A revelation

[mmi]

I went on my first ring-shopping trip a few days ago with a close friend, and I made a discovery that both complicates things and makes them more exciting. I've always thought that my BF and I would (when the time came) have a budget around 2, maybe 3k. For the past couple years (we've been together a long time) I've thought of ways to stretch that budget, which basically meant finding the best ~0.6 ct round I could and putting it in a plain 18kt WG setting. And I was ok with that.

Well a few days ago my friend and I made the "mistake" of trying on higher end rings, namely Tacori and Scott Kay. Oh my goodness. I am officially hooked. I don't know if I could be happy now with a plain WG solitaire when I could have something else that better shows my tastes and personality. Something unique! Of course, settings like these cost upwards of $2,000 which causes my dilemma. I told the sales associate the budget and he was understanding, and told me the option of putting a high quality CZ for the center until we could afford a real diamond. I pondered it but wasn't completely comfortable with that.

I called my mom up that night and she reminded me that I have a 0.8 - 0.9 ct RB (not sure of specifics... guesstimating) in the safety deposit box, inherited from my grandmother. Hmmmmmm! Now that's something I never really considered until now. The more I think about it, the more I like it. We could still save up for a diamond that we really want, but I wouldn't have to wear a fake rock for 5+(??) years.

The tricky part is bringing this up to the boyfriend. I casually gave him a brief synopsis of our shopping experience, told him I was now interested in a unique designer setting, and mentioned that we could maybe set my diamond in it to save him a bunch of money. He half-jokingly said something to the effect of "So you want something better than what I can buy you". I quickly told him this was not what I was trying to say. Nevertheless the subject was quickly droppped.

So now I am stuck. How do I not hurt his feelings/ego?

Another thing. I first tried on numerous 0.5-0.65 ct RB solitaires and I must say they did not really flatter my size 7 finger.

Thanks
mmi

 

[vintagelover229]

One thing to consider is not getting a "designer" setting and finding an estate setting that will suite your needs. Have you looked into that? There are some reasonable priced settings at a few places you could check out (esp if he was okay with using an inherited stone).

www.jewelsbyericagrace.com
www.doverjewelry.com (for some reason it's not working on my computer right now other wise I'd link you to a couple nice settings)
www.antiqueengagementrings.com
www.rubylane.com

Also if he's opposed to using that stone there are great option in the 3k range that are nice too if you go estate. Antiqueengagementrings has a few very nice ones in your budget.

 

[amc80]

That's a toughie. You should remind him that the diamond is just sitting there, unused. Would you consider selling the diamond? Although resale on used diamonds is terrible, you might get enough to make up for the difference. Although he sounds like a guy who wouldn't want you to contribute towards your ring at all.

 

[brittany0613]

I have a three stone e-ring. One 1ct oval center with a .4ct round on either side. I got one round from my grandmother and one from my mom, and the oval was bought by FI. Using those two round diamonds was the best decision ever. It makes my ring completely unique and absolutely special. If you like the idea and it would be special to you, tell BF that it's not that you want something he can't afford but you want a different type of setting now and would love to use this diamond from your mom. If it is special to you, then he shouldn't have a problem with it.

 

[wakingdreams53]

I 100000% understand. I have a ~.6 stone heirloom stone that I was given. Although I wanted atleast .7 and a simple setting, now I'm loving the idea of a Tacori/designer ring too. The only difference is that bf wouldn't mind using the stone. My bf actually prefers to use the stone, but to compensate for its size, is willing to get a blingier setting.

What would you use the .8-.9 stone for if not this ring? Pendant? Its a great size and it has a history.

Would your bf rather buy everything himself, knowing that you'd prefer both a bigger stone and a more detailed setting, or would he be willing to compromise? Of course you'd be glad with anything he'd propose with and appreciate it, but really, this is a ring you'll be wearing for a while. To have a constant memory of your grandmother and a beautiful setting that HE would buy you, would be beautiful, no?

It takes two to tango: a diamond and a ring.

Perhaps if you present it in a way of spending the same amount of money, and the money you save could go towards a down payment for a house, the wedding, the honeymoon.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I suggest appealing to his logic.

Explain that this stone means something to you, and that you feel it's very appropriate to use it for your engagement. Tell him that it has nothing to do with you being unhappy about what he can or cannot afford...that it entirely boils down to wanting *that* stone in your ring. Using this ring means you get the setting you want, and that's very important to you.

Men are generally rational beings if you can reason with them in terms they understand. If you're going at him saying "what you can afford isn't what I want anymore" that's going to upset him, obviously...so sugar it up a little bit with solid reasoning.

 

[TwinkleStar]

+1 to all the great advice the ladies here have already given.

If your bf is concerned that it won't feel like he has bought the ring for you, he could also offer to buy the stone from your mom - which it sounds like she would refuse. That could totally set his mind at ease about accepting the inherited stone. Plus, not to mention all of the other things you could put that money towards!

Congrats! Inherited stones are like finding treasure, not to mention the sentimental value!

 

[Cabochon1]

Why don't you go to your bank, and look at the diamond in the safe deposit? Look at the size and if you can see inclusions... This whole thing only makes sense if you like the stone.

If that is the case I am all for using the diamond your grandmother left you.

I don't know how close you are to the actual ring buying process. Was that just a preliminary look around or is he impatient to order?

I would try and tell your boyfriend something like: You are very happy with whatever he can give you if need be. But you already have this beautiful family stone and you couldn't possibly afford to set it in an appropriate setting. The general idea is to start uniting the two families on the proposal day with stone and setting. It's so romantic and practical at the same time. And I can't see anything demeaning in that.

 

[mmi]

Thank you everyone for replying!

To clear some things up. It is my diamond in the safety deposit box, not my Mom's. I haven't seen it for a long time because I am currently in a different state for school. But I will get to look at it when I visit home.

BF and I have not begun the ring-buying process. I went shopping with my friend. Engagement is at least a year in the future for me, but I "plan ahead".

I think, if I do decide to do the designer route, that BF and I could go together to look at settings, and he could see the craftsmanship of them. He was impressed when I showed them to him online but I think he would need to see them in person... Someday. Plus, I would also like him to see my inherited diamond, which I will be taking with me to put in my OWN safety deposit box in the state I'm living. I think it would make things more "real" and not just speculative.

A special thanks to vintagelover for the links. I will check those out.

mmi