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1 month out and we might have to cancel the wedding

Date: 5/20/2010 11:10:26 AM
Author: lilyfoot
Date: 5/19/2010 7:59:22 PM

Author:cupcake*muffin


I guess I just don't know what to do. I want to marry him and I know he wants to marry me. We have to wait until tomorrow to know what kind of action is going to be taken but even steroid shots and epideral shots have limits. I am


But still.... I'm so worried and sick to my stomach. If he has surgery, we definitely will not have the wedding-- I really just want to marry the love of my life. We've had a pretty rough week...both our cars got hit, mine Monday, his Tuesday after we got back from the ER, my computer died, our patio furniture got stolen (obviously, these are just material things)...but this really just tops it. Next week we are to start sending out the remaining checks to our vendors, I'm thinking we might need to consider postponing.... Any words of wisdom ladies? I know everyone's been through tough times. Thanks.
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cupcake*muffin, could you get married at the courthouse? I understand it may not be your ideal wedding, but it will make you and your FI just as married as a big wedding will, KWIM? Your love for your FI really comes through your post. These situations are what truly remind us to cherish what we have, because it could be gone tomorrow.


I'm so sorry you're dealing with this!
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I tried talking to FI about it again, he is still thinking he can make it to the wedding and the honeymoon.
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He's really stubborn and I totally understand that he wants to wait until we see the doctor tomorrow to decide but it may end up being a last minute cancelation. So I guess we will wait and see...I thought he was going to the doctor's today but I guess I had it wrong. I think he is more attached to the big wedding cause he planned most of it and it's his first...not to say it's not important to me but I would be just as happy getting married at the courthouse. At this point, we are for sure out of the honeymoon money if we can't go because the cancel date was yesterday...oh well. In the grand scheme of things, its just very minor, we can always make more money.

FI has a bunch of work obligations today--he had his guest conductor come in a few days early to sub for him so he needs to go pick him up at the airport, take him to his hotel etc...I wish he would just stay at home and rest. Can't tell the boy anything. And since he's going to be out and about he can't take any of his pain meds, which will mean he is going to be a mess. He is also really down about the possibility of losing that side job cause now he will be out of commission for quite some time for sure. I'm all teary for him cause I know how much he loves doing what he does.

Thank you all for the kind words. I am just really worried about everything, I feel on the verge of tears. I wish this wasn't happening to him. I know we will end up getting married even if its not on "our day" but we will try to keep optimistic and hope for the best. Thanks again and I'll keep you posted once we know more.
 
Date: 5/20/2010 11:30:20 AM
Author: cupcake*muffin
Date: 5/20/2010 11:10:26 AM






I tried talking to FI about it again, he is still thinking he can make it to the wedding and the honeymoon.
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He''s really stubborn and I totally understand that he wants to wait until we see the doctor tomorrow to decide but it may end up being a last minute cancelation. So I guess we will wait and see...I thought he was going to the doctor''s today but I guess I had it wrong. I think he is more attached to the big wedding cause he planned most of it and it''s his first...not to say it''s not important to me but I would be just as happy getting married at the courthouse. At this point, we are for sure out of the honeymoon money if we can''t go because the cancel date was yesterday...oh well. In the grand scheme of things, its just very minor, we can always make more money.
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Cupcake*Muffin - I am SO sorry to hear this about your FI!! I can NOT believe the police couldn''t charge the little SOB with something. I call BS on that. As someone else mentioned, it is still illegal to break the law, even on private property, and last time I checked, running someone over is against the law.

As for the money you mention you have lost for the honeymoon, I would recommend calling the property and explaining the situation to them. They may be able to put your deposit money towards a future stay. You might only be out a small cancellation fee. It certainly doesn''t hurt to check.

Good luck, honey. I wish your FI a very speedy and FULL recovery.
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Cupcake-I am so sorry to hear this!!!! I would be just as confused as you! HOpe that your DH heals, and is able to take some time to heal, and that you are able to go through with the wedding or make alternate plans.

Also, I would definitely get an attorney and make sure that you are well represented, esp., if this might have long-term repercussions for your DH''s conducting (which I totally understand as another musician!)

Big hugs!!!
 
CM--

I am so sorry this happened. I can''t even imagine what you are going through right now.

I agree with everyone who said to get a 2nd opinion. Surgeries for this can be complicated and may not have the best results. Talk to several doctors before deciding if surgery is right or not -- and look at the outcomes of their other patients before selecting a surgeon.

Martindalehubble is a great resource when selecting attorneys. I''ve used AV & BV rated attorneys and had far more luck with them than those who aren''t rated. (If you can find an AV, they are definitely better and worth it)


I hope your FI has a speedy and full recovery.
 
