Would you want to pick out your diamond?

[SparklyRing]

Hi ladies,

My BF and I have started to look at rings. We won''t get engaged for probably another year because he is still saving up, but we wanted to get an idea of prices and preferences.

Originally, about 6 months ago when we were looking at promise rings, he said that, when it comes to the engagement ring, he''ll want me to educate him about diamonds, but he''ll want to pick out the diamond himself to surprise me.

Yesterday, he says that he now wants me to pick out the diamond because he doesn''t want to "disappoint," to use his own words. I''m not sure what I feel. During our promise ring search, he correctly deduced the exact type of e-ring that I want, so he knows my tastes. He''s just overwhelmed with the technical aspects about diamond search (4C''s, certs, etc) and feels that, since I know so much more about them, that I should pick what I want.

On one hand, it would be nice to pick my diamond, but, on the other, I''d like some element of surprise. I also don''t know if I would feel comfortable knowing the exact amount spent on it. We have separate finances and he will be paying for the whole ring. I feel like knowing the cost, as well as knowing exactly what it will be like beforehand, takes away from the whole "gift" idea.

Am I crazy? Would you ladies want to pick out your own stone? Or would you want it to be a complete surprise?

 

[Collee]

Total personal preference but my FF has enlisted me to to pick the setting AND the stone. He will be involved in the process but wants me to make the decision. Yes, a bit untraditional but he knows how SUPER picky I am when it comes to jewelry.

 

[AustenNut]

My boyfriend''s original intention was to propose and then have me pick out the ring afterward. He knows that I''m rather particular, and as he put, I would be the one wearing the ring and not him.

If you''re uncomfortable picking out the ring, maybe you could ask him to narrow it down to 3 or 5 stones and then you could pick your favorite. That way he wouldn''t be as afraid of "disappointing" you but you wouldn''t know the exact price either.

 

[babycush]

Date: 11/15/2009 10:21:41 PM
Author: AustenNut

If you''re uncomfortable picking out the ring, maybe you could ask him to narrow it down to 3 or 5 stones and then you could pick your favorite. That way he wouldn''t be as afraid of ''disappointing'' you but you wouldn''t know the exact price either.

I think this is a great compromise- personally I am picking out both stone and setting, but I hate surprises so there you go

 

[snowglobe]

Hi ladies,

I''m new here...first reply! My SO and I had a similar discussion awhile back. He says he wants to get me the perfect ring for me and would appreciate my help so he knows he''s on the right track. But, he also wants it to be a surpise (both timing and the ring itself). My personal preference would be to not pick out the stone (mostly just because I really do like surprises!). Our arrangement is that I''m going to help out way in advance by telling him the shape I want and suggesting a few different types of settings that I like. We''re also going to go shopping together to figure out what looks nice on my hand. My guess is that I''ll have a good idea of what my ring might look like, but the size of diamond and final setting (after I''ve helped narrow it down to a few top choices) are going to be up to him. I think it''s a good way of taking away some of his stress (and ensuring I get a ring I will love!) while keeping the gift a surprise. But that''s just what works for us. You have lots of options...you could pick the stone and setting with him (and leave timing as the big surprise), or you could pick out the stone and let him choose the setting on his own, or you could just steer him in the right direction by giving him some helpful guidelines for the stone and setting. Do whatever makes you both feel good about the ring/engagement process.

Best of luck!

 

[HopeDream]

I''m narrowing it down to a few stones, and then BF will choose one and surprise me with a temporary setting (I think) and then I''ll pick out a fancier setting later.

I think it will still be a surprise because I''ve only seen stones online, and not in person, and I have no idea what the set rock will look like on my finger.

I''m very excited.

 

[vc10um]

Is there any way you can just give him parameters as to what you want? For example: RB, Ideal H&A, G-H, VS1-VS2, no florescence? That way he knows anything he picks out with those specs will suit your tastes...

Another option would be for him to print off several GIA certs from one of the PS vendors (James Allen comes to mind) for you to look at and choose your stone from the specs...that way you''re not looking at a price, just the specs of the stone.

Or you could bolster his ego and tell him you trust him completely. It sounds like he knows you pretty well, and as long as he knows white or yellow metal, any of the PS vendors should be an excellent guide to your perfect ring.

PS: Welcome snowglobe!

 

[lilyfoot]

I think a lot of the ladies here in PS get on the same boat, since we are all more educated on diamond specs than the "average" consumer.

I''m lucky in that we get to use an heirloom stone. But before we knew that we were going to use that one, I know I would''ve had to be included in the diamond searching. I have shown BF a lot about diamonds, but I still would''ve liked to have some input on the final selection.

