age of marriage

[oddoneout]

Is there an age where it''s too young or too old to get married? The average age (according to stats...in Canada) of marriage seems to be late 20s-early 30s. Do you think your opinion depends on the age you want to get/were married at? Just curious to know peoples opinions.

 

[Kaleigh]

I was married at 24, and have been married for 21 years. We got married after graduating college and had worked for 2 years. It's young by todays standards for sure. But many of my friends got married around that age and are still happily married. My daughter is turning 20, still in college. I will be surprised if she gets married before she's 30. She wants to graduate, move to NYC and have her career firmly established before she gets married and settles down. I think that's a wise plan....

 

[iheartscience]

Hmm, well the vague number I have in mind as being "old enough" for marriage is probably 24 or 25 at the youngest. That way they are a few years out of college (if they went to college) and have been on their own for a while. I think waiting until 26 or 27 is even better though, just because I know I''ve grown a lot from age 24 to now (26, turning 27 in August). I started dating my fiance when I was 21, and although I knew we would get married eventually, I also felt like I was way too young for marriage. We got engaged after 4 years of dating, when I was 25, and will end up getting married when I''m 27.

Obviously life isn''t black and white, and I don''t think every marriage of people under the age of 24 will fail, but that''s my opinion!

 

[musey]

Hmm, I wonder if this thread will get ugly

My personal opinion is that no one can determine what is "too young" or "too old" for anyone but themselves.

I'll be one month shy of 24 when I get married this fall. It doesn't seem "too young" to me, because I feel ready and confident with it. I'm sure there are plenty of people who would argue into the ground that there's no way I could be ready, simply based upon the fact that I am 23 (and not 26, or 28, or 32, or whatever age they do deem inherently "old enough").

I do, however, feel that there is a "too young" to get married quickly, though again, it's different for everyone. I think that young marriages (under 25, maybe?) are a better bet when the couple has been together for longer (more than a couple of years), where more "adult" couples (over 30?) don't seem to need as much time. They spent their 20s figuring out what they wanted and can determine whether a relationship is right more quickly, where 20-somethings who are in a relationship are figuring out if it's right as they go.

 

[musey]

Date: 3/27/2008 7:42:46 PM
Author: thing2of2

I think waiting until 26 or 27 is even better though, just because I know I've grown a lot from age 24 to now (26, turning 27 in August).

I don't think that that ever stops

the vague number I have in mind as being "old enough" for marriage is probably 24 or 25 at the youngest. That way they are a few years out of college (if they went to college) and have been on their own for a while.

This is another important factor: college (and how much of it). People who don't go to college, it seems, marry earlier than those who got their bachelor's degree, who marry sooner than those who got their master's, who marry sooner than those who got their PhD... and so on. Generally speaking, of course.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I don''t have my textbook with me, but they compiled data from the US census that showed people who married at 18 and younger had twice the divorce rate of people who got married at 25 or up. Personally, I think anything below 20 is a toss up because the human brain is still developing at that point and you may not, biologically speaking, be the same person in a few years.

 

[Fly Girl]

I think younger then 18 or 19 is probably too young. You are never too old to get married. I have a widowed uncle who remarried and his new bride was in her 60s and it was her first marriage. They are very happy. Hubby and I got married at 22, which was slightly older than average at the time (circa 1976). Aveage ages for the first marriage have definitely gone up.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 3/27/2008 7:50:42 PM
Author: musey
Hmm, I wonder if this thread will get ugly

My personal opinion is that no one can determine what is ''too young'' or ''too old'' for anyone but themselves.

I''ll be one month shy of 24 when I get married this fall. It doesn''t seem ''too young'' to me, because I feel ready and confident with it. I''m sure there are plenty of people who would argue into the ground that there''s no way I could be ready, simply based upon the fact that I am 23 (and not 26, or 28, or 32, or whatever age they do deem inherently ''old enough'').

I do, however, feel that there is a ''too young'' to get married quickly, though again, it''s different for everyone. I think that young marriages (under 25, maybe?) are a better bet when the couple has been together for longer (more than a couple of years), where more ''adult'' couples (over 30?) don''t seem to need as much time. They spent their 20s figuring out what they wanted and can determine whether a relationship is right more quickly, where 20-somethings who are in a relationship are figuring out if it''s right as they go.

