4 ct diamond heirloom... too big?

[Rfisher]

I skimmed.
My apologies

Was just joshing, @Rfisher. Sorry - thought that was obvious. My point was, if you go to the extreme point of change, that's what will get the most fallout.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

The ring looks very well on your hand not "too big" at all. And as for the cut quality--only PS'ers would even think about that. Wear it in health and happiness.

cheer--Sharon

 

[AV_]

Yes, I will definitely reset. I was thinking into a platinum 6 prong solitaire, as that was my top choice for a 1.5-2ct. But now I’m not completely sure how to best reset this one!

This will be fun! Even if you do start with a solitaire simple or not so simple www.

...

I work in healthcare so it would frequently not be on my finger during the day.

Then, no problem owning any kind of diamond .)

 

[prs]

In my opinion you should definitely take the 4ct. We have been married 38+ years and it's only now that we are thinking of upgrading to a 4ct. You will never, ever have to worry about getting a bigger diamond if you accept this one, and 4ct is the perfect size!! If at some time in the future you decide the cut could be improved, that's an adventure to look forward to.

I would definitely explain to your FIL that you couldn't possibly risk wearing the 4ct to work because you would have to keep taking it off to examine patients. You will keep it for weekends and special occasions.

Given you have the showstopper at home, maybe you could go down to a 1.0ct or smaller for everyday wear, the size you would feel most comfortable wearing to work.

 

[lydial]

I love the setting. Could you consider living with it for a while? It is not dated, just vintage. The stone is cool too!

 

[winnietucker]

I would take it in a heartbeat. I love heirloom jewelry. I wanted an heirloom ring but one wasn’t offered. My mother considered selling her wedding band and I told her she should save it for my baby sister instead, but if she was dead set on selling it I’d give her money so she could hold it for my sister. I love the sentiment of a ring that’s been passed down for generations and stood the test of time... it’s so romantic.

I’d take the diamond and be super pumped. Plus, free diamond. It’s not everyday someone offers you a 4 ct diamond.

 

[Bron357]

Yes, it’s stunning and please accept it. It’s a special gift.
i think it means a lot to your father in law to be for it to have a new loving home. while it may not be something you wear everyday to work, it is something you can love and appreciate every day.
if you feel you need a very day engagement ring, certainly look at Moissanite it’s a very pretty stone.

 

[thaifood122]

Unfortunately the current setting, while real gold, is kind of flimsy and sharp. I actually didn’t believe it was a real diamond ring when my partner pulled it out of the bank because of the setting. We went to a jeweler to have it tested the same day and I was shocked that it was a real diamond and gold setting. So I definitely want the setting changed but I’m not sure to what! I’d love some ideas if anyone is creative!

My ideal setting was always the Tiffany classic with the 6 prong solitaire and an embrace band. But I can always get that as a secondary set with lab diamond or moissanite. It’s not every day a pretty 4 carat ring falls into your lap so I do think I’ll accept it and figure out what to do with it next.

I looked into recutting today and even though it’s not a perfect cut and the faceting isn’t the most beautifully patterned, I don’t think I’d ever have it recut. At least not at this time. I wouldn’t want to risk the stone shattering, 4 carats are very rare and it would be sad to get a 2 ct back out of the recut, and there’s just something romantic about having a handcut diamond from when cutters were still trying to figure out proportions. I may change my mind, but we are lucky enough to have enough financial resources that I can just buy a better cut 2 ct diamond later in life if I *really* wanted it. No reason to have this one changed really.

 

[Pinkdreams]

I would wear it all the time in the setting you love. I think it will definitely shrink . Four claw double claw could look good too.

 

[luv2sparkle]

I think it is a lovely and sentimental gift. I would definitely take it. I agree with you on the recutting. It is such a sentimental piece.
If you do get a safe at home please look up the threads which they were discussed. You need a specific safe in order to be protected. The standard ones you find at places like Costco are just too easy to break in to and don't offer the kind of protection you need.

