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4 ct diamond heirloom... too big?

T

thaifood122

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
34
My partner and I have been talking about getting engaged soon and looking at 1.5 to 2 ct rings set in a simple solitaire with me worrying about 2 CT’s being too large.

Well... over the holiday, he let it slip about the upcoming proposal and his family offered him a 4 carat heirloom diamond passed down from his grandparents. I tried it on and... I don’t know! I love it but am worried about wearing something so big and flashy as I’m only 30 and a graduate student. Should I accept this as “THE ring” and get a smaller moissanite in the 1.5 range for daily wear - wearing this one for special occasions? Accept it and wear it til I get used to it? Pass it up? What would you do?

If kept, I’m thinking of setting it in a simple platinum 6 prong band around 2.5 mm.

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If you love it and think you could get used to it, I’d accept it and get a smaller moissy for every day wear or if it feels too big. It’s a lovely dilemma to have!
 
I agree with foxinsox!!! It’s gorgeous!
 
LOVE IT!

I would accept it and wear it! But if you want to get a smaller less expensive ring to occasionally wear, that’s fine to.
 
I would accept it and get used to it. You would be surprised how quickly that can happen. You can get a cheaper moissanite for times when you want an understated look or get a decorative band that can be worn on its own. A lucky dilemma indeed!
 
The heirloom is gorgeous! I would definitely accept it as an engagement ring. You could also reset a Lightbox lab made diamond for an everyday ring and/or get a 5 or 7 stone ring. The great part is, if others ask, you can just tell them it was an heirloom!
 
It looks amazing! Only slight negative for me is the status of the stone as an “heirloom”- will it actually belong to you or will it be expected to stay in the family no matter what happens? I might consider getting my own ring depending on the answer.
 
What a fabulous choice to have! I think accept it only if you think you’ll wear it and grow comfortable with it (as I’m sure you will!). Is there anyone else in the family that is could/should go to that wouldn’t have the same qualms?
 
WELCOME TO PRICESCOPE.

If you have any reservations and want to get talked into rocking that boulder on a daily basis, you came to the right place. :lol:

Seriously though you are among diamond and jewelry lovers who walk the talk and are mostly plagued with DSS (diamond shrinking syndrome, it’s a real thing). So if you like it just try wearing it and see if it doesn’t start looking less huge over a number of months. Or maybe you’ll notice it less over time.

Btw, congratulations!! You don’t even need to feel guilty about spending a ton on a rock and you risk offending people if you say no. What a setup! Please post more pics!
 
Accept with good grace and wear it when visiting the in-laws etc., and get something smaller that is more suited to your current situation and lifestyle?

DK :))
 
For me, it would depend on the quality of the family diamond. If it's well cut and has great light return, if it's white and clean - then sure, I'd go with it, tho I agree that 4 cts is very large and not everyone's cup of tea and I, personally, love a 1.5-2ct solitaire. But if it's not a really well cut stone, I'd probably stay with my own choice.

I also agree with the previous poster who basically said - beware the heirloom ring with strings attached. You'll find this out easily enough if you announce that you intend to have it recut to maximize its briliance...then stand back for the fallout!

Looking at the diamond, I'm not seeing an obvious hearts and arrows pattern, and no old European cut floral pattern either, tho, of course, the photos you've posted haven't been taken to show facet pattern. But if it so happens that it's poorly cut, and the family is anti having it recut, it really wouldn't be to my taste; sentiment is great, but a diamond isn't good just because it's big. And in this instance, you have to ask yourself if there's actually more sentiment in having the diamond bought especially for you that you're going to wear all the time, rather than one that was someone else's, that you and your fiance didn't buy, and which you only trot out when getting glammed up.
 
Echoing everyone’s sentiments here!
 
@mrs-b you are soooo right! Probably the best advice given! Sigh. Not too smart to react on impulse. I just love the sentiment behind it even if a stone is not perfect. But if there are strings attached, no way! This is why I prefer buying most of my jewelry myself. I do not accept favors and it does depend on how it is given. Would you have to give it back if anything goes wrong, would you be indebted to them? If so, then again no way but how do you know? You cannot just ask them. Also, to turn it down is not so easy and could be viewed as rude.

It may be best to accept it but you guys may want to pick out another ring yourself but a nice reál diamond in a setting you love. Alternatively explain tactfully how you feel together with your fiance. This Is a time for you two to communicate, he knows them the best anyhow.
 
Accept it, rock it, love it!
Congratulations!
 
I think you've received, when reading all the responses, nicely balanced advice to consider. We would love more pictures if at all possible.

I think this strings attached concept is interesting. My understanding is that anyone who gets engaged, if the engagement falls through then - because the ring was a 'contract' to get married and the contract has been broken - the ring still belongs to the giver of the ring.

I guess often the receiver would still keep the ring, and I suspect that would be less likely with an heirloom ring - but I wouldn't use that as a reason to not accept the ring. It doesn't seem like much of a string to me.

I would base your decision on other things, like whether you would actually like it (as it currently is, because a recut may never happen and you and his family may never wish that to happen), whether you would get pleasure from such an important family diamond, etc.

Do you know any other information on it?

Congratulations in advance on whatever you choose and your upcoming engagement!
 