I hope it doesn''t get ugly.

I was a very mature 24 and hubby was a very mature 25. Life experiences and all. It worked well for us. We were together for 4 years before we got married.

 

[musey]

Date: 3/27/2008 7:59:34 PM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 3/27/2008 7:50:42 PM
Author: musey

Hmm, I wonder if this thread will get ugly

[/i]

I hope it doesn't get ugly.

Me too! I just know how many "young" (by the standards mentioned so far) BIWs and LIWs we have on here, and how things can get worked up on topics like this.

Date: 3/27/2008 7:58:47 PM
Author: Fly Girl

I think younger then 18 or 19 is probably too young. You are never too old to get married. I have a widowed uncle who remarried and his new bride was in her 60s and it was her first marriage. They are very happy. Hubby and I got married at 22, which was slightly older than average at the time (circa 1976). Aveage ages for the first marriage have definitely gone up.

Totally agree with everything you said! (my parents married a year earlier and were each a year younger when they married - 1975 and 21)

 

[zoebartlett]

Many of my friends got married within 1-5 years or so of graduating college. Some of them have been married for 11 years. I''m just starting out, so it''s different for me. I''m the last one of my friends/coworkers to get married. I''m 34 and my FI is turning 36 next week. Some days I feel too old to be just starting out, especially if we have kids.

I know people Musey''s age who seem SO young and others who seem much more mature, like Musey. I think maturity plays more of a role, not so much the number of an age. I will say though, whenever I see someone so young wanting to get married, my first thought is "why the rush?" I don''t think I''d judge someone for wanting to get married young but I might give a little food for thought, if that makes sense.

I just rambled and I''m not sure anymore if I actually answered the question.

 

[musey]

Date: 3/27/2008 8:19:14 PM
Author: ZoeBartlett

I will say though, whenever I see someone so young wanting to get married, my first thought is 'why the rush?' I don't think I'd judge someone for wanting to get married young but I might give a little food for thought, if that makes sense.

I have a 20-year-old friend who just got married, and we asked him the same thing (he'd only known his now-wife for 6 months, but that's a WHOLE other story). Why rush? His reply: why wait?

Well, in their case, there's an argument to be made. But if you're over 20, fully self-supportive, have been in the relationship for a substantial amount of time, it's harder to use the "why rush" argument, I suppose.

In our case, I felt that waiting any longer felt like we were trying to stall our relationship in an unnatural way. I don't like waiting just for the sake of waiting, it doesn't make much sense to me.

 

[qtiekiki]

I don''t think there''s an age when it''s too young or too old to get married. The success of a marriage depends more on the maturity and the ability of the individual involved to compromise. And maturity can''t always be equate to age.

I got married when I was 25 and DH was 27, which would be in the average range. We never gave our age a thought; we were just ready to get married.

 

[KimberlyH]

I don''t believe there''s a magic age where getting married becomes the correct thing to do. People mature at different rates and the maturity comprehend what it takes to have a successful marriage, including knowing themselves well enough to know what it takes to choose and be a good partner, and the ability to make a full commitment to doing so (emotionally, financially, etc.) are what makes it the right time.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 3/27/2008 7:50:42 PM
Author: musey
Hmm, I wonder if this thread will get ugly

My personal opinion is that no one can determine what is ''too young'' or ''too old'' for anyone but themselves.


I''ll be one month shy of 24 when I get married this fall. It doesn''t seem ''too young'' to me, because I feel ready and confident with it. I''m sure there are plenty of people who would argue into the ground that there''s no way I could be ready, simply based upon the fact that I am 23 (and not 26, or 28, or 32, or whatever age they do deem inherently ''old enough'').


I do, however, feel that there is a ''too young'' to get married quickly, though again, it''s different for everyone. I think that young marriages (under 25, maybe?) are a better bet when the couple has been together for longer (more than a couple of years), where more ''adult'' couples (over 30?) don''t seem to need as much time. They spent their 20s figuring out what they wanted and can determine whether a relationship is right more quickly, where 20-somethings who are in a relationship are figuring out if it''s right as they go.