I hope you can get a ring to wear daily that would fit into your lifestyle. As lovely has having that wonderful stone would be, it would be nice to have something that you can wear all the time as well.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

Wow what a treasure and how wonderful that it will now be worn and loved instead of sitting in a bank box for another 20 years.

Reset it into a setting you love and enjoy it. It has everything going for it and the sentimentality just makes it all the more special.

 

[CHRISTY-DANIELLE]

I think it's perfection just like it is!, (but I prefer the more antique styles). If you are not used to wearing a diamond at all, I imagine it's a shock to wear one so large. But trust me, you will get used to it. When you get it, just give yourself some time, see if you learn to love it. Congrats!

 

[yssie]

Heirlooms are an automatic “no” for me.
I appreciate the sentimentality, but in my experience they are rarely wholly yours to do as you wish with.

If you decide to accept this stone, just make sure you have some conversations with all stakeholders...
Okay to reset into a new ring mount?
Okay to reset into something other than a ring?
Okay to recut?
Okay to sell?
To whom does it get passed down to?
To whom do parts go in event of breakup/divorce? (Ex. Do you keep the mount and return the stone?)
What happens if it’s lost/stolen/damaged?
It might not be your SO’s sister’s style right now, but she may change her mind in future - or want it anyway... What happens then?

 

[Meowingtons]

Congratulations on such a lovely dilemma! It looks like a lovely stone

You mentioned the setting looked flimsy - did the jeweler check out the prongs to ensure it's secure? If the prongs are worn out with age or if there's porosity issues with the metal the right knock might just cause the prong to bend/break and the diamond to fall out. Definitely something worth checking out.

Congratulations once again on your impending engagement - it must be exciting!

 

[princessk]

My father gifted a 1 carat OEC family heirloom too my son to give to his now wife. He chose a square vintage looking halo setting. The stone came with a long history. Being smuggled out of Europe and surviving the Holocaust. She was thrilled and cherishes it daily. To her there is something very different about a stone with a history compared to one with a receipt from the jewelry store. Embrace it. You have been chosen for a reason to own itlooks big on her. This is my pinky!

 

[LLJsmom]

Unfortunately the current setting, while real gold, is kind of flimsy and sharp. I actually didn’t believe it was a real diamond ring when my partner pulled it out of the bank because of the setting. We went to a jeweler to have it tested the same day and I was shocked that it was a real diamond and gold setting. So I definitely want the setting changed but I’m not sure to what! I’d love some ideas if anyone is creative!

My ideal setting was always the Tiffany classic with the 6 prong solitaire and an embrace band. But I can always get that as a secondary set with lab diamond or moissanite. It’s not every day a pretty 4 carat ring falls into your lap so I do think I’ll accept it and figure out what to do with it next.

I looked into recutting today and even though it’s not a perfect cut and the faceting isn’t the most beautifully patterned, I don’t think I’d ever have it recut. At least not at this time. I wouldn’t want to risk the stone shattering, 4 carats are very rare and it would be sad to get a 2 ct back out of the recut, and there’s just something romantic about having a handcut diamond from when cutters were still trying to figure out proportions. I may change my mind, but we are lucky enough to have enough financial resources that I can just buy a better cut 2 ct diamond later in life if I *really* wanted it. No reason to have this one changed really.

Before committing to a setting I would do more research. Lots of settings on PS to see. Try seeing if there is a low set setting that you like. The Tiffany setting can be kinda high unless you find a custom version that can construct a wider base for you. 4 carats can take up a lot of vertical space.

 

[Dreamer_D]

I love it and would wear it in a heartbeat.

If you can hold your hand up in front of a window with good light pouring in, then use macro mode on your camera to take a nice clear photo. Then use photo editing software to crop the image so the diamond fills the entire image. That will let us see the faceting. But it does look like it could be an early modern brilliant. I don't think it would be what we call a "transitional" -- like my diamond (see avatar) -- since the lower halves look pretty long on your diamond. But it does have the flavour of diamonds cut in the 1940/1950s. I love the history of the diamonds and personally don't care so much about the numbers and perfection when talking about a piece of history like this. From your images, I don't see any obvious yuckiness. It may not be *as* flashy as a 2ct ideal modern round... but its fricking 4cts! lol... I can forgive a lot for that amazing size.

