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Expensive Wedding or Elope?

Razz

Razz

Rough_Rock
Joined
Oct 10, 2016
Messages
47
Given a choice, and if finances were a major factor, would you rather spend all that money on a fancy wedding or would you rather elope and do something else with the money - like put down a deposit on your new home?
 
I'm not sure what the ladies here would say, but personally, I would opt for a small, intimate ceremony with just a handful of the people I love around me, and then use the money for getting ourselves set up in our new life.
 
Razz|1479813775|4101388 said:
Given a choice, and if finances were a major factor, would you rather spend all that money on a fancy wedding or would you rather elope and do something else with the money - like put down a deposit on your new home?
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Ugh, We're right there with you! We've gone back and forth about it almost every day. What we've decided (as of today) is that we're going to have something really small and casual with very close friends and family for our ceremony and then a casual picnic style party with friends later on in the summer. Just make sure to do what makes you and your soon to be spouse happy. As long as you do what's right for you, there won't be any regrets.
 
Is there no middle ground? I love weddings but if the only two options are incredibly fancy full on wedding and elopement...
I mean I would do a small wedding, just family and best friends and do it well, maybe at a restaurant or something but do the dress and the vows and the dancing and all that and then take the rest of the money and use it for house payments and stuff like that.

But I understand that for some people, it has to be invite everyone or invite no one.
 
My family lived in another continent, and I did not get on with my then outlaws.

When my ex-hubby and I decided to get married, no one was invited.

The photographer was one of the witnesses, the taxi driver who took me to the registry office was the other.

Afterwards ceremony, the two of us went to a 3-star restaurant and spent a small fortune for a meal on our own.

Saved us a great deal of aggravations as well as money!

I would do the same if I were to go down the marriage route again.

DK :))
 
I know what you mean, DK168. I have a friend who is so stressed out by the amount of debt they got into for their wedding that it's actually creating problems for the newly-weds in their marriage.
 
Razz|1479905145|4101808 said:
I have a friend who is so stressed out by the amount of debt they got into for their wedding that it's actually creating problems for the newly-weds in their marriage.
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Ugh, that's a tough way to start a marriage. I have very strong feelings that one should never, ever go into debt for a wedding. Nor a ring, for that matter! Both should be what you can comfortably afford from whatever resources (self, family, NOT credit) you have. It's basic financial responsibility.
 
I eloped, which upset my parents. If I had to do it over, I would have a SMALL wedding with both sides of immediate family. Then a casual party (think bbq) with friends to celebrate the marriage.
 
One thing I've learned from this forum is that everyone's situation is always different and only the parties involved can decide what would work best for them. Some people elope and it turns out great, but it's not really for everyone.
 
If finances were a major factor, I wouldn't have an expensive wedding. I'd put the money towards the new house which is more permanent and lasting and will make a bigger difference in your life. In our situation, eloping was out of the question because DH wanted to share the occasion with his parents. We opted to have a wedding instead and reduced costs by limiting the guest list.

There are a variety of ways to have an inexpensive or less expensive wedding, so if you want a wedding you can have your cake and eat it too (literally!). It really depends on your circumstances and what is important to you. The most important thing, though, is you and your FI are getting married and you can do that in whatever manner best suits you.

I agree with PP about not going into debt for rings or wedding. It's just not a good way for a couple to start their new life together.
 
mary poppins|1480362153|4103157 said:
If finances were a major factor, I wouldn't have an expensive wedding. I'd put the money towards the new house which is more permanent and lasting and will make a bigger difference in your life. In our situation, eloping was out of the question because DH wanted to share the occasion with his parents. We opted to have a wedding instead and reduced costs by limiting the guest list.

There are a variety of ways to have an inexpensive or less expensive wedding, so if you want a wedding you can have your cake and eat it too (literally!). It really depends on your circumstances and what is important to you. The most important thing, though, is you and your FI are getting married and you can do that in whatever manner best suits you.

