A delayed gratification thread/rant… help me become more patient!

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

I have my heart set on a custom coloured stone ring project, I specified custom to point out that I know there’s no reason not to wait for another 6 months, since I am starting from scratch regardless.

I’ve spent/had spent on me a LOT of money on myself this year, from bling to bags, and I’ve put myself on ban island (my money is independently mine since I’m not married, so I’m not really answerable to anyone else). Also compounding the issue is that I have a lot of expensive gifting occasions this year, so a lot of what I consider my fun-money has been spent on bling for other people

So my fun-money fund, specifically, is tight, also because I have another expensive gift to give in December this year, which I’ve currently commissioned. I replenish my fund every month from my earnings though, after bills are paid and investments are made, so if I wait 6 months, I’ll be able to comfortably afford my new pretties. Let me be clear, I KNOW there is no real reason to jump into a project right now, but… I wannaaaa

So help me deal with the world’s smallest problem, fellow PSers! How do you handle delayed gratification?

 

[kenny]

...
How do you handle delayed gratification?

Get your instant gratification dose of dopamine some other way.

Secks?
Chocolate?
More chocolate?
Even better chocolate?
An expensive spa treatment?
Fly 1st class to Paris for lunch?
A long walk in a beautiful place?
Kick that toxic person out of your life?

Finally learn to play piano .....
............. ............ Oh, wait!

 

[maryjane04]

What I like to do when it comes to bling is find things for other people to buy and hope that they post tonnes of photos of it lol. That's why we're so invested in some of these searches etc etc so we can live vicariously.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

Get your instant gratification dose of dopamine some other way.

Secks?
Chocolate?
More chocolate?
Even better chocolate?
An expensive spa treatment?
Fly 1st class to Paris for lunch?
A long walk in a beautiful place?
Kick that toxic person out of your life?

Finally learn to play piano .....
............. ............ Oh, wait!

I’ve been eating too much chocolate, for sure

It’s funny, but I think the gratification I get from things is different than what I get from anything else. I’ve been trying to focus on whatever I’ve already bought and feel the excitement of that instead, to make myself more appreciative!

My food bill is definitely up, lol.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

What I like to do when it comes to bling is find things for other people to buy and hope that they post tonnes of photos of it lol. That's why we're so invested in some of these searches etc etc so we can live vicariously.

This is a great idea! I’ve been throwing myself into other bling projects - like all the gifts I mentioned, or just assisting other people in my life with design. I absolutely love playing around with Pinterest, sketching out ideas, and this year has been great in terms of exercising that hobby of mine - I’ve not only planned something nice for myself, I’ve had a chance to do it for others too, so there’s been more projects to get involved in. I got roped into my best friend’s necklace redesign project - she wanted to rework a necklace of her mom’s for one of the events of her wedding. The entire project took like 2 months because my friend had no idea what she liked (she only knew what she disliked lol) and she had a budget that her initial ideas definitely eclipsed. But we eventually got there and she cried when she saw it and honestly it made me so happy and I was so engaged creatively throughout that it didn’t matter to me that it’s not mine, you know?

I think I’m just feeling the itch for this reason - this has been a really gratification-heavy year so I’m used to the dopamine hit now and I want it; but my flow of new projects has dried up for both myself and others (now I just have to pay for things, which is everyone’s least favourite part). And also earlier I probably did projects with a lower frequency, so I wasn’t used to being this gratified honestly. It’s like the pipeline exploded and then shut off lol.

 

[Karl_K]

What I like to do when it comes to bling is find things for other people to buy and hope that they post tonnes of photos of it lol. That's why we're so invested in some of these searches etc etc so we can live vicariously.

yep yep this

 

[Calliecake]

What I like to do when it comes to bling is find things for other people to buy and hope that they post tonnes of photos of it lol. That's why we're so invested in some of these searches etc etc so we can live vicariously.

I think this is the perfect solution.

I read @newtojewels Rockytalk thread the other night. It is one of the most fun threads on Pricescope. You feel the rush of excitement for her, you feel her happiness with getting her perfect stone and your money is safe until you are ready for another project. Chocolate makes everything better too.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

I think this is the perfect solution.