As to your work, life is long and who knows what the future brings. Your work circumstances could change. In the meantime,you can wear a gold band or a small diamond bezel set if you need to wear anything at all (after a few years you may not care as much as you do now! Going "bald" fingered may not be an issue at all). And you can wear your diamond after work and on weekends and for your own pleasure around the house.

I would love to see more pictures and please keep us posted about what you decide.

 

[thaifood122]

I was able to sneak another look at it today. The cut is rather splintery so I might go ahead and see what recutting would cost and what the size would be reduced to but I’m still feeling a bit anti recutting due to the history of the piece and rare size.

the stone faces up white but has some body warmth from the side. I’m guessing it would be an I color. I also don’t see any inclusions at all with my naked eye so pretty lucky there with no obvious yuckiness.

Since I’m not supposed to have seen it yet, I haven’t been able to get a really good picture in the light just some sneaked pictures, but here’s a couple more.

would love to hear if others would choose to recut or not!

 

[whatamilookingat]

Accept it and wear it all the time. Okay, if it does make you uncomfortable in certain situations wear a more modest ring, but there is no need to pass up on this opportunity. Even if it feels like too much now, you'll grow into it as you get older.

How nice of his family to offer it, and congratulations on your pending engagement. As far as recutting, I would see what your future fiance has to say about it. Would his family be fine with it? Some families may be okay with whatever you do with an heirloom, since they may feel it's yours to do whatever you want with. Others may take issue with it. I don't know if that would affect how you feel about accepting the diamond.

Edited to add, I agree with others. If there are strings attached I may not feel comfortable accepting it. I'd rather get my own smaller diamond with no strings, depending on what exactly those strings were.

 

[fioratura]

The heirloom question is a really personal one, so definitely be honest with yourself about what you will feel like when you look at this ring. Personally, I would take an heirloom over a new stone any day. I prefer vintage to modern and think the history and emotional connection to the family are priceless! It’s an honor that they are so excited to have you in their family that they want to give you this piece! That being said, if there are strings attached or you feel uncomfortable accepting it, trust your gut. The diamond looks to me like an early modern round brilliant. By pricescope standards, the proportions of most stones cut in the 40s and 50s are not “ideal”. However, it looks like a very bright and lively stone and it’s a representation of that period of time in jewelry history and the history of your new family. For me, that’s really special. I think the size looks very natural on you! You wear it well and after a while, I’m pretty sure it won’t feel too big.

 

[the_mother_thing]

Congratulations on your upcoming engagement! It’s very sweet your future in-laws are excited & welcoming you into their family by offering such a generous gift. Seeing your latest pictures of the diamond, I don’t think I would worry about any recutting. It may not be “PS-Ideal” cut, but it doesn’t appear to be a dud by any means. When you have time (and the ring on your finger), perhaps you can snap a few more and possibly a video showing how it performs. But it appears to be a lovely diamond that I’d be hesitant to recut unless it were really necessary. Depending on any conditions it comes with, I think I would accept it and go with your plan of having a ’more conservative’ daily driver, and save this one for special occasions, family gatherings, or when you’re activities wouldn’t pose a risk.

As for any ‘conditionality’ on the heirloom, I would leave the questions of any ‘stipulations’ to be posed to your future in-laws by your future fiancé and not you. While I think it’s a very valid suggestion to be clear on what (if any) conditions the heirloom may come with, I would probably be a bit put off if I just handed my future DIL a 4-carat diamond, and the first questions from her were “can I recut it, can I reset it, if your son cheats during the engagement, do I get to keep it?”. KWIM? Besides, in reality, the family is giving their son the diamond & ring, and he is offering it to you as a condition of marriage. So any ‘family conditions’ really should be communicated by them to him, and he can/should discuss those privately with you if he intends to honor those conditions and ask you to do the same in accepting it/his proposal.