I agree with PP about not going into debt for rings or wedding. It's just not a good way for a couple to start their new life together.
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Yup. Boyfriend and I agree that we would like to elope. My family is HUGE and no matter what I do or who I don't invite, it will still be a big wedding. If I invite only my immediate family, my parents won't be happy anyway since it's not a wedding if "the family" is not invited. I can't please them no matter what I do when it comes to a wedding.

Even if finances weren't an issue, I think I'll be one upset bride due to the stress and emotional turmoil.
 
I had a 'immediate family only' wedding. We got married in church on a Friday and the reception was at home. Reduced rack dress; Hubby already owned a tux. No limos, flowers (silk bouquet) and we found a photographer who took pictures and gave me the film to develop for a couple of hundred bucks. We spent the $ on a one month honeymoon and the ER. No debt. Married almost 30 years-have had no regrets.
 
I did a very small wedding (20 people including us). We invited our parents, my husband's grandmother and godparents, our siblings and their spouses, one aunt and uncle on my side, and a few friends. It was beautiful and affordable (our budget was $5K all in, including dress, rings, venue, food, wine, flowers, tuxes, and hotel), and we got to actually spend time with people. But in hindsight I wish we had gone just a little bigger, as I have since come to know and love many of the aunts and uncles on my husband's side and I'm sad we didn't include them. And now that I am a proud auntie, I feel that I should have invited my other aunts/uncles too. It would have only added another 10 - 15 people (still well within the limit of our venue), and would have spared some hurt feelings.

Is presentation customary in your family? It wasn't in mine (although it is in my husband's), and I have seen that go a long way towards covering the cost of a wedding and then some. I wish I had known that when I was planning, as I was afraid we'd be $$$ in debt and up to our eyeballs in china and towels we didn't need if we had invited more people.

I'm not sure I'd suggest eloping. The people who love you want to be a part of your day. My sister eloped and I saw how much it hurt my parents. It made me sad too. Plus, her "wedding picture" is of her in a cocktail dress and him in a suit (they were on a cruise, so it's one of the formal night shots). It's just not the same IMO.
 
A wedding doesn't have to be expensive or "fancy" to be beautiful, enjoyable, and memorable for all.

I wouldn't personally elope because I know there are loved ones who would want to bear witness whether it
be in a backyard or fancy venue. I would still have a wedding within whatever budget dictates. I would not blow the
budget on the wedding if it meant losing a down payment for a home etc.

One of my friends spent an obscene amount on the wedding... one could buy a house outright with it in some parts.
They could afford it but she said afterwards it wasn't really worth all that & as an attendee who has also attended countless other weddings in all budgets, I agree with her.
 
We had a very small and inexpensive wedding, and I don't regret it at all. We started married life with a house and everything we needed, which to us, was more important than spending a lot of money to entertain people for a few hours.

We've recently celebrated our 38th wedding anniversary!
 
My partner and I have agreed to follow the following steps post-engagement:

1. Plan, but not yet pay for an extravagant wedding.
2. Argue over the cost of our extravagant wedding, the guest list, and our families lack of willingness to pay for the wedding.
3. Argue so much that we near and hate each other, because we can't agree on the wedding colors, and my mother-in-law's snarky comments about my hypothetical dress.
4. Call the wedding off, and make the decision to elope.
5. Resent one another because the wedding was important to us, and we actually wanted to have one.
6. Put the wedding back on.
7. Make the reasonable decision that the wedding is a party that wasn't worth the fighting, and get married in our church where the church ladies will make us a free potluck.
8. Spend the money on a house.
9. Live happily ever after :dance:
 
Austina|1489159919|4138853 said:
We had a very small and inexpensive wedding, and I don't regret it at all. We started married life with a house and everything we needed, which to us, was more important than spending a lot of money to entertain people for a few hours.

