Alright, I need some ideas...

[iwannaprettyone]

...for getting the FI involved and excited about the wedding. He is happy but just kinda blase about it(?). I understand that colors and flowers etc might not be too exciting for him, but I feel asthough I need to temper my excitement to avoid annoying him, annoying is not the word I am looking for but I am sure it serves the purpose.

What did you ladies do to keep him happy, interested and involved in your wedding day?

 

[saltymuffin]

I find that my DH likes having little "chores" to do to keep him involved, rather than being "in charge" of things, or planning.

 

[lsyama]

My FI is the same way. He''s reluctant to give an opinion on anything, if he even has one. He doesn''t even care what he''s wearing.
I think I''ve just accepted that that''s the way it''s going to be.
He says it''s because he feels the wedding is my day - he''ll be happy just as long as we''re getting married.
And he''s assured me that all my wedding talk doesn''t bug him.
So we''ve kind of divided up the duties so he''s responsible for researching and planning the honeymoon, which interests him a lot more than the wedding details!

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Some of you know I surprised my man with a Harley a couple of months ago. Today I worked out a ''road trip'' to all the winerys of interest in the area, including a couple of biker must have stops...let me say FI is PUMPED!!!! He knows it is a dirty trick on my part, but what ever gets him out there with me huh? hahah

 

[musey]

I just let him involve himself when he wants to. I keep him updated on the things I''ve looked into and where things are, and more often than not he involved himself without much prodding

It does really depend on the subject, though. Flowers won''t grab the interest of 90% of guys, but FI has wanted to at least be involved in the final decisions of everything else we''ve done! I do the initial research and we review my top choices and make decisions together.

 

[musey]

I didn''t see your last post before... I was JUST gonna suggest to find something that really peaks his interest, like you''ve done with the road trip. For my FI, this turned out to be the photography. Looking through full weddings of photographers made him start getting interested in the "big picture," which in turn led to him getting really "into" all the little details--yes, even flowers!

Silly boys. They really are visual creatures!

 

[Harleigh]

I just don''t know...my FI is the one who insisted we get married in Maui, then petered out on any plans once the ring was on my finger! (I seriously think he assumes that the plans will just "happen" with no effort on his part!) Arghhh!

I have pretty much taken care of everything as of yet. I then take the final options to show him and then let him pretend he has a say in something! Now, if he wanted to take a more active role, then that would be just awesome, but he seems fine with whatever I choose.

I gather everything I need his go-ahead on together during the week, then I hit him with it when we get together over the weekends. Last weekend we hammered out ministers, photographers, videographers and possibly a harpist during the ceremony...I was sick, so that''s about all I could handle!

I just keep reminding him of things that need to be done...still have gotten NO addresses from him...so far I have solicited these things from his family members myself. I told him that if he didn''t get them for me, his friends would NOT be receiving an invite!!! Sheesh!

Good luck on your little wine tour! I hope that gets him in the mood! (Just be sure to ride safely, will ya?)

 

[Tacori E-ring]

My DH was a show up groom. At first I was disappointed then I realized I get to pick out everything I want without having to compromise.

After that I didn''t mind so much. I knew and always knew he wanted to marry me and its ok that the details were not that important to him. He didn''t see the site until the day before the wedding, didn''t register with me, had no idea about the flowers, photographer, no vender meetings...he DID help me put together out DIY invites and programs, booked our suite for our wedding night and went to the travel agent with me (oh and to pick out tuxes) and that''s about it. I still love him though

 

[Independent Gal]

I have the worst of both worlds. At the start, I made a list of everything that needed to be done and we split up the tasks. So far, most of mine are done and FI has done... nothing. Except get paperwork together for legal stuff. I''m guessing he''ll get things done eventually. But I''ve put SO MUCH work into everything.

So, some of you might think ''well, but then you get to pick everything!''

WRONG!

He is incredibly opinionated and whenever I say ''honey, X, Y, or Z for this?'' he always has a VERY strong preference for whatever was my third choice. Or fourth. Or fifth. But I feel I have to ask him because it is, after all, our wedding.

