Switching rings after engagement

[Joel21]

If you can't get the perfect ring before the engagement for, whatever reason, is it alright to use any old ring and then swap them afterwards?

 

[Ariadne_Theia]

I think that's totally fine. Especially if it means she gets to put in her input.
However, you might want to go for a non-engagement looking ring and make it clear when you propose that's it a placeholder for when you buy one together.

If it is a ring she'll be wearing for a long time before you get the "real" one, make sure you take her taste into consideration and pick something she wouldn't mind wearing.

Just my opinion, of course.

 

[Joel21]

You are totally right. It would make good sense to get an ordinary ring and then have her pick out something that she actually loves for the permanent one. Thanks for the advice.

 

[ellefanningxp]

Wow i like the ring concept and image too

 

[Kbell]

You are totally right. It would make good sense to get an ordinary ring and then have her pick out something that she actually loves for the permanent one. Thanks for the advice.

It can still be an extraordinary ring because it's coming from you to her If it's going to be for the short term - Maybe a really nice stackable style band so she could keep that & wear it with her final ring set if & when she wanted to.

 

[MattP725]

My only concern with using an "ordinary" ring is do you really want to explain mid proposal why you got her something that doesn't appear to be an e-ring? I would think it might be a better idea to get something that could PASS as an e-ring during the proposal so the "magic" is there. Then you can explain after the moment has passed.

Maybe something along these lines?

https://www.overstock.com/Jewelry-W...fccid=QJFH3N4YXZI23ZCPZ4NAQRQRQM&searchidx=17

 

[cmd2014]

I'd be more inclined to get something that is clearly NOT an engagement ring, just to avoid any confusion (you'd hate for her to be sad because she thought she was getting a 2 ct ring, only to realize that it's faux...). You can let her know when proposing that this obviously isn't the real ring, but that you'd love to get her something that fits your relationship if she would do you the honor...

ETA: and I like the idea of a small band that she can wear later as a stacking ring. That way it can keep its sentimental value and be worn.

 

[Elsafiancee]

Fwiw, that's what my husband did, he proposed with a small tiffanys band, and then we went to pick my ering together, I'll give the band to my daughter when she's older, but until then we had it engraved with the time and place when he proposed

 

[Matthews1127]

If you can't get the perfect ring before the engagement for, whatever reason, is it alright to use any old ring and then swap them afterwards?

I'm late to the party! Hope it's not TOO late!!
I believe it's more common than most think, for someone to propose with a temp. ring, and then pick out something, together.
Examples for those with restricted budget:
Purchase a diamond, have it set in a temp setting, and later, purchase the setting she loves.
Purchase the setting, use a CZ or colored stone as the center stone, and later, select a diamond, together.
For an even tighter budget, I love the idea of a simple band that she can use as a stackable option, later, with her new set.
My DH & I had plain stainless steel bands that we wore on our RH, as promise rings, before we got engaged. We both still wear those bands, all the time; they have significant meaning to both of us.
I do hope you will keep us posted of what you chose/choose to do!!
Either way, best of luck to you!!!

 

[alupha]

I am really late to this, but I would like to share my story with you, and as to why what you think of doing makes complete sense to me, which is a much better idea than what my now hubby has done.

I'll be upfront and say I don't like my engagement ring. I got it before I joined PS and I didn't like it then, so PS hasn't really changed how I want my ring to be. However, I grew up in HK, which is a very materialistic place, and general show-offable pieces of engagement rings are typically around 1ct. Now, the thing is, I'm not much of a diamond lover, so unless it is a spectacular stone, it wouldn't even grab my eyes.

I don't have anything to look at when I grow up to give me an impression of what to expect or want as an engagement ring. My mum does not wear a wedding ring/band and she did not have an engagement ring. My parents have a pair of wedding bands which neither of them wear and in the end they were sold back to the jewellery. My mum does not have and does not wear any jewellery in general, fullstop. This is due to a lot of financial background and family background, etc., and I will not go into this. I just come to like jewellery and gemstones and my mum keeps mocking me saying she's glad I turn out to be like a typical woman, and I always hate it when she says that - because she always implies that I wear jewellery like a decorated Christmas tree, when I don't.