I read @newtojewels Rockytalk thread the other night. It is one of the most fun threads on Pricescope. You feel the rush of excitement for her, you feel her happiness with getting her perfect stone and your money is safe until you are ready for another project. Chocolate makes everything better too.

Yeah I think I've been trying to do that with my projects in my personal life - as in, projects for my family and friends - but I think a better, more sustainable solution is to get stuck in with projects for my internet friends because there's a lot more of them and everyone is likely even more persnickety than I am the part of the process that grabs me the most is the piece design, not the stone search; so I rarely have much to contribute for the latter but I think when I feel the itch I will get involved in threads for the former.

 

[Avondale]

Hmm... allow me to offer a different perspective.

I believe instant gratification isn't the issue here.

When you're working on a custom project, that is very much a delayed gratification situation. It takes a while for the piece to be ready, and a good deal of work goes into the process. There's a lot of waiting. It often takes months between the start of the process and having the finished result in your hands. Nothing instant about that.

No, I think it's something else. It's the expectation that something good is sure to happen in the future. That's a whole other feeling, expecting something good to happen. Something to anticipate, something to fill you with that good kind of giddy anxiety. I think this is the thing that you miss.

So, really, you can start planning your custom piece now. Browsing stones, collecting inspiration photos, mulling over design ideas.

You can also plan a bunch other things. A weekend trip. Concert/show tickets. Some other experience, like flying in a hot air balloon or something? I'd totally do that.

You know... now that I think about it... I totally should do that. Okay, I have a plan for next summer.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

Hmm... allow me to offer a different perspective.

I believe instant gratification isn't the issue here.

When you're working on a custom project, that is very much a delayed gratification situation. It takes a while for the piece to be ready, and a good deal of work goes into the process. There's a lot of waiting. It often takes months between the start of the process and having the finished result in your hands. Nothing instant about that.

No, I think it's something else. It's the expectation that something good is sure to happen in the future. That's a whole other feeling, expecting something good to happen. Something to anticipate, something to fill you with that good kind of giddy anxiety. I think this is the thing that you miss.

So, really, you can start planning your custom piece now. Browsing stones, collecting inspiration photos, mulling over design ideas.

You can also plan a bunch other things. A weekend trip. Concert/show tickets. Some other experience, like flying in a hot air balloon or something? I'd totally do that.

You know... now that I think about it... I totally should do that. Okay, I have a plan for next summer.

Wow. I’ve read this post at least 10 times. I think you’re ABSOLUTELY right, like damn, you reached into my brain and pulled it out of me! What I keep thinking of as gratification is actually anticipation. You’re so right that the good giddy anxiety is the best part of a project for me, culminating in a real high when the project comes to life! But sending me back on the hamster wheel of anticipation/excitement/fulfillment.

I am a planner by nature. I never connected that with this, though

I actually have planned out my custom project quite a bit But then I stopped because i thought that i should wait until I’m ready to commission the order for it… but it’s not hurting anyone for me to fuel the anticipation, you’re right. As long as I still hold on until I’m ready to pay for it to order it, it’s fine for me to think about it from time to time; even if not obsessively! I don’t have any travel or anything planned coming up, but maybe I can start thinking about next year…

Thanks so so much! You really opened my eyes to something about myself!

 

[tyty333]

I only like to buy things for Birthdays, Anniversaries, and big celebrations. If I just buy jewelry for the heck of it, it doesn't
feel as special. I'm weird that way. Also, one person's anticipation is another person's anxiety! Am I getting the setting right?
Am I going to love it? I'm spending so much money...what if I don't like it or it doesn't scratch that itch?

I'm speaking for myself @AllAboardTheBlingTrain ...I know this doesn't help you.

I agree with others...to find other smaller sources for that dopamine hit. Maybe things you already need but can upgrade to
a slightly nicer version like...new sheets, towels, pots/pans (there's a thread out there right now), etc. I bought a cream colored
dutch oven I leave sitting on my stove (I've only used it a couple of times) but it makes a lovely decoration and I'm very pleased
with it!

So, I guess my opinion would be to look at other ways to get that dopamine hit (some are free or at low cost). Good luck!

