Porridge
Ideal_Rock
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a LIW just needs to vent! (warning: very candid)...
- Thread starter dec2410
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dec2410
Shiny_Rock
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- Sep 5, 2007
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Brown.Eyed.Girl
Ideal_Rock
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No problem! I actually have quite a few friends who may be in similar situations as far as conservative mothers go (one of my really good friends, who is also Korean, has a super super traditional mother...my friend''s older sister is still afraid to tell their mother that she''s dating an Indian guy...even though they''ve been together for at least a couple years now, bc she''s afraid their mother will blow a gasket!). So like I said, I sympathize.
I had a blast on my trips - I loved being in Mexico with the sun and surf (even though it rained for half the week I was there the second time). It''s just nice to get away for awhile (esp from cold weather) and just relax - I bet you''ll have a great time, and you''ll have to update us after you go in Nov.!
FrekeChild
Super_Ideal_Rock
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- Dec 14, 2007
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Yay! I''m glad that your conversation with your mom went well! I remember having quite a few conversations with my mom that were along the same lines of, "I''m an adult, you can''t be in control of me forever, I have to make my own mistakes, etc." And they made our relationship stronger. It made her realize that I wouldn''t be her baby girl forever, and that I had to get out there and make my own mistakes and solve my own problems. And boy did I!
But really, I''m thrilled for you that you sat down and bonded with her, as well as were honest with her about where you were going and what you''d be doing, as well as your plans for the future. That takes balls woman! And now the lines of communication are open! Which is fantastic!
But really, I''m thrilled for you that you sat down and bonded with her, as well as were honest with her about where you were going and what you''d be doing, as well as your plans for the future. That takes balls woman! And now the lines of communication are open! Which is fantastic!
dec2410
Shiny_Rock
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ok...another update.
she's freaking out again.
she's just not making sense. only married people are supposed to travel together. if you wanna go away together, go to city hall and get married first.
i see it as, she doesn't trust me to make my own decisions as an adult. she swears that has nothing to do with it.
i don't get it. i'm upset. she's beyond talking to now. what do i do? go against her even tho she is very clear about how she feels and just go....or not. i pretty much know what most of you will say...why am i still asking for permission? because i live under her roof and i still feel obligated to take into consideration her feelings.
i'm thinking all sorts of crazy. should i move out? i feel so sufficated right now. i'm so furious right now, i can't even think straight.
she's freaking out again.
she's just not making sense. only married people are supposed to travel together. if you wanna go away together, go to city hall and get married first.
i see it as, she doesn't trust me to make my own decisions as an adult. she swears that has nothing to do with it.
i don't get it. i'm upset. she's beyond talking to now. what do i do? go against her even tho she is very clear about how she feels and just go....or not. i pretty much know what most of you will say...why am i still asking for permission? because i live under her roof and i still feel obligated to take into consideration her feelings.
i'm thinking all sorts of crazy. should i move out? i feel so sufficated right now. i'm so furious right now, i can't even think straight.
NewEnglandLady
Ideal_Rock
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- Jul 27, 2007
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Waiting, I''m really sorry to hear she''s freaking out again--it seems that she''s having a very hard time coming to term with the fact that her little girl is making her own decisions and living her own life. As Freke mentioned, I think re-iterating that you need to have your own experience and make your own mistakes.
Have you given some thought to moving out? I really think that when you establish that independence you start seeing your parents as fellow adults and they start seeing you the same way. I think that establishing your own life (moving out) would be fantastic for many reasons: you won''t feel (as much of) an obligation to your parents, you will have a whole new level of respect for yourself and I find it to be a crucial step before getting engaged or married!
As for your mom, I hope that you use this as an opportunity to start establishing some boundaries with her. She''s your mother and you love her and obviously respect her and that is fantastic--I would remind her of that, but when she starts talking about this trip say "This is not up for discussion, mom. I love you, but I need for you to let me live my life." If she wants to get mad, throw a fit and hang up, that is her decision. Just continue to be loving and friendly towards her, but remind her that she can''t talk about this trip if the only reason she''s doing it is to complain or lecture you.
Again, I''m sorry and I hope that this doesn''t dampen your excitement for this trip (too much)! Hopefully things will improve before you leave--you''ll have a fantastic time!
Have you given some thought to moving out? I really think that when you establish that independence you start seeing your parents as fellow adults and they start seeing you the same way. I think that establishing your own life (moving out) would be fantastic for many reasons: you won''t feel (as much of) an obligation to your parents, you will have a whole new level of respect for yourself and I find it to be a crucial step before getting engaged or married!
As for your mom, I hope that you use this as an opportunity to start establishing some boundaries with her. She''s your mother and you love her and obviously respect her and that is fantastic--I would remind her of that, but when she starts talking about this trip say "This is not up for discussion, mom. I love you, but I need for you to let me live my life." If she wants to get mad, throw a fit and hang up, that is her decision. Just continue to be loving and friendly towards her, but remind her that she can''t talk about this trip if the only reason she''s doing it is to complain or lecture you.
Again, I''m sorry and I hope that this doesn''t dampen your excitement for this trip (too much)! Hopefully things will improve before you leave--you''ll have a fantastic time!
ckrickett
Ideal_Rock
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- Jul 26, 2008
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I understand respecting your parents. But you are an adult and you have the right to do as you wish. As much as I see you wanting to repsect her wishes, YOU also deserve the respect, being that you are a full grown woman in a grown up relationship with a man you are going to marry. She needs to let go alittle, and you need to let go too. I''ve made some decisions that went against everything my parents thought I should do, and it didn''t kill them, YES they were mad for a few weeks, but they got over it because they love me and we moved on from there. Your mom loves you and wants the best, but it being cultural, she might not be able to understand (not saying your mom is ignorant, I have a hard time understanding other cultures that I wasn''t raised in). This is where you need to step up and say I''m an adult.
What you need to do is come to a decision that''s right for you, yes put your mom''s feelings and wishes into perspective, but don''t let it be the only thing keeping you from doing it.
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