The other day i said ''how come girls have to do all the work?'' and he said ''Because it''s girls who care about all the little details.'' Uhm, WHAT!?!? He cared far more than me about which invitations, which flowers, which shape of dress, which venue, which city, etc. etc. etc., which is why he''s getting his way on everything. He conceded that was true. But still hasn''t stepped up to the plate on any of his stuff.

He''s pretty stressed at work right now, but then again, so am I.

Oh well, I guess everything will get done and we''ll manage. It''s just funny how we so easily fall into this pattern of him not worrying about things because he knows I will get them done if necessary, and me just doign them because I know that if I don''t, he won''t.

ARGH!

But, he is still doing half the cooking and doing his chores pretty regularly. So I have that to be thankful for at least.

 

[saltymuffin]

I think "girls have to do all these things" because (for the most part) men just don''t seem to realise the time it takes to get things organised. They seem to think that a few phone calls could be made the month, or even week before!

Whenever my DH has something he is in charge of, I don''t nag or say anything until I think the time line is really coming down to the wire. Then when I do ask how things are going, he generally says something like, "well I thought I''d just . . ."

Then I explain that you can''t "just" and he gets on it. It isn''t because he is disinterested or lazy, he just really underestimates some things.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

IGal, just stop asking him what he thinks. That is what I finally did. He was happy I wasn''t bugging him. I was happy b/c I DID get to pick out everything. I did tell him if he wasn''t going to be involved he could not complain. You know what? The day after our wedding he told me how I did a wonderful job and everything I chose was perfect

Bottom line, some men REALLY don''t care. Doesn''t mean they love you less or are less excited to get married. This is what marriage is all about aferall. I hate the old saying about two becoming one b/c that is NOT true. You will always be TWO people, with TWO brains, and sometimes TWO different opinions on things and that is okay. I didn''t want to force him to be into something he wasn''t.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 10/18/2007 12:35:30 AM
Author: Tacori E-ring
My DH was a show up groom. At first I was disappointed then I realized I get to pick out everything I want without having to compromise.

After that I didn't mind so much. I knew and always knew he wanted to marry me and its ok that the details were not that important to him. He didn't see the site until the day before the wedding, didn't register with me, had no idea about the flowers, photographer, no vender meetings...he DID help me put together out DIY invites and programs, booked our suite for our wedding night and went to the travel agent with me (oh and to pick out tuxes) and that's about it. I still love him though

Tacori you sound like you are talking about my husband. hehee He did want carrot cake, and he picked the band. That was it; I loved it because I picked colors and everything else.

 

[Independent Gal]

Oh but Tacori, he DOES care, a LOT. And admitted as much when I challenged him. He''s glad I''ve been asking him things and has very definite opinions.

I think what he meant was : "Girls are just more gullible and willing to do the work."

He would be very upset it if our wedding was not beautiful and elegant. And he definitely has ideas about what counts as elegant and beautiful. (Sigh)

In fact, it probably matters to him more than it does to me.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Skippy, I know it was great! Oh, I forgot he did say he didn''t want our wedding cake to have any "fruit crap"

Haha. He didn''t come to register with me for baby stuff either. I am used to it now!

IGal, well if he cares he better buck up and help out! That is only fair. Otherwise he is going to have to put his trust in you. You seem like you have very elegant taste and I cannot imagine you NOT having a beautiful wedding.

 

[Pandora II]

99% of the time FI has zero interest.

However, once I make a decision he suddenly has an opinion.

The only proactive thing so far has been wanting a piece of music for the ceremony - Morricone''s Soldiers Song from The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. It''s about soldiers in a prison camp singing to cover up the sound of someone being tortured - and he thinks I''m being unfair for saying no

 

[KimberlyH]

My DH loves to be with me, but he was not a wedding planning guy. So I''d find ways to make it fun for him, we''d go to lunch, or turn it into a date, and when it was stuff her truly didn''t care about he''d bring along the NYT, with no complaints on my part. I''d narrow things down, give him two or three options that I liked and he''d say which he liked best. Planning our wedding turned into a great experiece for both of us. We spent a ton of time together but I never expected him to jump up and down about the wedding (or anything else for that matter, he is Mr. Calm and Quiet) and it turned into such a great experience.

Just don''t expect him to be anyone but who he is, and allow him to be that person while including him in the process.