CM-
I''m so sorry about your situation. I don''t have any advice to give that hasn''t already been given. What a terrible predicament to be in! I hope that everything works out, and that your FI heals quickly and well! And PLEASE get a lawyer!
 
Wow. I''m so sorry this happened! If he''s that set on keeping your original wedding date, is there any way you could have a wheelchair on standby in case the pain got too bad, or would he be far too stubborn to use it? I don''t mean for that to sound bad; my mother did laundry the day after major surgery, so I know how it is dealing with someone who refuses to take it easy when they need to!
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Best wishes to your FI for a speedy recovery, and please keep us posted. We''re all rooting for you guys!
 
Wow, I am so sorry to hear about your FI! Wishing him a speedy recovery and hoping for the best for you two!
 
How awful! I am so sorry, I really hope your FI recovers quickly and everything works out in the end. I''ll be thinking of you both!
 
So sorry to hear about this, CM. It''s a bad thing to have happen at any time, but this is really bad timing. It would be very disappointing to postpone the wedding, but his health and comfort comes first. It sounds like he is very determined to go through with the wedding so I hope he gets some promising news from the doctor tomorrow. If not, perhaps you can have a private wedding on your date this year and then renewals with reception after he''s had an opportunity to recover. You''ll both be in my thoughts.
 
I am sorry for your FI''s pain and your stress. I hope he makes a full, quick recovery.

Don''t rule out a civil suit, just because the police don''t want to get involved does not mean the little pup does not have to suffer consequences.

As far as the wedding goes, I would postpone. Whatever your FI says, he will not want to disappoint you and will not be considering his own needs. I would be concerned that the ''I went ahead with the wedding when I could barely stand'' argument could come up at some future point.
 
I''m so sorry, CM. I wish your FI a speedy recovery.
 
Holy crap! I''m so sorry! Wishes to your FI for a speedy recovery. I agree about getting a lawyer too-they need to be the ones paying for the medical bills and for his time off work.
 
I am so sorry you are going though this, that is horrible.

As the others said, if they won''t press criminal charges on that punk than I would take him (or his parents) to civil court.
 
wow! I''m so sorry this happened to your FI - poor guy and what terrible timing.
 
Date: 5/20/2010 8:51:51 PM
Author: LtlFirecracker
I am so sorry you are going though this, that is horrible.



As the others said, if they won''t press criminal charges on that punk than I would take him (or his parents) to civil court.
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I would press civil charges whether or not he is criminally charged after filing police report, or whether convicted or not.

A criminal conviction would not pay their damages!
 
Date: 5/19/2010 8:52:23 PM
Author: choro72
cupcake, postpone the wedding. Take care of your FI. At the same time, take the kid''s family to court. They are responsible for medical expenses, therapy expenses, your wedding, your FI''s salary while he doesn''t go to work, and any lost opportunities for your FI. The kid is old enough to know better, and his family needs to take responsibility.
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I agree with this. I''m so sorry you and your FI are dealing with this.
 
OMG! Your post made me so sad & angry! I''m so sorry for you and your FI!! I think I would find that kids parents and let them (and the kid) know how much he ruined for you two (and hope that the parents took his license and car away from him)!

I think I would postpone the wedding. If you can get your money back from vendors, I would do it. Your guests will understand. If we (stragers) on PS understand, surely your FRIENDS will too! This may be a long road to recovery for your FI. I think now he just needs your support & some rest.

HUGS! I''m SOOO sorry!
 
Cupcake, I am so very sorry. I just want to cry at the unfairness of it all. Your poor FI.

I am so angry at that kid, as I can only imagine you must be, and I personally would sue the pants off of him. I would postpone the wedding and allow your FI to heal. You know you love each other and you will be married eventually. As awful as this tragedy is, one day you will look back and it will have made you even stronger and more bonded.

Again, I''m so sorry to hear this. Hugs.
 
I am sorry that this has happened to you and your FI. Horrible situation.

I only wanted to add that my DH had herniated disc surgery and he was back to work in 2 weeks. As soon as the disc was repaired his pain was gone. Before that he was in pain, could not stand for long and his leg was going numb. As soon as they relieved the pressure from his nerve all that was gone.

He also might improve in the next few weeks. He''s feeling the worst of it right now.

Regarding the driver, yes, he is a stupid teenager and was a distracted driver behaving foolishly. But his insurance should cover the accident whether there was a citation or not. And your husband needs to make a police report so it''s all on record. It doesn''t matter whether it''s on private property or not. It still was an accident.
 
