shape
carat
color
clarity

A Very Awkward Situation

Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
Date: 4/12/2010 10:56:25 AM
Author: monarch64
Date: 4/12/2010 10:33:57 AM

Author: legallyspoiled

I don''t think that you should ever feel embarrassed about the size of your ring. Nor should you ever have to defend it or apologize for it. As long as YOU love it. Who cares what others think?



If I had been there, I would have chimed in on Friend #2''s behalf and said, ''I disagree. I think it is classic, stunning, and is well proportioned to your finger. Your fiance did a great job. He must really love you!''
I agree with everything else you said, LS, but I really have an issue with the highlighted phrase when people use it to express how wonderful they think an engagement ring is. I mean, what would you say to someone with a .50carat center stone? He must be pretty into you? Maybe someday he''ll REALLY love you? It just seems like implying that stone size is directly related to the amount of love your significant other feels for you. I know it is used innocently but when you think about it, it''s kind of a crappy thing to say to someone!

Ditto this.

The size of the stone or how much was spent is not a qualifier for the quality of the relationship or the strength of the feelings. I always bristle at the insinuation that the size of the rock or expense of the ring is in proportion to feelings. And it is just not always true...someone with a big bank account is not automatically more loving (see Tiger Woods - I am sure Elin had a lovely ring!). Of course a smaller ring does not mean more love either...there is just no correlation either way!

I did not have an engagement ring....and have no doubt my DH loves me greatly and vice versa. Now I am having an affordable gemstone ring made (I am not a diamond girl) and paying for it myself (though our finances are shared so it all works out somehow) and again, that does not have anything to do with our love or relationship. We could have spent more - we chose not to.
 
Yeah, I totally didn''t mean that in the sense that he loves her MORE because her ring is "large."
 
Yeah, I totally didn''t mean that in the sense that he loves her MORE because her ring is "large."
 
Oops! I didn''t think that my post "posted." It was just hiding on page 2, lol.
 
Date: 4/12/2010 11:16:15 AM
Author: legallyspoiled
Yeah, I totally didn''t mean that in the sense that he loves her MORE because her ring is ''large.''

Just for record I did not think *you* actually meant it that way...but it can be construed that way when people say it (and sometimes others DO mean it that way!!!).
 
Date: 4/12/2010 11:16:48 AM
Author: legallyspoiled
Yeah, I totally didn''t mean that in the sense that he loves her MORE because her ring is ''large.''
I know, I understand that it is always said innocently and it''s a phrase that is common enough and well-intentioned. Every time I hear it, though, I cringe because I think about the implications! I probably just think too much. LOL
 
Bahaha, Luckynumber, maybe we should trade friends!

I recently told my close friends that my SO and I started looking for rings and mentioned our budget. My friends basically told me my budget was too low, and that they''ve "never liked a ring under 9k" and maybe my SO and I should "wait a few years so he can buy you a nice ring!". Our budget is more than enough to me, as we are both students. I was amazed by their comments, because they''re students too, and single.

I think that its not about how big your friend''s diamond is and how big yours will be. If yours was .25 carat, your friend would probably have something to say about that too! Don''t let her get you down.
 
I''d go for whatever size you and the SO feel comfortable with and not worry about it. If someone says anything negative, give a sweet smile and say "I love my ring and everything it symbolizes. It''s all a perfect fit."

I do feel for you for getting comments about the rings. I personally am getting them from my own mother! She asked what the budget was and I gave her the ballpark range the BF had given and she almost has a heart attack. But she also doesn''t even wear her orginal e-ring since my dad bought her an eternity band for their anniversary a few years ago. Too bad she has no idea what that cost (i know because I helped pick it out at the time).

But no matter what, don''t let anyone take away from your own happiness!!
30.gif
 
thanks so much for all the support ladies (you too DF!)

feeling much better now
1.gif


we''re picking the diamond size based on the following:

1. what looks good on my finger (size 4.75)

2. what i would feel comfortable wearing day to day

3. what wont break the budget

4. what my FF would be proud to put on my finger

5. what size i will NEVER (yes, never!) upgrade


I would NEVER say someone''s ering rock is too small, I don''t get where people have the gall to say someone''s stone is too big/trashy!!
38.gif


Now I wish I''d stood up for friend 2, but she''s a very quiet and shy girl and I didn''t feel comfortable saying anything since she didn''t.

I''m giving a big
20.gif
to the haters out there and practising these great comebacks y''all shared.

you guys rock!
13.gif
 
i wanna become a "TRASHY" guy one of these days.
16.gif
 
luckynumber, maybe the next time you see Friend #2, you could quietly say something along the lines of, "I just wanted to say that I totally disagree with what Friend #1 said the other day... I don''t think your ering is "trashy" at all, in fact I think it is lovely! I was just stunned into silence. I hope you don''t take her comments to heart as I am sure she didn''t mean to be as rude as she sounded."

Just in case Friend #2 took your silence as agreement...? Support is always better late than never, surely....
 