I hope it doesn''t get ugly either. Well, let''s see. When I get married I am going to be either 22 or 23 depending on whether it is summer of 2009 or in 2010. As of now we are leaning toward about a month after I graduate from college. In no way do I think I am too young; he is who I want to spend the rest of my life with, why wait? My only guideline was to finish college before marriage; having a college ring before a wedding ring as I put it. Thus, I will have a college degree (I am almost done) and I will either be working or going to law school. FI will be 23 or 24. He graduated last year and has a great job that could if it had to support both of us easily. It''s funny to me to think of us getting married "too young." I don''t know a ton of people married at our age, but my parents got married at 20 and so did FI''s. So anything over that certainly isn''t too young to me.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 3/27/2008 7:03:33 PM
Author:oddoneout
Is there an age where it''s too young or too old to get married?

Well I don''t think you can be too OLD to get married! I love those stories about high school sweethearts who are reunited very late in life (often after their first spouses pass away) ... or the nursing home romances! My own grandpa had a serious relationship in his eighties -- though he chose not to remarry. And my DH''s grandma is now dating her husband''s war buddy just a year or so after gramps passed on. It''s great to see her happy again & have companionship! If they *wanted* to marry it would be fine with me. Not sure about her kids though. They are less than pleased about the relationship.

Anyhoo -- as to "too young". People mature at different ages. Sometimes I think the youngsters who know how much they DON''T know are the wisest of all ... but some folks know that they''re old souls & I applaud them too.

 

[Elmorton]

Never to old to get married - well, unless your mind is deteriorating and someone is marrying you for your money/social security/etc.

Too young? I think that people can be "too young" to be married and be in their 50s. Lots of people who are "too young" to understand concepts of commitment, loyalty, acceptance, responsibility and playing fair get married every day.

In a practical sense though, I figure if you''re old enough to die to your country, you''re old enough to get married. The law makes sense to me.

That said, when/if I have children, I''d prefer that they are able to legally drink the wedding champagne. Seems a little awkward if couple risks getting carded at the reception.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 3/27/2008 7:50:42 PM
Author: musey
Hmm, I wonder if this thread will get ugly

Yeah, I thought the same thing-this is definitely one of those topics that people get worked up/defensive about! Like I said, life''s not black and white, but 24-25 is just the magic marrying age that pops into my mind. Hopefully no one takes that as a personal attack!

 

[mimzy]

well, according to my father, anything younger than 30 is too young

.

i''ll be 23 when i get married next december and FI will be 24, which is probably on the younger side of average (but still probably pretty average)? like everyone''s said, it''s a personal thing, and there''s no better or worse when it comes to age. young is only too young when the couple isn''t really ready for it, and that''s impossible to tell just by age. the LIKELIHOOD of someone being truly ready increases with age no doubt, but i doubt anyone would say that anyone before this age could never be ready (unless we are talking like 17 or something).

all i know is that when december rolls around i will be as ready as i will ever be! and i am grateful that we''ll of had four years together to grow and get to know each other.

 

[ephemery1]

Generally I cringe if somebody still in college announces their intentions to get married. Maybe because if I''d married any of the people I was dating in college, I''d be in a pretty scary place today!

And because as a therapist, I work with a lot of early-20s women who are NOT in position to be making those kinds of lifelong decisions. Nowadays, there are just so many life transitions that take place after graduating... if we''re talking about "typical" suburban kids who go straight from high school to college, fully supported by their parents the whole way through (as is the case for the vast majority of my friends/family), I don''t typically consider them "grown-ups" until they''ve left the safety of that world and done a bit of self-exploration on their own.

I admit to occasionally reading posts on this website and thinking, "Oh my, they are not quite ready to get married." Most often it ends up being somebody in the 22-and-under age range, but sometimes they''re older and it catches me by surprise. There are other regular posters who are young, but present themselves as incredibly thoughtful, mature and just as "ready" as anybody else... Musey and Anchor come to mind, for example. So there are definitely exceptions to everything.....