I am so SO sorry cupcake*muffin. I have absolutely no words of wisdom. However I will say that I wish you and your FI the best as he recovers.
 
Hi ladies, well we got news.

The orthopedic surgeon gave the go ahead for the wedding. I think I have mixed feelings not because I am unhappy about that--I'm actually very excited/happy. I just worry about FI's pain. He was given a steroid injection, as well as steroid pills, and a patch to use. He will now be going to PT almost very day and they want him to see some other specialist. Surgery is still probably going to happen (after we have exhausted all non-surgerical alternatives, probably in 2 months) but the doctor thinks that this will help and we will check back with him next Friday to see how FI has improved. He is ecstatic, so I am, I guess I am cautious. So for now we will continue on--the doctor told FI that he probably will never be the same again, with or without the surgery because of where the damage is...which makes me angry that this kid took away his back and wrist health--which for a conductor it is pretty devastating.

FI is now super optimistic so I am trying to be as optimistic because really, neither of us need anymore stress. I just found out that my grandmother and cousin who were coming from Taiwan still do not have their visas--my grandma was supposed to walk me down the aisle. The hits just keep coming
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. So I am just going to hope that next week we see some improvement. Even thought FI is in so much pain he was shaking in bed last night, I'm happy that he's so happy--its been 10 days and he's acting more like himself. So for that, I'm glad that the doctor said our wedding is still on. But if it changes tomorrow, we will just roll with the punches.

Thank you ladies for all the kind words I really appreciate it. I'll keep you all posted when we get news next week. I guess we can only take it one day at a time.
 
So sorry to hear about your FI!! I hope he is able to recover and eventually be pain-free. Back injuries suck because they''re so difficult to heal. It''s a shame that some kids treat cars like big toys. I can''t believe the kid didn''t even get a ticket or something! That''s insane, private property or not.

Although it seems that his injury is pretty bad and he''ll probably need surgery, physical therapy can help a LOT. I had a disk problem for months before they figured out was wrong and the pain was excruciating. After a couple weeks of physical therapy, I felt SO much better. I wish your FI the same!
 
Date: 5/19/2010 8:59:10 PM
Author: cupcake*muffin


Date: 5/19/2010 8:22:49 PM
Author: nkarma


Date: 5/19/2010 8:06:19 PM

Author: Hudson_Hawk

Oh.My.GOODNESS! I'm so sorry about your FI and the position you're in now. I think you need to focus on getting him healthy. Your guests will understand, believe me. As for the vendors, these things happen and most vendors will work with you to move the date out so you don't lose your deposits, etc.


Focus on your FI, get him better so he can dance with you at the wedding and you can start your life together out healthy and happy.
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Ditto. Did the police tell you he can't get a ticket??? It is still illegal to commit crimes at schools and on private property. If your FI can't work because of his injury, you need to sue this kid's parents and file claims with his insurance company. I am hoping they are paying for his medical expenses. I am not a lawyer, but I would contact one ASAP. For an injury like this, you should definitely get a settlement.
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The police and ambulance showed up--the cops did nothing because it was on private property. We got ourselves a lawyer because the teenager's insurance contacted FI and made it sound like they wanted to settle right away, when we all thought that it was just FI's wrist that had soft tissue damage. Good thing we didn't because now it's more serious. FI has been out of work for 8 days now, he's really upset because his orchestra kids practice all year long for the performance next week and he's going to miss it.

Thank you for all the kind words. My main concern is FI's recovery. I am really concerned that this accident will cause him pain for the rest of his life. And from the sounds of things with the wrist and now back, this might be a real possibility. I know we will get married, just sad that it might not be on 'our day'. I guess we find out tomorrow where this is going, I think the doctor plans on starting him on steroid injections right away. He's got vicodin but these are all to relief the symptoms not the cause. He will be adding additional physical therapy sessions, hopefully they will help.

I think we are just both very angry and upset. I feel really stupid for being so mad when I know we are lucky he walked away from the accident, even though a bit worse for the wear.
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I am beyond floored that the police wont do anything..... I dont understand how hitting someone with your car is not a criminal offence even when your on private property.... so if he had of killed him it wouldnt have mattered because it was on private property?????!!!!!!! Thats a bunch of B.S.!!!!!
I hope your FI gets better soon :)
 
wow that really sucks...

i actually got hit by a car in a grocery store parking lot...lady ran a stop sign while smoking a cigarette and talking on a cell phone... and waited to finish both before she got out of the car to check on me....
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Words of advice from someone who had a L5-S1 severe herniation... NO SURGERY! I had it... and i am in MORE pain from the surgery than i was before the surgery.....
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seriously it SUUUCKKKS... OH and I should mention that part of my left foot up the back of my calf to my mid thigh is numb... from the surgery! although your fiance is the L1-2.... Oh and should mention my surgery was July 31 of 2009! almost a year and not pain free!