Here are some background stats before I actually start my rant per se:
I am fat. I weigh around 13.5 stones with a height of 1.55m. 16" to me is a choker not a necklace, just to give you some idea. I am big-boned and am at least a size N-O on both my ring fingers, that's about 6-7 US size, and anything smaller would not pass through my knuckles on either finger - that's for a typical thin band/ring and of course it goes up with different designs.

So here goes the story. My hubby is generally a very intelligent man and an absolute gentleman. He also seems to have completely no idea when it comes to jewellery AND APPARENTLY HE DID NOT THINK OF RESEARCHING when it comes to the ring. We had been together 2 years by then. He had a very clear idea that I am not particularly fond of diamonds and unless it is an outstanding ring. Yet he must have in his mind that the e-ring has to be diamond. To me, unless I would like to look at every second, I would not wear it everyday, BUT HE NEVER THOUGHT TO ASK WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO WEAR FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. There was no talks of the ring, EVER. No discussions, no 'we'll pick it together', no 'this is just for now', nothing, NADA. By now you probably can feel how disappointed I am about that ring.

So the day came, he was a sucker for romance and picked Christmas Eve to propose. Luckily, he did this in private and nobody else was around, so I only have to hide the disappointment from him when it happened - which was very successful. Now, remember the stats I gave you above, here is the ring: 9k white gold thin band solitaire 0.10 ct diamond in an illusion setting, from Warren James and must have cost about £250 when he bought it. It just disappears when I wear it because I have fat fingers. The reason for the disappearance also comes down to the quality of the diamond itself. It must have been at least I-J and SI2 or might have even been I1. I wouldn't have been so annoyed if he had spent £50 on a Pandora ring as an e-ring! I wouldn't have mined if he had spent £200 on a Swarovski watch to commemorate instead of a ring! An e-something I would love to wear and so would be absolutely happy to show it off. For £250 I could have picked out something far better than that for me to love wearing everyday - or even, he could have picked out something far better SHOULD HE HAVE DONE HIS RESEARCH.

None of the above could be discussed due to the fact that his family would all close ranks on me if this is brought up. He has a close family and anything shared with him would have reached everybody within a few hours (to give you an idea, I recently got offered a new job and the contract won't start in a while. I have explicitly told him I do not want anyone else to know apart from him and my mum, until I nearly start or at least have the contract. What did he do? He 'may have told his dad for the lack of any other excuse to not move to another town', and the next day I got a calls from his aunts in Cupar and Wales congratulating me. I HATED IT). They all hoo-haa'd over him that he picked the ring himself, and kept saying things like 'oh it really suits you' (oh really!?), 'oh it's classic' (no it's not, I can tell you it's not), and 'oh it's just nice and dainty' (yea it disappears, of course it is dainty, but no not nice), nobody would want to listen to what I had to say and wouldn't mind the slightest even if I'm not happy with it (this comes around again when we plan our vow renewal reception - for our real wedding date we only did the register-thing, but let's leave it there as it has nothing to do with this ring - I chose and paid for our wedding bands myself, thank the Gods.). Also, everybody will be behind his back and my mum, who is the only close family member I have now, knows nothing apart from the fact that 'oooh it's a diamond'.

Luckily for me, we got married (register-thing) in just about half a year. That ring got stranded ever since I got my wedding band on. It was only ever worn when I see him and his family even over the half-year period. I never wear it anymore and it just sits in the box in the bedside drawer. I don't even look at it, and of course, unlike some others I never grew to remotely like it. If my hubby isn't so stuck on it, even it is my e-ring I would have sold it in a heartbeat.

So yea, that's my story. Don't make the same mistake. Find something that would pass as an e-ring for the moment of romance, then get her involved. Unless you are 100% confident and an expert, don't leave your lady out of the process of finding the ring.

I am not at home, so no actual pics - yet it would not be fair to not show you why I don't like it. So, this is very similar to my ring, except the diamond on mine is about half the size of this but the illusion setting just as wide around it. You get the idea:


Thank you for letting me rant

 

[metall]

I am really late to this, but I would like to share my story with you, and as to why what you think of doing makes complete sense to me, which is a much better idea than what my now hubby has done.

I'll be upfront and say I don't like my engagement ring. I got it before I joined PS and I didn't like it then, so PS hasn't really changed how I want my ring to be. However, I grew up in HK, which is a very materialistic place, and general show-offable pieces of engagement rings are typically around 1ct. Now, the thing is, I'm not much of a diamond lover, so unless it is a spectacular stone, it wouldn't even grab my eyes.

