Age,and the length you''ve known someone matter?

[aljdewey]

Date: 10/27/2005 9:44:05 PM
Author: peonygirl

It seems like many of you hold the view that a person must have a fully-formed and stable identity before getting married.

I'm not sure I'd say "fully-formed", but stable is a good description.

Here's the defining thing for me: I think even the most self-confident people learn a lot about themselves once they spend 2-3 years in "REAL LIFE". College isn't real-life; it's real life with training wheels. There is still a bit of shelter from the full weight of responsibility; it's like life with a safety net.

There is a deep-down difference between "I'm sure I will be able to handle anything thrown at me" and "I HAVE handled a lot of stuff life has thrown at me." Once is a confidence based in bravado and self-confidence, but untested. The other is a confidence that comes from experience, and there aren't any shortcuts to getting the second kind! It's when you LIVE the fact that not everything goes according to plan, how to handle disappointments with grace, and how to survive what was previously thought unsurvivable.

With a bit of real life experience, you find out what your tolerances really are. You learn that no, you can't accept "x" kind of behavior, and you can't look the other way on that kind. You get much more clarity on what you NEED to be happy, and you become less willing to deny those needs while in trying to be what someone else wants. Caribou said it well....women have a tendency to "put up with so much"....and that's very true when you're younger. "Maybe I don't need this to be happy" or "I'll try to be happy under these terms"....even though you aren't.

The man I thought I'd marry at 21 is much different from the man I married. Had I married the first one, it would have been disastrous. He came from a family of non-communicators, and I thought I could learn to accept that. By the time I met my now-husband (who is SHY and INTROVERTED to most people, by the way) 15 years later, I knew myself well enough to say "if we can't BOTH talk frankly about differences, it ain't gonna work." Now, my husband's family totally avoids confrontation and doesn't discuss things that bother them. What's different? I was clear that right from the outset that stifling wouldn't work in our relationship, and he agreed. We set expectations early on, and we've really tried to stay true to them.

Age is a wonderful thing.....you get more honest with yourself in saying "yep, THIS is who I am and THIS is what I need that's non-negotiable." And you learn that there are only a handful of things that are reaaaaaaaaaaaally non-negotiable and worth getting worked up over. The rest is all game for compromising with each other through good communication.

Date: 10/27/2005 9:44:05 PM
Author: peonygirl

What opinions do you have about the idea that one can grown and change *with* their partner, as long there is love, committment, and a certain amount of essential common viewpoints (like # of kids, spending habits, housework division, religion, in-laws, etc). Or do you think this is too risky a prospect?

I think that's absolutely true.....one can grow and change with their partner. However, I think the changes are just less rapid and less profound after a point. Sort of like growing up physically; in the first 3-4 years, a child grows to nearly half his adult size. In the remaining 14-16 years, he grows the other half.....it slows down, but it's more refined. I think the same is true of our mental/emotional development in our adult "real life"....in the first few years, we change a LOT (even though we don't realize it at the time).....and then it slows to subtle changes over the years. Since it never stops, it's important to grow and change together, but it's less likely to be as dramatic as it is early on.

Having said all of that......I think you've DONE the things you can to make it less risky. (We have discussed literally every concern under the sun, including how we're going to combine finances, religion, child-rearing strategies, where we want to live in the future, how we'll deal with in laws, splitting household chores, etc. We've spent extensive amounts of time with each other's parents, relatives, and friends.) At the end of the day, life is about taking chances.....leaps of faith.

There is no one right path for everybody. My folks married at 20 and 21, and they are happily married 41 years later. There are many others who married young, too. Just because the percentages favor marrying a bit later doesn't mean it's not POSSIBLE to marry earlier and do so successfully. I think you've given much comtemplation to your path, and you seem pretty firmly grounded in it.

Much luck and happiness to you.

 

[larussel03]

The only thing I can share is my own experience...

