined to say that you would need to include your sisters. But, then again, if your oldest sister is always fighting with them, maybe they would not feel strongly about it. I would absolutely talk to them about it, though, if they are paying.

 

[ozsparkle]

Thank you all for your kind words of support, and giving me persepctives I hadnt thought of. I have decided to stop trying to please everone else, and instead do what is right for us. Its sad that my sisters cant be supportive- so you are all right, I will only have supportive people in supportive roles. This is supposed to be a fun and enjoyable experience, so Im going to make sure it is one! I have decded that I am going to go with 2 friends, and either a 3rd friend or FI''s sister- wil keep you posted!!

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

I know exaclty where you are coming from fellow Aussie!

I think if you know they are going to be unreliable and cause more drama than is needed, then don''t have them. My view is the people that you have as your MOH and BM''s on your wedding day are the people you know you can rely on to support you.

I was my sisters BM, and i am pretty sure i was one only becasue i was her sister, for no other reason. I wont be having my sister as she is just so unreliable! Don''t get me wrong i love her and all but, well she can''t get anywhere on time. She rocked up to my mums 65th birthday lunch over an hour late because one of the kids needed a nap and she wouldn''t wake her up so they could get there on time and then she went to the shops on her way there because she needed bread.

I just know that she wont be there for ME on my day, and i can see her getting there late because the kids or some other reason.

I think you need to have the people around you that you want to have, not the people that you think you should have.