Date: 4/13/2010 3:59:58 AM
Author: Rae~
luckynumber, maybe the next time you see Friend #2, you could quietly say something along the lines of, ''I just wanted to say that I totally disagree with what Friend #1 said the other day... I don''t think your ering is ''trashy'' at all, in fact I think it is lovely! I was just stunned into silence. I hope you don''t take her comments to heart as I am sure she didn''t mean to be as rude as she sounded.''


Just in case Friend #2 took your silence as agreement...? Support is always better late than never, surely....
Great idea!

How ironically trashy of Friend #1 to say such things in the first place.
 
I haven''t had friends or relatives say anything negative about the size of my ring. It''s 1.7ct - not huge, but far bigger than anyone I know well. Mostly they make comments like "That''s huge!" but they''re not negative comments. I''ve had many comments from strangers as well, since I spent a lot of time in rural areas for my last job, but they also weren''t necessarily negative. I did get a few "is that real?" comments, but I don''t get offended by that - I think people are just trying to start conversation.

I guess I just wouldn''t worry about what your friends say. Who cares? Yes, in some places 2ct is a very large ring, but if that''s what you want, go for it! I swear people will stop noticing it a few months after you get it and won''t give it another thought.
 
People are always going to mean out of jealousy, anger, resentment etc. And people are always going to tell you to ignore them because it is what ever makes YOU happy that matters.

I agree that it is whatever makes YOU and your FI that is important. If you find people making comments like this, my best advice would be to say to them -

I think it is beautiful and I cannot believe how lucky I am to have found my man.

Or something like that. It gets the point across that you thought they were being rude without actually saying it or insulting them. After all - they probably love it and are too upset to say it. Anyone one who genuinely didn''t like it probably wouldn''t be mean spirited enough to say anything.
20.gif
 
Date: 4/11/2010 11:24:41 AM
Author:luckynumber
Picture this:

Friend 1: gosh, that's a big ring

Friend 2: yes, i'm very happy with it, it's the ring of my dreams

Friend 1: yes well, i think anything over 1 carat looks trashy

Friend 2: _____________. *face like thunder*
Ahh! Don't you just hate the way some people behave?
Get the ring you and your fiance-to-be want and wear it proudly. That's all that really matters.

My ring is a "baby stone" compared to others on ps. It's a .81 RB but it is larger than my friends erings and my mom's and FMIL's center stones.
So I get plenty of comments. including:

Engaged friend number 1 to her fiance: "See! i wanted something big like that! We're def. going to have to upgrade
29.gif
"
I felt so badly for her fiance. I wanted to go crawl under a rock and hide until she gets an upgrade. (they have a 5 week old son now... i'm pretty sure the upgrade is far off)

But my FMIL takes the cake.
When fiance showed her the ring (that we picked out together):
She must have helped you select it. That diamond is WAY too huge. I can't believe you spent that much money on her.

She hasn't said anything to me about the ring or engagement by the way

But when we were over for thanksgiving, fiance's gma was talking to me and FMIL came over, interrupted our conversation, said "did you show her your ring" as she grabbed my wrist and thrust it forward in gma's face. I had no time to react lol.
Then she goes "isn't it too big?!"
FMIL "Yeah... I can't believe you guys spent so much money on it"

First of all, they don't know what we spent. Second of all, It's not their ering so why do they care?

See... pessimistic jerks come in all shapes and sizes and all walks of life. Just ignore them or feel bad for them. I know I do. It must suck to go through life being that bitter and judgemental all the time.

And I think your ring shopping criteria is perfect. That's what we went by and I couldn't be happier with our final choice
2.gif
.
Good luck and happy ring hunting!
 
With friends like that who needs enemies? Classic case of a petty and jealous biotch. Don''t you dare invite her to your wedding.
 
just to update you guys, we''re going with the 1.5 ct, as the 2ct plus halo was just waaaay too much on my size 4.5 (i got my size a bit wrong)

i''m sure some catty people will still have something to say about it, but i couldn''t care less

now hand me my shades


.....aaah
10.gif
 
Date: 4/15/2010 4:39:32 PM
Author: luckynumber
just to update you guys, we''re going with the 1.5 ct, as the 2ct plus halo was just waaaay too much on my size 4.5 (i got my size a bit wrong)

i''m sure some catty people will still have something to say about it, but i couldn''t care less

now hand me my shades


.....aaah
10.gif
Awesome.
1.gif
Can''t wait to see pictures!
 
Date: 4/15/2010 4:39:32 PM
Author: luckynumber
just to update you guys, we''re going with the 1.5 ct, as the 2ct plus halo was just waaaay too much on my size 4.5 (i got my size a bit wrong)


i''m sure some catty people will still have something to say about it, but i couldn''t care less


now hand me my shades



.....aaah
10.gif


..Future possible reply could be..."Yes, I know not everyone has the hands to pull off a ring like this...I suppose I''m lucky I do"

Looking forward to seeing pics too :)

Ooh, forgot to say, I like Rae''s suggestion to let friend #2 know you weren''t in agreement with friend #1''s dislike/judgement.
 