When I was 17 I met the man who I thought was the man of my dreams. He'd graduated college when I graduated high school (he was 5 years older), was charasmatic, good looking, had a great job and made good money. Had all of the characteristics of a 'good on paper' hubby. Plus, we had a stellar relationship...for the 1st 2 years. Then I went to college, and he became extremely jealous and controlling. Needless to say one reason we stopped getting along was because I would not heed to his attempts at controlling me. I am a very independant person, and wanted to make friends, and do all the normal college things. We lasted another year and a half while in college, and boy, in that year and a half did his true colors show. He became verbally abusive towards the end and even at one point lost control and I dont know what would have happened if a guy who lived on my floor hadn't run in the room after hearing me scream. I broke up with him very soon after that, which was not easy after being with someone for 4 years...

Now, flash forward, I'm 24 years old, living with my boyfriend who I have been with for 4 years (on the 6th of Nov). It's amazing but things only have gotten better. We're both independant, have lots of friends of our own and even though we see each other every day still make tons of time for dates and just enjoying each other's company. We rarely fight or argue, but when we do argue, we are able to hear each other and move past it (so much less yelling than my last long term relationship). I think that us meeting in college, and staying together, even when he was across the country for months at a time, means alot. We're the same age, so we're growing together. The only downside is that we're both financially in similar sitch's since neither of us is established in our careers, but you can't have it all right? We're beginning the process of getting engaged (talking about it, fairly seriously) and after we do get engaged I want a 2 year engagement. I mean, we're just a slow moving couple, but that's because we see no rush, and this is how we roll haha. If we got engaged this year, having a wedding in 2007 is acutally ideal to me. I know he's not going anywhere, and he knows I'm not going anywhere, so we're both secure in our relationship.

I think it's all about who you are and who the other person is and what experiences you've had to let you know what's right for you. I've had lots of 'wrong' boyfriends--spent 4 years with one that I thought I was going to marry who totally turned after being together 2 years!!! Now I know who the right one is--one who I adore, always want to be near (without being needy), and want to make happy as much as he wants to make me happy. The person who I know I can not only love but live, work and comprimise with for the rest of my life.

 

[Momoftwo]

And, I can only share mine. This basic topic has come up before. I met my dh at 18 and he was 21. We knew within 1 year that we were the ones for each other. Could there have been someone else if one of us had "moved on"? Of course there could have been, but I'm glad we didn't. We got engaged at 20/23 and married at 21/24. We've so far had 24 wonderful years and raised two wonderful sons. Now, it's just the two of us again as the boys are away at college. And, I'm far from alone. We have friends who married at all ages and the ones married in their early 20's have had less problems than those who waited til 30+ and were very set in exactly what they wanted so they have been less flexible over the years. Have we had any problems, of course we have, but nothing that was ever even close to being marriage-ending. The D word is not even an option and we've always said that. We're best friends and of course much more. It's interesting, the only people I know that say 21 is too young, didn't get married at 21. You change your whole life and who you are at 35 isn't who you'll be at 45, so that argument doesn't hold any water with me. People who are jealous at 21 are usually insecure about more than just that relationship and probably will continue to be jealous. Also, plenty of people always pick the "wrong" person no matter how old they are. That says more about their judgment than their age. Opinions vary and none are "right".

And yeah, I know 24 years ago was different. The only real difference is almost no one lived together to "test the waters" and guess what? Marriages still made it. I know two couples that got married this summer. One they were both 21 and the other the girl was 20 and the guy 21. Both couples are finishing up college and doing fine. The only ones that told them they were too young were their 20-22 year old friends. Their families were fine because they know they were all ready. We attended one of the weddings and are very good friends with the bride's family. I would never tell them that they are too young. They are adults.

 

[perry]

Very interesting.

First I believe that marriage at a young age can work. Historically most people in the world got married before 18 (14-16 is still common in some cultures). They make it work.

Within the US; vast numbers of people got married as part of WW I and WW II just prior to deploying - and the vast majority of them made it work (why many of us are here).

Many people live in cultures where the marriages are arranged. They might not even know who the other person is: They make it work.

Mail order brides... are not new. They usually made it work.

Of course the expectaions are different. It was recognized that each would have to sacrifice to the marriage more than today. Also, their was in interesting mix of "what was not allowed" and "What was allowed" that is much different than what many people have today.