 

[MissGotRocks]

And the problem too is that no matter how much planning, budgeting, waffling or receiving goes into a material piece - that wonderful feeling of receiving only lasts for so long. Does it then become necessary to lather, rinse and repeat to have that excited feeling again? I agree with @tyty333 that something new doesn't have to be ultra expensive or grand to give you that rush. Nothing is bad, but moderation in all things is the key to living a reasonably happy life. Your planning for gifts for others clearly brings your much joy as well, so I think you are on the right path to balance. Are there other big ticket items you would like to fund? New house, new car, retirement portfolio, travel, etc.? Jewelry is such a fun thing to own and wear. I do, however, think there are times when folks look around at what they have collected and think yikes? - do I really wear and enjoy all of it?

Just some food for thought - no judgment and no criticism. I am sure you are very responsible with your decision making, but when we get frustrated with a potential project, just sometimes good to reevaluate the goal and the future.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

I only like to buy things for Birthdays, Anniversaries, and big celebrations. If I just buy jewelry for the heck of it, it doesn't
feel as special. I'm weird that way. Also, one person's anticipation is another person's anxiety! Am I getting the setting right?
Am I going to love it? I'm spending so much money...what if I don't like it or it doesn't scratch that itch?

I'm speaking for myself @AllAboardTheBlingTrain ...I know this doesn't help you.

I agree with others...to find other smaller sources for that dopamine hit. Maybe things you already need but can upgrade to
a slightly nicer version like...new sheets, towels, pots/pans (there's a thread out there right now), etc. I bought a cream colored
dutch oven I leave sitting on my stove (I've only used it a couple of times) but it makes a lovely decoration and I'm very pleased
with it!

So, I guess my opinion would be to look at other ways to get that dopamine hit (some are free or at low cost). Good luck!

I used to be the person who used to only buy bling for special occasions! And tbh even now maybe I’ll buy 1-2 things a year (I’m far more frequent with bags and clothes tbh because they cost less per article). But I think this year I got a lot of that dopamine hit through projects for other people, and I got used to having this feeling, if that makes sense?

I do agree that I need to find other sources for the dopamine hit, and ideally ones that don’t hit the wallet

And the problem too is that no matter how much planning, budgeting, waffling or receiving goes into a material piece - that wonderful feeling of receiving only lasts for so long. Does it then become necessary to lather, rinse and repeat to have that excited feeling again? I agree with @tyty333 that something new doesn't have to be ultra expensive or grand to give you that rush. Nothing is bad, but moderation in all things is the key to living a reasonably happy life. Your planning for gifts for others clearly brings your much joy as well, so I think you are on the right path to balance. Are there other big ticket items you would like to fund? New house, new car, retirement portfolio, travel, etc.? Jewelry is such a fun thing to own and wear. I do, however, think there are times when folks look around at what they have collected and think yikes? - do I really wear and enjoy all of it?

Just some food for thought - no judgment and no criticism. I am sure you are very responsible with your decision making, but when we get frustrated with a potential project, just sometimes good to reevaluate the goal and the future.

No I think this is really valuable advice. It’s true that the ultimate goal is to be content with what you have and not fall into the trap of always wanting new or more.

I thought about it more and I feel like “receiving” isn’t actually that important to me. It’s nice, but it’s not really the point for me - the satisfaction is in seeing my creation or idea come to life. More than anything it’s the process of searching or designing that I enjoy. I wonder if it’s actually that simple to just put together designs that I may or may not even put into action

 

[MissGotRocks]

I used to be the person who used to only buy bling for special occasions! And tbh even now maybe I’ll buy 1-2 things a year (I’m far more frequent with bags and clothes tbh because they cost less per article). But I think this year I got a lot of that dopamine hit through projects for other people, and I got used to having this feeling, if that makes sense?

I do agree that I need to find other sources for the dopamine hit, and ideally ones that don’t hit the wallet



No I think this is really valuable advice. It’s true that the ultimate goal is to be content with what you have and not fall into the trap of always wanting new or more.

I thought about it more and I feel like “receiving” isn’t actually that important to me. It’s nice, but it’s not really the point for me - the satisfaction is in seeing my creation or idea come to life. More than anything it’s the process of searching or designing that I enjoy. I wonder if it’s actually that simple to just put together designs that I may or may not even put into action

Well, if the creative side of you is more pumped than the receiving side, you are probably a more fortunate jewelry lover! I am not artistic in the least…I just know what I like when I see it! If I were creative, I might delve more into that realm of jewelry. Go forth and create beauty - you benefit, but clearly so do your friends and family with your gifts to them! This is an entirely different perspective and I applaud your efforts and abilities!