We've recently celebrated our 38th wedding anniversary!
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Congrats on your 38 years & many more to you :)
 
It is true that every couple has a different set of circumstances, but there was a recent study in the news that found that the chances of staying married went down as the cost of the wedding went up. Just something to think about. My brother had a tiny wedding with about 10 people at the church, a tiny reception in his apartment's community room catered by a work friend's wife who showed up with a cardboard box of candles and fake flowers, and a tiny honeymoon while the in-laws babysat the toddler from the wife's first marriage. They are still together after 40 years.
 
Kbell|1489407280|4139627 said:
Austina|1489159919|4138853 said:
We had a very small and inexpensive wedding, and I don't regret it at all. We started married life with a house and everything we needed, which to us, was more important than spending a lot of money to entertain people for a few hours.

We've recently celebrated our 38th wedding anniversary!
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Congrats on your 38 years & many more to you :)
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Thank you :D I was very young when we got married (19), so hopefully we have lots more years together.
 
MarlonN said:
I'm not sure what the ladies here would say, but personally, I would opt for a small, intimate ceremony with just a handful of the people I love around me, and then use the money for getting ourselves set up in our new life.
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hi
good dear.i agree with you:clap:
 
I am seriously considering an elopement that just transitions to a honeymoon and then coming back and having a more casual celebration type party. We will see when were done with school. We also don't have huge familiesthat a wedding would be super important to consider either.
 
I did things a bit backwards and bought the house first, so for me I'd just elope if the option were on the table and spend the wedding money on something to make us both happy. However, in my culture and with his family values...this is just not an option, so...wedding here we come...
 
My husband and I eloped and sunk all our savings into our first home. We both grew up poor and I never was your typical girl (I hate being in fancy dresses, didn't want to go to prom, started to decline bridesmaid requests after the third wedding I was in and never dreamed of being in a wedding dress)!
 
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We eloped and I highly recommend it! We still had to file in a courthouse after so we had our families join for the courthouse ceremony and while that was small and fairly informal I still found it stressful - should have quit while we were ahead. :lol-2:
 
We're having a small intimate wedding with immediate family and a few close friends only. But his idea is to go to Las Vegas (we're in the UK), and I thought we might not have many people want to come (which was ok) but some friends have volunteered! :mrgreen2:
I went to LV for my friend's hen/bachelorette week last year and have my heart set on the Bellagio. So it will be quite expensive but not that expensive compared to some weddings.
Just need to set a date and book it now. We are thinking about the end of 2018, beginning of 2019.
 
My plan, should I ever find the right person and propose:
1) run don’t walk to the accountant/estate attorney and get the paperwork done (not Negotiable). This will take a few weeks, usually.
2) courthouse, just us two
3) honeymoon, wherever they want
4) whatever wedding celebration they want upon our return


It’s totally backwards! But it also lets them have all the creative decisions while removing all the stress of traditional patterns. So it’s sort of eloping, sort of not?
 
Before I say this, I am not Spanish, but I have a little house there and have had a chance to meet some people.

In Spain, people pay to go to the wedding! So they have huge weddings and no debt. I think we should get that tradition going in N.A.

But more on topic .... my ex-hubby and I had a small wedding (50 people) and did all the prep work ourselves, with the main organizing going to my mother-in-law. We wanted to elope but thought it would make my parents sad ... so we literally had a traditional wedding for the sake of our parents - not for us. Unfortunately, the video camera (with audio) was set up beside my parents, and my mother was recorded complaining the entire time.

My point is: make sure you don’t do anything for anyone else. You can never make everyone happy, and trying to live life that way is the fast-track to misery. Do only what is right for you and your fiance!
 
kmoro said:
people pay to go to the wedding! So they have huge weddings and no debt
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Yes.

Same goes for allot of Europe that I know better than Spain: the enormous weddings are fundraisers (think GoFundMe... do people use it that way? I can't bring myself to look up this one!) or political campaigns - where the cash flow runs in reverse... Inbetween - there are other means of wisdom.

I do find it crazy that anyone expects a new family to entertain at scale for nothing. Even the obligation of diamonds is kinder: you get to keep them (hoc!) & it is a jokey test of wisdom in good form (that we lot do not do)...

Thinking out loud
 
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