Today; their seems to be an excessive amount of "what''s in it for me," keep me happy, and "we will try it." Marriage does not work on those terms - which is why I now beileve that the average US marriage now last something like 4 years.

If you and your partner have the committment - and an understanding about the needed sacrifice to the marriage and the needed flexibility in it as well as you both go through life -- I believe that you can get married young and have it work out.

If you are more focues on satisfying "me" and having a good life for "me" then you will probably need to get to the 30''s (or more) to where you actually know who you are and what you want.

Perry

 

[Mara]

I definitely agree that you keep changing all through life, but for me the changes I made mentally in my life in my 20's were probably the most significant changes I would have made all through life that I could have made 'on my own'. I think I was still growing up, figuring out who to be, who was the real me, as Al noted, what flies for me and what doesn't and how to stick to that etc. Could I have learned all that in a relationship? Maybe...maybe the right one, but it just didn't happen and I am thankful for that. Part of me is kind of wistful when I see couples who found each other young in life and are still blissfully happy 10/20/30/50 years later, they really were lucky. But most others aren't that lucky and even those who may think they are lucky to find someone at 21 etc may find a few years later that's not the case. I think when you are older you are able to more quickly 'separate more wheat from the chaff'...if that saying works here. Now the changes that happen in my married life, aka if we decide to have kids or watching my sisters get married and have kids of their own, parents getting older etc, those will all happen together with my spouse, it's more of a lets grow together thing now that we have our own fully-formed personalities than a 'lets grow UP together and start our first job together etc'.

Perry I also agree that the mentality alot of people have, younger especially in my opinion, is definitely whats in it for me, or how will this make me happy forever, or lets try it. I was like that when I was younger, it was novel to please myself and do what I wanted to make myself happy and I was probably not going to be ready to please anyone else or consider anyone else until I'd had 'my fill' of indepedence.

Sometimes I joke around that an arranged marriage society would have less divorce if it was really not allowed, unless the husband or wife was abusive. But there are alot of things that can be fixed if people would just take the time to figure out the root of the problem and work to solve it. But so many times people get TIRED from working at a marriage, along with the other stresses of everyday life...I think when you are married it should be required that you exhaust all efforts before saying the D-word. Too many people have a bad patch a year or something and think oh my god this was a mistake...or we've grown apart...rather than trying to think about well how do we grow back together etc?

I could babble about this topic forever...but each individual will do what they will and just make sure that whatever you do (collective you here!), you think really long and hard about it before jumping in. Like anything else an 'educated decision' may save you heartache later. Nothing is guaranteed, whether you are 21 or 31 when you find it.

 

[goldengirl]

Date: 10/28/2005 9:55:19 PM
Author: aljdewey

There is a deep-down difference between ''I''m sure I will be able to handle anything thrown at me'' and ''I HAVE handled a lot of stuff life has thrown at me.'' Once is a confidence based in bravado and self-confidence, but untested. The other is a confidence that comes from experience, and there aren''t any shortcuts to getting the second kind! It''s when you LIVE the fact that not everything goes according to plan, how to handle disappointments with grace, and how to survive what was previously thought unsurvivable.

Well said, Al, I totally agree.

 

[goldengirl]

Date: 10/29/2005 9:35:22 AM
Author: perry
Historically most people in the world got married before 18 (14-16 is still common in some cultures).

Ah, but Perry, historically those marriages were arranged, intended to cement loyalty ties/finances/lineage, and divorce was rarely an option. So you kinda "had" to make it work, didn''t you? And even as late at the 40''s or 50''s, divorce was a dirty word, and couples kept their issues private and just lived in an unhappy marriage. I can''t say I think that''s preferable to the climbing divorce rate... but I do agree that they worked harder at their relationships then... they didn''t really have another choice.

We definitely have a more "let''s try it on and see how it fits" mentality nowadays.

 

[Momoftwo]

We definitely have a more ''let''s try it on and see how it fits'' mentality nowadays.

And, that''s just really sad. IMO, dating is where you try and see if it "fits".