 

[exoticisabella]

You could do a couple different things.....

1. Agree that you pick the stone but he has to pick the setting for it

or

2. each week send him a small list of stones that you found online (maybe pick out two retailers - I personally love GOG and HPD) and when he finds one he also likes he can buy that one. This way you''ll know that you will like it but won''t know which one it will be

 

[katamari]

I think it should be a collaborate effort that neither person should be solely responsible for. It is, after all, a symbol of a promise you are making to one another to enter into a lifelong partnership with one another.

 

[caribari]

This is a tough one! I know SO will want the ring to be a surprise, but he also knows how picky I am. I think when the time comes, we will probably shop together to get some ideas (maybe even pick out a stone) and he will set it, and propose at his leisure.

It probably won''t be a complete surprise (which would be really neat!) but I''ll know that I will be getting something I LOVE LOVE LOVE!

 

[Callisto]

Date: 11/16/2009 8:04:57 AM
Author: vc10um
Is there any way you can just give him parameters as to what you want? For example: RB, Ideal H&A, G-H, VS1-VS2, no florescence? That way he knows anything he picks out with those specs will suit your tastes...


Another option would be for him to print off several GIA certs from one of the PS vendors (James Allen comes to mind) for you to look at and choose your stone from the specs...that way you''re not looking at a price, just the specs of the stone.


Or you could bolster his ego and tell him you trust him completely. It sounds like he knows you pretty well, and as long as he knows white or yellow metal, any of the PS vendors should be an excellent guide to your perfect ring.


PS: Welcome snowglobe!

That''s pretty much what I''m doing with my SO. I want a GOG signature cushion so while I don''t need to actually pick out the stone I''ve guaranteed I like what I''m getting since they are all so similar. Plus I''m sure we''ll talk about how i like the warmer colors and am not terribly picky about clarity so he''ll have a very good idea of what to ask for.

What cut do you want? If you want an H&A or ACA round, you can reassure him that they are all very similar in cut so it''d be very hard to disappoint with either. Now if are wanting a radiant, emerald, asscher, non GOG cushion or another fancy cut for which there are less standards and commonality I can understand him wanting you to be more involved as two of those diamonds of the same cut can look VERY different.

 

[iheartscience]

I wanted to pick out my diamond and I did! He still surprised me with the proposal and it was just as special as any other proposal.

But if you want to be surprised that''s your choice! What shape of diamond do you want? I''m going to assume round brilliant from your avatar...if so, I''d point him to your favorite PS vendor and tell him to pick out an ideal cut diamond within your preferred color/clarity/carat combo. For example, if you like Whiteflash, tell him to pick any ACA he wants within the parameters. That way you know the performance will be there and you still get to be surprised.

 

[SparklyRing]

Thanks so much for your input, ladies! Sorry about the brief hiatus -- I had a major paper due today!

I definitely want a RB set in white gold, both of which my SO guessed correctly. I showed him photos of a few different settings online, one of which is my favorite -- Sally''s lotus --, and he guessed correctly again and said that I''d probably like that one the most. He knows my tastes really well, but when it comes down to technical stuff like eye-clean SI2, depth and table, HCA scores, he gets overwhelmed and thinks that I should just pick the stone since I know about these things so much more than he does.

I really like the idea about showing him several stones and having him pick one out. I also agree with the idea that seeing photos of a stone online is completely different from actually seeing it in person and wearing it on my hand. Hmmm...maybe I''ll pick out the stone and have him surprise me with the timing and the proposal.

 

[MrsHToBe]

Mr. H, and I are quickly approaching 9 years together (in January!), and up until this August, he was against ring shopping together. What changed to make him okay with it, and even suggest it, I''ll never know, but one fateful day, it happened.
Anyway, even though I''ve found a setting that I adore, he''s still adamant about the fact that he gets the final say/decision. I''m fine with this, as I trust his judgment (he picked out my promise ring 8 years ago, with not even a mention of my likes.. I wasn''t expecting it, after all), but I think by me actually trying on different settings/diamond cuts, it gave him a clear direction to go in.

 

[Blair138]

DH had complete and total control over my stone. I had picked out settings I liked and he had one made for me. I love everything about my ring and wouldn''t change it at all. DH did a fantastic job!

 

[MermaidKelly]

I would not really want to pick my own stone, but I''ve told my boyfriend to please get an ideal cut (round) because of what I''ve read on PS. The rest is up to him!

GOOD LUCK! If you don''t want to pick the exact stone, you don''t have to! On the other hand, if you do, you will get exactly what you want!