 

[tyty333]

I thought about it more and I feel like “receiving” isn’t actually that important to me. It’s nice, but it’s not really the point for me - the satisfaction is in seeing my creation or idea come to life. More than anything it’s the process of searching or designing that I enjoy. I wonder if it’s actually that simple to just put together designs that I may or may not even put into action

I wonder if it's like this for a lot of people. I see so many rings that have been designed/created, and then 6 months to a year later
they are up for sale on loupe troop. Not sure if the item didn't turn out as expected or if the owner is just ready to move on to the
next project (or dopamine hit).

Dopamine hits seem like they can be as much a curse as a pleasure. I wonder what psychologists/psychiatrists think on this subject.
Does too many hits lead to wanting/needing more? Or, the more hits you get the better? Hmm, don't know.

I think if you can satisfy your needs by designing gifts for friends and family it scratches two itches at once. I mean you have to/plan
to get them a gift anyway, right? Might as well get your creative juices flowing and make it something personal that you know they'll
love!

Ditto @MissGotRocks (as usual)...I think we're saying the same thing!

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

Well, if the creative side of you is more pumped than the receiving side, you are probably a more fortunate jewelry lover! I am not artistic in the least…I just know what I like when I see it! If I were creative, I might delve more into that realm of jewelry. Go forth and create beauty - you benefit, but clearly so do your friends and family with your gifts to them! This is an entirely different perspective and I applaud your efforts and abilities!

That’s so sweet of you to say! I’m so glad i posted because i think i actually understood myself a little better today! I started doodling my ideas for my custom project next year when i had a break and it really made me smile. Once i have this down i might try my hand at designing something I don’t plan to have made for myself; just for the fun of it; and see if it scratches the itch.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

I wonder if it's like this for a lot of people. I see so many rings that have been designed/created, and then 6 months to a year later
they are up for sale on loupe troop. Not sure if the item didn't turn out as expected or if the owner is just ready to move on to the
next project (or dopamine hit).

Dopamine hits seem like they can be as much a curse as a pleasure. I wonder what psychologists/psychiatrists think on this subject.
Does too many hits lead to wanting/needing more? Or, the more hits you get the better? Hmm, don't know.

I think if you can satisfy your needs by designing gifts for friends and family it scratches two itches at once. I mean you have to/plan
to get them a gift anyway, right? Might as well get your creative juices flowing and make it something personal that you know they'll
love!

Ditto @MissGotRocks (as usual)...I think we're saying the same thing!

Yeah one thing i want to avoid is definitely selling what I design. For one I get so sentimentally attached I can’t imagine selling

I also wonder if it’s a good thing for me to indulge myself on the dopamine side of things. I have to admit I’ve never considered just designing for the sake of making a design, with zero intention of actually bringing to life. If i can do that and it makes me happy, well, then it looks like I’ve discovered a new hobby

I’m definitely indulging myself on the friends and family angle! The issue is that I’m all done for the year that’s when I noticed the itch setting in again!

 

[diamondyes]

I’ve been eating too much chocolate, for sure

It’s funny, but I think the gratification I get from things is different than what I get from anything else. I’ve been trying to focus on whatever I’ve already bought and feel the excitement of that instead, to make myself more appreciative!

My food bill is definitely up, lol.

How’s your itemization of your bling? Is it detailed and thorough? Sometimes this action keeps me busy and grateful for what I have.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

How’s your itemization of your bling? Is it detailed and thorough? Sometimes this action keeps me busy and grateful for what I have.

Great idea! It is reasonably thorough but I did want to take more standardised photos etc so maybe I could do that. It’s also nice to be able to appreciate my collection by seeing all of it together, haha.

Actually I should try and itemise my handbags too! I have so many now! It would be good to have them all in front of me so I know what I’m missing!

 

[diamondyes]

Great idea! It is reasonably thorough but I did want to take more standardised photos etc so maybe I could do that. It’s also nice to be able to appreciate my collection by seeing all of it together, haha.

Actually I should try and itemise my handbags too! I have so many now! It would be good to have them all in front of me so I know what I’m missing!