The reality is, the divorce rate is not going down, so getting married later isn''t making marriages better or last longer even though people are getting married later. So, why make it sound like it will be "better" if you''re older? It''s obviously not making any positive difference.

 

[icekid]

Just thought I would throw this out there- but the fact that arranged marriages don''t break up as often as love marriages does not mean that they are necessarily working better. I have many friends who are from India, or American born Indians.. people from a culture where arranged marriages is prevelent.

They have told me of many marriages in their family where the bride and groom literally stopped speaking a week after the wedding, but never divorce. It''s just not an option there. They may not even live together, or they may live in the same house on seperate sides.

And even still, many arranged matches never really CONNECT to each other. Certainly some do, but many don''t.

People always like to talk about how arranged marriages can stay together, but not our love marriages and the truth is you''re just not comparing the same thing.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 10/30/2005 7:34:34 AM
Author: Momoftwo

The reality is, the divorce rate is not going down, so getting married later isn''t making marriages better or last longer even though people are getting married later. So, why make it sound like it will be ''better'' if you''re older? It''s obviously not making any positive difference.

That would be a sound argument IF: the only people getting divorced (thereby contributing to the "divorce rate") were JUST those people getting married older/later.

But it''s not. Increasingly, I''m seeing couples married 25, 30, 35, 40 years who''ve finally decided they don''t give a damn about the "stigma" of divorce and are divorcing. There are a number who married young and haven''t gotten along for YEARS, but they stayed together just to get the kids through college and are now parting ways (like my friend''s parents did.)
There are some couples who would divorce, but they don''t have the income to pay for separate places. (I know one couple like this.....married in late teens; have been talking about divorce on and off for 6 or so years now, but every time it comes up, they can''t afford 2 places, so they end up deciding to try a bit longer.)

There is a difference between being married and being happily married. I''m sure there are many in both camps for folks who married young and folks who married older.

It''s not "one solution fits all"....and I think most folks have been clear in saying that when offering their opinions. NO ONE has been "making it sound ''better'' if you''re older; it''s not a competition on which way is right, for goodness sake! They''ve just been offering their opinions; I don''t think there''s really a need to get "defensive" or prove who''s more right. There is room enough for many different opinions.

 

[Momoftwo]

Date: 10/30/2005 11:21:53 AM
Author: aljdewey

Date: 10/30/2005 7:34:34 AM
Author: Momoftwo

The reality is, the divorce rate is not going down, so getting married later isn''t making marriages better or last longer even though people are getting married later. So, why make it sound like it will be ''better'' if you''re older? It''s obviously not making any positive difference.

That would be a sound argument IF: the only people getting divorced (thereby contributing to the ''divorce rate'') were JUST those people getting married older/later.

But it''s not. Increasingly, I''m seeing couples married 25, 30, 35, 40 years who''ve finally decided they don''t give a damn about the ''stigma'' of divorce and are divorcing. There are a number who married young and haven''t gotten along for YEARS, but they stayed together just to get the kids through college and are now parting ways (like my friend''s parents did.)
There are some couples who would divorce, but they don''t have the income to pay for separate places. (I know one couple like this.....married in late teens; have been talking about divorce on and off for 6 or so years now, but every time it comes up, they can''t afford 2 places, so they end up deciding to try a bit longer.)

There is a difference between being married and being happily married. I''m sure there are many in both camps for folks who married young and folks who married older.

It''s not ''one solution fits all''....and I think most folks have been clear in saying that when offering their opinions. NO ONE has been ''making it sound ''better'' if you''re older; it''s not a competition on which way is right, for goodness sake! They''ve just been offering their opinions; I don''t think there''s really a need to get ''defensive'' or prove who''s more right. There is room enough for many different opinions.

Er, okay, what exactly is defensive about stating the fact the divorce rate isn''t going down? Why does this bother you so much expecially since I said earlier that there are differeing opinions. Never said mine was the correct one either, but that it can and does work. It''s sad your friends parents are divorcing after years together, but I can''t think of a single set of parents of my friends and I''m 45 who divorced after the kids left. Like I said the only ones I''ve heard from that think 20-21 is too young, weren''t 20-21 when they got married, so they''re not really speaking from personal experience on committing at that age. Just my opinion as I have stated.

