Mimikins24
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Nov 27, 2005
- Messages
- 185
Hi ladies!!!
I am in a different situation than most of the LIW here. I originally found PS while I was looking for guidance about wedding etiquette and just sort of fell into the LIW forum (and durned glad I did too). Anyway, my first post here was asking for advice about a wedding situation. Here is the link to that thread if anyone is interested in the sorted details.
Bridesmaid Situation
I will give a quick synopsis of the issues for those that don''t want to read my very lengthy post. A friend of mine from back-in-the-day got engaged. We used to be really close friends, but had drifted apart in the last couple of years because our lives were heading in really different directions. Once I heard she was engaged (and I called to say congrats), she started to email me more and stay in contact quite regularly. A few months later she started the planning and asked me to be a bridesmaid. I was flattered as I thought she was trying to renew our friendship, so I agreed. She asked which weekends I was unavailable (due to final exams), so she could be sure to avoid those days.
Long story short --- she put the wedding on one of four days (out of a year) that I said I was unavailable, but I said I would make it work for her special day. She promised to include me in shopping for the bridesmaid dresses (since I was home from school in the summer), but each time she would never call back. I found out that she took the other 3 girls shopping, but never invited me.
It ony went down hill from here. She talked about another bridesmaid as "a space filler", and she consistenty treated me more poorly than this unwanted girl. She changed the style of bridesmaid dress, ordered it without my knowledge, and delivered the bill to my mom and dad''s house in the mail. Never once did I receive any notice of those happenings. I found it out from my mom.
The last straw was when we had issues with the rehearsal dinner time (she scheduled it during my last Advanced Tax law class) and the order of bridesmaids in the church (I was after the unwanted girl). I called her and basically she told me that I was going to wreck her day because I would be too stressed about exams (which we less than 48 hours away from the wedding). She told me that she no longer wanted me in the bridal party.
I felt guilty because I know I should have just declined when I first found out the date. In an attempt to bandaid the situation (and to appease my own sense of guilt), I offered to pay for the lost dress deposit IF SHE COULD NOT find someone to use my dress. She asked for the deposit money about 2 months later.
So here is where it gets interesting. She has had very little to do with me since then (the occassional email to tell me about her wedding plans), but I did call and wish her luck on her day. I didn''t go to the wedding because of the schedule conflicts, and my grandpa ended up passing away about a week before that, so I was really in no condition anyway.
I received an email from her yesterday --- photos of the wedding. To my surprise, there were 4 bridesmaids. SHE is the one that pursued the deposit money after I told her to get back to me about whether they were able to use the dress or not. I sent her an email inquiring about the new bridesmaid and her dress. They did use my dress and used the deposit money to defer some of the costs of the dress because "it wasn''t fair for her to pay full price". Her husband told her he wasn''t going to change his side of the wedding party, so she added someone on her side for the sake of symmetry.
I am about to write an email back to her. I have let myself calm for about 2 hours after I got her (rather entitled) reply. I''m afraid this isn''t going to be pretty. Just thought I would give an update on this story and see if anyone had opinions as I craft my reply.
I am in a different situation than most of the LIW here. I originally found PS while I was looking for guidance about wedding etiquette and just sort of fell into the LIW forum (and durned glad I did too). Anyway, my first post here was asking for advice about a wedding situation. Here is the link to that thread if anyone is interested in the sorted details.
Bridesmaid Situation
I will give a quick synopsis of the issues for those that don''t want to read my very lengthy post. A friend of mine from back-in-the-day got engaged. We used to be really close friends, but had drifted apart in the last couple of years because our lives were heading in really different directions. Once I heard she was engaged (and I called to say congrats), she started to email me more and stay in contact quite regularly. A few months later she started the planning and asked me to be a bridesmaid. I was flattered as I thought she was trying to renew our friendship, so I agreed. She asked which weekends I was unavailable (due to final exams), so she could be sure to avoid those days.
Long story short --- she put the wedding on one of four days (out of a year) that I said I was unavailable, but I said I would make it work for her special day. She promised to include me in shopping for the bridesmaid dresses (since I was home from school in the summer), but each time she would never call back. I found out that she took the other 3 girls shopping, but never invited me.
It ony went down hill from here. She talked about another bridesmaid as "a space filler", and she consistenty treated me more poorly than this unwanted girl. She changed the style of bridesmaid dress, ordered it without my knowledge, and delivered the bill to my mom and dad''s house in the mail. Never once did I receive any notice of those happenings. I found it out from my mom.
The last straw was when we had issues with the rehearsal dinner time (she scheduled it during my last Advanced Tax law class) and the order of bridesmaids in the church (I was after the unwanted girl). I called her and basically she told me that I was going to wreck her day because I would be too stressed about exams (which we less than 48 hours away from the wedding). She told me that she no longer wanted me in the bridal party.
I felt guilty because I know I should have just declined when I first found out the date. In an attempt to bandaid the situation (and to appease my own sense of guilt), I offered to pay for the lost dress deposit IF SHE COULD NOT find someone to use my dress. She asked for the deposit money about 2 months later.
So here is where it gets interesting. She has had very little to do with me since then (the occassional email to tell me about her wedding plans), but I did call and wish her luck on her day. I didn''t go to the wedding because of the schedule conflicts, and my grandpa ended up passing away about a week before that, so I was really in no condition anyway.
I received an email from her yesterday --- photos of the wedding. To my surprise, there were 4 bridesmaids. SHE is the one that pursued the deposit money after I told her to get back to me about whether they were able to use the dress or not. I sent her an email inquiring about the new bridesmaid and her dress. They did use my dress and used the deposit money to defer some of the costs of the dress because "it wasn''t fair for her to pay full price". Her husband told her he wasn''t going to change his side of the wedding party, so she added someone on her side for the sake of symmetry.
I am about to write an email back to her. I have let myself calm for about 2 hours after I got her (rather entitled) reply. I''m afraid this isn''t going to be pretty. Just thought I would give an update on this story and see if anyone had opinions as I craft my reply.
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