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 3/27/2008 7:36:01 PM
Author: Kaleigh
I was married at 24, and have been married for 21 years. We got married after graduating college and had worked for 2 years. It''s young by todays standards for sure. But many of my friends got married around that age and are still happily married. My daughter is turning 20, still in college. I will be surprised if she gets married before she''s 30. She wants to graduate, move to NYC and have her career firmly established before she gets married and settles down. I think that''s a wise plan....

Lisa, I was married at 24 too and we are going to celebrate 8 years of marriage this April; we were together 3 years before getting married and I also finished up college before getting married. I don''t think I would have done it differently.

I honestly think it depends on the individuals; I know some people who say "oh that marraige won''t last," and then I see them last. It will be interesting to read what people say.

 

[Dreamer_D]

I really think that local social norms mean a lot for determining what is "too young". In my social circle, no one got married before they were about 28. But in my social circle there are certain expectations that made older marriage more likely: univesity or graduate school, travelling the world, moving to different cities. maybe even different countries, for work or school. All of those things just made it more likely that the first love wasn't the person you marry! You know what is the number one predictor of who you marry? You may think it is deep things like shared values or compatibility. Nope. It is proximity. You marry who you are close to! So if you live in a social circle where people move around a lot, sometimes great distances, you don't tend to marry your highschool sweetheart, or even your college sweetheart. On the other hand, if you are in a social circle where the norms are to live in one place and be near family, or to stay in your community, well then you are just that much more likely to marry your first love or to marry young.

Also, I think that other norms about relationships matter too. Like if your family and friends and everyone just gets married by the time they are 24, then you will to because you will simply have that expectation about your relationships! On the other hand, if you are in a social circle where you have a few long-term serious live-in relationships before you get married, then THAT's just what you do.

Funny thing is, I bet that following the norms in your social circle predict relationship success. In my circle, where people get married older, the few people I know who got married young are divorced now. One has to wonder why they were going against the norms and whether that contributed to their divorces. On the other hand, if you live if a social circle where younger marriage is the norm, and people support that and expect that, than younger marriages may be very successful but people who waited longer may have increased divorces.

Just some thoughts, it's interesting to read people's responses!

DD

ETA: whether people stay married or not is actually not very strongly related to their satisfaction, which also suggests that norms and expectations may play a role in things. There's lots of great research in social psychology about predictors of divorce, and of course, the picture is more complez that most popular stats suggest.

 

[babysteps]

I got married at 27 (18 years ago!) - where''d that time go? In hindsight I guess I feel it is more a matter of self knowledge and self awareness/compatibility/flexibility than a pure age thing - I think some people are ready earlier, some later, and some never! (This is actually how I feel about ''when it''s the right time to have a baby'', too -- it really differs person to person and marriage to marriage)

 

[laine]

Some interesting info:
The average age at first marriage for several countries.

Some census data on age at first marriage and percent married across time (taken from here):

Median Age at First Marriage:
Men:
1890: 26.1 years old
1900: 25.9
1910: 25.1
1920: 24.6
1930: 24.3
1940: 24.3
1950: 22.8
1960: 22.8
1970: 23.2
1980: 24.7
1990: 26.1
2000: 26.8

Women:
1890: 22.0 years old
1900: 21.9
1910: 21.6
1920: 21.2
1930: 21.3
1940: 21.5
1950: 20.3
1960: 20.3
1970: 20.8
1980: 22.0
1990: 23.9
2000: 25.1

- Age data from the U. S. Bureau of the Census, Current Population Reports (2000), "Estimated Age at First Marriage"

Marital status of American adults:
Men:
1890: 48% unmarried
1900: 47%
1910: 46%
1920: 42%
1930: 42%
1940: 40%
1950: 32%
1960: 30%
1970: 34%
1980: 37%
1990: 39%
2000: 42%

Women:
1890: 45% unmarried
1900: 45%
1910: 43%
1920: 41%
1930: 41%
1940: 40%
1950: 34%
1960: 34%
1970: 39%
1980: 41%
1990: 43%
2000: 45%

- Marital status data for 1890 - 1970 from U.S. Census Bureau, Historical Abstracts of the United States, Colonial Times to 1970,Series A 160-171, 1989. Data for 1980 -2000 from U.S. Census Bureau, MS-1. "Marital Status of the Population 15 Years and Over, by Sex and Race: 1950 to Present." 2001.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 3/27/2008 10:32:18 PM
Author: ephemery1
Generally I cringe if somebody still in college announces their intentions to get married. Maybe because if I''d married any of the people I was dating in college, I''d be in a pretty scary place today!