 

[Caribou]

Date: 10/30/2005 11:21:53 AM
Author: aljdewey

Date: 10/30/2005 7:34:34 AM
Author: Momoftwo

The reality is, the divorce rate is not going down, so getting married later isn''t making marriages better or last longer even though people are getting married later. So, why make it sound like it will be ''better'' if you''re older? It''s obviously not making any positive difference.

That would be a sound argument IF: the only people getting divorced (thereby contributing to the ''divorce rate'') were JUST those people getting married older/later.

But it''s not. Increasingly, I''m seeing couples married 25, 30, 35, 40 years who''ve finally decided they don''t give a damn about the ''stigma'' of divorce and are divorcing. There are a number who married young and haven''t gotten along for YEARS, but they stayed together just to get the kids through college and are now parting ways (like my friend''s parents did.)
There are some couples who would divorce, but they don''t have the income to pay for separate places. (I know one couple like this.....married in late teens; have been talking about divorce on and off for 6 or so years now, but every time it comes up, they can''t afford 2 places, so they end up deciding to try a bit longer.)

There is a difference between being married and being happily married. I''m sure there are many in both camps for folks who married young and folks who married older.

It''s not ''one solution fits all''....and I think most folks have been clear in saying that when offering their opinions. NO ONE has been ''making it sound ''better'' if you''re older; it''s not a competition on which way is right, for goodness sake! They''ve just been offering their opinions; I don''t think there''s really a need to get ''defensive'' or prove who''s more right. There is room enough for many different opinions.

I agree with everything Aljdewey said.

When I was in HS I was the only one of my friends who came from a ''broken'' home. Now I think I have maybe 2 friends whose parents are still together. I think it just goes to show that back 25 + years ago people married and didn''t think divorce was an option because of the stigma and dealt with things they didn''t need to. Not to say that you should give up so easily when you are married. For me, there are only 2 things that can happen in a marriage that I would seriously consider divorce....an affair and abuse.

I also completely disgree with the 21 age and not being married comment. I don''t think it matters that I wasn''t married at 21, I know what it was like to be 21 regardless if I was married or not and I know that for me and a lot of people I know being 21 and married would have been a divorce waiting to happen. We had too much growing...to much stuff to get out of our system....I''ve friends who married in their early 20''s still together...but I''ve also have friends who married in their early 20''s and are now divorced or are very unhappy.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 10/31/2005 10:53:19 AM
Author: Caribou

Date: 10/30/2005 7:34:34 AM
Author: Momoftwo

Like I said the only ones I''ve heard from that think 20-21 is too young, weren''t 20-21 when they got married, so they''re not really speaking from personal experience on committing at that age.

I also completely disgree with the 21 age and not being married comment. I don''t think it matters that I wasn''t married at 21, I know what it was like to be 21 regardless if I was married or not and I know that for me and a lot of people I know being 21 and married would have been a divorce waiting to happen.

I agree, Caribou....and I guess it depends on who is being asked: those who married in early 20s and are still married (which I suspect is the entire group Mo2 speaks of), or those who married in early 20s and did not stay married.

My husband married the first time in his early 20s....which obviously didn''t pan out. He absolutely believes he was too young to marry then; he didn''t give enough consideration to how important similar core values would be.

Of the 8 women I work with who were married in their early 20s; only 2 are still married. Of the 6 divorced women, EVERY ONE of them feels they married too young. Reasons vary from 1) felt pressured to marry because everyone else was, 2) felt if they didn''t marry at the time, they''d miss their window of opportunity, 3) family pressure.....etc. etc. etc.

Of those divorced, 3 of them were married less than 3 years; one of them less than 2 years. The other two were married 12 years and 22 years, respectively.

