Would this be a disaster?

[Independent Gal]

Other than the Sunday thing, which you''ve all convinced me is really not a big deal (and may actually be an advantage!) there''s one more potential drawback to the venue we''re now excited about. For those of you who didn''t see the previous thread, it''s an excellent restaurant on the site of a cafe where I practically lived as a teenager, that is very ''hip'' and elegant and architecturally interesting.

The drawback is this: we''re inviting about 95 people, and the restaurant can seat up to 100. BUT they have three floors, and not everyone would be able to sit together on the same floor. We initially thought this was great, as they would use the top floor for dancing, which would mean older guests wouldn''t be bothered by noise, and we could seat siblings and friends where they wouldn''t have to make small talk with annoying relatives. But then we worried that possibly fewer people would dance. Also, would this be awkward in terms of speeches and things? Or could we arrange it so that speeches are during a cocktail hour and before everyone sits down to dinner, e.g.?

Is this a big deal? Or do you have other ideas of how we could work around it?

 

[neatfreak]

I don''t know if it would be a disaster per se, but I wouldn''t want to have people schlepping up and down the stairs to visit with people or to see the first dance, etc.

I think it''s a personal decision, but if you have a lot of older or less mobile people coming, I wouldn''t do it.

 

[Independent Gal]

That''s a good point!! We''re not going to have a first dance or any other formal dances, so that won''t be an issue. But I''ll have to go over my guest list and see if there are people who would have trouble with the stairs in case they WANTED to watch us boogying down (I presume they wouldn''t be dancing themselves if they can''t do the stairs!). The main area is on the ground floor. So that part would be ok.

 

[Independent Gal]

I just counted and there are three people who might have trouble with stairs. (My family''s pretty athletic, and even my 88 year old Grammy can run up and down stairs with the best of them!) One of these probably won''t come. The second is a very mean lady and I''m not inclined to work around her. But the third might be disappointed. Hmmm.

Any other things I should take into account?

 

[griffitk]

I went to a wedding once where the guests were spread out over three adjoining rooms. The guests who weren''t lucky enough to be in the same room as the B&G really felt left out. I would worry that guests seated on a different floor from you and your groom would feel excluded. Without seeing the facility, I have no idea if this will be a problem.

Just remember, you''ll be the two most popular people at the event and so everyone will want to be sitting near you!

 

[Independent Gal]

CLONES! With the money we''ll be saving, we''ll get clones made up of us. A B&G for every table! Of course, that''s a lot of extra mouths to feed.

Hmmm. Yes, another good point.

 

[aljdewey]

My friend had a multi-level place for her engagement party, and I have to say that it felt a bit ''disconnected'' because everyone wasn''t in the same space.

I don''t think I''d be able to select a venue that wouldn''t allow for everyone in the same room, but that''s me. I''d be terribly disappointed later if my guests felt uncomfortable or disappointed that they felt they missed something by being on a different floor.

 

[Munchkin]

I went to a wedding this year where we all ate on the second floor. Speeches were done at the start of the meal. Following the meal, the staff went through all the tables directing everyone downstairs to the dance floor. For the rest of the evening, everyone was downstairs. There were some tables and chairs around the dance floor for the nondancers. There was anotherbar on that floor. As odd as it sounds, it actually worked really well! It was one of those things that you had to be part of to understand how un-awkward it could be! (I know, not areal word...)

 

[KimberlyH]

Some people might feel strange about this arrangement, sorta second class citizen. Would you a seating chart or would it be a free for all? Getting everyone settled could be a mess.

 

[Independent Gal]

Lot's to think about! I think the next move should be to get a clear sense of how many people can sit in the main area. I'm sure not all 95 guests are going to show up. So say we get 80. If these could be accomodated, then great! If not, then I can actually think of a couple of 'groups' of 15 or so guests who would probaly enjoy having their own "room" to dine away from the hubbub, before heading up for some dancing. If everything else looks good, I'll run it by a few of these people (mostly close friends who'd tell me true), see how they would feel about it.

I definitely want all my guests to feel happy and welcome! So I should get all the facts and then decide whether to rule it out.

Thanks so much for your feedback everyone. So helpful as always.

ETA: Kim: we'd definitely do a seating chart! ABSOLUTELY! For one thing, Crazy Aunt must be kept away from in-laws. AT ALL COSTS! We also have language issues to consider. Some of our guests won't speak any of the local tongues and I'd like to make sure they have people to talk to who speak their language. And then there are issues related to war-trauma between his people and mine. So, a seating plan is absolutely indispensible.

 

[ponderer]

You seem really excited about this venue. But.......

This has to be planned really well for it to work. Went to a wedding a couple of weeks ago where this was the case and it did not work well. You have to have a seating chart to maximize your table space and direct people where to go. I know most people felt lost at this wedding and some kinda forgotten/snubbed b/c they weren''t in the main dinning room. At times it did not feel like we were at our good friends wedding. Also, guested had to traverse a very tall staircase with plates of food. After the dinner most people came down to the main dining room to dance and it was too many people in too small of a space. It took a good 15 minutes to get from the dance floor to the bar and back, and it was not a large room. I could have thrown a baseball and hit the other wall, and I throw like the unathletic girl that I am

. We were sardines.

The venue was simply too small for the number of guests. The bride expressed concern over this before the wedding, but was reassured that it would work well because the venue said they could hold 50 more guests than she was planning on having. I could not even imagine 50 more people. The bride seemed very apollogetic during the reception.

Space was very important to me when I married. My venue could hold 250; I had 100 and thought we just had the right amount of room. If you cant trim the guest list, you might need to keep looking.

 

[monarch64]

The only thing I can think of is maybe to put your more social, more likely to get up and move around and not feel left out people on the bottom two floors...if you can find a way to make that work among all the other considerations that go into making a seating chart you may be in luck to make this venue work. BTW, what''s the venue like? Do you think people will feel closed off on separate floors or is it sort of an open air atmosphere where people would feel comfortable getting up and mingling a lot? (See where I''m going with this?) If you do stick with this venue just realize you''re going to have to be a very active bride and groom and mill around a lot so people don''t feel left out and feel like they actually were part of your reception and not just in a restaurant where a wedding was taking place on the floor above, ya know?

I think improvisation would be key in this situation no matter what the layout. Anytime you can''t have the whole party in one room together you have to improvise to make sure everyone''s needs are met, especially with a wedding reception. Ex. you might have to visit each floor and do a little first dance together in case everyone can''t be on the same floor for that, or whatever. I think you can make this work, though. You''re just going to have to put a bit more planning into the whole thing and you and your FI will have to be willing to accomodate your guests in such a way that no one will feel cut off or left out of the party. It''s kinda like being a great host/hostess at a party you throw at your house, it''s a lot of work but in the end you want your guests to go home saying "wow, that was a great party! So & so really made it fabulous!" maybe you could look into some sort of entertainment on each level while you and FI are on the others to keep things going...I''m not sure what your theme is or if you have one but maybe you could find something that would tie in with the whole feel of your wedding to keep people occupied while you''re not on that particular floor? Just brainstorming here...HTH.