I don't have anything to look at when I grow up to give me an impression of what to expect or want as an engagement ring. My mum does not wear a wedding ring/band and she did not have an engagement ring. My parents have a pair of wedding bands which neither of them wear and in the end they were sold back to the jewellery. My mum does not have and does not wear any jewellery in general, fullstop. This is due to a lot of financial background and family background, etc., and I will not go into this. I just come to like jewellery and gemstones and my mum keeps mocking me saying she's glad I turn out to be like a typical woman, and I always hate it when she says that - because she always implies that I wear jewellery like a decorated Christmas tree, when I don't.

Here are some background stats before I actually start my rant per se:
I am fat. I weigh around 13.5 stones with a height of 1.55m. 16" to me is a choker not a necklace, just to give you some idea. I am big-boned and am at least a size N-O on both my ring fingers, that's about 6-7 US size, and anything smaller would not pass through my knuckles on either finger - that's for a typical thin band/ring and of course it goes up with different designs.

So here goes the story. My hubby is generally a very intelligent man and an absolute gentleman. He also seems to have completely no idea when it comes to jewellery AND APPARENTLY HE DID NOT THINK OF RESEARCHING when it comes to the ring. We had been together 2 years by then. He had a very clear idea that I am not particularly fond of diamonds and unless it is an outstanding ring. Yet he must have in his mind that the e-ring has to be diamond. To me, unless I would like to look at every second, I would not wear it everyday, BUT HE NEVER THOUGHT TO ASK WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO WEAR FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. There was no talks of the ring, EVER. No discussions, no 'we'll pick it together', no 'this is just for now', nothing, NADA. By now you probably can feel how disappointed I am about that ring.

So the day came, he was a sucker for romance and picked Christmas Eve to propose. Luckily, he did this in private and nobody else was around, so I only have to hide the disappointment from him when it happened - which was very successful. Now, remember the stats I gave you above, here is the ring: 9k white gold thin band solitaire 0.10 ct diamond in an illusion setting, from Warren James and must have cost about £250 when he bought it. It just disappears when I wear it because I have fat fingers. The reason for the disappearance also comes down to the quality of the diamond itself. It must have been at least I-J and SI2 or might have even been I1. I wouldn't have been so annoyed if he had spent £50 on a Pandora ring as an e-ring! I wouldn't have mined if he had spent £200 on a Swarovski watch to commemorate instead of a ring! An e-something I would love to wear and so would be absolutely happy to show it off. For £250 I could have picked out something far better than that for me to love wearing everyday - or even, he could have picked out something far better SHOULD HE HAVE DONE HIS RESEARCH.

None of the above could be discussed due to the fact that his family would all close ranks on me if this is brought up. He has a close family and anything shared with him would have reached everybody within a few hours (to give you an idea, I recently got offered a new job and the contract won't start in a while. I have explicitly told him I do not want anyone else to know apart from him and my mum, until I nearly start or at least have the contract. What did he do? He 'may have told his dad for the lack of any other excuse to not move to another town', and the next day I got a calls from his aunts in Cupar and Wales congratulating me. I HATED IT). They all hoo-haa'd over him that he picked the ring himself, and kept saying things like 'oh it really suits you' (oh really!?), 'oh it's classic' (no it's not, I can tell you it's not), and 'oh it's just nice and dainty' (yea it disappears, of course it is dainty, but no not nice), nobody would want to listen to what I had to say and wouldn't mind the slightest even if I'm not happy with it (this comes around again when we plan our vow renewal reception - for our real wedding date we only did the register-thing, but let's leave it there as it has nothing to do with this ring - I chose and paid for our wedding bands myself, thank the Gods.). Also, everybody will be behind his back and my mum, who is the only close family member I have now, knows nothing apart from the fact that 'oooh it's a diamond'.

Luckily for me, we got married (register-thing) in just about half a year. That ring got stranded ever since I got my wedding band on. It was only ever worn when I see him and his family even over the half-year period. I never wear it anymore and it just sits in the box in the bedside drawer. I don't even look at it, and of course, unlike some others I never grew to remotely like it. If my hubby isn't so stuck on it, even it is my e-ring I would have sold it in a heartbeat.