 

[JDgirl]

Hi all. I''m new here, but this topic is definitely one I feel strongly about. First, I feel that different people come into their own at very different ages. I am, at 25, pretty much the same person I was in my teens. I went through a rough period of finding myself in junior high school, but pretty much became the person I am in by high school. My sister, on the other hand, is 22 and is still changing drastically. She is a completely different person that she was in high school. Based on that, I would feel much more comfortable getting married now than I think my sister will at my age. Everyone is different, so while we can generalize that there are definitely ages that are too young to get married, I would never say that early 20s is too early for everyone, or even most people. I''ve seen in work too well for some people.

Second, IMHO, I think that a large part of the reason that such a high percentage of marriages fail is that people are becoming more self-focused than they used to be. And on top of that, our society is more and more focused on instant gratification. It happens all the time. People take on responsibilities when they seem exciting and fun (such as having children, getting a dog, getting married), then they loose interest when it becomes tough. Hence, marriages fail, children raise themselves, and dogs get abandoned. I''m not saying that''s always what happens, but I do think it happens more than it used to. I feel like society used to be much more willing to accept hard work and responsibility. Maybe I''m just a little rough on people because I work with dog rescues and I see so many dogs being abandoned/abused just because people got tired of taking care of them and aren''t willing to put in the work it requires. But I think it does say something about the attitudes that some people have towards responsibility. And marriage is one of the biggest responsibilities that someone can take on...

 

[Momoftwo]

Date: 10/31/2005 11:14:29 AM
Author: aljdewey

Date: 10/31/2005 10:53:19 AM
Author: Caribou

Date: 10/30/2005 7:34:34 AM
Author: Momoftwo

Like I said the only ones I've heard from that think 20-21 is too young, weren't 20-21 when they got married, so they're not really speaking from personal experience on committing at that age.

I also completely disgree with the 21 age and not being married comment. I don't think it matters that I wasn't married at 21, I know what it was like to be 21 regardless if I was married or not and I know that for me and a lot of people I know being 21 and married would have been a divorce waiting to happen.

I agree, Caribou....and I guess it depends on who is being asked: those who married in early 20s and are still married (which I suspect is the entire group Mo2 speaks of), or those who married in early 20s and did not stay married.

My husband married the first time in his early 20s....which obviously didn't pan out. He absolutely believes he was too young to marry then; he didn't give enough consideration to how important similar core values would be.

Of the 8 women I work with who were married in their early 20s; only 2 are still married. Of the 6 divorced women, EVERY ONE of them feels they married too young. Reasons vary from 1) felt pressured to marry because everyone else was, 2) felt if they didn't marry at the time, they'd miss their window of opportunity, 3) family pressure.....etc. etc. etc.

Of those divorced, 3 of them were married less than 3 years; one of them less than 2 years. The other two were married 12 years and 22 years, respectively.

Of all the people I know well at work and in my personal life, there are just as many divorces for those who married later as for those who married at 21. Of 7 cousins, only one divorced after being married at 19. The rest are still married after 15-25 years and they all married before 25. Of the many, women I work with, the few divorced are for the most part divorced after marrying at a variety of ages because someone was screwing around and they were dumped. I also know 30-35+ year olds who felt the pressure to get married to have children and a couple have regretted it. It is a very personal decision. There is no right answer, but I do see a lot of opinions on marrying young from those who haven't done it. The fact is, there are more divorces today and it's amazing how many people divorce after 2-3 years. They get out when the "magic" disappears. Because it's not "fun" anymore. My experience as well as both of my sisters and several of my friends says it can and does work at 21. I never said people shouldn't wait, but plenty of you have said they should. I did say, my experiences are...

And JDgirl is right. People are more self-focused today and in it for themselves. Marriage will never work if you go in for yourself and what you will get out of it. Throw it away if I'm not 100% euphoric all the time. That I see at all ages.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 10/31/2005 5:16:48 PM
Author: Momoftwo

I never said people shouldn''t wait, but plenty of you have said they should. I did say, my experiences are...

Where? Where did you see a single poster in this thread tell anyone else what they *should* do? It didn''t happen, and that''s why I''m saying you''re getting defensive. People sharing why they personally feel it''s right for them to marry later aren''t saying you were wrong to marry younger, or that anyone else who marries young will be wrong.