And because as a therapist, I work with a lot of early-20s women who are NOT in position to be making those kinds of lifelong decisions. Nowadays, there are just so many life transitions that take place after graduating... if we''re talking about ''typical'' suburban kids who go straight from high school to college, fully supported by their parents the whole way through (as is the case for the vast majority of my friends/family), I don''t typically consider them ''grown-ups'' until they''ve left the safety of that world and done a bit of self-exploration on their own.


I admit to occasionally reading posts on this website and thinking, ''Oh my, they are not quite ready to get married.'' Most often it ends up being somebody in the 22-and-under age range, but sometimes they''re older and it catches me by surprise. There are other regular posters who are young, but present themselves as incredibly thoughtful, mature and just as ''ready'' as anybody else... Musey and Anchor come to mind, for example. So there are definitely exceptions to everything.....

Aww I hope I didn''t make you cringe!

 

[kellyfish]

It is an individual issue. I was wayyyy too immature to marry in my early 20''s. I married when I was 29 & it was perfect for me. I''ve known some 18 yos with old souls & some immature 40 yo''s. I suppose a nice ave. would be late 20''s for "best results"....

 

[Haven]

It obviously depends on the person. However, it seems like the older I get the older that "magic age" to marry becomes in my mind. I think this is largely because I have three younger sisters, 23, 22, and 18, and if any one of them married right now I''d be horrified. When I was 23 I would have told you it was a fine age to marry. My sisters are all very mature, especially the 23-year-old, but she''s still just too young to marry, in my opinion. (And she''s been dating her boyfriend for five or six years now.)

I''ll be 27 when FI and I marry this July, and he''ll be 38. For us, that''s perfect. We''ll have been together for four years, and it''s just the right time.

I was engaged when I was 21 and still in college. Of course, I thought that I was old enough at the time, but I was absolutely wrong. After two years of engagement we broke it off, and thank goodness--that was a disaster waiting to happen. We weren''t fully formed yet, we were both attending graduate school, and so much has changed about me in the six years since I graduated from college. Marrying that young (FOR ME) would have been a huge gamble, because both of us were still forming.

Of course, it varies for every person. My parents were 21 when they married and 24 when I was born, and here they are thirty years later happy and in a strong marriage. I''m SURE they''d tell you they were too young and too stupid to realize they should have waited if you asked, though! That''s what they told me when I was 21 and engaged.

 

[TravelingGal]

Without considering the individual''s maturity, I think 25 and over for women doesn''t make me raise an eyebrow. A bit older for men.

I got married at 33 (almost 34). It was a great age for me and I don''t regret really enjoying my 20''s and early 30''s as a singleton. However, if you want kids, I''d say marriage at 28-32 would be fab. I''m 35 now and feel like I could have definitely enjoyed married life waaaaaaaaay longer before having a kid.

 

[oobiecoo]

I will be 22 and FI will be 26 when we get married in May. I''ve had several people tell me I''m too young... mostly people who don''t know me very well though. My family and his family know that we are both very mature and wise beyond our years and haven''t really said anything about us (mainly me) being so young.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 3/28/2008 1:54:07 AM
Author: oobiecoo
My family and his family know that we are both very mature and wise beyond our years and haven''t really said anything about us (mainly me) being so young.

Same here.

 

[julabean]

I've tried writing this a few times, but Internet Explorer ate my post, and then I couldn't replicate what I wanted to say. Basically, I'm 22 1/2 and I'm getting married a week from Saturday. My FI is 11 years older than me. We've known each other for four years. I've already graduated college, traveled a lot, and have worked my way up to my current position at my job over the last 4 1/2 years. People don't normally think I'm only 22. For me, age is just a number, not only because it HAS to be when you're in a relationship with someone a decade older than you, but because I don't feel 22. It totally depends on the person, their life and own circumstances, and their level of maturity. Some 22 year olds can't handle getting married, but some 45 year olds can't either.