If there are no stipulations with regard to changing the setting, recutting the diamond, etc. (and this is just me) and I knew I wanted to make changes, I’d still be inclined to wait until after we were married, just out of respect to the family ... unless they were to voluntarily gush to me in advance and unsolicited that I can/should change it however I like, make it ‘my own’, etc.

 

[thaifood122]

Thank you all for the advice! It is a truly lovely stone with a lot of fire and when I snuck it out into the sun it had a gorgeous white laser that looked like I could blind someone across the street with. Definitely not a dud at all, just not cut to today’s ideal standards! It’s performed better than some “ideal” stones I’ve seen with jewelers and brilliant earth though!

My partner has the stone and will be talking to his sister to ensure there are no hurt feelings. The idea is that she will be inheriting their mother’s ring, who is deceased and whom I never met instead. But my partner will be handling all of the conversations. My future in laws don’t even know I know about the ring yet. But since we’ve been ring shopping together for several weeks and it is MUCH larger than the stones we were looking at my partner wanted my go ahead first on accepting it. According to him my future father in law is just happy to give it to someone and not have it sit around in the bank for many more years. FFIL already knows we will make changes to it and doesn’t mind, he is much more practically minded about us saving the money on a new diamond when we have this one at our disposal. Looks like we just really lucked out!

 

[KristyDarling]

That stone is STUNNING! Absolutely gorgeous. How lucky are you! IMHO, I would not consider that to be a re-cut candidate and would be proud to rock it - as is - with zero hesitation. If you're not a fan of the setting, get one you like but keep the original setting in the safe. (And if you're concerned about the wearability of a 4-carat stone, as you said you can always get a smaller stone for day-to-day wear.)

As for recutting: Personally, and this is just me, I would not re-cut a giant old stone like that because it is a piece of history. Large old cuts are rare, as you've noted. And I'd be even more hesitant if it were a family heirloom -- especially one from my husband's side of the family. Keeping the stone as is eliminates the potential for any awkward conflicts with his family...even if it seems like no one really cares right now what you do with the stone.

For me, a huge part of the charm of old stones is that they were cut without the modern high-tech tools that we have today, so any wonkiness would be inherent and expected. I have both "imperfect" old cuts and old cuts with clear and "perfect" faceting....I truly love them all equally because they look beautiful to me, period. I don't think about how one is cut "better" than the other because they're all beautiful to my eyes. I love that these stones were worn by women in bygone eras. I love imagining who they were and what their lives were like. I love thinking about how these stones were specifically cut to dance in the glow of candle light (SO romantic!). I suppose the history of the stones is more meaningful, impressive, and charming to me than how "good" the faceting is.

And as @dreamer_dachsie wisely said, life is long so you'll have plenty of opportunity to acquire other stones that fit your aesthetics.

But again, that's just me. It's all so personal and everyone is so different -- some people are more wonk-sensitive and don't feel settled if their diamonds aren't optimally cut. There's no right answer, so keep thinking about it and keep using us to crowdsource more insight!

 

[facetgirl]

Oh my goodness yes accept this, put it in a setting that speaks to you, transfers this gorgeous history to you and partner it with an exquisite and classy eternity band that you can wear daily. Congratulations!

 

[Siamese Kitty]

@thaifood122 , wow, what a ring! First off, congratulations!

So my first thought was, "Is she crazy?! 4 cts? And a gorgeous one to boot?" It does seem like a no brainer. It is a wonderful sign of how your future fiancé's family sees you as well.