Sorry luckynumber that you had to sit through such an awkward conversation but you should just move past it because it will start to make you feel unhappy as friend 1.

I feel a lot of the same rudeness from friends whenever I talk about getting engaged or the ring I chose but I know its because they are really thinking "this should be me." so silently i forgive it because i''m there and been there too but i never let it go unnoticed.. simply talking about it lightens the mood especially if you are all good friends.

My FF and I plan to get engaged this year and he is very close to his mom and sister which is great but its also bad because his sister is about 1-2yrs older and been in a relationship a little longer so she is a LIW too. When he tried to show her the ring setting he/we choose she said in a snotty tone "oh god your looking at those already" so he just said forget it.. I know it bothered him and it really hurt my feelings bc we are all pretty close but I know its because she wants to get engaged first so I cant let it get to me its just the way it is

I think chemgirl hit it right on the nose about how people sometimes cant be happy for others and make mean comments because they are unhappy with something in their life or they see everyones dreams coming true around them. Dont worry about it.. all you should worry about is the excitement of you and your FF looking at rings!! So Rock on
 
Enjoy your ring! It''s nobody''s business. Don''t make any apologies for it.

Years ago a lady at my church had just upgraded her center diamond and I noticed and complimented it. Then I asked the tacky question (I realize it''s tacky now, but I was ignorant back then) "Aren''t you worried that people will assume that because it''s so big that it must be a cubic zirconia?" She smiled and replied "They can think whatever they want... I KNOW this baby is real!" and I was actually impressed with her attitude!

I now have a 1 carat, with quarter carats on either side and have had a few *remarks*. (Up here where I live this ring is considered quite large.) My future sister-in-law immediately said "Oh I don''t see the point of wasting so much money just on a piece of jewellery" -- WITH the eyeball roll! I replied that I look down at my finger several times a day, EVERY day, and marvel at how beautiful this ring is... that I love it everyday and it brings me pleasure. That it takes my breath away that my sweetypie loves me so much to want to put something so beautiful on my finger. I bet my future SIL''s eyes will go completely backwards when she see my wedding band next to it next month! LOL!!! I can''t wait for the remarks then!
 
Date: 4/15/2010 4:39:32 PM
Author: luckynumber
just to update you guys, we''re going with the 1.5 ct, as the 2ct plus halo was just waaaay too much on my size 4.5 (i got my size a bit wrong)

i''m sure some catty people will still have something to say about it, but i couldn''t care less

now hand me my shades


.....aaah
10.gif
Glad you found the right stone for you!

I''m also in the UK, in London, and I must admit that with 2ct you would get a fair number of catty comments or people asking if it was real. My SIL, who is from the USA but lives here, has a 1.5ct rb and gets asked all the time whether it''s real and how much it cost.

People have commented on how big my e-ring is (1.42ct cushion tsavorite) which I find ridiculous, and family members were shocked when my brother gave his wife a 1ct e-ring.

I wear a RHR with 3 OECs that are about 2ct total and I was embarassed at first as it is a lot bigger (and better quality) than most people I know IRLs e-rings. However, having spent a year fighting a legal battle and 3 days in labour with my daughter I feel I more than earned it and I don''t care what people think.

Just to give perspective... I''m in my mid-30''s, my peer group are all very successful and earning very good salaries and most of the e-rings are around 0.5ct.

That said, my husband moved company recently and came home all excited to tell me that his colleague has a 2.3ct OEC as her e-ring, so they are out there... although he also said that if I hadn''t educated him about diamonds he would have thought it fake.
 
That is rude, I am glad you are getting what you want.

All my friends (and most women I have interacted with) have been very polite about my ring and careful not to mention size (my 1 ct stone is big where I live).

One 22 year old guy said "wow is that a whole caret!" in front of his wife. I think both me and his wife felt more awkward as I than had to find something to say to not make her feel bad about her ring!!!!
 
We started out with just wedding bands and only more recently have I received what I wear as my e-ring. The one negative comment I received to my large-ish carat diamond e-ring was: "Wow, your husband must really want everyone to know you''re taken." Somehow that rankled me -- when I wore only my gold wedding band was she thinking my husband must not cherish me?

Because I see this person every so often, I have told myself that she was trying to be complimentary and spoke clumsily... But like some of the prior posters, I was dismayed by her equating love with size of stone. While e-rings and wedding bands are public symbols of commitment, they are not a measure of that commitment.

Be comfortable with the ring you decide on -- if it meets your selection criteria and pleases you to wear it on your finger, that''s the ring for you. Do not worry about what other people may say or think -- for some it can never be grand enough; for others, the least of rings will be too much.
 
Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
GET 3 FREE HCA RESULTS JOIN THE FORUM. ASK FOR HELP
Top