It’ll definitely take up some time

 

[Piper70]

I must be the outlier here. I don’t do custom projects much so I either buy things or I don’t. So if I’m not buying things, I can just easily turn it off and focus on other stuff. We are working on plans for a retirement house so that’s where my focus is going and, it was pretty easy to shut off the jewelry, clothing, handbag purchasing urge for a while. I’m not gonna lie though, I had a 25% off Saks friends and family recently so a handbag did find its way to me. But I consider that a practical purchase.

 

[lulu_ma]

What I like to do when it comes to bling is find things for other people to buy and hope that they post tonnes of photos of it lol. That's why we're so invested in some of these searches etc etc so we can live vicariously.

+1

 

[lavenderdragonfly23]

Oh perfect, a thread for exactly what I need answers too…. Yea, I have no tips, I’m miserable and riddled with anxiety until April and constantly getting distracted by other pretty things I could blow my savings on

I have a few irreplaceable cheerleaders that are keeping me on the straight and narrow (so many thank you’s to @lulu_ma and @maryjane04 ) … you are irreplaceable and I adore you both!



Rx: Supportive cheerleader, two or more as needed. Report back if symptoms persist

 

[lavenderdragonfly23]

Ohhhh… yes, I completely forgot.
I also decided to take off 75 pounds, lol!

I will say, the change in diet, food prep and workouts has been rather time consuming and has helped with some of the anxiety from waiting. I’m down 36 pounds now!

 

[Calliecake]

Ohhhh… yes, I completely forgot.
I also decided to take off 75 pounds, lol!

I will say, the change in diet, food prep and workouts has been rather time consuming and has helped with some of the anxiety from waiting. I’m down 36 pounds now!

Congratulations @lavenderdragonfly23!!!

 

[fiona00004]

Same here, same here.

Sometimes I tell myself: OK, after this purchase. THAT'S IT" I am getting rid of eBay and Etsy... But, yeah, no, never happened... I buy other things off of those places, not just jewelry so...

And there are also times when I am like "I work SO HARD" I have not other luxuries for self gratification ( well yes, yearly travels with the family, weekly takeout meals" but, like, I don't shop for other items....jewelry has always been my vice. But it's not good for me and the household financially.

I am somehow trying to keep busy with exercise, sleep, reading my novels, maintaining the house and kids bit ugh. The grind gets to me sometimes. Working as a therapist in healthcare can be tiring and bling just makes me smile!

Reading people's replies certainly helps make me feel not alone!!

 

[MissGotRocks]

Ohhhh… yes, I completely forgot.
I also decided to take off 75 pounds, lol!

I will say, the change in diet, food prep and workouts has been rather time consuming and has helped with some of the anxiety from waiting. I’m down 36 pounds now!

Congrats on the weight loss! Tell me what we are waiting for to happen in April? Seems so far off . . . hard to keep your focus I'm sure!!!

 

[Dreamer_D]

I am also waiting and suffering lol

This year I bought loose diamonds and gemstones for projects but didn’t set anything at all! And while I do like collecting stones, not having a new piece to actually wear is pretty anti-climactic lol

I have been saving to set my 2.74cttw suite of old cuts early next year. But we just found out our older son has a band trip next spring to Europe that is going to cost a pretty penny I really hope we can make it work without dipping into the bling fund bc that would just be so sad for meeeeeeee.

 

[maryjane04]

Aww I'm reading the comments and it feels like a few of us are in the same boat lol we should be on ban island.

I got two big bling this year but I'll probably not get anything for another year or two.

I love looking at what others are contemplating though and as usual PS is a great distraction.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

Yeah I think I've been trying to do that with my projects in my personal life - as in, projects for my family and friends - but I think a better, more sustainable solution is to get stuck in with projects for my internet friends because there's a lot more of them and everyone is likely even more persnickety than I am the part of the process that grabs me the most is the piece design, not the stone search; so I rarely have much to contribute for the latter but I think when I feel the itch I will get involved in threads for the former.

you are very generous to your friends and family

you might just scratch the itch by treating your self to a less expensive but still luxuriousness something - having a really awsome day out or lunch at a really fine restuarant, something you have wanted to do for ever but never got around to it
somethingreally really nice just to help hold you off for six months