Wear it, of course. Insure, if you need. Of course I would love to see many, many more large diamonds on the street every day! [this is their time of the year, but seriously, why not all the time!] Then, the most comfortable diamond ring is a diamond band.


thinking out loud
 
Sometimes ‘strings attached’ aren't hinted at or stated. But they may be there.
I think the first clue to test the waters would be understanding if the family is ok with the heirloom being put in a setting of your choice? Talk of recut (we don’t know OP’s diamond preferences other than carat weight) is going for future in-laws sentimental jugular vein - IMO.
Congratulations on your engagement OP.
What would I do? Did you have any color/cut/clarity parameter wish list other than carat size for the diamond? That’s key to utilizing the advice you are getting from PS vs what’s important to you.
 
You've been given good advice here and lots to think about. However, if you love the ring and can work out all the other factors, then accept it. You can get a diamond wedding band to compliment it and just wear the band on days and in places you might find the other too much.

Personally, I am not a multiple engagement ring person. I am in the 'one ring to rule them all' camp so I really wouldn't want an alternative. If this ring doesn't check all the boxes - your comfort level being one of them - I would go back to the original plan of a smaller engagement diamond that I could wear and enjoy on a daily basis. Just my .02!
 
Thank you for all the advice! I don’t believe this ring comes with any strings. Until we picked it up yesterday, it had been sitting in a bank safety deposit box for nearly 20 years. His dad is older and a widower and said he’d have no idea what else to do with it. He knows we plan to reset it in a modern solitaire. It’s not my partners sisters style at all. But this is something I’ll keep talking to my partner about.

I believe the ring is a transitional cut? It has chunky facets and a large open culet in the middle. Unfortunately I didn’t take any good pictures of the cut yesterday but I just love the rainbow sparkles it throws off and it did catch the sun a couple of times for that white laser.

Here’s a couple of more pictures I took of it. I’ll post more if I get my hands back on it this week, otherwise I won’t see it again til the actual engagement!

71758C1A-BAD0-4E36-AB1A-6CB92A7B4795.pngECAA7AE3-F882-4680-BE74-1A82F31E7F09.jpegE06377ED-BC72-47C8-9E66-C8CD58C33674.jpeg
 
Especially the first picture of the last three posted, looks very, very fine! This is quite a stone.

-

I am not sure what is called 'transitional' - a range of makes, for sure; an open culet & proportions close to modern make me think of brilliants from before WW2. I can be wrong.

Will you reset?
 
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There is no such thing as too big:D Enjoy that beauty!
 
While you are waiting to actually receive the ring-
Take a look at a couple of threads here about how to take pictures of diamonds.
I’d love to see this ring’s facet pattern.

congratulations!
 
Yes, I will definitely reset. I was thinking into a platinum 6 prong solitaire, as that was my top choice for a 1.5-2ct. But now I’m not completely sure how to best reset this one!

I don’t think I’d have it recut since I kind of like that the cut is an imperfect (by today’s MRB standards) little piece of diamond history. If I get a smaller one I’ll definitely look for that ideal PS picky hearts and arrows pattern, but would probably go with a lab diamond or a moissanite for a daily ring.
 
What a wonderful dilemma! It sounds like there is no one else in the family who pines for this diamond. Do you think you would enjoy having this diamond? Did you get very excited when you saw it? Do you feel rather self conscience when you wear it? Honestly you may not get used to the size. If you ended up wearing it only for special occasions, and just a wedding band for every day life, how would you or your fiance feel about that? If you got a 1.5 carat diamond for your engagement that you would feel comfortable wearing every day, do you see yourself inheriting this diamond down the road anyway? My own personal opinion is this - if you think this diamond will eventually be yours anyway, I would want to get my own engagement ring in a size that I feel comfortable in now. But everyone is different. And trust me, I often feel I am in the minority on PS. I do not have DSS.
 
Rfisher said:
Sometimes ‘strings attached’ aren't hinted at or stated. But they may be there.
I think the first clue to test the waters would be understanding if the family is ok with the heirloom being put in a setting of your choice? Talk of recut (we don’t know OP’s diamond preferences other than carat weight) is going for future in-laws sentimental jugular vein - IMO.
Congratulations on your engagement OP.
What would I do? Did you have any color/cut/clarity parameter wish list other than carat size for the diamond? That’s key to utilizing the advice you are getting from PS vs what’s important to you.
Click to expand...

Was just joshing, @Rfisher. Sorry - thought that was obvious. My point was, if you go to the extreme point of change, that's what will get the most fallout.
 
The diamond looks great on you, and I love the history of an heirloom (especially one without strings attached)! I would definitely make sure to get insurance ASAP on such a large diamond! Just another thought since you had previously posted that you live with roommates. If you aren't planning to wear the ring everyday, I would definitely keep it in a bank safety deposit box. I'm sure your roommates are trustworthy, but just in case they have friends or guests over that you don't know or if you're not around.
 
Thanks! We’ll definitely be getting a bank box for it. Especially since we’ll be going to Asia for two months over the summer to travel through China, Japan, and Malaysia and I wouldn’t want to take something so large and valuable on a trip like that. I may also get a safe to keep it in at home when I’m not wearing it. I work in healthcare so it would frequently not be on my finger during the day. I’m definitely not in an industry where I can wear a boulder like that during the day both for patient safety and also the implications of a large diamond. The implication is also why I was originally leaning towards a 1.6-1.7 carat ring over a 2ct! Funny that I may end up with a 4ct now!
 
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