So yea, that's my story. Don't make the same mistake. Find something that would pass as an e-ring for the moment of romance, then get her involved. Unless you are 100% confident and an expert, don't leave your lady out of the process of finding the ring.

I am not at home, so no actual pics - yet it would not be fair to not show you why I don't like it. So, this is very similar to my ring, except the diamond on mine is about half the size of this but the illusion setting just as wide around it. You get the idea:


Thank you for letting me rant

@alupha I'm so sorry you hate your ering that much.... Coming from an HK background too I know what you mean avout families oohing and ahhing over the shiny. I hope one day you will be able to buy a e-ring or vow renewal ring you will truly love.

 

[Kota]

I'm sorry that your engagement ring does not look much of an engagement ring, but if I were you, I would shop around for an affordable engagement ring (ie: moissanite stones comes very close to a real diamonds in every angle and affordable) Once you found it, show it to your hubby and say you like and want this ring for your birthday or Christmas as a present. I am sure he won't say no to a special day like these days.
Hope you find your dream ring!

 

[Mermaid Princess Kokomi]

I feel like it's fine to change a ring after the engagement it's better to have a ring than not have one to begin with

 

[JewelQuest]

Another reason to get both hubby and wife involved is type of lifestyle. I am an active Scuba diver, gardener, spelunker, and all around hands in places that fancy rings should not go. I specifically warned my imortal beloved that one of those space ship rocks on a finger sized launching pad was not a good idea. We went together and got designed a channel set sapphire, with channel set diamonds that does not get damaged in 33 years of happy, crazy action adventure marriage.

 

[Bron357]

Unless you know for sure what your fiancé would love in an engagement ring (aka solid input from best girlfriend, her sister or mother) it’s a risk to buy what you hope she’ll love.
Most modern women expect to have input, some even add in extra cash of their own to get THE ring, others receive an heirloom (this is one tricky area). others start with one ring and upgrade in size or style or gemstone as the years go by. My mother for eg is on ring no 5.
Others even opt for non traditional engagement pieces like a necklace or bracelet.

 

[lemonbeagleuws]

Unless you know for sure what your fiancé would love in an engagement ring (aka solid input from best girlfriend, her sister or mother) it’s a risk to buy what you hope she’ll love.
Most modern women expect to have input, some even add in extra cash of their own to get THE ring, others receive an heirloom (this is one tricky area). others start with one ring and upgrade in size or style or gemstone as the years go by. My mother for eg is on ring no 5.
Others even opt for non traditional engagement pieces like a necklace or bracelet.

I know this is a super old thread but....

This happened to me unfortunately -- I am recently engaged (a second marriage for us both, we are in our early 40s), and my wonderful fiance proposed with a ring I really don't like...mostly because it is a cushion cut stone and the first engagement ring I had from a previous relationship was a cushion cut (halo setting, 2009 vibes lol) and it feels like bad luck to me to have something similar. I don't really feel it could be remedied with a different setting (it's just in a temporary white gold four prong setting) and even separate from it being a cushion and giving me bad memories, I just don't like how it looks.

I am a big jewelry person with really specific tastes and a nice collection of pieces so my fiance knew how important this would be to me.

Honestly, this is a horrible position to be in...it makes me feel like a monster, like a horrible spoiled brat...he didn't really talk to me about it before he bought the stone (nor did he ask my mother, sister or best friend for input) and it was something he had to save for. I feel terribly guilty about asking for something different but I don't want to go into my marriage with negative feelings and disappointment over the ring.

My fiance has agreed to change the ring and stone and we are in the process of this now, but even though he wants me to be happy, he is also hurt and feels bad and feels like he wasted money etc....

I don't want to live forever with a ring I hate, and I also don't want to ever make my fiance feel bad or like I am disappointed in him or not grateful or don't think he did a good job

All of this to say, talk to your fiance ahead of time...it's fine to change a ring if you both are prepared to do so and in agreement...I just want to help others avoid this painful situation

 

[Hureen]

If you can't get the perfect ring before the engagement for, whatever reason, is it alright to use any old ring and then swap them afterwards?

Yes, its alright to use old one but before doing you should convince your partner.

 

[Garage]

As long as your partner understands the situation and you plan to swap it out later for something special, I don't see any harm.