Reading your last post, I do think you need to be absolutely sure about your FSIL not harboring feelings about this. Particularly if she likes you, she is not going to want to throw a wet blanket on what is to be one of the most special times in your and her brother's lives. You mention it "not being her style," but also admittedly say it isn't really yours and you cannot reasonably wear it to work. You might want to consider a recut, definitely a reset, and a secondary ring is likely going to be purchased. So this ring isn't your style either, you are newer to this family, and yet you do still seem to want it. (Not judging! Who wouldn't?) I offer the rhetorical question of "If his sister recut/reset/had another ring, could it be something she'd want?" And moreover, will it upset her if you accept it and then to boot, don't even wear it regularly? There is literally no price on avoiding family drama, although I have to admit, I'd want this ring as well if it seemed okay to accept!

I think the other consideration here is while it is a symbol, it is also a majorly expensive asset that is being handed over to someone else. Is her late mother's ring she stands to inherit similar to this? Does she plan to wear that one or just have the sentimentality? Is this ring an exceptional item in this family or are there lots of nice assets that will one day pass down? (again, rhetoricals)

Finally, conversations about heirlooms ARE very important. However, in my unfortunate experience those promises and terms can change on the drop of a dime when something happens. The modest, but hugely sentimental ring my ex's grandmother gave me and said it was mine to keep no matter what, that I could reset it, hand it down to my children, etc. ended up being none of this. She completely out of character flipped out and cried when I went to change the metal and it was the first thing that was asked to be returned in the divorce. I would never have kept a family heirloom against their wishes. And yet I felt like a criminal being chased down for jewelry during a sad time when I was family to them just the week before. It was especially hard because I really love his grandma and felt like she was saying I no longer mattered to her. I do also have a daughter with my ex and I hope it will still pass to her. So yeah, the drama and hurt ended up not being worth it at all.

With ALL of this said, I know every circumstance is different and hope you will be blessed with a long and happy marriage where none of this would even be an issue!

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

My partner and I have been talking about getting engaged soon and looking at 1.5 to 2 ct rings set in a simple solitaire with me worrying about 2 CT’s being too large.

Well... over the holiday, he let it slip about the upcoming proposal and his family offered him a 4 carat heirloom diamond passed down from his grandparents. I tried it on and... I don’t know! I love it but am worried about wearing something so big and flashy as I’m only 30 and a graduate student. Should I accept this as “THE ring” and get a smaller moissanite in the 1.5 range for daily wear - wearing this one for special occasions? Accept it and wear it til I get used to it? Pass it up? What would you do?

If kept, I’m thinking of setting it in a simple platinum 6 prong band around 2.5 mm.

4 carat !!!!
holy molly !!!!!
wear it and enjoy it
you won't be a grad student for ever
besides it is no one else's bussiness how big or small someone else's ER is

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

@thaifood122 , wow, what a ring! First off, congratulations!

So my first thought was, "Is she crazy?! 4 cts? And a gorgeous one to boot?" It does seem like a no brainer. It is a wonderful sign of how your future fiancé's family sees you as well.

Reading your last post, I do think you need to be absolutely sure about your FSIL not harboring feelings about this. Particularly if she likes you, she is not going to want to throw a wet blanket on what is to be one of the most special times in your and her brother's lives. You mention it "not being her style," but also admittedly say it isn't really yours and you cannot reasonably wear it to work. You might want to consider a recut, definitely a reset, and a secondary ring is likely going to be purchased. So this ring isn't your style either, you are newer to this family, and yet you do still seem to want it. (Not judging! Who wouldn't?) I offer the rhetorical question of "If his sister recut/reset/had another ring, could it be something she'd want?" And moreover, will it upset her if you accept it and then to boot, don't even wear it regularly? There is literally no price on avoiding family drama, although I have to admit, I'd want this ring as well if it seemed okay to accept!