On the steriod injections... actually go to a pain doctor... dont just go to any jo-schmo who does the epidurals.... seriously a WASTE of your time! all they do is really numb you for that day, if you go to an actual pain specialist... they can do a nerve block, which is your best bet!

On the insurance~ be REALLLLLLY careful when you get a personal injury attorney that you do get charged CORRECTLY! they can only charge the contingency fee or their normal hourly fees... mine tried to charge me DOUBLE i told them to f off! Also, im assuming since the kids insurance tried to already settle with you, they must have a pretty penny... or maybe they dont, but probably do considering they are already contacting you to settle before you really know whats wrong with you.... Do not settle right away, just keep every receipt and doctor bill and ANYTHING you spend regarding the accident. You can also submit your fiances job info, and they will pay you the money, although you might have already exhausted his PIP since its normally only about $10k... But wait to settle for a lil while, it may put you out financially, but will be better, because you dont know what your fiances final treatment will be... My hopsital bill was like $18k alone, that was just the hospital fee, not any of the surgeons or PAs fees or anything else! it adds up! OH and if he has health insurance, they will pay after you have exhausted your PIP, just ask your car insurance for a letter saying it has been exhausted and call your health insurance and get it to them so they will start to cover expenses. Not sure if you know any of this, but wanted to let you know, as i was never told any of this and always try to help everyone out!

I have spent the last 16 months of my life and engagement and marriage dealing with this BS... and its NOOOO fun, and it will be a LONG recovery for your FI. trust me, i went through PT for 4 months and all the injections and surgery, which the surgery is NO fun... NO NO NO fun.. I wont even get started on it, but it was awful, I couldnt even get out of bed to use the restroom, my DH has to physically carry me there :-( and u are stuck in your house for a MONTH!

If you need any advice or anything just page me in the family board :-)
 
Date: 5/19/2010 8:52:23 PM
Author: choro72
cupcake, postpone the wedding. Take care of your FI. At the same time, take the kid''s family to court. They are responsible for medical expenses, therapy expenses, your wedding, your FI''s salary while he doesn''t go to work, and any lost opportunities for your FI. The kid is old enough to know better, and his family needs to take responsibility.
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Ditto!!!! Prayers for comfort and healing!

Lori
 
so sorry to hear of your troubles.

i hope he sails through the wedding painlessly!
 
I have no words for you. I''m so so SO incredibly sorry for you and your beau. Just sending you lots of warm thoughts and e-hugs. Hoping for a swift and easy recovery for your hubby-to-be.

Please do listen to the wise ladies on the board re: sueing the jerkface. This is going to be a costly phase for you, and you need to make sure at the very minimum nothing comes out of your pocket. I know it''s hard to think about money right now when you''re so worried about everything else going on, but trust me, 6 months down the road and 20K in debt will cause more stress.

Really rooting for a speedy recovery.
 
Hi Cupcake,

First, let me say that I am really sorry for what you and your FI are going through. It''s just awful. And second, if you''d like, I''d be happy to try to help you through this process. I actually work in bodily injury claims for an insurance company. The most important thing at this point is finding out more about your lawyer. He/She is going to take at least 30% right off the top of whatever settlement you receive, so you need to make sure you''ve chosen someone you trust and is reputable. Also, find out exactly what this kid''s insurance policy limits are. What state are you in? Who is his insurance carrier? You need to ask the insurance adjuster that contacted you for his dec page. It will give you all of the necessary info. And you can ask for this directly. It doesn''t have to go through your lawyer. Depending on what this kid''s policy limits are, I might even suggest you get rid of the lawyer. But, if the limits are low, it''s likely you''ll need a lawyer because you''ll end up having to file suit to recover costs from his parents directly. What do you know about this kid and his family? As one poster said, keep receipts of EVERYTHING. Keep you EOBs, your co-pay receipts, any documentation that shows what you have lost financially due to this situation.

I have also dealt with hundreds of people that have had back surgery. Depending on the type of surgery that is recommended and your surgeon, you can have a really good outcome. It''s not nearly as bad (depending on the type) as people make it out to be. Although, I firmly caution against a fusion. He shouldn''t need a fusion if it''s just a herniation, though.

I''m sorry, I could go on and on with the advice depending on the specifics of your situation. If you would like some guidance or you have a question about anything, feel free to let me know. I''d be glad to help. There is a lot to insurance claims that most people don''t know and never will unless someone educates them. I would post my email address on here, but I''m not sure that''s allowed...?
 
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