Would you expect your guests...

[blackpolkadot]

to stand up during the ceremony?


Today we gave the final headcount. 114 people RSVPed yes, 3 maybe. We never got in touch with 30 people before we had to give our headcount. My mom told the coordinator to have 100 chairs at the ceremony (11 people will be standing for some reason, in bridal party, preacher, etc). That means we don''t even have enough seats for the people who said they were coming! (Or the was uninvited people that are coming. Somehow 4 people who weren''t even invited sent us an RSVP saying they were coming.

My mom has no problem with this.)

I really don''t want to have people standing up because my mom refuses to have more than 100 chairs put out, even though uninvited people are apparently coming. I have tried to talk to her about it, but she won''t listen to me. I mean, how would you feel if you came to a wedding and you had to stand because there weren''t enough chairs?

How should I handle this? Is it reasonable to ask a handful of guests to stand during the ceremony (and reception- it''s brunch, not a seated meal)?

 

[sunnyd]

They''d have to stand for the reception too? Hmmm I don''t know about that. I''d make a section marked "Uninvited" and make them stand.

Can you not add more chairs at this point?

 

[Haven]

No, I do not think it is reasonable to expect a handful of your guests to stand during the ceremony, and I *especially* don''t think it''s reasonable to expect them to stand during the reception.

As a guest, I would feel very unwelcome if there were not enough chairs and I had to stand.

I think you should call your venue (or whoever you need to call) to arrange for more chairs to be set out.

 

[kittybean]

I was just at a wedding where there weren''t enough chairs (or enough space, for that matter!), and I did not feel very welcome as a guest. It''s no fun when your feet hurt from your pretty shoes, and there is no place to sit

.

 

[blackpolkadot]

Date: 5/1/2009 7:04:24 PM
Author: sunnyd
They''d have to stand for the reception too? Hmmm I don''t know about that. I''d make a section marked ''Uninvited'' and make them stand.

Can you not add more chairs at this point?

My parents are paying for the whole wedding, so I have to basically do whatever they (mainly my mom) want. My mom doesn''t want to pay for more chairs at the ceremony or reception (there are only going to be 90 chairs at the reception! I had to fight to get an extra 10). My mom thinks people will WANT to stand up, but I don''t. I really don''t know how to get it through to her we need more chairs. I have tried telling/asking on multiple occasions.

Should I just contact the venue and tell them we need more chairs?

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 5/1/2009 7:09:52 PM
Author: blackpolkadot


Should I just contact the venue and tell them we need more chairs?

Yes. Even if people do want to stand, it shouldn''t be because they HAVE to because it''s either that or the floor.

 

[blackpolkadot]

How should I approach my parents with this? I really don''t think that the cost will be that much more for a few more chairs, but so far every time I mention to my mom, she is unwilling to get more chairs.

I realize this might be more of a ''you''re her daughter, you should know how'' situation, but I have tried every way I know. Maybe there is something I can say that will come across better??

 

[Haven]

Tell your mother that you are uncomfortable that people will have to stand at your wedding, and that it will embarrass you terribly. You want your guests to feel welcome and comfortable at your wedding, and *not* having a seat for them is not the way to do it.

What''s next? She doesn''t feel like providing beverages to all of your guests, so she''s going to pass out tickets to the first 80 people?

Chairs can run from $5 each to hundreds. If your mother really pushes back, I''d just pay for the extra chairs yourself.

 

[blackpolkadot]

Date: 5/1/2009 7:22:43 PM
Author: Haven
Tell your mother that you are uncomfortable that people will have to stand at your wedding, and that it will embarrass you terribly. You want your guests to feel welcome and comfortable at your wedding, and *not* having a seat for them is not the way to do it.

Thanks, Haven. Those were just the words I needed.

Hopefully it will work!

 

[Pandora II]

Absolutely not acceptable in my book.

I would struggle to stand for more than about 5 minutes due to my back - and I''m only in my 30''s! What about older people, pregnant women, people with babies or small children?

At the reception, you should definitely have seating available even if the meal is a brunch. A lot of people will want to sit down.

 

[merrymunky]

I think is totally unacceptable to have guests forced to stand. If they are invited, they should feel welcome.

I agree that if your mother is standing firm on this, that you just contact the venue and pay for the extra chairs yourself. Extra added cost for you unfortunately but at least you will have peace of mind that your guests are provided for and treated accordingly.


It is YOUR wedding afterall. Just because your parents are paying for it does not mean they should have the executive decision. It's not as if you are asking for something that is not necessary just for the hell of having it.