I think the other consideration here is while it is a symbol, it is also a majorly expensive asset that is being handed over to someone else. Is her late mother's ring she stands to inherit similar to this? Does she plan to wear that one or just have the sentimentality? Is this ring an exceptional item in this family or are there lots of nice assets that will one day pass down? (again, rhetoricals)

Finally, conversations about heirlooms ARE very important. However, in my unfortunate experience those promises and terms can change on the drop of a dime when something happens. The modest, but hugely sentimental ring my ex's grandmother gave me and said it was mine to keep no matter what, that I could reset it, hand it down to my children, etc. ended up being none of this. She completely out of character flipped out and cried when I went to change the metal and it was the first thing that was asked to be returned in the divorce. I would never have kept a family heirloom against their wishes. And yet I felt like a criminal being chased down for jewelry during a sad time when I was family to them just the week before. It was especially hard because I really love his grandma and felt like she was saying I no longer mattered to her. I do also have a daughter with my ex and I hope it will still pass to her. So yeah, the drama and hurt ended up not being worth it at all.

With ALL of this said, I know every circumstance is different and hope you will be blessed with a long and happy marriage where none of this would even be an issue!

im so sorry, that's a sad story
after a divorce you are still the mother of his children, her grandchildren

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

I would take it in a heartbeat. I love heirloom jewelry. I wanted an heirloom ring but one wasn’t offered. My mother considered selling her wedding band and I told her she should save it for my baby sister instead, but if she was dead set on selling it I’d give her money so she could hold it for my sister. I love the sentiment of a ring that’s been passed down for generations and stood the test of time... it’s so romantic.

I’d take the diamond and be super pumped. Plus, free diamond. It’s not everyday someone offers you a 4 ct diamond.

your a lovelly thoughtful sister

 

[canuk-gal]

Heirlooms are an automatic “no” for me.
I appreciate the sentimentality, but in my experience they are rarely wholly yours to do as you wish with.

If you decide to accept this stone, just make sure you have some conversations with all stakeholders...
Okay to reset into a new ring mount?
Okay to reset into something other than a ring?
Okay to recut?
Okay to sell?
To whom does it get passed down to?
To whom do parts go in event of breakup/divorce? (Ex. Do you keep the mount and return the stone?)
What happens if it’s lost/stolen/damaged?
It might not be your SO’s sister’s style right now, but she may change her mind in future - or want it anyway... What happens then?

Yes. This. Especially if it looks better after a reset & recut (see new thread). Minds change.

 

[MamaBee]

Unfortunately the current setting, while real gold, is kind of flimsy and sharp. I actually didn’t believe it was a real diamond ring when my partner pulled it out of the bank because of the setting. We went to a jeweler to have it tested the same day and I was shocked that it was a real diamond and gold setting. So I definitely want the setting changed but I’m not sure to what! I’d love some ideas if anyone is creative!

My ideal setting was always the Tiffany classic with the 6 prong solitaire and an embrace band. But I can always get that as a secondary set with lab diamond or moissanite. It’s not every day a pretty 4 carat ring falls into your lap so I do think I’ll accept it and figure out what to do with it next.

I looked into recutting today and even though it’s not a perfect cut and the faceting isn’t the most beautifully patterned, I don’t think I’d ever have it recut. At least not at this time. I wouldn’t want to risk the stone shattering, 4 carats are very rare and it would be sad to get a 2 ct back out of the recut, and there’s just something romantic about having a handcut diamond from when cutters were still trying to figure out proportions. I may change my mind, but we are lucky enough to have enough financial resources that I can just buy a better cut 2 ct diamond later in life if I *really* wanted it. No reason to have this one changed really.

I agree with you about not cutting the stone. It has history...is an heirloom..It doesn’t have to be perfect. Not many people outside of PS would even think about cut and proportions. I would take it on the condition that I would be married in a diamond my fiancé would purchase himself...keeping in mind that I would like a smaller diamond because of my lifestyle. I would wear the heirloom on special occasions, dinner out with hubby..family gatherings..but I would realize that it will never be my ring..and can be taken back in case of divorce...It’s from his family so it’s only fair IMHO...If it was your mother’s or grandma’s ring..then it would be yours completely until you passed it on to your daughter..if you have one. I personally wouldn’t want an heirloom from my husband’s family because I would get attached to it..and always be nervous about something happening to it.