People have shared why waiting made more sense to THEM....but not a single one of them said "and that''s what OTHERS should do" or anything even remotely like it! In fact, every single one who personally favors waiting, after sharing her perspective, has gone on to say "but every situation''s different", "depends on the maturity levels involved", etc. etc.

No one in this thread has told anyone else they should wait.....there have been only a ton of contemplative responses in people sharing their own experiences.

 

[goldengirl]

Date: 10/31/2005 2:38:22 PM
Author: JDgirl
Maybe I''m just a little rough on people because I work with dog rescues and I see so many dogs being abandoned/abused just because people got tired of taking care of them and aren''t willing to put in the work it requires.

I think I love you.

If my boyfriend doesn''t propose in the next year, will you marry me instead??

 

[Caribou]

Right on aljdewey!!!

For me getting married before now would have been a mistake...for a few of my friends it has worked. Hence, everyone is different.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

It surprises me that people say they are the same person as they were in their teens.

I am completely different, actually I am even different than when FI and I started dating (as is he) which was 4.5 years ago. We have influenced each other''s view of the world. He has calmed me and I have made him more open-minded. I think change is a good thing and I doubt I will be the same person in 10 years as I am today and that''s okay. As long as you grow together (not apart) that is what is important. Have you ever listened to a conversation of a couple high schoolers? Hilarious. I know I talked the same way about the same things (I am not saying there is anything wrong with that) but thank G-d I grew up.

 

[snuga]

Date: 11/2/2005 4:27:20 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring

As long as you grow together (not apart) that is what is important.

I agree!

 

[JDgirl]

Date: 11/1/2005 6:54:01 PM
Author: goldengirl

Date: 10/31/2005 2:38:22 PM
Author: JDgirl
Maybe I''m just a little rough on people because I work with dog rescues and I see so many dogs being abandoned/abused just because people got tired of taking care of them and aren''t willing to put in the work it requires.

I think I love you.

If my boyfriend doesn''t propose in the next year, will you marry me instead??

Haha. I missed this the first time around. Sounds like a plan! Of course, you''d have to put up with my two disreputable dogs and the continuous flow of fosters I have coming in all the time! Of course, I might have to give my BF a chance to marry me first!

 

[goldengirl]

Eh, I''ve got my own 80-pound "lap dog" and just got approved for fostering... I''d say we''d make a good pair!!

 

[aljdewey]

...

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 10/30/2005 7:34:34 AM
Author: Momoftwo


The reality is, the divorce rate is not going down, so getting married later isn't making marriages better or last longer even though people are getting married later.

Actually, according to a recent article, the reality is just the opposite. The divorce rate IS going down...and the prevalent thinking attributes it to getting married later in age.

http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=3971&TrackingID=516311&BannerID=544657&menuid=6
"Divorce rates are down—from the oft-times quoted “a little over 50%” to a much more optimistic “under 40%!” The theory on this positive decline: More people are now marrying later, and these later-in-life marriages are shown to have a more everlasting and everlusting lifespan—which is lowering the total divorce rate. "

 

[snuga]

I think this is such an interesting topic, and although some people have specified what they feel is "too young" to be married, I can''t help but wonder if the definitions of "early" and "late" in the context of marriage vary by culture. Where I live now and my circle of friends, getting married at 25 is considered reasonably late (Which boggles my mind!

). On the other hand, I have lived in other areas of the country and different parts of the world where 25 is reasonably young to be married.

While I believe getting married is a personal decision, I do wonder if culture, upbringing, and "the norm" has something to do with what people are distinguishing as "old" and "young". I know some people have already addressed this, but I just thought I would add my 0.02!

 

[MissAva]

Do you think it is age, or that more woman are their own person first? I think it is less of a strian on a marriage when both have an equal say in finaces and other things, I also think that less people having kids when they dont want them is helping things. JMO

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 11/16/2005 5:08:09 PM
Author: Matatora
Do you think it is age, or that more woman are their own person first?

I think they are inter-related, so I''d say it''s both.