 

[swimmer]

Yikes, and remember that 100 chairs will only seat 90 or so unless ushers force strangers to sit next to each other. Like when you go to the movies or any religious service and there are scattered empty seats here and there because people won't scoot over.

If your mom will not hear reason, just contact the chair people and pay for it yourself. It really can't be that much and the relief will be priceless. Your mom might not even notice the extra chairs unless she is planning on counting them (?)

 

[honey22]

I don''t think it''s too much of a drama if it''s a short ceremony, ie. 30 mins or so, but I wouldn''t like to stand up for a full catholic blessing or anything.

If the ''oldies'' are all covered, then I think it''s ok.

As for the people that have RSVP without even getting an invite, I would politely send them a note explaining your limited numbers etc, and how much you regret not being able to invite them to share in your special day. It''s incredibly rude of them to expect to come without an invite!

 

[Porridge]

Can you just order and pay for the extra chairs yourselves?

 

[katamari]

Hey blackpolkadot!

Haven't seen you in BWW in awhile. Sorry to hear that wedding planning is being stressful for you

Are you having a dinner at the reception? If so, I agree that you must have chairs. No one can eat (beyond snacking) standing up. I personally would just contact the venue/rental and order the extra chairs and sidestep mom completely. She will not know if there are 90 or 100 chairs in the end (especially if she isn't billed for them), and if they are assuming all the cost otherwise, it shouldn't be too terrible a strain on you and your FI to pick up the tab. Remember, though, that at the reception, 10 extra chairs probably means at least one extra table, linen, centerpiece, etc., so the cost may be more than you want to pay, but worth the comfort for your guests.

Now onto more important matters, what type of wedding band are you putting with that gorgeous asscher of yours?

ETA: Just read that you were having brunch. I think you still would need to sit to eat brunch. And, especially if 90% of the other guests are.

 

[bee*]

I don''t think it''s acceptable for anyone to be standing either. I would stand firm on that one and if your mother won''t book the extra seats, I''d ring the venue and pay for them yourself.

 

[blackpolkadot]

Thanks ladies! After I told my mom how embarrassed I would be, she decided she would just get more chairs!

I am so relieved!

 

[blackpolkadot]

Date: 5/2/2009 10:44:54 AM
Author: katamari
Hey blackpolkadot!

Haven''t seen you in BWW in awhile. Sorry to hear that wedding planning is being stressful for you

Now onto more important matters, what type of wedding band are you putting with that gorgeous asscher of yours?

ETA: Just read that you were having brunch. I think you still would need to sit to eat brunch. And, especially if 90% of the other guests are.

Hey, katamari!

I have been mostly lurking. I have been finishing up the semester, and wedding planning has been more stressful than I would like. I tend to be a debby downer when I''m stressed, so I haven''t been posting.

My wedding band actually matches my ER. I''ll see if I can dig up a pic for you

 

[blackpolkadot]

This picture is before I had them fixed to sit more flush, but you get the idea.

ETA: Wrong pic

 

[blackpolkadot]

Take Two.

 

[emeraldlover1]

Ok, this actually happened at a wedding I was in last summer. What stinks is that my fiance and one of the other bridesmaids boyfriends wound up having to stand because they were nice enough to give up their seats to some of the older guests. I couldn''t believe it when I looked out in the crowd and my fiance was standing because I knew he was there on time and I just didn''t understand it. He later told me he gave up his seat. It was uncomfortable being in a bridal party looking out at the crowd where 10 or so people were standing. I don''t think its a good idea at all. Is there an exta cost associated with the extra seats being placed?

 

[blackpolkadot]

Date: 5/3/2009 9:55:34 PM
Author: emeraldlover1
Ok, this actually happened at a wedding I was in last summer. What stinks is that my fiance and one of the other bridesmaids boyfriends wound up having to stand because they were nice enough to give up their seats to some of the older guests. I couldn't believe it when I looked out in the crowd and my fiance was standing because I knew he was there on time and I just didn't understand it. He later told me he gave up his seat. It was uncomfortable being in a bridal party looking out at the crowd where 10 or so people were standing. I don't think its a good idea at all. Is there an exta cost associated with the extra seats being placed?

I'm sure there will be, but my parents have decided to pay for it after I told them how embarrassed I would be.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I can understand standing during the ceremony..better a packed house and empty chairs. But, if people are eatting, they need to sit down.

 

[katamari]

Date: 5/3/2009 9:43:57 PM
Author: blackpolkadot
Take Two.

Ooh! I love, love, love it!

I just love the style with the milgrain!

I hear you on wedding planning being more stressful than you expected it to be. It is hitting me pretty hard, too. But, you are almost there! (And, hopefully done with school soon, too!).